Recap: Road Rules: One Episode In and Veronica Is Already on the Rampage

Remind me to never watch another casting special on MTV again. After watching the casting special for Road Rules, I was really worried that this was going to be the worst season ever. There was a bunch of convaluted rules about staying in the RV and they tried to introduce a bunch of newbies called the Pit Crew. Overall, I thought it all looked very boring. THANK GOD I WATCHED THE SHOW. Yes, there may be a lot of complexities about who gets in the house and whatnot, but as long as the producers take care of that, why should I care how much work they have to do each week? No, the beauty of this show is that mo’ money, causes mo’ problems. Luckily for us, watching all of these kids and their stupid problems are so very entertaining.I went over most of the cast in a recap of the preview episode, but to rehash, we have a bunch of Road Rules veterans who are going back into the RV. I feel like most of them should be good for plenty of drama, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

After the old folks (Abram, Adam, Shane, Kina, Susie, Veronica) get together and we get some old clips of their highlights, we meet THE ROADMASTER. I put THE ROADMASTER in caps because the guy is so boring, I fall asleep just writing his name. THE ROADMASTER (and every time I write it, I say it my best James Lipton baritone just to make myself laugh) is Drew Bell. I don’t know where they got this guy, but I feel like I could use magic marker to draw a smiley face on my ass and it would have more charisma.

I like to talk with my hands.

So Drew introduces us to the game. Each mission is worth ten thousand dollars. With a total of eighteen missions, that means $180,000 is up for grabs. However, only the people who make it inside the RV at the end will get the prizes, and that’s where things get tricky. In previous seasons, the cast would vote off a member, but this season, the people inside the RV will only nominate people (one guy, and one girl each week) for eviction. And then we have the “Viewer’s Revenge”.

Again, it’s a tad complicated explaining it, but it’s not so bad. Eight never before scene faces comprise the Pit Crew. Each week, the viewers decide which Road Ruler picked has to battle it out with the Pit Crew, and then decide which Pit Crew member battles it out with the person from the RV. Make sense? I’ll probably have to explain it again, especially since Drew is so annoying with his handtalking. Every word he says must be accompanied by some sort of gesture. I feel like the producers should just hand him a projector and some PowerPoint because it is very distracting. Of course is somebody e-mails me and says Drew has epilepsy, I will apologize.

The Pit Crew is, as expected, very full of themselves, saying with confidence that the veterans have no chance. I think it will be interesting how the Pit Crew makes their case to the viewers to get voted in, but it will be fun to see the young blood try and take out the incumbents. Then again, it will be just as fun to see some of these candy asses get smacked down when the real games begin.

Like a bad horror movie, this show has a twist at the end. In addition to all of the cash prizes, everybody will be getting a 2007 Mazda 3, quite the fun and sporty car, even if I do say so myself.

As the veterans piled into the RV and drove off, Adam made a good point about being in the game again, saying he is in a completely different place in his life. Earlier, he mentioned that he used to be loud and obnoxious and had fun at other people’s expense, but now he realizes that the real “handsome reward” in all of this is the experience. He gets to travel and go places that nobody else in the world can go to.

And so it is with much laughter that we find out that the first exotic location the Road Rules will be visiting is…Universal Studios! Yeah, Universal studios is so exclusive, they give you free admission for the year if you bring a Coke can along with you.

All kidding aside, the first challenge promised to teach everybody how to beat the California traffic like never before. And you know what that means? Automobile bungee! While I don’t know what this has to do with beating traffic, it was an interesting challenge. There would be three guy/girl teams, and they each would be strapped into a car. The car would be released over “Falls Lake” a stunt location in Universal, where they would bungee.

Sadly, it didn’t land on Drew’s head.

Once things had settled down, they would throw three pieces of luggage into the lake, then jump in themselves, swim to the edge, and then run to the RV, taking their bags with them all the way. Each team would be timed and if all three teams made it back to the RV in less than five minutes total, they would all win the $10,000.

This whole time, Drew was still gesturing. It reminded me of the old days when Hulkamania would get up to the mic and would flex our point to his biceps after every other word, except I think Drew was really serious. I sure as hell hope he just got out of rehab and was going through the DTs, because if he is this nervous all the time, he really has to suck in person.

No really.

