Congrats, Gasmii! You made it through this.
Everyone can take a deep breath now. The holidays are over! I apologize for the lateness of the recap. Not only was yesterday Christmas, it was my birthday. I partied GG style, minus all of the anger. I am generally a happy person. I am excited about this episode! Was anyone else super creeped out by Jermaine Jackson Jr.’s voice? Why does he talk like a smooth jazz deejay all this time?
We pick up right where we left off at the end of last week’s episode. MJ and Reza are yelling at each other in the office while Mike stands awkwardly in the background. Reza and Mike leave for a business lunch. On the way, Reza tells Mike that it was crazy for MJ to act that way in their place of employment. You know what, Reza? All of this could have been avoided if you talked to her at one of the fifty other places y’all see each other on a weekly basis. Mike reveals his true plan! He set up the meeting because he did not think MJ would be in the office. I do not understand why Mike is not more upset with Reza. He walked into that shit storm because of him. Anyone, thoughts? Reza brings up the things that GG said about him. He is obviously hurt because he does not repeat any on the actual insults, and we know Reza looooves to hear himself talk. He says that he is done with MJ. Reviewing Reza’a track record, MJ will probably realize this in 2014.
“My mustache and I are done with MJ!!”
Persian Cher’s sister (Thanks DagnyTaggert!), Yassamin, has been staying with her on and off for a few months. Everyone thinks they are twins, but when they find out the ladies are sisters; they always think Persian Cher is older. It is probably because PC has had so much plastic surgery. Also, Yassamin is much hotter. They take our beloved Coconut on a walk, and I am annoyed because they are in full hair and make-up. I ALMOST feel bad for making fun of Asa’s work-out look last week. Almost. PC mentions to Yassa that Tehran, MJ’s cousin, has invited her to a small get together. She asks her sister to join her because MJ and Omid will be there. PC needs someone to protect her from Omid going Ric Flare on her ass. Her sister accepts because she does not want her to go alone. Does Yassamin always sound like she just got done smoking the fattest blunt on Earth? What is up with people’s voices this episode?
“I’m so stoned right now. What are you yammering abo…OH, COOKIES!”
GG is getting some snacks together because Mike is on his way to pay her a visit. She has not seen him since her blow up at Omid’s house, and she is nervous. Instead of popping a Xanax like most people, GG indulges in an entire bottle of red wine. I am just assuming she drank the whole bottle because we are taking about GG here. Mike arrives with a blow-up punching bag. Lol. He tells us, in a voice over, that GG is nuts, but not a lost cause. Mike, ever the father figure. They sit, and Mike tries to start the conversation by comparing GG to her dog. She’s all, what is with the rude remarks? She brings up the fact that he has known her for years, before she even calmed down. He agrees, but tells her she took it too far by putting her hands on Asa at the pool party. GG plays the victim and tells him that sometimes she just loses control of herself. ALL she wanted was for Asa to look her in the eyes and say that they could be friends. She tells Mike that she kept trying to grab Asa’s hand, but Asa kept throwing her hand away “like it was garbage.” She then proceeds to go completely delusional as she tells Mike Asa hit her twice and told her to shut up. Mike points out that GG’s story has continually changed and now she is saying Asa hit her. Holy shit. Is this really happening? GG says she never said that! Never! She said she hit Asa. Asa never hit her. Asa just threw her hand away. Mike asks again, why did GG hit Asa? GG calmly looks at Mike and states, “I never hit her. Who says I hit her?” This recapper is at a loss for words. What conversation is GG having? Does she even realize Mike is real person and in her apartment? Mike is confused, to say the least, and he looks kind of scared. GG now claims she did not hit Asa, but Asa did throw her hand away twice. Flashback to GG removing her earrings and attacking Asa first. I love the editors of this show. Mike tells GG that she is going to end up with no friends because no one wants to hang around her anymore. GG cries the most fake tears ever, and tells Mike that she does not want to be a bad person. She put Bad GG away fifteen years ago. Mike hilariously asks her if they are currently on the same planet. GG gets up and walks out of her own apartment. She has reached an entirely new level of crazy.
It only took 30 minutes for GG to conjure up these tears.