Double The Pleasure, Double The Pain

Rockstar

By copygodd | Thursday, August 10, 2006 | 7:20 am | 27 Comments

After six weeks, Rock Star: Supernova is finally starting to pick up some steam. The performances are getting better, the infighting’s getting meaner, and Leon’s getting larger. Still, it hasn’t quite reached “water cooler” levels yet. So what’s an unemployed Nebraska Cornhusker drummer to do if wants to drum up a little controversy for his show? (Get it? Drum up?) Well, he could release another sex tape. But really, how many people want to see Tommy Lee use his junk as a billiards cue? (Besides sg-dub, of course.) Or, he could steal a page from The Donald’s book and cut two people at once. Because cutting two people at once is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!

Besides, that’s just how T-Grease rolls.

Bitches. After introducing the band and TheDave, Brooke says the performances from last night’s show still give her goosebumps. Other things that give her goosebumps:

Of course, before we get to the eliminations, we get a look at some more mansionanigans. (I just made that up.) Gilby shows up riding a Harley, which isn’t clichéd at all. He says he has a present for the final ten rockers: mani/pedis! Ryan’s a little disappointed, as he’d just painted his nails black for his turn as the Raccoon King. But not nearly as disappointed as Dilana, who, after three centuries of experience, knows that no matter what she does to her nails, by morning they’ll have grown back to their natural hooked talon shape. Still, it could be worse: at least they’re not going tanning. Actually, they each get their own new Gibson guitar. Yawn. My idea would’ve been so much more fun.

The prodigal Gilby returns.

After a quick recap of last night’s performances, we get some footage of the rockers celebrating at the mansion. At first, they’re all happy-garden-party and I’m looking forward to Lukas breaking out the croquet set. But soon enough, the mood changes as Jill starts in on the other rockers for not trying harder to play with Gilby. Storm doesn’t agree that they should’ve fought for the song: “Never once have they ever said, ‘if we’re on the board, you better fight’.” Come on Storm, do they really have to spell it out that much? It’s kind of the point of the whole competition, isn’t it? The show isn’t called Rock Star: House Band.

Jill agrees with me, saying she doesn’t understand the other rockers’ reluctance. If they want to front Supernova, why wouldn’t they fight for a chance to play with them? Could it be because they’re all askeered? “It comes down to how serious you are about playing with this band,” she tells them. Oh, midget-snap! Storm says that Jill could’ve picked that song, too. But Jill reminds Storm that she already sang with Gilby. And by “sang”, of course, she means “humped.” Storm points out that Gilby hated Jill’s performance with him. And he still has the stained pants to prove it.

Storm says she didn’t play with Gilby because she wanted to sing “We Are The Champions.” Which of course is code for “I left my balls at home.” Which she did. You know, because her band’s name is “Storm and The Balls”…? Oh never mind.

“Maybe a dingo ate Storm’s balls…”

Later, Storm tells us she doesn’t feel pressure to get up there and prove she can play with Gilby. “I know I can do it,” she says. “And he knows I can do it. And if he doesn’t know I can do it, then he’s just going to have to take my word for it when I say that I can totally do it. Because I can, you know. Do it.”

Jill says that everyone is playing it safe every week. “No, we go for the best song we feel and connect with,” says Zayra. “Or the one that best matches my outfit.” Actually, Zayra says “if you go for a song just because one of the Supernova guys is playing on it, and it doesn’t suit your voice… You might as well just put the rope around your neck, you’re just hanging yourself.” I wish! Zayra performing autoerotic asphyxiation on national television would totally boost ratings. Among other things.

Look Ma, no storm warnings.

Back to live action… TheDave asks Storm how she knows that Gilby knows that she can play with them. “That’s actually a good question,” she says, which is the first intelligent thing to come out of her mouth all night. “Gilby knows my history, Gilby knows my background. And I would hope that he would feel comfortable with me on stage. I wouldn’t hump him. I’d probably break his back.” Well, so much for intelligent statements.

Gilby says it’s a question of chemistry. That’s why they need to see the rockers playing with Supernova, so they can feel the chemistry. Or, in the case of Jill, her labia. “What Dilana did last night was awesome,” he tells them. “It shows the guts that she has.” Now I’m confused. Is Gilby talking about Dilana’s performance or the collection of guts she keeps in a jar on her desk?

