My Colors are Plush and Shameful

Tabatha is back in the Golden state on the 5th episode of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover to face Plush Salon, or as they call themselves Glamma Glamma Plush. Which wouldn’t be totally obnoxious is someone in the salon was as intelligent and professional as Bruiser Woods, never mind Elle.

Plush Salon is owned by Kimmie, who has modeled her entire professional image on the ground breaking style legacy of Kelly Bundy. Kimmie’s salon is located in the San Fernando Valley and is bank rolled by her husband’s credit cards. She’s currently $80K in debt, stuck with a bunch of shrieking harpies, and shopping away any time or cash that she has.

Tabatha greets our buxom Bundy disciple outside of the salon and takes her and her Muppet inspired hair extensions to watch the surveillance footage acquired over the course of the day.

Kimmie prefaces the footage by admitting to Tabatha that she’s in a lot of trouble. Her husband and his credit cards are her chief backer. She refinanced her house to open the salon, yet whatever money she takes out of the business she uses to shop.

Kimmie is not shocked to hear Tabatha break the news that her salon sucks, the lighting is terrible and the staff has no customer service skills. Tabatha asks Kimmie where she thinks she needs improvement and Kimmie says she need to learn how to be a boss and take control of her staff. Her staff, her image… her understanding of this decade’s fashion…

Time to reveal the salon footage. Pledging Glamma stylist Krissi is stomping about the salon. Apparently, when Kimmie’s away the pledge is left to answer the phone and run the salon and no one is very happy about it. There’s no receptionist at Plush so Krissi leaves her station to answer a call. As she hands off the phone to another stylist Krissi starts bitching the client on the phone is annoying her… in front of other clients.

The service industry was not a wise choice for our bi-colored brat, later she tattles to Kimmie that like, SOME CLIENT, like CALLED and like WANTED SOMETHING. Kimmie is not startled to hear the insane story from Krissi, as she routinely allows her staff to act like tantrum throwing tots.

Next up, we see esthetician Lindsay kicking up her hooves in reception in full view of the surveillance cameras and Kimmie. One look at Lindsay and we see that there’s no reason for her not to pull her own weight. She looks like she could pull a cart full of fresh produce to market.

But Kimmie allows her stylists to act as they please, because she considers them friends first. Which is unfortunate since they’re sucky friends too.

In the next bit of footage, we see the evidence of Kimmie’s shopping problem. Kimmie does her best Bundy shimmy into the salon with bags of clothes and pulls out her new expensive bikini. All the money she makes from the salon, she spends on herself, and not on her business or her family. Kimmie brags to our lady T that her husband thinks she’s sinking her earning back into the salon. He will continue to support her and live in a fantasy world where he has a devoted wife and Kimmie has the right to own a bikini.

Kimmie is used to making it all about her… good thing someone is here to give her a wakeup call and we’re here to watch. Tabatha has seen enough of the footage, it’s time for her to takeover.

Tabatha arrives at Plush to mixed reactions, some stylists welcome the intervention and some stylists are covering their crotches waiting for the swift kick in the taint they know they deserve.

First, Tabatha takes aim at a rather large target, Lindsay. Coif lets Lindsay know her laziness is inexcusable, not only is it unprofessional, but it’s not a pretty. There’s a reason men haven’t painted figures like Lindsay since cave art. Her place is at her station, conveniently located in the back of the salon, near the exit and the bathrooms.

Pledge Krissi agrees and begins to giggle. However Tabatha is quick to point out that Krissi’s professional manner is also weak. She was incredibly rude to clients. Tabatha will not allow for the salon to continue to be run like a sorority ice cream social. It’s time for the post-party purge.

It’s time for Tabatha to get a closer look at the salon. We don’t encounter any surprises on this campus tour. The salon looks like a bordello decorated in accessories from Claire’s.

The stylists also complain about the lighting. With nothing but crappy overhead fluorescents, they often have to bring their clients outside to see their color.
　
Lazy stylists do not usually translate into immaculate housekeepers and TC spots filthy chairs and clumps of hair everywhere. Tabatha gets in a couple digs at Kimmie about affording to shop, but not being able to afford a cleaning service. Kimmie doesn’t see why she getting a hard time about shopping, everyone likes to shop. Everyone likes to continue to be employed, so Tabatha needs to bitch you out and your stylists need to have clients. So pay attention Kimmie.

Back at Lindsay’s station, it’s gross.

