Road Ruler’s Flip Out

Well for the first time in a while, this episode was actually slightly entertaining! The reason being, you get to see everyone hurt themselves which is inherently funny. Last week Derek volunteered himself in to the Pit and America voted him to go up against Dan. Shocker! Dan comes out and says how he has a vendetta against Tori and Susie and wants to get back on the RV because everyone is against him. Derek looks a little nervous and tells us that he has everything to lose while Dan has everything to gain. I don’t quite follow that last statement. Whoever wins gets a spot on the RV, whoever loses goes back to the Pit Crew. So how does Derek have everything to lose? Did MTV say they were going to take away his spot on the show, his house, car, credit cards, family, girlfriend, pets, clothes, food and money? If so, THAT is everything to lose.

We find out the Pit Challenge is called Grip Breaker. This is the same challenge from a few weeks ago that got Angel onto the RV. The two opponents lie on their backs, head to head, while holding a rope in the air. The object is to wrestle the rope away from the other person. Whoever comes out holding the rope wins their way to the RV.

Dan and Derek start wrestling for the rope and it looks pretty evenly matched. Both are flailing around trying to get better leverage. It couldn’t have felt too good because they were wrestling on a metal floor. Can’t MTV throw a wrestling mat down or something? Right as Derek and Dan start to really get into it, we cut to commercial….and the jump!

In the RV Tori tells everyone that she wants Derek and not Dan to be joining them. She says Derek is great and brings such a positive energy. Susie tries to dig a little and asks “LIKE OMG what will you do if it is Dan??” Tori then has horrific flashbacks of her and Dan fighting, but diplomatically tells Susie that she will hopefully try and resolve anything that they have between them. Like the last time? That worked well. Like a little gossip queen, Susie turns to David and asks who he wants back? David tells the RV that he couldn’t choose between his two boys so it would be unfair to say. Less than 7 milliseconds later he tells us in the confessional that he wants Dan to come back. David – you know the RV’ers are going to watch this after it airs so you might as well just come out with it.

The RV pulls over to the side of the road and who is waiting to get picked up?? Derek in his mullet wig! You stay classy Derek. Yayyyyy, cheers all around and a big hug from Tori. So how did Derek beat Dan?! That’s what we are all dying to know! Thankfully, MTV shows us that after wrestling for a bit, Derek got his body in Dan’s way, used it for leverage and just gator rolled a few times to take the rope away from Dan.

Tori, who is trying hard to flirt with Derek, tells him that she thinks his hair cut is so cute. Tori, hunnie, that mullet he was sporting was just a wig, it’s not real hair! I didn’t see any difference, it just looks like the same ‘ol buzz cut to me, but I digress. Tori also tells us that Derek is way more her type than Dan ever would’ve been. Sorry, no more Dantastic time. Susie tells Tori she now has to kiss Derek. Subtle. Tori climbs over the bus, kisses Derek, then Susie gushes “so how was it????”. Tori was obviously embarrassed, so was I.

The gang gets their new message and it says they are going to Camp Woodward West and they “are going to ‘drop in’ for a visit”. Ooooo ‘drop in’ huh? I love the speculation they have afterwards. Maybe they will drop out of a plane? Or or or wrestle in a pit of gum drops? The light above Derek’s head finally goes off and he thinks it has to do with skateboarding, to which Susie appropriately replies “shut your face!”. Sadly, this didn’t get a good reaction out of anyone. No awkward silence or anything. Shut your face? Who says that? Well Derek can back up his logic because he has played Tony Hawk video games and knows there is a place called Woodward West, he KNOWS it’s a skate park. What up now Susie!

MTV shamelessly shills a Spider-Man 3 ad.

We meet up with Drew inside the skate park and he tells us it’s time to go big or go home, so, I’m sorry everyone, but David must leave. Today’s mission will involve stunts on rollerblades and BMX bikes. There will be 3 RV’ers competing on rollerblades and 3 on BMX bikes. Who is going to teach the RV’ers how to ride?! None other than TJ Lavin (man his life is tough) and Richie Velasquez (who?).

Here is where we are treated to the gang practicing on their particular rides. David is on a BMX bike and tries to go off of a jump. It was hilarious; he went off the jump and then froze in mid-air, didn’t move one millimeter and came crashing down on the other side of the ramp. Imagine sticking a manatee on a BMX bike and asking it to go off of a jump, that’s basically what it looked like. Derek then attempts a front flip on roller blades and sticks it! It was actually quite impressive. If I tried to attempt that, my spine would’ve cracked in at least 18 places.

Now down to the nitty gritty, there are 6 stunts (3 BMX, 3 rollerblade), each stunt worth varying points, they gang needs a total of 101 points to win the $10k. First up is Tori with a 20 points stunt on rollerblades. Her goal was to skate across a bowl and stick a sticker above a taped line on the other side, not exactly climbing Mt. Everest here. She manages to place the sticker above the required line and the team wins 20 points. Tori describes her feelings as “pure bliss”. Good to know you don’t need much to impress Tori.