On the next Diva Duets…

Next, Gilby tells the contestants that last night was really special, so he has a special announcement to make: those rockers who make it through tonight are going to go with the band to Vegas right after the show. They’ll get on a private jet and head to The Joint at the Hard Rock Casino to check out the stage where they’ll be playing on New Year’s Eve. “And who knows what other kind of sick and demented things we’ll get into this evening,” adds Tommy. I’m not sure if he’s talking about Vegas or Dilana’s cooter.

Jason agrees that last night was one of the best nights yet. Everything was really up a notch or two, which made it really tough to decide who would get tonight’s encore. So they decided to do two encores. The first winner is Canada’s own Oompalukas (thanks Wink), for his cover of “Creep” by Radiohead. It’s pretty much the same performance as last night, except shorter. Which is really fitting, when you think about it.

The second encore goes to Magni. Last night he did an acoustic version of “The Dolphin’s Cry” by Live. Tonight, Jason says tonight they want it plugged in and “magni-fied.” I still hate this song, so I tried to fast-forward through it, but that just made Magni look like the lead singer for Midnight Oil, so I slowed it down and watched it. I was right the first time: this song sucks.

Finally, 23 minutes into the show, Brooke says it’s almost time to reveal the bottom three. But first she brags that the worldwide voting was up an amazing 22% over last week. It looks like changing the number to be 1-800-NAMBLA is really starting to pay off. I’m surprised TheDave isn’t calling right now.

At the end of last night’s episode, Jill, Zayra and Patrice were in the bottom three. As the voting went on, Josh and Ryan rounded out the final five, which shocks the crowd. But not TheDave. Because as we all know, nothing’s shocking to the former guitar player for Jane’s Addiction. Except that time he learned that Winona Ryder had been caught stealing. That was a little shocking.

The first name Brooke says is Zayra. Nooo! But then she tells Zayra to sit down, she’s not in the bottom three. Yay! Fire up the laser cooter boys, Zayra’s heading to Vegas. And as everyone knows, what happens in Vegas stays in Zayra.

Our first rocker in the real bottom three is Jill. No big surprise. What is a surprise is the song she’s going to sing to save herself: “Respect” by Aretha Franklin. Seriously. She says she picked this song because rock and roll is based on blues, and she just wants to “rock it out.” Other things she wants: a chance to “rock out” a guest shot on Little People, Big World.

Of course, Jill totally oversings it. To her credit, at least she spells R-E-S-P-E-C-T correctly. During the middle and toward the end of the song, she does some weird little Jazzercise routine which would be sad if it weren’t so damn funny.

Laughing at the misfortunes of others… It’s one of the things that makes being a TVgasm recapper so great.

The second rocker in the bottom three is Josh. Tommy says he’s beginning to get a complex, since the last two people he’s played with (Patrice and Josh) have both landed in the bottom three. But, that’s just how T-Grease rolls. Downhill.

“I got your tommyhawk right here.”

Last night Tommy said he thought playing the guitar hurt Josh’s performance. So of course Josh is going to play the guitar again tonight. He’s chosen to cover “Shooting Star” by Bad Company. It’s okay, but if anything it just proves that Josh isn’t the right singer for this band. Plus I think his hat is dumb.

Brooke comes back out on stage: “The third and final rocker in this week’s bottom three is Patrice… Or Ryan… And we’ll find out after the break.” Ryan looks totally pissed at Brooke’s feint. He hates it when someone goes all Seacrest on him.

Back from the break, it’s time to reveal the final member of the bottom three. It’s Ryan. Jason is a little surprised to see Ryan in the bottom three, and says he thinks people may be getting confused at the many faces of Ryan. Which is totally hypocritical, since they keep telling the rockers to change it up every week. Make up your mind, Jason! You want they should change it up, or you want they should stay the same? Because if’n they change it up, they can’t stay the same. And if’n they stay the same, they can’t change it up.

Dumbass.

Anyway, if Jason was confused by Ryan before, wait till he hears what song Ryan’s chosen to sing tonight: “Enjoy The Silence” by Depeche Mode. Didn’t Ryan learn anything from Matt’s tragic Duran Duran cover in Week One? If Supernova tells you to crush it, they don’t mean this:

Still, Depeche Mode singer Dave Gahan once had a pretty nasty heroin habit, so maybe Ryan figures the band can relate to this song a little more.

