If there ever was a need to study dumb girl logic, tonight’s episode of Road Rules X-Treme should be preserved. Bunim/Murray managed to capture all the explanations and rationalizations a girl can come up with to mask her transparent jealousy of another female peer. In this case, Angela – whose neck is still being held hostage by a big, blue flower – detailed every silly, petty flaw she could find in Jillian and used it to build a feeble case for the newbie’s character assassination. At first I thought Angela was right – after all, she did say she was mature and everything; so therefore I just assumed that her observations would be well stated and free of middle school playground influences. But then I came to realize that when Angela said she was mature, she meant immature, which made a lot more sense because there was no way any rational, thoughtful, or introspective adult would ever make the comments she was making.
It only took about three seconds into the episode before Angela began babbling about Jillian and how awful she was. In a typical display of catty jealousy, Angela rattled off a laundry list of bad Jillian qualities which ranged from the petty (her voice) to the amazingly petty (the way her hair moves when she talks). I was surprised she did say something like “You know the way Jillian breathes? In and out? It’s so obvious she thinks that air is all hers. She’s such a stupid bitch.”
At a fancy restaurant, Angela continued to pour her boring heart out to a patient Nick who did his best to teach his dinner mate about the tenets of Empathy, a weird fringe religion often practiced by kooky “selfless” people. Freaks. It turns out that Angela would rather bitch and moan about Jillian than ever take the time to get to know her. That would therefore explain Angela’s shallow description of her arch nemesis: “A sexual, dumb girl. I can’t do the voice, thank God.” Bad news Angela. You do the voice all too well.
Just when we thought the episode was going to move towards something – ANYTHING – else, Angela continued to blab about Jillian. She accused Jillian of using her sexuality as a form of communication (if that were the case, she certainly passed Public Speaking with flying colors). Using this logic, Angela deduced that the awkward pauses between the two were because Jillian’s use of sexual cues had no effect on Angela. I guess that’s it. I was thinking there were lingering silences because Angela’s a raging bitch.
Well, when someone new grabs the spotlight, there’s only one thing that an attention-seeking downer can do: threaten to leave. Angela went into this week’s competition wanting to fail so she could be sent home. Wait, did I say “so she could be sent home”? I meant “so she could be told by the whole team how wonderful and essential she is”. Paying homage to grumpy kindergartners across the country, Angela put on a pouty face and did a little “If you don’t pay attention to me, I’m gonna run away!” She probably should have executed that plan before tonight’s loathsome challenge, which involved collecting a cup of sweat from the team’s bodies. And to answer your question, yes, it was disgusting to watch.
The good part about this mission – other than it reuniting us with the lovely mission mayors – was that no blindfold or bunjee chord was present. The bad part was that it was vile. Watching Jodi scraping beads of perspiration off of Derrick was wholly unnecessary. Kudos to MTV for raising the bar of televised excellence. Angela moped around like the supermodel she’ll never be while Jillian and Patrick got busy doing some sort of piggy back dance that reminded me of Master Blaster from Mad Max. Speaking of which, I think we’d all enjoy a little Angela/Jillian Thunderdome action – except instead of “Two men enter, one man leaves”, I’d fear that we’d get “Two catty princesses enter, two even cattier princesses leave”.
Well, the roommates easily nabbed their X-Treme Key when Patrick sweated off more murky liquid than I’d ever care to see again. Unfortunately, victory was not enough to pep up Angela who was still hellbent on going home. In no time she was complaining: “I have my own life, and I have my own house, my own car, my own job, my own career goals”. And you’re on a lame MTV reality show why? Oh that’s right. You’re insatiable need for constant attention. As long as Angela shows up on Road Rules and the ensuing Challenges, I will never believe that she has career goals because no employer in their right mind would hire a Bunim/Murray alum unless the job in question had something to do with The Saddle Ranch bar on the Sunset Strip.
Per Angela’s wishes though, I must return to my discussion of Angela. After trying to fool us into thinking she was a big girl with big responsibilities, Angela did the most mature thing of the evening, she cried in a corner. Jodi, who decided she needed to contribute a word or two to the episode, popped up to lend a shoulder for Angela, but she was quickly rejected. I shouldn’t make fun of Angela. I think we’ve all cried to get attention and then acted as if we didn’t want it as soon as someone came over to comfort us. Yeah, we’ve all done that… when we were six.
Just about the only thing Angela did say that made any sense was when she commented “I’m not growing”, which was true. Granted, she thought she wasn’t growing because the people around her weren’t intellectually stimulating. We knew she wasn’t growing because she’s a massive idiot. But I’m just saying…
Finally, Derrick cornered Angela in some sort of infirmary (I don’t know why they were there either) and told her to shut up and get over herself. For once I wanted his bad boy fury to come out, but instead we got a sappy pep talk that included him lifting her chin with his hand and saying “Keep your head up.” Angela replied that she was unnerved that Jillian could just walk into the group and take over – an observation that really made no sense, except in the heads of territorial hyenas like Angie. Derrick was finally able to get through to her though when he told her that Jillian had once said “Cute shirt” to Angela, who had replied with… nothing. Angela first rejected the story, saying that she probably zoned out the compliment because she didn’t want Jillian’s attention. But who are we kidding? Attention is Angela’s lifeblood, and once she saw that Jillian was willing to throw some her way, her whole perception of her changed.
“She’s actually not that bad” chirped Angela later. With happy music playing and the two girls bonding over stories about their dads, it looked like Angela and Jillian would be burrying the hatchet once and for all. Of course, that was until Angela realized that Jillian was much hotter than her in pictures. Only one thing to do then. Take her down a peg for no reason whatsoever. “Maybe you’re not photogenic” suggested Angela in a passive aggressive remark meant to strike Jillian in the heart of her Jewfro. Two men enter, one man leaves…