First, my little Joons, I would like to apologize for the lack of good pictures in the last recap. Just for you, I buy the episodes off of iTunes, and for some reason, last week’s episode was not posted by Monday night. Have no fear though, this week’s episode was up Monday morning, and I bought that mother fucker faster than it would take Reza and MJ to eat a six foot party sub (Thanks for all of the fat jokes this week, Mike). Second, how freaking awesome was this episode?? It didn’t seem to last an eternity like the past two. Sadly, this is the second to last episode before the season finale, so let’s do it to it!
For some reason, this popped up in my “Shirtless Mike” search. You shall suffer with me, Gasmii.
…But does this pic of Mike’s ass make up for it? Don’t disown me!!!
We begin this week with Reza visiting Casa Asa. That dummy says she is poor, but her pool is looking mighty clean.
Liar, liar clean pool on fire. Work with me peeps, it rhymes.
Reza just wanted to stop by to give her a Citrine stone that he bought in Brazil. Of course, she can FEEL the great vibes of the stone. Please. He says he is giving it to her for luck with “Persian-Palooza,” the Persian music festival she has put together. She tells him that she will wear it somewhere on her person while she is performing. I think he really brought it to her to butter her up for his next request. They have been freezing GG out all summer. Reza thinks that it is time for everyone to get together, and for GG and Asa to make amends. Apparently, GG has taken to calling Reza frequently. Asa points out that the pool confrontation was about three months ago. She is over GG. Reza says that Sammy (get that camera time, Sammy Lamb!) has offered his home as a neutral ground for a no fighting, family dinner. Asa finally agrees, but only because Reza has asked her to. She adds that If GG acts like a fucktard, she’s out.
This Persian Pop Priestess doesn’t have time for GG’s nonsense.
Well, this is weird. Persian Cher and GG meet up for a little pamper and gossip session. There’s NO WAY the producers set this shit show up. PC tells us that she was worried about accepting GG’s (producer’s) invitation to hang out, but she is not the judgmental type, so she decided to give GG a chance. Hold up, PC. Please refer to the Cabo episodes where all you did was judge your friends for drinking. You, my dear, are an extremely judgmental person, and I think you should walk into oncoming traffic. The two ladies make small talk, but small talk to GG is discussing all of the plastic surgery she has had in her thirty one years. Or thirty. I couldn’t tell what she said when she told PC her age. We all knew GG had her nose done, yawn, but she also tells PC she has had her gums lightened. What in the name of sweet baby Jesus? PC compliments her on not looking “frozen,” then decided that GG isn’t as bad as everyone says. She asks her if she has talked to Asa, and GG gives her the same sob story that she has told everyone and their mama. I am glad this is the episode they all stop talking about it and finally decide to do something about the GG situation. Finally.
Asa walks up the stairs of Rusk Studios. She is there to meet up with Andy, and to record some music for Persian-palooza. According to the producers, he is a “Persian Pop Icon.” What qualifies someone to be an icon? Don’t people actually have to know who you are? Michael Jackson was a pop icon. Madonna is a pop icon. I guess because they added ”Persian” in front of “Pop Icon,” it makes it okay because Lord knows the average American has no clue who this Andy character is. Wow, Asa is really awful at singing. I just need to get that out of the way. Andy will perform with Asa at her music festival. She starts recording and it sounds like she just snorted, like, ten Xanax. Give it some personality. Give it SOMETHING. No, just quit. You are awful.
Nothing about Andy screams “Pop Icon,” except for the massive amounts of plastic surgery he’s had.
Reza meets GG at some random café to discuss the upcoming family dinner. What the hell is GG wearing? Is that her “I am really sweet and innocent” dress? More like grandma’s bedspread from 1972. GG tells Reza she knows that Asa and he have become close. Reza agrees, and also says that he would never raise a hand against a friend. GG says that she came at Asa because she made fun of Omid’s nose. GG had a big nose, before all of the plastic surgery, and it hurts her when people make fun of big noses. Reza tells her that he doesn’t really give a shit about what she went through in the past. She needs to nut up and act like an adult. Adults don’t try to beat up other adults during fun pool parties. GG is surprisingly calm. She asks Reza what she needs to do. He tells her that she needs to beg everyone to join her for a dinner, and they will try to convince Asa to join them too. I guess GG agrees to the plan. I love how Reza makes others think that his idea was really their idea. Sneaky bastard.