Tabatha has reached her limit for the day and sends everyone home. She’ll bring the staff back tomorrow for the staff meeting, so they can tell her what’s going on the with management.

The next day, Tabatha sits down with the staff and says that the salon is like a sorority house and that Kimmie is the leader of bratty Plush pack. All the girls are happy to shirk their personal responsibility and said that they’re being led by an inappropriate, unprofessional queen bee. Krissi chimes in and says that Kimmie lazes around and doesn’t put any effort into the salon. But her name has the most vowels, so that’s why she’s in charge.

Krissi does the most to take care of the salon when Kimmie isn’t there, and when Kimmie is there, no one recognizes her as the owner because she welds no authority.

The staff seems to agree that Kimmie Be Shoppin’. It pisses the staff off to see her come in with her packages, yet the salon is making sacrifices.

Soon clients arrive and it’s time for the assessment. Krissi gives an consult that Tabatha thinks is incomplete. Tabatha contributes to the conversation between Krissi and her client, but Krissi isn’t wholly receptive to Miss T’s intervention. Tabatha is concerned that Miss Kriss may have a bit of an attitude problem.

Kimmie’s assessment is up next. Tabatha chimes in and says that Kimmie really needs to get a better idea of her client’s expectations so that she can deliver them. Apparently she want to be Drew Barrymore. Kimmie, where did you leave that magic wand? Hmm…

Lindsay is set to begin makeup application with a dirty set of brushes, however this doesn’t get past our house mother. She reminds Lindsay that she should have multiple sets of brushes so that a clean set is available for a new client. You can tell a lot about a makeup artist by her own appearance, and I think Lindsay works mainly with yesterday’s eyeliner and sheer denial. This client is in trouble with a capital T.

Tabatha is back at Krissi’s station where she catches the pledge wasting color. Krissi claims she just has bad habits learned over the many weeks, or something, that she’s been a hairdresser. Tabatha shows it to Kimmie and makes an example of how it’s money wasted.

Tabatha sees some good color work and some bad color work and then there’s Lindsay. She’s bruising the shit out her client face. She’s hoping to achieve a smokey eye for her client, but is just giving her dark circles under her eyes. Seriously, she looks worse than John Mayer after a night with LaLohan.

Back up front Krissi is finished with her cut. Tabatha’s comb barely hits her clients hair and she sees that Krissi’s cut is uneven. Naturally Krissi takes it well. In her interview she complains that just because some people don’t like the way she works doesn’t mean she’s going to stop. Geez. Even haircuts, appointment times what are clients going to demand next from her? Is she going to have to like, speak to them and touch them and stuff? I don’t think Krissi gave enough thought to a career in the military.

It is time for their leader to be critiqued by Tabatha and she falls short. Kimmie admits that her work is weak because she was distracted. Tabatha thinks that the stylists are just turning in “good enough” which isn’t good enough for her. She sends them home.

Morning has arrived and Tabatha arrives on Kimmie’s doorstep. TC meets the man lucky enough to support Kimmie. And first surprise of the day, he is clueless that his wife has wasted their savings and his paycheck on her crappy business. Her husband has sacrificed his savings, his health insurance to allow his wife so spread her professional wings and she’s spent her earnings acquiring the irregular rack at Wet Seal.

Kimmie’s defense is that she doesn’t know about their finances. She didn’t know her husband was making these sacrifices, she didn’t know her young children are now not covered by health insurance. Honestly this family would be better off if Kimmie was carried away by coyotes…

Her poor (literally, now) husband had no idea that she shops away thousands of dollars a week. Not only does he have to watch his wife admit that she’s wickedly selfish but the apology contains the words, “and stuff.” Lucky man.

Kimmie’s husband looks displeased that he’s been bankrolling Kimmie’s clubhouse while simultaneously trying to fend off foreclosure on her California castle.

Tabatha wants to teach Kimmie a lesson, she demands to see her closet. She then demands that Kimmie pull out everything she doesn’t wear because it will be donated. Thousands of dollars and mess in the master bath later, and Tabatha is standing over Kimmie’s yearly earnings. Kimmie is now starting to see the gravity of her greed …

Tabatha still doesn’t think that Kimmie understands that shecould lose everything if she doesn’t stabilize her finances. So Tabatha is bringing all the clothing donations and Kimmie to a local mission to get a glimpse at her possible future. The women of Plush meet Tabatha and Kimmie and the donation truck at the loading dock to unload the truck and price out Kimmie’s clothes.

