Shahs of Sunset: Fun With Stereotypes

Shahs of Sunset

By TheMiki | Tuesday, March 13, 2012 | 8:25 am | 26 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Shahs of Sunset
Hey hey Gasmii!  Oh how I’ve missed you!  Did you miss me?  I’ve been twacked out on painkillers and muscle relaxers for the past two weeks because I dislocated my rib and the doctors couldn’t get it back in, so today’s recap is brought to you by Percocet and Flexeril.
This is my torso.  That rib that’s going the wrong direction is kind of painful.
Speaking of painful… Bravo is taking a break from showing us the private lives of horrible, vapid, useless white people to bring us an inside look at the lives of horrible, vapid, useless brown people.  Nothing encourages cultural diversity and tolerance like showcasing the absolute worst people any culture has to offer.  So let’s meet some horrible Persians, eh?
PEEEERSIIIAAAAA
Up first is MJ, an independent woman with two purse dogs that she pushes around in a stroller.  She don’t want a man cause she/s just fine on her own.  As proof of how well she’s doing, she made her dogs their own Facebook pages.  Nothing says, “I’m not lonely” like social networking your fucking dogs.
Would a desperately lonely woman do this????? 
Next is Reza.  He’s in a very healthy loving relationship with himself.  After a long diatribe on all his best features, he tells us he’s also very humble.  I choose to believe that he’s joking, because if I don’t choose to believe this I either have to kill myself or tell Flipit that I quit because I can’t watch these people without getting all stabby.  He sounds gay in a swishy mid-90’s queen sort of way.   MJ tells us he’s her best friend, and he’s gay, which we all knew, but I’m happy to hear that he knows.
I first realized I was into men when I caught my reflection in the mirror…
Reza and MJ boned once, and he says he can “get it up” for a girl or a boy or the wind because, HELLO! He’s Persian.  So, just in case you don’t know which stereotypes to believe about Persians, we now know that they all want to hump the wind and do not suffer from erectile dysfunction.
It’s getting hard now just thinking about all the other times it’s gotten hard
Moving right along, Mike and GG are a couple of classy fuckers who are in the market for a gun.  Mike used to date GG’s sister, but now he’s all about GG.  They flirt back and forth, but they’re not actually dating.  GG is all about guns and exposing her midriff.  She’s used to her daddy buying her everything, and now she wants a man who can keep up with her lifestyle.  So… She aspires to be a hooker, but a really expensive one who works for one client exclusively.   Stereotype number 2: Persians are gold-digging whores.
CLASSY gold-digging whores
GG does not want to marry a Persian boy because (steeotype number three) Persian boys are mama’s boys and expect their wives to cook and clean for them.  Mike is in real estate and makes tons of money and thinks incredibly highly of himself.  Ick.  I’m really glad I don’t form opinions on entire races of people based on Bravo programming, but I shudder to think of how many people do and how far this show is going to set the entire Persian race back as a result.  These people make the Real Housewives look sort of… Tolerable.
Wait… I take that back 
Our next Persian is Asa.  She tells us she’s a painter, videographer, photographer, and musician.  She makes art and music about what it’s like to be Persian in a America.  She’s working on a song called Tejan-gelas, because Los Angeles is crawling with Persians.  Asa came from a super wealthy family in Iran, but when they fled to the states they lost everything and she grew up poor in the ghetto.  She talks a lot of shit about how materialistic Persians are, and tells us she has a love/hate thing with her people.  To be fair though, this is Beverly Hills, and all people of all races are materialistic fuckwads in Beverly Hills, right?
Either that or pretentious art twats
Next up is Sammy, a sort of harmless little pudgy dude who also works in real estate and who tells us that he loves Reza because he rocks a rapist mustache and still manages to be cool.  There’s some wheeling and dealing happening between Reza and Sammy over an unfinished house that Sammy wants to sell.  It’s not very interesting, so let’s just skip over that, yeah?
Smell that?  Overcompensation.
Back over with MJ, she’s having her mom over.  She tells us Persian stereotype number four, which is that Persian mothers love to talk shit about how you’re living your life.  I think that’s moms in general, yeah?  But according to MJ, Persian moms are the gold standard in nitpicking and tearing down their offspring.  Sammy is at the house for dinner as well, and MJ’s mom loves Sammy and clearly wants them to date, but MJ says Sammy only dates strippers and won’t date a girl he’s not, “Having S E X with.”  Really?  Who the fuck spells out, “Sex” like it was a swear word and there was a child nearby?  That’s just… weird.
You know that your mother can spell, right?
Just in case we weren’t getting the picture that we’re supposed to hate the shit out of GG, she’s out shopping and telling us how imperative it is to not repeat outfits and to buy something new for every party.  Then she tells us she’s 30 years old and the only paycheck she’s ever received was from her daddy.  So yeah… She’s clearly a well-rounded and interesting human being.
Well-rounded and interesting in her bra maybe…
The Persians are having a dinner party or something, and Reza is telling us that he’s stoked Asa managed to pull herself together and not dress like a belly-dancer, because usually she looks like trash and embarrasses the shit out of him.   Yeah, there’s nothing more embarrassing than when your friend dresses kinda silly and everyone looks at them and judges you without even noticing your designer shoes or your rapist mustache.
Goddamn gypsy skank is an embarrassment to classy Persians everywhere!
The entire cast is there at the table, and I think we’re supposed to get the impression that they do this all the time.  The conversation is about as interesting as sitting next to a table of drunk neanderthals at Applebee’s…. The whole conversation is about how the Jew boys wind up marrying Jew girls and the Muslims marry each other, and it’s nice to know that people who are discriminated against are able to fight back by discriminating against each other.