An outfit only a grandmother could love.
Time for some MJ/She-Devil bonding time. Devil points out that she didn’t get any time to hang out with her daughter the whole summer. In the middle of her thought, She-Devil stops to tell her daughter that her hair is too frizzy on the left side. Geez, poor MJ. She meekly replies, “Oh, okay,” then seeks Devil’s approval of her hair rearrangement. MJ tells her mom that she just experienced the most important summer of her life. I think She-Devil starts mocking her. I can’t be sure, but it’s She-Devil, so I don’t doubt it. MJ continues. She repeats a few things that her therapist, Dr. Michelle, told her. She asks Devil if she will join her for a therapy session. She-Devil basically tells her that the past is the past, and a SMART person would just move on. MJ is clearly upset. Devil gets her granny panties in a wad, and tells MJ that she is done with the conversation and done with their lunch. Poor MJ is left at the table, upset and crying, when the waiter brings out their food. She politely asks him to box it up. As the waiter is taking away the full plates, She-Devil returns and wants to know where the hell he is taking their food. You can tell even the waiter is annoyed with her, as he answers that MJ requested that the food be packed up to go. MJ tells her asshole mother that she loves her, and she would really like her to join one therapy session. Instead of just agreeing, She-Devil chides her daughter for crying and then agrees to see Dr. Michelle. Oh no. MJ tells us that she must make amends with her mother because her father has become ill. No wonder MJ was popping random pills in Cabo! I feel sorry for her right now. I love you, MJ!! Stay strong!
“Zee crying es for zee pussies.”
Persian Cher is actually at work. Ali’s friend (Ali = PC’s ex), Neama, stops by her office to check in. PC tells him that she is much happier designing swimsuits that look like lingerie, than working at a law firm. Neama immediately cuts to the chase and tells PC it is time to give up her silly hobby. According to him, designing anything other than legal arguments is beneath her. He says that Ali is embarrassed as well, and that is probably why they are not married. She reminds him that they aren’t in the old country, and things are different in the good ole U S of A. I think PC is trying to cry, but who can tell under all of that plastic surgery? Neama leaves her so she contemplate her life choices.
“Must…try…harder ….to make…tears.”
Its therapy day and MJ has She-Devil in tow. Dr. Michelle commends Devil on coming to the session. She gives each of the women a few minutes to answer the question she has written down for them. Dr. M tells She-Devil to share her answers first. What does she want for her daughter? Less shopping, better time management, and to find a husband. MJ is next and says she needs more love and acceptance, less judgment, and friendship from her mother. I feel like these are things that normal mothers should offer up without question. Dr. Michelle points out the She-Devil treats MJ like a teenager. Devil tries to blame Persian culture, but that doesn’t fly with the good doctor, as they are in America, not Iran. The only way to help her daughter is to treat her like an adult. Finally, a light bulb goes off, and Devil realizes that MJ is her ONLY child. She needs to make some changes or MJ will get fed up and She-Devil will be alone and lonely. Hopefully, SD will take the therapy session to heart, and not forget everything they talked about as soon as she leaves the office.
Every daughter dreams of her mother making a list like this just for her.
Now it is time for my favorite scene of this entire season. Mike, MJ, and Reza meet at the park for some exercise. Mike tells us that Reza used to be a trainer. What now?? He also says that he has been dying to get his hands on “these teletubbies.” HA! I know all of you Mike fans are loving his hotness right now. Even I can’t argue with how fine he is looking. As Reza and MJ workout, Mike hurls every fat insult he can think of. It’s glorious. In an interview, MJ breaks her bra strap. I can’t emphasis how much I love this part of the show. Ahh! Mike tells MJ to run faster, like she is running towards a slider. Where has Fun Mike been this whole season? When they finish their workout, Reza tells them that GG called him that morning. He tells them that they all need to get together and figure out how to fix their broken relationship with GG. MJ agrees. She is officially my favorite Shah this season. She is all about love and fun, and unlike Asa, she does more than talk about it.
MJ, don’t ever change.
