Shahs of Sunset: I Want What GG is Smoking

Shahs of Sunset

By plockness monster | Wednesday, December 26, 2012 | 3:53 pm | 25 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Shahs of Sunset

Congrats, Gasmii!  You made it through this.

Everyone can take a deep breath now. The holidays are over! I apologize for the lateness of the recap. Not only was yesterday Christmas, it was my birthday. I partied GG style, minus all of the anger. I am generally a happy person. I am excited about this episode! Was anyone else super creeped out by Jermaine Jackson Jr.’s voice? Why does he talk like a smooth jazz deejay all this time?

We pick up right where we left off at the end of last week’s episode. MJ and Reza are yelling at each other in the office while Mike stands awkwardly in the background. Reza and Mike leave for a business lunch. On the way, Reza tells Mike that it was crazy for MJ to act that way in their place of employment. You know what, Reza? All of this could have been avoided if you talked to her at one of the fifty other places y’all see each other on a weekly basis. Mike reveals his true plan! He set up the meeting because he did not think MJ would be in the office. I do not understand why Mike is not more upset with Reza. He walked into that shit storm because of him. Anyone, thoughts? Reza brings up the things that GG said about him. He is obviously hurt because he does not repeat any on the actual insults, and we know Reza looooves to hear himself talk. He says that he is done with MJ. Reviewing Reza’a track record, MJ will probably realize this in 2014.

“My mustache and I are done with MJ!!”

 Persian Cher’s sister (Thanks DagnyTaggert!), Yassamin, has been staying with her on and off for a few months. Everyone thinks they are twins, but when they find out the ladies are sisters; they always think Persian Cher is older. It is probably because PC has had so much plastic surgery. Also, Yassamin is much hotter. They take our beloved Coconut on a walk, and I am annoyed because they are in full hair and make-up. I ALMOST feel bad for making fun of Asa’s work-out look last week. Almost. PC mentions to Yassa that Tehran, MJ’s cousin, has invited her to a small get together. She asks her sister to join her because MJ and Omid will be there. PC needs someone to protect her from Omid going Ric Flare on her ass. Her sister accepts because she does not want her to go alone. Does Yassamin always sound like she just got done smoking the fattest blunt on Earth? What is up with people’s voices this episode?

“I’m so stoned right now.  What are you yammering abo…OH, COOKIES!”

GG is getting some snacks together because Mike is on his way to pay her a visit. She has not seen him since her blow up at Omid’s house, and she is nervous. Instead of popping a Xanax like most people, GG indulges in an entire bottle of red wine. I am just assuming she drank the whole bottle because we are taking about GG here. Mike arrives with a blow-up punching bag. Lol. He tells us, in a voice over, that GG is nuts, but not a lost cause. Mike, ever the father figure. They sit, and Mike tries to start the conversation by comparing GG to her dog. She’s all, what is with the rude remarks? She brings up the fact that he has known her for years, before she even calmed down. He agrees, but tells her she took it too far by putting her hands on Asa at the pool party. GG plays the victim and tells him that sometimes she just loses control of herself. ALL she wanted was for Asa to look her in the eyes and say that they could be friends. She tells Mike that she kept trying to grab Asa’s hand, but Asa kept throwing her hand away “like it was garbage.” She then proceeds to go completely delusional as she tells Mike Asa hit her twice and told her to shut up. Mike points out that GG’s story has continually changed and now she is saying Asa hit her. Holy shit. Is this really happening? GG says she never said that! Never! She said she hit Asa. Asa never hit her. Asa just threw her hand away. Mike asks again, why did GG hit Asa? GG calmly looks at Mike and states, “I never hit her. Who says I hit her?” This recapper is at a loss for words. What conversation is GG having? Does she even realize Mike is real person and in her apartment? Mike is confused, to say the least, and he looks kind of scared. GG now claims she did not hit Asa, but Asa did throw her hand away twice. Flashback to GG removing her earrings and attacking Asa first. I love the editors of this show. Mike tells GG that she is going to end up with no friends because no one wants to hang around her anymore. GG cries the most fake tears ever, and tells Mike that she does not want to be a bad person. She put Bad GG away fifteen years ago. Mike hilariously asks her if they are currently on the same planet. GG gets up and walks out of her own apartment. She has reached an entirely new level of crazy.

It only took 30 minutes for GG to conjure up these tears.

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I am here for your amusement. 

25 Comments

  1. 1
    DagnyTaggart
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Thanks for the shout-out, Plockness, and Happy Birthday! Good to know that having the patience to recap this trainwreck isn’t the only thing you have in common with Jesus.

