If you’re like me, you spent the past week in a state of anxiety – perpetually wondering which brave soul, which dedicated teammate, which selfless martyr would go home on last night’s episode of Road Rules X-Treme. And by state of anxiety, I mean not caring at all. Yes, a few years ago the Road Rules producers added the Survivor touch of forcing a teammate out if two missions were failed. It was an interesting addition, but these days, the twist really only serves to further pad the stable of attention-seeking Bunim/Murray stars who clamor for another shot at the big time with the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Personally I think these people should take a cue from Smarty Jones and go out to stud. Except instead of breeding, they should just… go away.For those of you who can’t remember last week’s RIVETING episode, the Road Rulers failed a convoluted mission involving a helicopter, diamonds, and blindfolds. Jodie became the de facto scapegoat for the failure (based on no real evidence), but when it came time to vote off someone’s pretty little face, the team opted for a “fair” strategy. They all put their names in a hat and whichever name was drawn the most would go.
This week, we returned to the scene of this emotional ceremony where the girls huddled together as if they were about to be devoured by a bear. Jodie was kind enough to bring a roll of toilet paper to the proceedings. I imagine it was for the tears, but maybe she had a bad case of the runs too. Nevertheless, the kids all picked names, and for a while, it looked like their stupid voting scheme was going to go down in flames since everyone had a vote except Patrick. But then plucky Kina pulled that final fateful name: her own. Oh the irony! Must… come… to grips… with vote… before… Kina montage… Eh, too late. While Kina sobbed melodramatically in the trailer, the producers obliged us with a Greatest Hits compilation of the Jersey Girl in all her snot-trail glory. And then just like that, a Chilean cab ferreted Kina away. Everything happened all so quickly. It was like she was an illegally doodled tree that had to be erased!
Of course crying abounded, even from Nick, who’s known Kina for all of forty-seven minutes. I think he was just trying to connect emotionally with his teammates, but as far as I can tell, they still think he’s a production assistant with the crew. The good news for him was that Kina’s ouster meant a fresh face to join him in pariah land. This week’s new victim: Angela.
As I’ve said many times before, I always brace before we meet the new people in fear of a retread of South Pacific’s Tina – you know, grating, annoying, stupid, loud. Luckily Angela was fairly lowkey, but her chill “I go to White Lotus, not Miyagi’s” attitude only thinly veils her inner-drama queen. After her first five minutes in the RV, everyone already knew her entire life story, including even a rape confession. Anyone who divulges this much info to strangers on national television without a hint of self-censoring usually has a mild penchant for attention, and lots of it.
Angela revealed that she was raised as a Jehova’s Witness, which meant she wasn’t allowed to comingle with non-followers – except, you know, to knock on their doors and annoy them. Patrick then asked if Angela if she was still with the church. Uh, Patrick, did you hear what she said? I don’t think parading around South America in intimate living quarters with strangers on national TV really equates to “not comingling with non-followers”.
Anyway, Angela said she was raised in Philly, then NY (I believe. My Angela geography is a little rusty since it was so memorable), and then moved to Los Angeles a year and a half ago at the ripe age of 20. Hmmm… I wonder if this burdgeoning reality star is a wannabe actress? She claims she’s a wardrobe manager, and of course, no actresses ever take day jobs in wardrobe or hair or makeup.
This would probably explain her general Holier Than Thou attitude she sported last night. At 22, she complained that she was older than most of the Roadies – a fact I was first happy to embrace. Angela was quick to note that she had real world experience (not the Bunim/Murray kind) and had a real job and lived in a real city and therefore her issues are more “real”. So why exactly did you come on this show? Oh that’s right, because you’re just as superficial as the rest of them.
Anyway, there was a stupid challenge that involved the kids traversing a tight rope as a group. Nothing really remarkable happened there except Ibis proved to be an idiot and Jodie felt redeemed as a master communicator. I could detail how this all happened, but honestly, do we really care? No.
Let’s just be happy to have a new target to channel all our Bunim/Murray rage onto.