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It’s time to talk about “Heyvoon Bazi,” or partying animal style. We see various clips of this from throughout the season. Man, these people are tacky. All of the Shahs agree that MJ is the hardest partier in the group. MJ tells us that partying hard isn’t part of Persian culture, but she is glad that she belongs to such a close group of friends that can joke about peens whenever they feel like it. Okay. Oh my, little Joons! Mike just revealed that he is posing for Playgirl Magazine. I will give you a moment to compose yourselves. He isn’t sure if he will be showing off all the goods, but I know that y’all have your fingers crossed for full on Mike dick. Another viewer question, has MJ ever thought about riding Mike’s magic stick? She tries to deny it, but all of the Shahs bust her out. That’s all lies! Apparently, MJ likes to get drunk and hands-y with our boy. Andy asks PC how she felt about the Cabo trip because she isn’t a partier. She actually admits that she sucked during the trip. She says that she isn’t going to become an alcoholic, like the rest of the Shahs, but she is going to learn to loosen up a bit.
Jamie, from Craptown U.S.A., wants to know if MJ is constantly medicated because she always seems fucked up. I have to disagree. I have said it before and I will say it again, I don’t think MJ has a pill problem. MJ points out that she never sneaks away to have a secret drink or to take a pill. Andy asks Asa why she brought up MJ’s pill “problem” in Cabo. Asa says that she should’ve never brought it up on the trip, but she does think that MJ has a major drinking problem. MJ gets defensive and calls Asa a liar. Asa takes it a step further and says that MJ is always sedated. Andy shifts the conversation to Mike. Does he think MJ has a pill problem? He says that MJ definitely has a drinking problem, but no pill problem. Meanwhile, Reza, who isn’t getting enough attention, yells that MJ is a lying liar and she is in denial. He says that he has brought up MJ’s problem multiple times, but to no avail. Andy asks what has happened between Reza and MJ since the finale. He points out that it seems they are back on bad terms again. Instead of trying to help his BEST FRIEND OF TWENTY YEARS, Reza says that he has turned his back on MJ because she won’t admit that she has a problem. I guess he didn’t think he looked like a grade-a asshole throughout the majority of season two? Well, I have news for you Reza, you did and you were. Andy straight up asks MJ if she is sedated 90% of the time. She admits to taking Ambien, but that is all. She also states the she has never denied that she drinks a lot. Asa tells us that MJ is usually picked up from her home and dropped off by a car service on the days when they have to shoot their talking heads. MJ defends herself and says production does this to ensure that she is on time. Oh, also, MJ brings a suitcase full of wine to her shoots. I am sick of Reza and Asa ganging up on MJ! Asa isn’t concerned for MJ’s well-being. I think she is more concerned about fueling Reza’s fire so he continues to be mad at her. That way, Asa can continue to worm her way into the empty bff hole in his heart. Mike, again, says that he believes MJ has a drinking problem, but he also says that he believes she drinks because of her problems with her mother. No truer statement has been made all night. GG butts in to say that it shouldn’t matter what pills MJ may or may not be taking. She takes multiple kinds of pills, and she can function just fine. That probably explains why she can’t remember conversations she had two seconds ago. Mike wants to know why she feels the need to brag about it. GG says she takes the pills in private. Well, it’s not private anymore, dummy. Asa tells us that she found MJ in the hotel hallway, hopped up on Ambien, and talking to some strange man. Asa says that this also happened in Vegas. All of the Shahs agree that the situation scared them. I can’t argue with that, but I still think Asa and Reza are the fucking worst.