Considering his source material, Ryan does a decent job. Good enough to spare himself from the dreaded Tommy Hawk. Not so lucky, however, are Josh and Jill. Gilby says that as far as Jill is concerned, she’s been in the bottom three three times, and they think maybe the voters are trying to tell them something. With Josh, they agree he has a great voice, but wonder if it will cut through the loud guitars. Uhm, they will if you just turn them down a little, Gilbs. Sheesh. They also question his decision to play his guitar again after their comments from last night.

Two for the choad.

At that, he turns it over to the Hatchet Man, who tells our two hopefuls the band couldn’t agree on which one to cut, so they’ve decided to do something unprecedented in this history of this season of Rock Star: Supernova: cut them both. And with one fell swoop of his mighty axe, the Hatchet Man eliminated two pieces of dead wood. Yay! That’s two fewer recaps I’ll have to write now!

Your thoughts?

Comments (27)
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27 Comments

1

Ozone Dude

Posted August 10, 2006 at 9:44 am

I loved it when the crowd cheered when Zayra got exempted from “Final 3.” Copygodd, you’ve started a movement. She just may take this thing.
2

zevonia

Posted August 10, 2006 at 10:03 am

“But really, how many people want to see Tommy Lee use his junk as a billiards cue? (Besides sg-dub, of course.)” And me. And probably EdHill but I might be speaking out of turn.
I don’t think TheDave is big enough to join the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes, copygodd. However in that picture he is perfect for a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I think cutting two singers at once was just a way to save production money for drugs, alcohol and strippers. Or fishnet stockings, whatever floats their boat.
3

AbbyAnn

Posted August 10, 2006 at 10:30 am

I’m sure the next time Zayra lands in the bottom 3, they will cut her. Surely they’ve learned their lesson on that front (don’t keep her around, assuming that she’ll be in the bottom 3 next week, because the voters just might decide to stick you with the kind of singer you deserve.) So I’m hoping that she makes it to the final 3, at which point our votes won’t matter anymore. How funny will that be? Let’s watch TheDave freak out over that one.
4

Zhombie

Posted August 10, 2006 at 11:03 am

Can Lukas have too many nicknames? I think not. He is a bit Gizmo, as in Gremlins fame. Check it: http://cvtw.batcave.net/images/misc100.jpg
5

HoneyBunny

Posted August 10, 2006 at 11:08 am

Zayra says “if you go for a song just because one of the Supernova guys is playing on it, and it doesn’t suit your voice… You might as well just put the rope around your neck, you’re just hanging yourself.”

So, I guess those SuperNoIdea guys get started writing some songs that are Z-Worthy…you know, something in the key of flat.

hb
6

jack

Posted August 10, 2006 at 12:56 pm

in all this controversy about whether or not the ‘rockers’ should have fought harder to play with gilby on ‘won’t get fooled again,’ i’m surprised no one has mentioned how COMPLETELY F%$#ING LAME gilby clarke looked on stage with dilana. that gay little faux-synthesizer pull-off intro reminded me of every kid i’ve ever watched butcher an old zep or AC-DC tune while loitering in the music store smudging up all the new guitars; his backing vocals were ATROCIOUSLY out of key; his chops are non-existent compared to the boys in the house band (all of whom are kick-ass musicians–far better than any of the supernova boys); and let’s face it: if you are going to take on the signature encore of the man who is easily among the top 3 greatest performing guitarists in the history of rock (second only to hendrix and possibly jimmy page), you’re going to look like an idiot if you don’t bring something to the table. gilby looked like he’d fit in fine with the baby-boomer garage band that plays my local pool hall on saturday nights, but, funny enough, he was way outclassed by dilana–who has genuine presence and will probably win this thing if it doesn’t go to the oompa-lukas (he even has slightly orange skin, doesn’t he?). i actually noticed dilana toning down her vocals and adjusting her pitch to cover for gilby.