All of Kimmie’s donations will be given to the mission’s thrift shop. This is when Kimmie begins to lose her composure. Tabatha could have taken that kid right out of her arms, but gosh, how will her muffin top ever look the same without her designer jeans? Now she feel vulnerable, her clothes have been taken away and she’s upset. She adds on that yeah, maybe ruining her husband’s opinion of her is upsetting too. Maybe.

Tabatha brings the Plush girls into the mission to work on their customer service. They’ll provide makeovers to women staying at the mission.

We meet Kimmie’s client, Barbara, who has a job interview today. Barbara and her husband landed at the mission when the bills began to snowball and finally overtook them. They’re getting back on their feet now, but she wants Kimmie to know that losing your home isn’t ever more than a few missed payments away. Kimmie was brought to the mission to learn that she needs to put her focus back into her business and her family. Not on the sale wall at Dress Barn.

Back at the salon Tabatha is ready to have the Plush bunnies begin the salon renovations and the first thing to go is the leopard print wall. That god awful 1970s, porn set wall.

Kimmie is hesitant at first but finally begins to cover up the wall. Tabatha is ready to close up until the re-opening. She wants to see a surge in professionalism when they return in a few days. It’s more likely they’ll just try to distract her with more throw pillows purchased at the checkout line at TJ Maxx…

When the Plush bunnies return to the salon after Tabatha’s renovations, everyone is impressed. The décor is more sophisticated and with the new lighting they are now respectable, finally women of the daylight.

In the weirdest charity ever, they will be collecting discarded hair for a charity make hair mats that soak up oil to save fish. I’m sure they’re a joke in here, but I’m too confused to put one together… I guess after oil spills it’s the most gentle way to collect the oil?

Clients are arriving for all the stylists so Tabatha can make her final assessment. Kimmie’s client from the mission came in for complimentary highlights. While charity and responsibility is the theme on the cutting floor back at the esthetician’s station, Lindsay’s working with the themes recklessness and selfishness.

She has a client, a very pregnant client, in her chair when she leans across the station she dips her shirt in the wax pot. When she turns back, the shirt corner drenched in wax drips all over the client. Lindsay become totally disoriented and doesn’t understand what’s happening. She got wax all over herself and her Mandee’s Candies and 100% of the attention is focused on her. It’s not until Tabatha rushes over that the client is comforted.

But Lindsay’s not done with this poor woman yet. Even after this incident, Preggo allows Lindsay to wax her eyebrows. Lindsay, the professional esthetician doesn’t check the temperature of the wax and burns the woman’s forehead.

Tabatha has had enough and pulls Lindsay to the back to her to rip her a new asshole. Kimmie speaks to the client and comps her services, but doesn’t hold the door open to help her escape.

Tabatha is at Krissi’s station and has caught her in a set of crappy highlights. There are bleed marks on her clients hair and Krissi says she’s knows they’re there, but it’s because she hasn’t been taught differently yet. I’m sorry, but is the pre rec for Highlights 102, Crappy Highlights 101? Don’t they just teach the one right way? It’s a beauty school not a beauty vision quest.

Mission Barbara is now ready for the world because she’s blonder and Kimmie’s quite proud.

Lindsay is done scalding her client and is now applying makeup. Without a major stake though the eye incident, the client my just make it out of the salon with her vision intact.

Tabatha is ready to give Kimmie her final recommendations. But first, Tabatha wants Kimmie to cut up her credit cards. Kimmie brings Tabatha just two cards and I call bullshit. With this woman’s financial history I’m guessing she handed TC the $500 credit limits and she’s protecting the AmEx her wall safe, installed to protect her signed Christina Applegate collectables.

Tabatha preached the importance of leadership at Plush, so her most important recommendation is for Kimmie to be present. Kimmie needs to spend more time in her business and be dedicated to leading. Next question: Have you ever fired anyone? Krissi is immature and Lindsay is one step up from a Sally Hansen peel and stick waxing kit. One or both of them need to go.

Time to address the staff. Tabatha says the Kimmie is prepared to lead and not be BFFs. And in her first act as “not your friend” Krissi is demoted. Lindsay’s not fired, much to TC’s chagrin. Kimmie wants her to be educated. When TC returns in 6 weeks. She finds Kimmie is still in empowered. She’s fired Lindsay and has only added a couple sequined throw pillows.

What did you think about this episode? Did Krissi deserve to be fired too? Does Kimmie deserve to keep her salon?

I apologize for the late recap, Episode 6 will be posted this week. Mark my works. This week.