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For those of you who missed tonight’s episode of Road Rules: X-Treme or for those of you who have even missed the entire season, I can say that you certainly missed out on some campy fun. Our favorite group of adventure seekers put their X-Treme talent to good use by going to Stunt School and filming three embarrassing vignettes. Jodi was the only one of this group (or pretty much all of the modern Bunim/Murray stable) to admit that she had no talent for acting – a confession which I found amazingly refreshing. Angela, meanwhile, was quick to mention her extensive acting training and experience – which of course was unapparent during her performance as a drug dealer.
Oh, but what fun is it to sit and write a lengthy commentary about the same old things this week. Why don’t we all sit back, grab some popcorn, and enjoy all three videos?
The TVgasm Road Rules Film Festival begins after the jump.NOTE: You will need Quicktime to view these gems.
Click on Jillian to play…
Kung Fu Fighting seems to have everything going for it. An attractive female lead, an evil yet hunky bad guy, and some swift martial arts moves that would put Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to shame. Still, I worry that the obvious (READ: visible) presence of the wire on Jillian takes away from that mystical ninja effect. Also, the accentuating gong really doesn’t heighten the tension between Patrick and Jillian as much as, I don’t know, good acting would. Patrick’s lame ninja seems to be as adroit as Frankenstein’s monster as Jillian does little more than step out of the way of his charge, sending him flailing off the roof top. Seriously, whoever hired this ninja has got to get his money back. Based on the effective costume work, I imagine this film took place during a Karate class gone wrong. I would have liked to have seen more of that. I’ll give this one a 3 out of 5.
Click on Angela to play…
Wow. This is a remarkable piece of cinema – nay, art. Drug Deal Gone Bad has the visceral impact of a young Scorcese or perhaps Ed Wood. Derrick hones his inner hoodlum to thuggish perfection while Angela, the former Jehova’s Witness, really stretches her acting chops with her convincing turn as a Latina drug runner who won’t be wronged by any man that dares attack her with a breakaway 2 x 4. When Angela says “Hola”, we can really feel that inner Chicana yearning to unleash generations of frustration at the white overclass. Her people didn’t migrate to this country to be drug runners, but here is Angela, dutifully fulfilling her role so she can get ahead in life – maybe go to night school, earn a decent living. “It’s exactly what you asked for” she says in her second line. A novice critic might confuse her monotone for poor acting skills, but a wizened eye sees that years of track suit and skull cap wearing has worn down Angela’s character to the point where emotion itself seems unable to escape her lips. It’s as if speaking has become so laborious that it sounds like recited dialogue.
Of course, the emotional climax of the scene occurs when Derrick smashes the aforementioned plank into Angela, causing her to turn around and run through glass. It’s as if she were trying to reach the glass ceiling, but instead broke the glass wall, which leads me to believe the filmmakers are perhaps saying “Those who live in glass houses, shouldn’t throw Angela”. The surprise twist though is that Angela has a gun. Who would have thought? Clearly not Derrick. Since he merely stood and watched her slowly reach for her glock. A normal drug dealer would have come with his own firearms, but Derrick represents the old order – the type of criminal who regulated with a piece of wood and some elbow grease. Adios, say Angela’s bullets. Adios, indeed. 5 out of 5.
Click on Jodi’s hands to play…
Not every film festival can be perfect. Unfortunately, this one ends on a sour note with the regretful misstep of S.W.A.T.. Possibly the most hyped entry in the fest, this pic lacks any coherent story or character development. We enter the chaotic fray with Nick and Jodi frantically trying to diffuse a bomb. This either appears to be their first assignment since they make the rookie mistake of not actually working with the bomb but shouting and crying at it instead. As the two experience a professional meltdown, we can’t help but ask what this movie is really about? Is it about the two most inept bomb squad employees of all time? Or is it a Flashdance rehash about a bomb specialist who moonlights as an exotic dancer? I only ask because last time I checked, most bomb squad femmes don’t appear to be freshly manicured. The explosion at the end of the feature leaves many questions unanswered such as should we ever trust a gay man and a woman to diffuse our bombs? Or should we rely on those trusty stereotypes and gender roles that have been so nicely established over the centuries? In the end, I felt unsatisfied with this popcorn fluff. The special effects at the climax are apropros because this movie is a bomb. 1 out of 5.
What did you think about these movies?