i’m glad the people who vote thought ryan’s black eye makeup shtick was as lame as i did. and i’m glad zayra lived to fight another day. i actually enjoyed her performance on tuesday (‘all the young dudes’ is a really underrated tune, IMO), and i hope she lasts for a while. since it’s obvious that dilana or lukas will win, we need zayra’s killer body-suits and laser-pussy to keep us interested while the rest of the suckers get sloughed off (two at a time is fine with us, tommy-hawk–make it three next week, why doncha).
7

juddfan

Posted August 10, 2006 at 2:14 pm

Still enjoying the recaps and comments better than the show . . . I really get the feeling the singers trying out ARE afraid, and they likely should be . . . I’d be. Great call on Gilby, Jack, he’s just a puss, and not the laser shooting kind. He just screams whimp to me . . . or lame ass. TLee is way too greasy for me to tune in any proboscis antics of any kind, and Jason always looks confused, angry and condescending–I really think they’re potentially the worst band in the world, so let’s flex our Gasm power and make sure Miss Z takes this one! (all right, I’m sure we can’t compete against the “world” even if we are cooler . . . and I bet we’re growing at an even faster than 22% a week rate!!!! I just witnessed some tears of joy on the BB blog (“sniff”) I love it here too, (“sniff”)

Still haven’t heard their songs but I’ll try again today . . . just curious and in need of a serious dose of lame (esp since I’m low on smack!)

Ompahluckas to win . . . really . . . what am I missing. I keep saying it seems like the dark lords mistress is the one (she even seems a bit mole-ish to me in the mansion, like she get’s on that plugged digital device and phone’s home) Lately Magni’s looking contenderish to me too, or even Storm–she’s is a babe, and speaking of TLee, those grrrls better bring some condoms and disinfectant with them to Vegas. It may stay in there, whatever it is, but I’d try and wash it off pronto!!!
8

juddfan

Posted August 10, 2006 at 2:31 pm

I meant to say, it may stay in Vegas, not “there”
9

ceenee

Posted August 10, 2006 at 2:37 pm

“You want they should change it up, or you want they should stay the same? Because if’n they change it up, they can’t stay the same. And if’n they stay the same, they can’t change it up.”

Love the Raising Arizona reference, my friend!
10

pearlblackdragon

Posted August 10, 2006 at 2:55 pm

Holy Hanna! I cannot believe my wish came true and they had a twofer.

Jill and whatshisface wouldn’t have lasted much longer surely, but (and I am loath to admit this) I am glad Z stayed.

NO Copygodd, I haven’t joined the Z bandwagon, but she is ALOT more interesting than half the schmoes there.
And now that she made it through again I am starting to believe that she could win it.

Flower did really good again, but has anyone else noticed that when he is unsure of himself (be it the lyrics or the tune) he turns his back to the audience? He did it last week when he forgot the lyrics and again last night when he was about to go for his big note. Once he hit the note he turned around and acted like he had it all along. Not as confidant as he would like us to believe.

And aaarrrggggg!, by the way. What the heck is Patrice still doing there? She has no stage presence, no real vocal talent, and she dresses like she’s lost. Can we please send her home next week. I will even vote Z if she goes home.

pbd
11

Lady J

Posted August 10, 2006 at 3:00 pm

Storm Large is the dumbest name I have ever heard. If she made it up, she should get some outside input. Stat.
12

juddfan

Posted August 10, 2006 at 3:33 pm

I dunno, Lady J, it’s better than Storm Small . . . just kidding!
13

HoneyBunny

Posted August 10, 2006 at 4:38 pm

Storm is a better name than her brothers…Extra and Living. (j/k)

hb
14

juddfan

Posted August 10, 2006 at 5:54 pm

Good one HB!!!
15

Loo

Posted August 10, 2006 at 5:58 pm

It was tacky to dump Jill, too–but inevitable that the Nova dudes would punish her. Bad Jill! No trip to Vegas for you!

I’m bored to tears with this show. No wonder people have started cheering for Zayra.

Dilana’s the one. Who cares whom they actually choose?
16

jennae

Posted August 10, 2006 at 7:05 pm

While I’m plenty thrilled that there was a two-fer axing, I secretly (although not anymore!) wish that Patrice had ended up in the bottom three and they would have cut all of them. I’m sick of Patrice’s faux tough girl schtick – the peachy smooth, unweathered skin and goofy grin she’s always sporting are a little too goody goody for me. Plus I just don’t like her sound. I hope she goes next week, as much as I cringe when Zayra’s on, I just am starting to loathe Patrice.
17

juddfan

Posted August 10, 2006 at 7:07 pm

I’m with you Loo! But I’ll still watch just to come here. I didn’t watch from the beginning, but Dilana does seem favored, but I heard her song was embarrasing . . . who knows!