Mid-conversation, Asa says something about H&M and GG freaks out because H&M to Persians is like K-Mart to rich white people.  I’m sure there was creative editing happening, but I didn’t see Asa actually direct her comment at GG or anything.  I’m not actually even clear on what she was saying about H&M, but it doesn’t matter because GG calls her trashy.  Asa asks if she’s trashy just because her daddy doesn’t bankroll her entire existence and that comment brings on the metaphorical record scratch/everyone stop talking and look shocked moment.  Reza tells us that if you’re Persian, you DONT EVER talk about someone’s family.  GG gets all,  “If you ever talk about my father again…”  and I’m just fucking confused.  Did Bravo edit out the part of the conversation where Asa said something negative about GG’s father?  Or does the no talking about someone’s family mean that you literally are never allowed to mention anyone from the same bloodline as one of your friends?  Persians on Bravo confuse me.  Or maybe that’s my second Percocet finally kicking in.  Yeah, cause opiates make me type in really long paragraphs, and scrolling up for a second confirms that I am now writing under the effect of far too many opiates.
Opiates help to make this watchable though… 
The next morning Sammy is on the phone with Reza trying to find a buyer for his unfinished house, and Mike is meeting up with some other real estate suits to look greasy and talk about money.  Actually, after catching a marathon of Million Dollar Listing when I had the flu last year I think the best stereotype we can draw from Bravo is that real estate agents are the lowest form of life on the planet and we should all go live in mud huts so that the entire lot of them can die off.
Aaaaah!  Killitwithfire!!!!!
Oh hey, and one of MJ’s friends is getting married and MJ is one of her bridesmaids.  MJ hates weddings and is the snarky angry bridesmaid that every bride needs to have to complete the set for their special day.  The bridesmaids are picking out dresses, and even though MJ gets her choice of dresses and the bride approves, MJ goes off on a tangent about how her mom always says  that marriage only leads to divorce and that the whole wedding is a lot of hassle to go through just to get divorced anyway.  One of the other bridesmaids points out that you’re not supposed to say shit like that to a bride who is shopping for her wedding dress, but MJ has some good natured friends and they all (even the bride) just laugh it off.  Then again, this is Beverly Hills, so it’s possible they’re just waiting for MJ to leave the room so they can start talking shit about how horrible she is.
Just for that you’re wearing pink taffeta
Back over with Mikey, he’s at his mother’s house for Friday night Shabbat.  Mikey reiterates that family is very important to Persians and that he goes to his mom’s for Shabbat every Friday.  Mike’s family is much less slimy and annoying than the rest of the Persians we’ve been shown, so of course Bravo only shows them for about five seconds.  Why watch normal people interact when we could watch horrible people be horrible to each other.  Where’s that GG bitch?
If you’re all gonna be so decent to each other we’ll just pack up our cameras and go
Reza and his friend Tony are sitting around talking about this pool party they’ll be attending at Sammy’s place.  Tony has never been to a Persian pool party before, so Reza is trying to prepare him for how it will differ from a gay pool party.  Reza tells us that it’s very hard to be gay in the Persian community.   Goddammit, fuck all these minorities who bitch about how hard it is to be gay in their community.  It’s hard to be gay, okay?  Period.  There’s no community outside of the GAY COMMUNITY where it’s easy.  White gay kids and black gay kids and brown gay kids all struggle like hell to come to terms with who they are.  Stop trying to act like you have it harder because of your ethnicity.
Reza relays the story of how his mom was hysterical for five minutes or so when he told her he was gay, but then she pulled herself together and told him she would always love and support him.  Yeah, you know what my mom did?  She changed the locks and threw all my shit out on the front lawn.  When I was 15.  I win the tales of gay woe here.
MJ is getting ready for the party when GG shows up with her friends to all get prettied up together.  GG is all cuntastic saying if she’s gonna spend all this time looking good then she expects others to do the same.  Great, and if I spend all this time earning my own damn money, I also expect others to do the same.  Fuck off, twat waffle.
She’s like a fucking Disney villain or something
Sammy is getting his place set up for the party, which is not like some soiree by the pool that us common folk are used to.  This is a fucking event, complete with tarps and skanks and caterers and a mother fucking tiger.  Way to reinforce stereotypes, guys.
I feel like this is racist somehow
Sammy tells us that Reza is the toughest guy he knows and he respects the hell out of him for being brave enough to be out and true to himself.  Mike is there with his current skankbag, who Reza accurately describes as looking like a mail-order bride.  Asa shows up and tells us she loves seeing Sammy but hates these parties because she’s the outsider.  All the girls (especially GG) start talking shit about her outfit.  GG tells us the two things she doesn’t like are ants and ugly people.  She forgot work, thinking, and helping others…
OMG and do you remember high school? Cause I clearly never left it.
Reza is having a birthday the next weekend and they’re all going to Vegas.  GG is being a self-centered cunt about the fact that Reza invited Asa, and she does that thing that horrible people do where they try to make themselves seem less horrible by saying shit like, “I want to make sure we keep our distance because this weekend is about you and I don’t want there to be any drama.”  For those of you that aren’t closely acquainted with any horrible people, this is bitch-speak for, “I’m going to start a fight in the middle of your party and then act like I’m upset with the other chick for fighting back when the party is supposed to be about you.”  Reza totally enables her by telling her that she’s such a classy lady about the issues between her and Asa and he appreciates her maturity.
GG then wanders off to talk shit about Mike’s girlfriend and the way she’s dressed.  Mike gets up in her face and tells her she’s jealous because his girlfriend is the hottest girl at the party.    He says that when he showed the girl GG’s picture all she said was that she was gorgeous because she’s not a jealous bitch.  Haha.  Burn!  Mike and GG get in a row and it’s painfully obvious that GG can’t handle anyone looking at girls that aren’t her.  I’d like to take this moment to remind you that this bitch owns a lot of guns.
Lots and lots of guns…
Okay, that’s the end of episode one.  Good to know that no matter what your race, religion, or country of origin, rich people on Bravo shows are all horrible excuses for human beings.
What’d everyone think?  Is there a single likable person anywhere to be seen?  Is GG playing a character for the cameras?  Does Reza’s mustache rape people?
Chase says “Hi” and that he got both the bones
Stella would like to know what I’m gonna do about it

