The chickens are coming home to roost – finally!
So the big question this week is: Is Hubs really the demonic psycho the show has portrayed him to be over the last 2 weeks? Or has the lighting department just been upset with him? OR is Ioan off his meds? Lets find out!
Paris – Siobhan calls Henry, asking (so controlling, righht?) where he’s been. He tells her he found Tyler dead in the hotel room. He did manage to get Bridg out of the lobby, but when he went back to check on Tyler, he had already been killed.
Flashback – Siobhan and Hubs are having it out. She tells him she knows about his shady dealings and he threatens to kill her.
C’mon – whoever approved this outfit needs psychiatric help – oh, it was Siobhan! – never mind.
Back in Paris, Siobhan (on the phone) tells Henry that THAT conversation was the recording she played for him 2 weeks before. She also shows him pictures of the hit man that had been trailing her. (The hit man Bridget killed within the first couple weeks)
She tells him The Dragon Lady and Hubs had killed Tyler for the flash drive and they wanted to kill her as well.
Back at Martin/Charles, Hubs and the Dragon Lady are going through the files on the flash drive, which she recovered. All the data is “complete rubbish” – the flash drive is a fake, a decoy if you will. The only two people that could have known of Tyler and his location were Malcolm and Siobhan.
Dragon Lady warns him that if Siobhan has the flash drive, he better be prepared to “deal with her – severely.”
Back at the apartment – Bridget is calling Malcolm, leaving another message. She tells him she knows he’s angry with her, but she’s worried about him. As she should be.
If you don’t call me back in 5 minutes, I’m going to call my other black best friend. And he knows how to dance!
She starts rifling through a pair of boots, looking for the cell phone of the shooter from, what, episode 2? The phone is gone.
Hubs appears, looking dastardly – half in shadow, natch. He wants to know what she’s looking for.
Dude, we get it! You’re evil now – jeez! Give it a rest.
She says she just came by to pick up her boots and a couple other things and is going back to her hotel. He asks if she had heard that Tyler was killed. She doesn’t know what he’s talking about! He demands that she give him back the flash drive! Lord, this flash drive is giving me a nervous twitch.
Bridg heads back downstairs where, lo and behold, we find Solomon. He’s back! And, again, Malcolm, is MIA. That is weird, right?
“Am I #2 in your address book?”
She tells him the phone is gone. And without that phone, the hit man will definitely come after her again. Now why is that again?
Rock Springs, WY – AND we’re back…
Hope you guys brought your dolla billz!
Macaway and one of his “ladies” exit Club Caged and head over to a sweet ass Camaro to make out.
Stripper #3 sees someone watching them – it’s Machado!
Macaway got a weave.
Machado chides Macaway, telling him he just wanted to check out the club one last time before it’s turned into a doggie day care.
Can I get a?
Quick flashback of Malcolm calling Machado to tell him he wants to press charges against Badaway for kidnapping.
No shade, no T – that is Juilet’s (Zoey Deutch) papa – do think it’s very cool of him to do this show.
Bridg and Solomon are in the car. She tries Malcolm again, but still no answer. Then she remembers the GPS Malcolm installed and turns it on. It works! She gets a signal and exclaims “What is he doing there?” Good question, Bridg. Good, good question.
Hubs and the Dragon Lady are on the patio once again discussing knowledge – or lack there of – concerning the flash drive. He insists Bridg had no idea what he was talking about – she has no flash drive! D.L. says she should have known he couldn’t handle the job. She says she always thought Siobhan was out to get them. Dragon Lady then saunters out. Gotta love Dragon Lady, righhht?
Beware Dragon Lady, he’ll sick his poodle sculpture on you!
Juliet appears and Hubs asks if she’s already back from school. She reminds him that its Saturday. Hold up – so he has no idea what day it is? Like if he should be at work? Or maybe it’s Saturday? OK, that makes total sense, right? Yes (J/K! It makes no sense, whatsoever).
Sensing her father might be losing his damn mind, she gives him a hug. Aww, he needed that. Juliet asks if he remembers when Siobhan used to just take off and it would just be the two of them. And she would beg him to change the locks on the runaway bride. Hee. Juliet still gets the best lines.
Cute as ever!
She tells him that she, herself, was wrong – that they do need “Siobhan”. She makes them better. Just fix whatever he did wrong. He says its not that easy. That was actually a sweet scene – one that I think goes pretty far in redeeming Hubs’ recent behavior.
See, he’s not bad! Or he is…or…?
Oh, and Juliet thinks that the “In Your Eyes” scene from Say Anything originated in Hot Tub Time Machine. Ha – Juliet, you silly teenager, you…
FBI – NYC headquarters. Machado asks where Malcolm is, but his replacement partner tells Malcolm never showed up. Machado asks why no one told him – go get his credit card, ATM statements! STAT!
Machado’s new partner who is definitely related to Dan Quayle
Solomon and Bridg sneak arrive at Malcolm’s GPS location – which appears to be a crackhouse of some kind. Bridg insists on going in cause she’s good like that. Waiting for Solomon to make sure the coast is clear, she gets attacked from behind. Solomon jumps in and kicks some ass. They head downstairs, following the signal and find a homeless guy, sleeping in a box, holding Malcolm’s phone.