I’m sure they were afraid Jill was too much humping woman for them to control . . .
18

zoobabe

Posted August 10, 2006 at 7:35 pm

Mark my words, Miss Z won’t stick around much longer. A laser cooter and skin tight outfits can only get her so far. I’d bet a wasabi eating on it!

As long as she doesn’t take out my top 3 faves I don’t really care, but I think her act will wear thin unless she starts SINGING better.
19

happy001

Posted August 11, 2006 at 5:56 am

Sadly, the world is for some reason starting to see Zayra as a worthy contestant for this competition. Doesn’t make any sense to me. She’s an aweful singer and her performances are horrible. Does anyone realize how much of a joke she is? Why not go out and get some disease ridden stripper to front the band? Her on stage antics are all that is keeping her in this competition and it’s that is an example of the sad state we’re in. When we’re so shallow that her stupidity and slut bagish ways are pushing us to vote for her, who is the real joke?
20

Pamsey

Posted August 11, 2006 at 6:39 am

I think I’m getting a crush on Magni, there’s just something about him….
Glad to see midget Jill go, and Josh, though I liked him for the most part was not right for this type of band. It’s wierd to see a rockstar recap without a weather warning.
21

tvaholic

Posted August 11, 2006 at 8:51 am

Pamsey, I agree, something about Magni…

LOVED the Airplane reference, copygodd!

Does anyone else think Ryan got his stage act from Zoolander?
22

chronic

Posted August 11, 2006 at 9:50 am

Glad they got rid of those two. I didn’t necessarily think Jill deserved bottom 3, thought her Mother Mother was alright, however, the return to full screeching form on Respect demanded a boot. Josh is ridiculously boring, and again, kept repeating the same mistakes. And they had a problem with Phil’s bobblehead, and not his?

Don’t think Dilana’s a shoe-in, at all. The Monday show revealed her to have zero song-writing abilities and zero knowledge of rock music. This could prove critical in the end.

Actually I’m starting to think Magni’s the man. I like him more and more each show, and think he holds his own well.

I’ve also become a Zayra fan!! I don’t think she’s a bad singer at all, but reminds me a bit of quirkier female vocalists such as the chick from the Cranberries, or Sinead O’Connor, Bjork, etc. Of course, she won’t win, but it’ll be great to see her go far.
23

jelliepair

Posted August 11, 2006 at 12:45 pm

Chronic
I agree with you about Z sounding like the chick from the cranberries – my son says that everytime shes on. And she looks and dresses like a younger Bjork.

I dont understand anyones love for Dilana. I think she is horrible. She cant sing and her screaming makes my ears bleed. She looks like roughy Mc rough-slut and dont get near her with a magnet – no appeal for me at all.

I liked Josh – did not like Jill (she looked like she should be at a mall in NJ) and think Patrice sounds and looks like hell.

While I hate her name, I am rooting for Storm. She has been most consistent and those guys need a girl in front of them –

No matter what, this band is gonna suck.
24

Mehitabel

Posted August 11, 2006 at 4:03 pm

Ditto, Loo and Juddfan. Loo, I think “tacky” is an apt word for much of what TackyGasm recaps. BTW, do I detect a Southern influence?
25

zoobabe

Posted August 11, 2006 at 7:44 pm

Keep in mind that of all the contestants left, Patrice and Zayra have yet to receive an encore nod. That says something…
26

Ruthiblu

Posted August 12, 2006 at 5:41 pm

I’m for Storm all the way. That is her real name by the way. She’s the only one that has all the ingredients: stage presence, voice, experience, songwriting, rational temperment, confidence and sex appeal. She can lead the band and she can deal with the boys on a peer to peer level. They’d be stupid not to pick her. Dilana reminds me of a really old woman – creepy. Lucas is emotionally immature and I think he has ADD. I agree that he’s got some confidence issues too. I can’t see him really keeping his attention span long enough to memorize songs and spend long hours in the studio. He’s too much of a puppy.

I want Zayra to stay until the end because she’s good TV. She can’t win though because Supernova probably doesn’t want to be a comedy act.
27

Loo

Posted August 14, 2006 at 6:29 am

“BTW, do I detect a Southern influence?”

Nope. Probably stole “tacky” from you. Easy to do when you’re on the same wavelength.

“Does anyone else think Ryan got his stage act from Zoolander?”

Thank you! I knew his raccoon look was familiar.

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