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So dolls, are the programmers at VH1 the biggest teases ever or what? No Rock of Love finale, no reunion show….no, this week all we got was a damn clip show. Way to stretch out the franchise. And what a gyp!
Ouch. This flashback hurts.
Ooooh, and speaking of stretching out the franchise, thanks to one of our tres fab commenters, we got a line on what we’ve all been waiting for…Rock of Love 2! I don’t think it’s Bret, and based on the intrepid reporting I did in tracking down the Craigslist ad, my money’s on Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue. This would present a problem for cappin’, cause my love for Nikki kind of never really died, but whatever, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I want to sleep under this bridge.
Anyway, just cause I didn’t want to want to recap some lame clip show doesn’t mean that I can’t still provide some skankertainment. So, I made excellent use of my time this afternoon, cruised the hos’ Myspace pages (cause I’m cool like that) and compiled a list of my favorite quotes.
Before I get to that, I just want to point out the similarities I found between all the pages. First, they have all clearly hired the same air brusher from VH1.com to do their Myspace pages. Second, they all have random “managers” – mostly in the 818 area code, which means the Valley, which means PORN! Lastly (and this came as no surprise) most proudly include Pauly Shore and Jeff, the spiky hair dude from Sunset Tan, as “friends”. See all the places Celebreality can take you? They’ll be upgrading to K-Fed in no time.
And I would also like to send a WTF out to Badass Brandi M., Cool Sam, Grandma Rodeo and Hooters Erin for setting their pages to “Private”. Seriously girls, what was the point of whoring yourself out on cable reality only to get private on Myspace?
That said, and without further ado, I give you the top twelve Rock of Love Hos’ Myspace quotes:
12. Mia – I’d like to find a guy who will lie under the stars and listen to my heartbeat.
11. Jessica “Simpson” – I graduated from college.
10. Tamara – Nothing. Literally, her page says nothing.
9. Streaky Tawny – Yes, I am a model.
8. Sidekick Kristia – A girl should be two things – classy and fabulous.
7. Annoying Brandi C. – You’re just jealous.
6. Clown Whore – A lot of people say I look like Carmen Electra.
5. Magdalena Legs – Thanks for making me famous.
4. Dallas – I am not famous. My goal was never to be famous.
3. Psycho Rocker Herpes Lacey – I bet money to every single person that if you spent 10 minutes with me in real life, you’d probably find me to be sweet, funny and kind-hearted.
2. One S Jes – Status: In a relationship.
1. Flasher – Status: Single.
SPOILER ALERT (select section with your mouse to read): I would also like to say that my crack reporting uncovered the information that the person One S is in a relationship is not Bret, but some random clothing designer. Where does that leave Flash? I don’t know. I also don’t know how I will survive the next six days waiting to find out. Get those shots of Jack ready, dolls, and get ready to rock one last time…