You might want to hide the phone, dude. I hear you’re living in a bad neighborhood.
He tells them he found it in a dumpster. Bridg insists on leaving the guy alone. Solomon decides they need to go back to Malcolm’s hotel.
FBI – the report comes back on Malcolm. No credit card or ATM trail and no address in NYC. All they have is his past employer – Martin/Charles. Machado smiles and says “Small world.” Yeah, it is, Machado! Yeah, it is.
Machado meets with Hubs and Dragon Lady at Martin/Charles. She lets him know that she was forced to fire Malcolm when she caught him accessing private files. Sure you want to share that part, D.L.? Hubs says it was partly his fault for trying to help a crackhead get back on his feet by giving him a job.
Machado lets them know Malcolm is missing. He asks for Malcolm’s address. When she goes to find it, Machado lets Hubs know they are looking for any sort of evidence to help locate him.
Hubs has a flashback of him knocking on and entering Malcolm’s room. On the bright side, the soda machine was RIGHT outside Malcolm’s room. Score!
“Malcolm, why did you never tell me the soda machine was across the hall. i would have stopped by much sooner.”
Bridg is at Malcolm’s hotel, distracting the front desk guy while Solomon is getting a DVD of the security cameras.
Juliet is at the Plaza, waiting for the elevator.
Wow, that’s an upgrade from the Soho Diamond, right?
Some random dude, comes up and pulls her earphones out.
She’s all “Rude!” and he’s all “Yeah! Go back to your Katy Perry!” and she’s all “It’s Regina Spektor, dumbass. I’m way to cool for Katy Perry!” I mean, how many times has this scenario happened to you, you guys? Dozens? Yeah, me too. So as we both know, the logical thing to do is to give him your phone number, even after you notice his bloody knuckles and he tells you he punched a hole in his boss’ wall. Duh, of course…
Yeah, pretty sure that’s the Roosevelt Hotel…
Juliet arrives at Mama’s room. Juliet reminds Mama that she’s awesome – to which she replies “Are you high?” HAHAHAH!
“Hope not, cause I’m high enough for the both of us!”
Mama grabs her key to head downstairs. Juliet wants to eat in the room, but no. Mama pulls out a jewelry box and hands it to Juliet. It’s a pair of diamond studs. Mama just wants to make sure she wears them to the renewal ceremony AND makes sure everyone knows that she gave them to her. HA – we like it when Mama’s petty. Juliet lets her know that it doesn’t look like the ceremony will happen and Mama gets even more excited; since reveling in others’ misery is her hobby.
Guessing some of that dirty money paid for those
Machado is now at Malcolm’s hotel, talking to the front desk guy. Front desk guy tells him “some Brit” was there earlier also looking for the security footage, but the discs were stolen.
Solomon and Bridg are watching the (stolen) footage which shows Hubs at Malcolm’s door – with the soda machine on the wrong side of the hallway. Don’t the people that create this show realize that people will be recapping it? And that someone (me) would notice such an important detail? (J/K – not important, just annoying). Gaaaa….
Anyone there for continuity? Anyone?
Bridg now thinks that Hubs has been after Siobhan the whole time, but she was too blinded by love to realize it. Solomon tells her to go to the police, but she says she can’t because… Solomon cuts in, “Because you’re Bridget Kelly.” Zomg!
Seriously, Qu’est-ce que c’est? A bird? A plane? A bow? Oragami?
Bridg asks Solomon when he knew that she wasn’t Siobhan. He tells her he always had his suspicions, especially when she didn’t get car sick like Siobhan always did. Wouldn’t Bridg have known her twin got car sick? Oh, forget it… I’m skirting over this whole development…
He got her finger prints and realized the truth. Pretty sneaky, Solomon.
“And I realized that you only call me when Malcolm is out of town.”
Siobhan calls Henry and he is pissed. He tells her that he “doesn’t know anything else about the flash drive, etc…! Doesn’t she have anything better to do in Paris?” There’s a knock at the door and guess who? – Siobhan waltzes in. Hope the kids aren’t home. HAHAHAH!
LOVE this picture. Go with your instincts, Henry!
He tells her if she wants his help she has to be straight up about everything. Don’t count it, buddy. She admits the plans have changed now that Tyler is dead. He asks if she was sleeping with him and finally admits that she was – it was a “necessary evil.” He calls her a liar – what was so important to ruin their relationship and set her sister up to die? She tells him “Bridget killed my son.” Well – since you put it that way…
FBI – Machado and his partner are chatting about Hubs and his culpability. Why would he be trying to get the surveillance video? Machado gets a report that Tyler was a whistle blower who had an immunity agreement with the SEC. They are now going to launch their own investigation. So – Dragon Lady’s connection – Xerxes – turned on her, I guess?
Siobhan tells Henry the whole Sean story. That when she lost him she lost everything, so that’s why she wants her dead. They now proceed to recap the show’s main shenanigans/plot lines. She admits she scared Bridget into coming to meet her in the Hamptons and then faked her own death.