It appears that we have a therapy theme this episode, as we see GG arrive at her therapist’s office. She tells us that she has been in therapy since she was twelve. Damn! She’s still that crazy?! I guess she hasn’t gone in a while because she tells her doctor about the pool party fight. He asks her to “shuttle” for a little bit. Basically, she splits her personality into two people; angry, fight-y GG and calm and collected GG. He tells her to first confront angry GG. She even moves places on the couch! I know this sounds kind of bizarre, but, when watching the episode, it actually makes sense. It appears to help GG see both sides of her personality. GG wonders why she can’t realize these things in the moment. The therapist tells her that she will get there; it will just take a while. She’s been in therapy for almost twenty years. How long will that take? Fuckin’ A!
Two GGs. It’s everyone’s worst nightmare.
Looks like all of Reza’s scheming and planning has come together because he is the first to arrive at Sammy’s house. He rehashes his conversation with GG. Sammy is glad that everyone is finally getting together. One by one, all of the Shahs arrive. Reza asks Mike why Omid has a problem with him. It seems as though he has been doing some major shit talking behind Mike’s back. Also, he may or may not have talked shit about Mike’s brother. Mike says that he has never said anything disrespectful about Omid. Gag, even Persian Cher was invited. Gag harder, what is Asa wearing? Like it should surprise me anymore. GG and Omid are the last to arrive. GG greets everyone except Asa. Omid does exactly what Mike said he would do. He greets him and immediately starts showering him with compliments. It’s so…feminine. Omid makes sure he comments on Mike’s svelte figure. Mike is cordial, and greets him in return. Mike notices Omid’s hair feather and tells him what we are all thinking, it looks like shit. This does not make Omid happy. Then, MJ takes the chance to bring up the shit talking that Omid has partaken in. Mike pipes up and tells him to come clean. Omid says that he heard that Mike was talking about him first. In Omid’s talking head, he actually admits that he did some major shit talking about Mike. Omid is convinced that Mike is jealous of his relationship with GG. Mike brings up GG’s name, and says that she should know that he wouldn’t talk bad about Omid. He actually says GG should “fucking know better,” which pisses off GG. Omid asks Mike to chill out. MJ tries to stick up for Mike, saying that Mike is just coming from an emotional place. Mike and Omid get into it further about who has known GG the longest. Is this really turning into a fight over GG? The conversation takes a turn for the worst when Mike gets up from the table to challenge Omid. PC hops up and grabs Mike’s arm, like that will actually do something. How is GG the voice of reason right now? She asks Mike why he stood up when they are just trying to have a normal conversation. Now, Omid feels the need to stand up from the table and act hard too. Soon, all of the Shahs, sans Asa and Reza, are standing around the table, trying to either hold back Mike or Omid. Omid tells GG that he will “stab a mother fucker.” Ohhhh, here is the GG we know so well. She tells Omid that SHE is the only person that will be stabbing someone tonight, thankyouverymuch. Finally, GG gets Omid to leave the house. While those two are outside, each of the Shahs takes a moment to share their disbelief in what just happened. Reza is scared for everyone’s safety. Persian Cher uses her go-to insult, calling GG and Omid trashy. MJ wonders what overcame Mike in the first place. Mike says he is sick of Omid talking shit about him and his brother. Reza goes outside and grabs GG. He really wants Asa and GG to come to an understanding so the group doesn’t have to break up. Asa says she is leaving and we get a “To Be Continued…” I am disappointed that no one was actually stabbed. These dummies are all talk.
This situation can only end badly.
“I would really like to keep my full set of knives.”
Next week: The conclusion to probably the thirtieth family dinner from hell. FYI: I am only including family dinners from season two. Persian Cher was publically humiliated five years ago. Mike’s parents are over Jessica. Asa’s awesome Mom is back. Persian-palooza maybe a wash, but I highly doubt it.
So, thoughts on this episode? Who else was happy that She-Devil appeared to have a breakthrough in therapy? Does anyone else feel awful for MJ? Why didn’t Omid follow through on his promise to stab Mike? Was Reza’s family dinner doomed before it even began? Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
Side note: While I was searching for pictures of a naked Mike, I came across an US Weekly article that said GG and Omid had already broken off their engagement. GG confirmed it. They had only been engaged for TWO MONTHS. I have a feeling that that was not the first time those two bozos were engaged, but that is just my theory.