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TheMiki
About

I enjoy mocking other people because it's the only thing I'm really good at, and I think we should all use the gifts God gave us.  My childhood was way more fucked up than yours, and yet I'm a fully productive member of society with no criminal record or bastard children.  As such, listening to coked-out hookers whine about their baby-daddies getting arrested and how they live this life cause their mama didn't breastfeed them makes me want to throw furniture at my TV.  When I'm not tearing down people on television I like to paint, write, drink coffee, hike, and make pathetic attempts to play the guitar, because chicks dig a lady with an instrument.

26 Comments

  1. 1
    S-Natch S-Natch
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Miki – yikes! So sorry about your rib – it sounds ultra painful. In fact it sounds so painful that I will raise a glass of peppermint schnapps in your honor. Maybe two. ‘Cause I am that giving. Seriously, though, hope it feels better soon. Can they fix it at all or are you stuck with pain? :(

    Speaking of pain – thanks for taking on the task of this recap. Haven’t watched the show yet, but between your and Nads’ opinions, I am sore afraid. Having had to watch Fary, Nadia’s mom in Dirty Soap, though, I think the part about Persian moms being the most critical may be true.

    Good luck with this and the rib!

  2. 2
    Faye
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 9:00 am

    I missed ya! And look how cute your little outie bellybutton is awwwww . Hope.you get better soon.. off to read the recap!

  3. 3
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 9:11 am

    A bent rib is kina like a broken toe– only about a bazillion times more painfful. All they can do is immobilize it (good luck with that!) and keep the patient drugged up. Sorry to hear about it, Miki!

    Saw the epi yesterday and thought it was interesting, if a tad contrived. Is it a cultural thing for Daddy to support his 30 year old daughter? Is he willing to adopt an older sister for her?

