They all have the same middle name. It’s “dysfuntional.”
Wow. To say this reunion (part I) was interesting is an understatement. I wonder how much time has elapsed since the season finale? Reza and MJ are fighting like two wet cats in a bag. Mike, strangely, continues to be the voice of reason. GG is still delusional. Lastly, it seems as though we aren’t the only fans that can’t stand Persian Cher. Grab a gallon of your favorite alcohol because it’s time for a Shah reunion!
Andy Cohen is our host for the night. I must admit, I have never watched a Real Housewives episode or the RH/Shah after show, so I am unfamiliar with Andy. After this, though, I have decided that I love him! He is straightforward and hilarious. Andy begins the night by asking the Shahs some viewer questions. Reza is up first. Has he ever rocked another style of moustache? Yup, he copied the Hulk’s style once, and he might shave it off completely, if there is a season three. Jesus, GG told HuffPo that she is “the Rosa Parks of reality television.” See? Delusional. Next! Why does Reza like to feel on MJ’s titty sacks so much? He says they are there, so why not? Also, he needs to give her a “hand” because she often wears unsupportive clothing. One viewer would like to know if the Shahs get to live rent and utility free in the states. They all laugh and make lame ass jokes about moving to THAT building. Mike, how can you be Persian and Jewish? Because that is his heritage. Fuck, who are the special need viewers that submitted these questions?! I would like to point that Persian Cher is wearing a formal dress. She looks like she is going to hop in a limo after the reunion, and attend a black tie affair. As usually, she takes it to the extreme.
Guess who applied her makeup and spray tan? Here’s a clue, the name rhymes with “Blursian Pear.”
For some reason, Andy decides to focus on Persian Cher first. Disgusting PC fact number one: she is so skinny, she must have her shoes narrowed. She had to tell someone that, or it would not have been brought up. WHY?? Andy asks PC about the AIDS/crotch juice comment. She admits that she was embarrassed that she even said that. She blames it on being human and saying dumb stuff. Next, why is PC’s voice so annoying and does she notice it? AHHAA! One viewer calls her the “Persian Fran Drescher.” PC says that sometimes her voice gets on her own nerves, but she would never change it. Why not? She has basically altered everything else about herself. Someone wants to know why she judges poor people and fat people. PC just doesn’t understand why everyone thinks she does this. She also never says that she doesn’t have a problem with fat people. We all know her definition of a fat person. If you don’t remember, review the Cabo episode, specifically the group conversation on the yacht. Then, go directly to the nearest trash can or toilet and gag up your last meal. Andy brings up her ex-boyfriend, Ali. PC says she stayed with him out of habit. Disgusting PC fact number two: although she is no longer with Ali, she still uses his Black Amex card. She says she gave him her v-card, so she’s keeping the damn card. Did she just basically call herself a prostitute? She had sex with him. He gave her a credit card. Sounds like a prostitute to me. PC takes this chance to bring up something that MJ may or may not have said about her. She heard that MJ was telling people that Ali supports her financially. That bitch pulls out her company’s January earnings statement! It’s 72k, in case you are wondering. PC then produces multiple bills of sale for her various cars. I am partly confused because she tells Andy that some of the cars are Ali’s. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of the point you are trying to prove, PC? Andy hilariously tells her that no one asked her to bring the documents, so she does seem like she is bragging. Thank you, Andy, for saying exactly what we are all screaming at our televisions. Thank God Persian Cher’s me time is over.
“Did I just poop my dress?”