Kaka

Winning make big boy hungry!

We join David in the Pit this week after his melt down from last week when everyone voted him in. His competitor is none other than Dan! Thank God, I haven’t seen Dan lose a Pit challenge in almost a week. The challenge was called Balls Out. This is the one where they are tied back to back inside a ring. Inside the ring there are playground balls of two different colors and the object is to sink as many balls of your own color in a basket outside the ring as you can.

As you can imagine, wherever David decided to go in the ring, Dan followed. Not because he wanted to, but because the gravitational force around David’s stomach was just uncontrollable. David decided that the best offense was a good defense and kept tackling Dan to the ground as soon as he shot. Dan says he is definitely a better shooter and “this is definitely my chance” back on the RV. I guess the other 18 tries weren’t really his chance. All of a sudden Dan is up 3-1 and there aren’t many balls left!! I know…riveting television here, to the jump!

After the commercial break we join the RV’ers en route to pick up the challenge winner. Everyone pretty much agrees that they want David back on the RV. I guess his tear jerking exit last week really struck a nerve. Who is standing by the side of the road? David! Yayyyy. Everyone seems to be happy, which doesn’t really make sense since they’ve disliked him all season. On the replay of the challenge we see that David basically took Dan to his side of the ring and was doing lay ups in to his basket while Dan could only sit there and try for long distance shots. Blah blah blah, David ended up winning 4-3.

The gang gets the new mission which says they are headed to Las Vegas! Somewhere outside of California! Barely….but hey let’s not get greedy. To give you an idea of how lame this episode was, we actually see them order Wendy’s drive through and pick it up. They had to use up time and they chose that?! Ughhh, this show is brutal. Anyways, their new mission is to try out for Cirque du Soleil (that’s pronounced cirk day so-lay for all you uncultured bastards). Drew tells us that the head trainer for the show Ka, Adrian, will be helping them train. Adrian tells the RV’ers that this is the most dangerous show on Cirque du Soleil and there is a possibility of them falling 200 feet! I was waiting for him to give the mission three snaps up, a kiss and a twist, but he didn’t

Adrian’s previous work on TV helped him land this spot

After the briefing, we join the gang at the club scene in Vegas. David is telling Derek that if he gets voted in to the Pit again he is going to lose his mind. Derek says don’t worry about it, he is just focused on the mission tomorrow. Are you really focusing on the mission tomorrow while getting drunk at a bar in Vegas? Just throwin’ that out there. Derek ends up telling David that he will not vote for him no matter what. David seems a little relieved, but says everything lies on Tori. We flash to David and Tori chatting it up and the skinny of it was; Tori said she won’t vote for David either. David could be in good shape going in to this last week. Except Adam the douche will probably throw David in the Pit even before the mission starts.

MTV’s version of Night At The Roxbury Guys. . .

“you? me? you? me? you? you? me?”

Back to the mission and we find out that it is comprised of three separate parts. Each is worth 30 points, max of 90 (obvi). The team has to score a minimum of 75 points in order to win the $20k. Drew doesn’t bother to tell us that each team member will have a shot at five total points per leg of the mission. That would’ve made his “minimum of 75 points” a little easier to understand. Thanks, tool.

We now get the details of the three separate legs of the mission, they are:

1. Make-up application (I wish I were kidding)

2. Post and beam climbing

3. “The Pendulum”

It is shocking to me that these dopes keep losing missions. Make-up application? Half the team does it every day! Well, that’s not true, I’m not counting what Adam does in his “private time”. The first mission is to put on make-up to look like some sort of cat? They tried to get as close to a picture as they could. Adam chimes in with “when you put on makeup you DO transform yourself”. Was he having this debate with someone? Does he have an alter ego? Does he know from experience? So many questions.

Gay-ce Frehley





The future isn’t bright for young Adam

Of all the men, Kina took to the challenge the best.

Snarf Snarf

Really? 30 minutes? For this? Wow







He struggled mightily to not let his inner Raider Nation out.

At least we know he’s straight.