It’s David’s turn and he is on a BMX. His goal is to pedal down a ramp, hit a jump and land after a certain distance. This mission is worth 20 points as well. David put a cape on for good luck, but it didn’t do a damn thing, and he came crashing down way shy of the required distance. He landed on the handle bars and actually flipped over the bike. Here is how David describes his landing “I came down on the handle bars shooting my genitalia up into my body, giving me a man-gina”. God, what a mental imagine. As he is writhing in pain on the ground all he can mutter is “I’m not having kids, I’m not having kids…”. So it can’t be TOO painful. He then tells the camera that he hopes one day he’ll be able to have sex and have kids because right now that’s not the case. I’m glad we got a blow by blow update on David’s reproductive organs.

Susie is up next and has to drop in a half pipe on rollerblades and stay on her feet after the ramp levels out. Susie prays to Jesus asking for help. Yep, he’s going to stop what he is doing and guide you through a vert ramp drop in to get 30 points for a mission on Road Rules. She drops in and right as the ramp starts to curve, Susie busts her ass on the ground and doesn’t come close to the tape line. Looks like Jesus was busy at the time, sorry Susie. Still only 20 points for the team!

It’s Kina’s turn and her goal is to jump over a bar off of a jump on the bike. She went off the jump and went straight up in the air, cleared the bar and fell on her bum on the way down. None the less, she gained 30 points for the team, 50 total.

Ooooo next we have a 50 point mission for Adam. He is instructed to go off of a ramp on his bike and do a back flip into a foam pit. Man how did he get the courage to attempt that one?! He nailed it and now the team has 100 points total. 1 point shy of winning….what o what could we have in store for the last part of the mission?

Derek is last and the object of his mission is to do a front flip off of a ramp in rollerblades. We’ve seen him do this already, but that was just practice. He drops in, goes up in the air, starts to flip and we get a commercial! Ohhh man, I was just starting to sweat. Back from commercial and we see that in real time he actually jumped too early so he didn’t get high enough and doesn’t land his flip. So the gang has failed yet again….but wait! TJ has a 1 point card in his hand! I guess by some random luck they had one lying around and they were willing to use it for….one….more…challenge! Drama!

TJ tells Adam if he can land a legit back flip with his bike, the point is his and they will win the mission. Adam accepts the challenge and goes off the ramp, gets great height, but can’t rotate the full 360 degrees and bails. He was about to land on his neck but he tucked at the last second and his body crumpled down the ramp. Zippy points and they fail the mission for the second time! I was half expecting TJ to say “ok if Kina can do a cartwheel….we’ll award you guys the point and the $10,000″.

So now everyone has to figure out who to send to the Pit. They have to send 1 guy and 1 girl in together to work as a team. Susie tells us just based on performance she knows she is on the chopping block. Back on the RV, David tells us his boys still hurt real bad. He congenially asks everyone if they want to see it. Someone yells that Susie is a medic and she agrees to take a look at them. Susie agrees that one of them is abnormally large and she suggests he gets medical attention right away. We then see David talking with 2 medics telling them that all he wants “is to be able to get a stiffy again.” If I were on that bus, I would have a tough decision on whether or not to jump out while they were going 60 miles an hour or 70.

Tori tells Derek she is torn, she “doesn’t want to put Derek in the Pit again, but……” She says it like she has no choice. That’s nice of her! Honestly, what has Tori done? She is the Haley Scarnato of Road Rules. Great to look at, brings nothing to the table. Derek vents again and says if he goes in, he is going to be pissed off and rightfully so. The doctors tell David he isn’t supposed to do anything within the next week and talks about leaving the show in general, but no one really cares. Adam says he feels as though he can carry anyone’s weight in a team mission, but not in the Pit. Like today? When you lost your mission for the team? Good call. Derek says if he goes in it’ll be 3 in 4 weeks for him, so he isn’t volunteering himself. Adam tells the camera that it’s a bad decision if he goes in (why?) but it gives him bargaining power for later on. Have some self confidence man, volunteer yourself in, be confident that you can win and if you do, you probably won’t be in another Pit for the rest of the season.

Well when it comes down to decision time and Susie tells everyone she is volunteering herself in. She knows that the sooner she does this, the more time she will have to come back. Not a bad idea, all part of the big plan I’m sure. Kina and Susie say they want Derek in because he is the best and they KNOW he’ll win with Susie. Tori literally says she is voting for Derek because the other girls are. What a f’ing cop out. So at the end of the episode Tori says “it sucks, you live with people, work hard, but it is about the money. You want those people to be here, but you have to look out for yourself.” Well damn, tell us how you really feel! She is playing this game well, perfectly two-faced. Derek knows the girls have all the power because they all vote the same. The only thing he can control is winning in the Pit every week and coming back. The episode ends with some dramatic tumbleweed scurrying across a desert landscape.

What did you all think? How much do you hate Tori? Will Derek and Susie win their way back on the bus? Does anyone really care about the Road Rules series anymore??