Henry tells her she’s insane. HAHAH! Yes, Henry – run away!
She didn’t go to the police because Hubs has too much money – and she wanted Hubs to kill Bridg – Macaway wanted her dead anyway. No big deal! And they always used to trade places so it’s kind of the same thing…what???
She says Bridg deserves it – she was responsible for the deaths of Sean…and Gemma. Lie. She says when Bridg is dead everything will be ok. She deserves to be happy with him and “their” twins. Lie. She begs him to “let me have it.” Wow, what a mess.
Bridg and Solomon are still talking. He will continue to help her since she is the one who writes the checks. He wants to keep her alive.
Henry texts Bridg. He says he’s sorry about the hotel confrontation, can they meet to discuss Tyler. Bridg tells Solomon that things are about to get interesting.
Juliet is at a coffee shop IM’ing with the dude from the Plaza.
Public Shrew (Gage Golightly!) shows up, still looking a little worse for wear.
She’s a trooper, that Public Shrew Gage Golightly Tessa, isn’t she?
Sweetly, Juliet gives her a hug and tells her she didn’t deserve to get beaten up within an inch of her life. Uh, no, she didn’t. Thanks Jules. Meanwhile, the whole time she is getting hit up by Plaza dude.
Romantic! Just realized “Cash” is also from All My Children – nice work SMG – so loyal!
Finally, Shrew asks what’s up and Juliet tells her the story – then shows her a picture. Shrew immediately freaks out – she recognizes the tattoo as the guy that beat her up. On her way out she spills her water, which will undoubtably kill Juliet’s computer and the info will be lost. Just guessing…
Juliet immediately heads over to the Plaza and to Mama’s room. Mama is wearing the cougar-est, not actually cougar shirt ever.
Yes, technically it’s zebra
Juliet tells her they have to get out of there – and then she sees…the punched hole in the wall that Mr. Cash Elevator told her about earlier.
Juliet puts it all together, figuring the whole scam out. She tries to leave, but Mama grabs her. J reminds M that she also stole Shrew’s cut of the money. Mama pulls Juliet back in the room and tells her if Cash is interested in her, it is because he wants to get back at Mama for shorting him on the payout for beating Shrew. Wow, Mama is a piece of work, huh?
Juliet tells Mama that she never wants to see her again and wishes “Siobhan” was her mother.
Hubs is at the office, leaving a message for Juliet, telling her not to wait up. Siobhan shows up at his office door. But it’s not Bridget as Siobhan – it’s Siobhan as Siobhan. She had Hnery text Bridg to meet him at the apartment about Tyler, so she could confront Hubs.
She says she doesn’t love him anymore, he and his “business partner are criminals”, and they should both be in jail. She turns on her heel – and gives her best bitch smile.
Baby did a bad, bad thing…
And who should be hiding in the shadows, listening? The Dragon Lady.
Bridg and Solomon get a text from Henry telling them he is on the way.
Henry gets a knock on the door, it’s Siobhan – back from her impersonation of herself (???) She tells him “If he doesn’t want to kill her now, he never will.”
Very satisfied with themselves, they go to the couch and proceed to make out. Gu-ross.
No, his hand isn’t on her knee, it’s on her not his twin-carrying stomach!
Dragon Lady is in the car talking to someone on the phone. She says Martin/Charles is done. There’s nothing else to be done – Siobhan is going to tell all.
Back at the apartment, Bridg decides it’s time for them to give up on Henry. On the way out, by the elevator (what? no PHOTO shot?), she gets a text from Malcolm telling her to meet him at the loft.
Uh-oh – nothing good ever happens at the loft…btw – nice background statue.
Solomon tells her they need to pick up a gun – just to “play it safe.”
Juliet gets off the elevator and runs to Bridg, giving her a big hug. Bridg tells Solomon to get the car. She tells Juliet that Malcolm might be in trouble, so they are headed to the loft. Juliet tells her to go ahead, but maybe they can go to the beach house together soon – to get away from everything. Bridg says that she would like that and they hug. Does that sound ominous to anyone else?
Don’t feel so good about this…
Bridg and Solomon arrive at the loft.
“Uh, hello? Someone told us there was a rave here tonight?”
She tells him there is roof access and he runs upstairs to the terrace. When she’s alone, Hubs shows up. Juliet told him she was going to be there.
All work and no play, makes Hubs a dull boy.
He tells her he loves her and will do anything for her. She goes for it, cooing “Andrew…”
A gunman comes out of nowhere and shoots. Machado arrives and sees the previos and current shots upstairs in the loft. He runs up and busts in there to find Solomon with his gun drawn.
Solomon says he works for “Mrs. Charles”, but he was up on the terrace. Someone hit him over the head and by the time he got back downstairs, itwas too late.
Pan to Bridg holding Hubs in her lap – Pieta style.
I knew he was good! I mean bad/good/bad/good…
Bridg tells Machado Hubs jumped in front of the bullet and saved her. He’s not doing so good.
So – that was A LOT to process. Hope you guys are still enjoying the show and the recaps. Leave your thoughts below. Thanks for reading!
Had to put this one in – great shot…
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us.