The climbing part of the mission is next. They have to cross a beam, climb up some wooden structure, swing five feet, climb up some metal grates and then jump in to a big pillow type thing (the thing that firefighters use when people have to jump out of buildings). This mission has to be completed in under five minutes. Girls go first and they all finish in under five minutes. Guys are next and there is nothing really spectacular except Derek says he feels a “pop” in his bicep as he is climbing. That’s never a good sound, but the guys all finish in under five minutes as well. These challenges really are excruciating huh?

Derek gets iced down and then tapes his bicep in order to finish the third leg. This leg is called “The Pendulum”, the group will pair up and try and swing towards each other from a ledge, do something “artistic” and then touch each other in mid air. Adam and Susie go first, swing out, and touch hands. Kina and Derek try and don’t quite reach each other. Tori and David touch in mid air, but when David swings back to the stand, he crashes in to it and keeps swinging around like a wrecking ball. It wasn’t graceful at all and I guess the judges were looking for that. Nobody did anything even remotely artistic, so I have no idea what Drew was talking about.

Now it’s time for the final tally of points. The gang got 25 total points for climbing and 21 for the pendulum. That leaves a total of 46 points. They need 29 for make-up and they are golden. Survery says……23!!!!!! HAHA! Lose yet another mission and have to vote TWO people in to the Pit this time. By the way, I don’t know if I just haven’t been paying attention or what, but I have no idea why sometimes they vote two and sometimes just vote one in. Makes no sense to me, but the season is almost over, so there is no sense in trying to learn now. Here is how each member fared in today’s mission.

Susie 14 points

Tori 14 points

Derek 12 points

Kina 11 points

Adam 10 points

David 8 points

Tori vents to us that both her and Susie got 14 points, so Kina should volunteer herself in to the Pit. Keep thinking that’ll happen, Tori. Kina knows “by the sheer subjectivity of the numbers” that she did the worst today and she apologizes to the RV for that, but she says she still won’t vote herself in. Couldn’t she have just said “based on the point total of today…” instead of “by the sheer subjectivity of the numbers…” I think she is trying to trick David with big words.

Sadly, they were still harnessed in

Derek comes back on the RV in a sling and the doc told him that he won’t clear him to participate in the finale in five days until he gets the results of the MRI. David tells the camera that he is upset since Derek is in a sling, because everyone might vote him in now. All of the Pit Challenges have been physical, and clearly David’s weight has been to his advantage, so he really doesn’t have anything to worry about. Unless Drew busts out a “who can fit in to this tiny hole” challenge, then David would probably win his way back on the RV for the big finish.

Everyone sits down for deliberation and right away Tori randomly volunteers herself, even though “I don’t deserve it”. She’s right, Kina does, but why not at least attempt to vote Kina in? You just gave Kina a free pass! Tori tells us that she has to take a boy with her and it won’t be David because she promised him she wouldn’t. She then tells Derek that he isn’t going because his arm is in a sling now (should be a HUGE advantage for the finale though), so she is taking Adam. Adam tells everyone to hold on! He doesn’t want everyone to have to vote if they are going to just vote for him. He needs a minute to think about it. Adam tells the camera that he has been here since week one and he doesn’t deserve to go and yadda yadda we don’t care, step the hell up, David has stepped up 100 times more than you. He says he is doing David a huge favor by volunteering himself in to the Pit. Don’t you love that? Always has to make it seem like he is the good guy, doing the right thing. You didn’t volunteer, dummy, you were getting voted in. I hope Adam gets completely embarrassed in the Pit challenge and misses out on the last episode.

Adam then tells us that he wishes they would’ve all voted for David so he could’ve volunteered himself in. It would’ve made him seem like a knight in shining armor. Except, if everyone had voted for David, there is -76% chance he would’ve volunteered himself instead. What a douche. David tells the camera that it is Adam’s “time to represent, good luck bro” then gives a sarcastic smile and a pity laugh. Good. Adam says that the “big dumb animal” got the best of them this time. And that’s how it ends! Adam and Tori to the Pit, whoever comes out gets to compete for the final prize. I want Veronica and Jerry to win, just for the hell of it.

What did you think? Is it possible for the excitement of these episodes to go any lower? Are you hoping that neither Adam nor Dan makes it back on the RV? I hope MTV gives the final prize as an Etch-a-Sketch or something random like that.