    I do lovethe concept of culture over religion. It seems that religion is usually the deal breaker in cultures.

  4. 4
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Hope you feel better soon! I refuse to watch this show so I can’t wait for your recaps!

  5. 5
    sheesh
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Girl! What did you do to get a rib out of place? Wait…maybe I don’t want to know (yes I do!).

    When my son was temporarily taking care of my daughter’s cat, Lola, he made her a facebook page.
    Lola had more damn friends than I did and she only had it for a couple of months. I am a facebook Fail!

    Why do reality personalities have to be obnoxious instead of well…interesting?

    I am in lovewith the doggies.

  6. 6
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Oooooh! Doggie porn.

    My second son bent a rib of mine. In utero. I’d reach back and push against his heel until he moved it. after a few minutes he’d move it back. The heel, not the rib.

    Hope you heal quickly.

    I am also going to read your recaps rather than suffer through the show. Thank you for watching for us.

  7. 7
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 10:06 am

    That’s very Twlight, Breaking Dawn of you SSC.

  8. 8
    TheMiki themiki
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Hey now! I do NOT have an outie. I’m not sure what sort of lighting trickery is causing that illusion, but I assure you my belly button is an innie, madame.

    I didn’t actually do much of anything to get the rib out of place. It slid out while I was sleeping. I have issues with my connective tissue, so random dislocations are fairly common in my world. This one is new though. Never had a rib pop out in the front before, and it’s being stubborn as hell. I have an appointment with a chiropractor who specializes in this crap tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll be back in my proper shape after that.

  9. 9
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Miki, you have to even out that bone situation STAT. (Not your rib, the Stella not having a bone part. Did you SEE her face?? Okay, you see her face every day, but you still can’t be immune to it!)

    Reza’s mustache MOST DEFINITELY rapes people. In the dark stillness of the night, that bristly, rapey caterpillar wriggles off his upper lip, puts on a track suit and ball cap, and goes to the nearest park with late-night jogging fanatics and thick, hide-y bushes.

    And I STILL want to know why all these people look like they’ve just been sprayed down with Pam…

  10. 10
    Jacey
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I dated a Persian guy when I was 18 and I love his family…he is a douche but his sister and I still talk. This is like over the top Persian behavior. The douche’s family are all very hard working and reminded me of Mike’s family. The douche’s dad worked 3 jobs to put himself through college. I will say that I did meet Persian people exactly like that on the show. The way they dress, what they drive, and the type of house they have is very important for status! Did I mention my ex was a douchey Persian a lot like the guys on this show except he didn’t have a rapist moustache?

  11. 11
    R2Dcups
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Wow this show is a big hot mess. Poor Persian people, one in most of the country most don’t recognize that Persians are from Iran and not any other middle eastern country. Next they get labeled as terrorists because they are brown and lastly they only have one Persian show on main stream television and it is these tool bags that represent them.

    With shows like Jersey Shore and Real housewives they are all vapid horrible but neither is a culture that doesn’t get much representation. I feel like it would be if the only show that focused on homosexuality was Drag Race. While clearly drag race represents a very small portion of the gay community if that is all that was shown about the community places where there is little diversity may think that is just what it’s like there.

    Also I think that Bravo should have to have a fight to the death cage match between shows twice a year. We as viewers could vote for the worst person and then once all the votes have been cast they get thrown in a cage and neither is permitted to leave the cage until the other is dead. For round one I suggest Camile from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills VS. GG.

  12. 12
    labowner
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    “but I shudder to think of how many people do and how far this show is going to set the entire Persian race back as a result.”

    Fear not as I believe most would look at you with a blank face when you utter the word Persian. Are they French? tee hee One good thing assholes come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

    Miki looks painful. Hope the Chiro puts you back into place. Will the dogs be making weekly appearances?

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I had (past tense) a Persian bestie in college. She makes GG look like a yellow Lab.

  14. 14
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    I didn’t understand the H&M argument either, except that I think GG took it to mean that Asa was referring to her as “cheap” or whatever, although to be fair, GG does dress like she’s Jessica Alba’s character from the movie, “Honey.”

  15. 15
    Tadow
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    A Miki Recap? I’m in!

  16. 16
    OutHouseCat
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    The Miki,

    I’m straight and don’t know gay etiquette, so I hope I’m not fucking up here. It made me really sad that your mom tossed you out. I think you’re funny as shit and I’d love to hang out with you and drink something yummy and alcoholic. Your mom doesn’t know what she’s missing. I hope she gets her shit together and figures out that you didn’t catch the gay just to piss her off.