    PC’s sister does look so much better than she does. How does any woman think it’s a good look to strap two hardened water balloons to a size 0 frame? Her chest gives me the weird urge to pop some bubble wrap.

    Mike’s family is funny. You know that dentist brother changed into his scrubs for the TV shoot. His mom, with those four words – You’re not a hustler – pretty much cut straight to and demolished Mike’s entire vision of himself. He did seem to be trying to be a good friend with his Shitbox-Crazy Intervention with GG. She’s coming up against the tough realization that ‘pretty’ only gets one so far in life with nothing to back it up. Love her idea of entertaining though – for a girl who claims to have such familiarity with knives, those were some Helen Keller cheese-slicing skills.

    MJ was defeated by IKEA. It can’t be reality that she would then vacuum up the pieces to the desk. No one is that dumb, right? She needs to put down the Ramona Grigio and realize that if a dress changes the way you breathe, it is likely too tight.

    Asa is an invention of her own creation. Nothing about that chick is real – I’d sooner believe that the Keebler elves have a pot of gold coins than believe she does. Her surprise relationship with the Jackson spawn seems highly dubious – he did not act toward her like a boyfriend. He acted like a guy who enjoys eating some Persian rice (who could resist that crispy, buttery crust?) but is not trying to admit to her in public. And what was with the Umpire Bustier she was wearing at that shitshow of a party thrown by MJ’s not-cousin? She goes from dressing like Mrs. Roper to Forever 21 in a blink.

    Reza. I scorn you. They should make a series of YouTube videos for young gay teens starring Reza titled, “Well, Sometimes It Gets Worse.” He’s disgusting. Who gives a toast selectively picking people out of a group and labeling them their favorites?? And who does he think he is calling the guys in the club “Hoes” over and over? It’s like watching one of Sadaam Hussein’s former body doubles do a Young Weezy imitation – doesn’t work. That one guy at the club looked so torn between wanting to be on TV and wanting Reza to stop touching him – had the same look in his eyes as Coco in Fame when asked to take her top off at that audition. And why oh why do the cameramen keep filing him with his shirt off?? He is built like something you’d climb into to survive a trip down Niagra Falls.

  2. 2
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Happy birthday plockness!!! That scene between GG and Mike was the best Tv drunk conversation I’ve EVER seen!!!

  3. 3
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Happy Birthday Plock you Capricorn you! It was in the stars we’d comment in simpatico.

    Great job!

  4. 4
    NatPatBen
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    GG had me thinking I was crazy. Good thing Mike was echoing my facial expressions so I knew I wasn’t the only one hearing her delusion.

    I was disturbed by Asa & JJJr.

    Reza’s behavior is losing him fans.

    It was good to see Sammy! I’d forgotten about him but when he appeared, it was like seeing a long-lost acquaintance.

  5. 5
    2muchbravo
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    Yay! Happy Birthday Plockness and Baby Jesus!!

    Ok, back to reading the ‘cap. Just had to say that first.

  6. 6
    2muchbravo
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    I think Asa JJ Jr are Legit. I believe I saw a pic of them somewhere else. All the Jackson bros have soft breathy voices. It figures he’d inherit it too. Yeah, I keep thinking if she’s so broke why the F did she install a 4K toilet and bury all that dough in the yard. I would say got more money than sense but it seems she doesn’t have much of either.

    I kind of liked Reza last season but he’s just a bitchy little prick now. He knew Lily’s presence was annoy MJ. And, I was kind of disturbed by the casualness in the way he dismissed his relationship with Adam and called the men at the club ‘hoes.’ And then he went around fondling them and kissing a couple of them. I’m not a gay man, and maybe someone can shed some light, but is this typical behavior at gay bars? I think he just about said he’s not monogamous.

    MJ has been a raging cuntisaurus herself. For someone who’s so hurt by her mother’s words you’d think she’d be more watchful of what she said to other women. She’s almost as bad. And, she seriously needs a fashion makeover by Clinton and Stacy! Gurrrrrl….get some clothes that are age and size appropriate!

  7. 7
    MarianMoney
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 3:27 am

    Their parents were hoping this show would generate cash, and spouses for their pathetic offspring.

    Lucky us, the train wreck is now visible to all, for our viewing displeasure, and they are now all further scorned by the Persian community.

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 4:52 am

    Happy Birthday Plock!!! Let me read the recap now. So you’re almost like twins with Jesus.

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Happy New Year Plock – What a blinged out mess of a show this has become. Sammy is the voice of reason? As stated before Reza has risen to the tip of the gay, douche Persian spear. Get over yourself. You went from a fan favorite to fans hating you in a second.