I love

TALKING WITH MY HANDS

Anyway, for the challenge. Abram and Kina went first, and while it looked difficult, they finished in 1:19. You sort of forget that all of these people have been on multiple challenges, so they are used to some crazy stunts. After Adam and Veronica finished, the total time was just 2:50. It looked like an easy victory, but Susie was worried because it was only her second bungee and the water was getting cold. However, after all of that trouble, Susie and Shane still finished with a good time, and the total for all three was 4:26. Yay! $10,000 for the team? Everybody was so happy, I was just waiting for somebody to say they sent Steadman out for some disposable cameras.

However, there is some bad news. Despite the win, they still had to nominate two people for elimination. At first there is this sort of veteran solidarity. You will remember in Fresh Meat, everybody was ripping on the newbies from the Austin Cast. This time around, everybody knows each other and they have all been on multiple challenges. People were actually talking about – GASP – being fair with the voting? There was some talk about volunteering and using a rotation system or drawing names out of a hat, but let’s be honest. Even though everybody is talking about fairness, people are looking out for their interests, so alliances are going to rule before fairness because people really care about saving their ass more than anything else.

The next morning, Susie mentioned that there was the smell of fear in the air, but I am thinking that it may have been Kina’s farts. Whatever the case, there was no more talk about pulling names out of a hat. It seemed like the girls were content, but the guys weren’t down and so the girls thought it would be a disadvantage if they did things randomly. Therefore, we are going to get to see an actual vote. And you know what comes with a vote! Plenty of logic and common sense!

Silent, but deadly.

Or Not.

Earlier, Shane revealed that he was friends with Veronica, but that he liked everybody the same and he was going to be fair in his voting. That doesn’t really mean anything, but you have to give him props for being honest, no? This really seemed to scare everybody. Kina and Susie said that they were going to vote out Shane, and immediately, Veronica realized that they just wanted to break up an alliance. Actually, it was worse than that. Not only did she accuse them of breaking up an alliance, but it was an alliance that she could have “with an ally”. Daaaayyuuum. That’s cold. And here I thought they were looking to break up an alliance that she had with an enemy.

Veronica was upset because she said that when people are trying to eliminate a potential alliance, that is being unfair. Yes, it might be unfair, but that is also PART OF THE GAME. I would be a little more sympathetic with Veronica, but can we all agree that when it comes to using fear and loathing push people into elimination, Veronica invented the game. And why should Veronica be upset? If the game is to get dirty, we all know that she can probably play ten times as dirty as the rest. If this what the game has come down to, watch out for

Things with the guys are just as interesting. Adam reveals that he has a friendship with Kina AND Susie. Since he has twice as may friends on the girls’ side, you would think that alliance would be twice as scary, right? Well, not really. Abram seemed to figure out that Adam has two girls that will have his back at all times, but instead of breaking that up, decides to go with Veronica because she has lied to him. So basically, Abram just admitted that as long as Kina and Susie are around, Adam will never get voted in, but then decided that was fine! WTF? I know Veronica is scary, but common sense has to factor in. Adam has more leverage than anybody else, so you have to break up his leverage, right? RIGHT?!

When the two teams get together and say who they voted for. Veronica and Shane realize what happened. Again, I think it is all a game, so I can’t fault the other people for their votes, but when Veronica and Shane start talking about what happened, they are right to say the vote wasn’t quite fair. Shane and Veronica admitted to being friends, but why should Adam’s relationship with Susie or Kina stand out more than the others.

Finally, Shane is sick of it and tells Adam to just be a man and admit what was going on. This pisses everybody else off, and they try and make excuses, but Shane calls out Kina, saying she is simply scared of Veronica. I thought that there would be a lot more, but Veronica was actually fairly mature and gave her people the benefit of the doubt. She said she would go in and win and come back, but if she was voted in again, there would be hell to pay. Of course, if she is voted in a second time, it might already be too late to do anything about it but, when Veronica says “Don’t fuck with the girl that created the game!” all I can say is: GAME ON!

Veronica and Shane were deposited at the PIt to await the news of their opponents. Now we wait for the vote. Go to http://roadrules.mtv.com to vote for Veronica or Shane and the Pit Crew member to face them. The pit crew battle will be shown on MTV.com this weekend, and we’ll have a new episode next week. Personally, I voted for Veronica and Tori. I picked Veronica because I want to see her get pissed, and I picked Tori because I think Veronica will eat her alive.

What did you think of the episode? Was the voting fair? Who did you vote for?