    Back to topic, I loved your recap and lol’d. I just can’t bring myself to watch it after seeing the bitch on the commercial that hates ugly people. She looks like that upside-down bug on the Orkin trucks. UGH. Hopefully this shit dies a natural death quickly, before these tools cause everybody in the country to hate Persians.

  17. 17
    hot cawfee
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    bbaahhaahhaaa– wretched skin-cancer ethnic-slurring Kim–sigh
    good times
    back to reading

  18. 18
    hot cawfee
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    hope your rib heals doll– that looks awful!!!!

    I cannot wait to see this show– I am thinking only one pint of pinot to see me thru it. I am all about the promotion of cultural diversity and understanding– am sure I saw these kids in “Clueless” as Persian Mafia extras. I will however brook no disrespecting of H&M– bitch better mind her Ps and Qs on that score.

  19. 19
    maryedith
    Posted March 13, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    Miki, I tried to feel sorry for your rib but I was too busy feeling jealous of your flat, sexy stomach. Send that pick to Sara J — you’ll turn her for sure!

  20. 20
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted March 14, 2012 at 6:57 am

    LMAO!

  21. 21
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted March 14, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    I shudder as well at this being a representation of Persion/Iranian for some Americans… but on the other hand it certainly couldn’t portray them as more American and less terrorist stereotype. So slack-jawed rednecks or whoever out there doesn’t know what a Persian is or associates them with Osama Bin Laden will at least see that Persian can be vapid Americans too!

    Also on a positive note is the multiple religions and the existence of a gay guy- all flying in the face of the US stereotype of the hateful muslim arab.

    @TheMiki: I am liking your recap abilities already! You include cute dogs like JMo and your reaction to H&MDaddyGate was exactly like mine! Did she really implicate GG in her mention of H&M??? Maybe it was edited out, but she looked genuinely taken aback at the attack. And rules of Persia-its OK to call someone ghetto but you must never say the word “father”. Taboo! I so wanted Asa to compose herself and say “I am not talking about your father, I’m talking about your worthlessness you horse’s ass!”

    Hate GG, I know I’m being told to by editing but when she brags about having no job, no interest in homemaking and a goal to be lavishly supported by a husband I feel she needs to explain that she can suck the chrome off a fender before I will accept she has any right to happiness.

  22. 22
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted March 14, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    MMW, that confrontation between Asa and GG was edited more heavily than GG’s makeup. unbelievable. I think the whole “argument” got lost in the editing.

    Certainly GG is despicable, but it just isn’t her wanting to be supported in the manner that Daddy has accustomed her to. It is her whole shallow attitude.

    Hating ugly people indeed! Some mornings I look in the mirror and absolutely hate what I see (think Clay Aiken’s hair in the Apprentice)… wait. I’m way too ugly for her to even notice. Whew.

  23. 23
    Tara
    Posted March 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    “Stop trying to act like you have it harder because of your ethnicity.
    Reza relays the story of how his mom was hysterical for five minutes or so when he told her he was gay, but then she pulled herself together and told him she would always love and support him. Yeah, you know what my mom did? She changed the locks and threw all my shit out on the front lawn. When I was 15. I win the tales of gay woe here.” WOW.

    Miki, I sympathize with you, but the problem is that you’re trying to “win.” They aren’t saying no one has it hard, they’re saying that their experience is unique and that uniqueness is because they are Persian. What your mom did was wrong, but you live in a country where, for as many assholes there are, there are just as many people who are open minded and love you for who you are. Iran is theocracy; Reza would actually be killed in a state sanctioned stoning were he to live openly gay. The president of Iran once said, “there are no gay people in my country.” HUH?! That is not and will never be true for America.

    Reza’s story was about how fortunate he was to have a mother who accepted him given his culture, not about much harder it was for him to be gay than everyone else. I think you ought to respect that.

  24. 24
    MissSarcasmic
    Posted March 17, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    So I just finished watching & this is on par with the hot mess that was Lifetime’s Russian dolls (and not the good kind of hot mess) but with bravo level production.

    I was underwhelmed to say the least, but I’ll probably watch it again because lord knows I’m not watching those orange county clown hookers.

  25. 25
    themiki
    Posted March 18, 2012 at 12:50 am

    I appreciate your point, but I refuse to respect anyone on Bravo.

  26. 26
    Buffy
    Posted March 18, 2012 at 2:50 am

    @themiki


    themiki:

    I appreciate your point, but I refuse to respect anyone on Bravo.

    HAHAHA

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