    Supposedly Asa and JJJr have been a couple for over two years and are talking marriage. It has been said he wants nothing to do with the cameras and Bravo. Thankfully not everyone is an attention whore. She more than makes up for both of them.

    What was that whole bullying session on MJ at the restaurant? Good on Sammy for calling Reza out on his behavior.

    Omid was right PB does need a slap upside her head. I’ll get her diet pills. What a mean, bitchy childish thing to say. Maybe you need some help to be a happier person bitch.

  10. 10
    laurenb52
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I agree with the sentiments of most of the posters in that none of the characters on this show is very likeable. Reza jumped the shark for me in his disloyalty to a 20 year friendship. It’s one thing to call her out to her face in private but to try to publicly humiliate her is low.

    I’d like to add that I disagree with some of the comments that GG is pretty. She has a scrunched up face and always looks like she’s smelling something foul. I used to think her tough girl act was fake but now I see that she just might be legitimately disturbed

  11. 11
    Wills
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 11:09 am

    PB was right though, that dress on MJ was WAY too small. You could see the Spanx lines on her hips and waist. Time to get a new wardrobe, honey. Only you know the size on your tag, everyone else only sees that you look better!

  12. 12
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 11:27 am

    why oh why do I watch this show? (le sigh)

    Anyway, as a big girl, I can tell you that MJ is NOT doing herself any favors. One of my favorite “tricks” is actually wearing a size that fits! It’s amazing! no MJ seems like one of those girls who would be like, “I’m a size 6! I’m a size 6″ and then grease themselves into a slinky too tight sausage casing convinced the smaller size m ake sthem look good. When actually, a good fitting pair of size 12 slacks and a well tailored cute top would probably cut about 10 lbs. off her frame visually. For realz. I recently put on some “holiday poundage” and everyone thinks I’ve lost weight, but it’s because I just wear my fat pants. Fooled you!

    And Reza, I liked him so much last season! But he is downright EVIL this season. The way he is going after MJ, and embarrassing Adam on tv like that? And WHAT THE EFF was up with the armpit sniffing? Save that for your intimate moments, you d-bag! Ew.

  13. 13
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I think everyone thinks bandage dresses are for them. They aren’t. You have to have a very specific body type for those dresses to look good on your body.

    Not sure why she wouldn’t wear more flowy dresses which are very pretty, stylish and aren’t as unforgiving.

  14. 14
    Danielle22
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Why would MJ think it’s okay to insult PB at dinner the way she did and then be shocked that after her nasty remarks PB finally throws it back into her face?

    PB is no saint…but MJ’s behavior stalking her on the internet and comments about the dog pic etc were very immature.

    What a bunch of babies these so called adults are.

  15. 15
    Harleigh
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I wonder if Reza is going to change the tune of his blogs ( like Aviva of Real Housewives) once he realizes that everyone thinks he’s an azzhole now and no one fan wise is on hs side. Like most of you I thought he was funny and charming last season and now I just think he’s a dick.

  16. 16
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Happy Birthday @plockness monster ! And Thanks for sacrificing celebration time to make this recap for us. So we can get some joy out of these wasted spermpuddles.

    Mike deserves the vocabulary word of misogynist. That’s how come it’s OK for Reza to act ugly and holler in an office. But if MJ does it he’ll fuss at her. He ate up his scene with GG. You could tell he thought it made him look so good. He’s that pitiful. But even then his paternalistic condescending fuckwaffle attitude shone thru. Sorry for so many vocabulary words. But he deserves even more.

    Another reason for me to be in such a bad mood. I understood GG. She meant she didn’t successfully hit Asa. Because Asa grabbed her hands before she could. Which doesn’t matter on the regular side of things. Or even the ethical side. But I guess it’s a big distinction over on the batshit crazy side of Toodrunktospit Town. Which is where GG lives.

    MJ’s got a bad case of the arrested wounded bird development sickness. She needs to just stay in therapy and away from toxic people with cartoon moustaches.

    Reza’s got to be the most repulsive thing to be seen on tv since Jill Zarin made that poor little chihuahua dog lick out the inside of her nose.

    When Sammy that got kicked off of Shahs of Sunset for being too big of a scumbag is the unlikely voice of reason you know the situation’s extreme.

    @plockness monster I thought that twink looked conflicted too. But now his wrong choice is going to be on tv and the internet forever. Plus he got Reza cooties. I hope he’ll get some work but I doubt it. I guess some charity or something might send him a manscaping coupon.

    I’d always heard that young people need to stay the hell away from law school because it destroys more brain cells than a tube a day of airplane glue. But if anybody ever thought that was just an old wives tale, all they’ve got to do is look at Lily.

  17. 17
    Rosemary's Baby
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I am just not feeling this relationship between Asa and JJJr. It parallels that old saying about a man riding a moped–it’s really fun but you don’t want your friends seeing you do it.

  18. 18
    labowner
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    No way Reza could turn into such an ass in one season. That tells me they edited the shit out of him last year to make him seem like a good guy.

    I believe Asa is dropping the usual ever present “sugar” in front of daddy.

  19. 19
    Happadiva
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    Omg Reza is TOTALLY Jill Zarin! And don’t know if this has been mentioned before, but lily needs to calm the eff down with her extensions, they look ridiculous and probably account for a third of her body weight.

  20. 20
    Jason
    Posted December 28, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Looks like Reza and MJ are eating out of the same bag of Doritos and Crazy.

    And that’s why MJ calls you fat, Reza. Because you are.

  21. 21
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    All the people on the Real Hosewives of Teheran are cartoon characters to me. MJ’s dress, WOW, does she own a mirror?! Holy body dysmorphia! She’s like a petty-ass junior Persian version of her mother–like Carowhine Manzoid and Lapband. This show is TOO damn funny. The only one I like is the damn dog Coconut.

    I totally missed the Jackson connection. So was that JerMajesty? When did he change his name? I was dying when Asa was calling him “daddy” WTF? And old “Fisticuffs” falling on the ground with that lush MJ, the buffoonery of it all. Somebody get that twit a ginzu knife, when she cut the cheese into refrigerator-sized blocks…..words fail me. Better than the three stooges.

  22. 22
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    @eyediosmio Since MJ and her family have got some $ the best thing she could do for herself is get a boob reduction.

    Just that 1 thing and she’d lose probably close to 20 lbs and look like she’d lost 50.

    People’s eyes don’t think about it. But if you look at them she and Lily have both got boobs that are just way too big for their frame size. Plus Lily needs a sandwich bad. So she ends up looking like cartoon AnaMia Barbie. And MJ ends up looking way bigger than she really is.

    There’s stuff you probably just take for granted. But MJ was born with a styling impairment.

    Which means knowing when something fits and being able to learn what looks good’s as much of a 404 for her as learning how to ice skate is for Stephen Hawking.

  23. 23
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    OMG, this show . . . I wanted to give it a chance, and after reading the comments before the break, I thought I would watch this one.

    Maybe you all can fill me in, but based on this episode, MJ was awful. She was lying and lying about working, esp. when she told Reza she was working from home, then, she had no desk to work from. Can she not afford for Ikea to come build that desk . . . I was surprised she wasn’t too lazy to pick up the broken glass. Her dress was too tight, and I am bugged by people who are always more than an hour late . . .

    Reza too, is awful, and his behavior at the club is not the norm, in answer to someone’s ?, unless you’re a HO yourself!!! I would not like for someone to grab my arm and sniff my armpit, it’s just rude, unless that’s your thing too!!! Not many of these people seem to have any self-awareness, and are rather immature . . . Reza had a chance for me to be all sexy times about . . yes, yes, I have no taste . . .but he’s just too materialistic and shallow and self serving . . . and armpits ain’t my thing. If he ran a tongue in mine, it would burn with deodorant!!!

    Asa seems the only one slightly pleasant. Liked her matching fingernails in her talking heads. I didn’t notice the voice or care, but I wasn’t surprised her gig fell apart. Is she hoping to sustain herself with a music career . . .can that even be done!?

    GG, ugh, I thought she was pretty when I watched last season, but what a frickin’ brat!!!! She is a blight, and again, dead to me and ugly!!!! Could she be that drunk during that conversation? And the business meeting with her dad and sister, awful, awful!!!

    At least the PB, PC is self aware . . . I didn’t like her, so much, but she seemed the most ogether based on this episode. It was nice she could just roll-off the swipes from MJ. I know they are making a reality show, but at a party, it’s best to just say hello and nod . . . and work out your shit elsewhere.

    I still think GG may be one of the ugliest human beings from the inside out!!!

    Happy Belated B-day, Plocky!!!

  24. 24
    plockness monster plockness monster
    Posted January 2, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    Ahhh!!! Judd!!! So glad you’re here.

    MJ was awful this episode, but, in general she isn’t that bad.

    I hate to say it, but PC handled MJ like a champ.

  25. 25
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted January 3, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    Glad to be welcomed, Plocky, but I may have to just read and react . . . I don’t often see these unless they’re on repeat over the weekends.

    And in my post, I can not believe I can type ogether without the spell check taking over, I can’t even use e p i coz it’s changed to dpi every time . . . sigh . . .

    Anywhoo, saw a new one posted, I’ll settle my stomach and go check it out!

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