Silicon Valley Start-ups Recap: Hipster Dufus Galore

Start Ups

By Jane and Blanche | Wednesday, November 7, 2012 | 7:00 am | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Start Ups

Heeeeelllllllooooooo, Gasmi!!! We know you missed us so we won’t make you tell us… unless you really, really want to. What we really, really want (try to get THAT song out of your head now)- we want to tell you what we thought of Bravo’s new show Start-ups. We know you’ve been holding your breath, so let’s dive right in.

 It’s the first episode so that means introduction time where each player gets to tell us who they are- did anyone else notice they were all naked at some point during their intro. Was this a conscience choice by the producers?  An artistic reference to a new show being born, perhaps? Or just Andy Cohen wanting them to show some skin. Really, Andy, the only thing we hate more than a hipster dufus is a naked hipster dufus. Put some clothes on, please.

Meet Ben. Or Harry Snotter. 

The intro on the show claims he is 31 but this pic from the website says 32. Which is it Bravo? Lies already? This is a show about computer nerds and no-one caught that and fixed it? We’re disillusioned already. 

The best day of his life was when he found out he had dyslexia. Ok, we saw that episode of The Cosby Show and Theo didn’t think it was so great, but whatever. Enough about him.

 

Hermione’s next. Auto-correct has named her Herman, and so it shall be.

Herman says that she and Ben were separated when she was 2- she lived with her mum and Ben lived with their dad. They didn’t meet again until they went to the same camp and had a crush on the same boy…wait…

 A BravoTV trick! 

(Yes, the Hayley Mills version, we can no longer support Lohan and her dirty deeds)

 

Freeloader and high priced hooker. 

Sarah is living at the Four Seasons, trading her services for free room and board; sounds like a hooker to us. Apparently each of her tweets is worth $10, 000…mmmmhmmmm, try writing a whole recap, byotch.

She’s ordering room service for her dog. We bet they just LOVE her at that hotel. We hate her already.

This is Kim in her toilet scrubbin clothes cuz that’s what the SV (yes, we just shortened the city’s name for them, they’ll thank us later) is all about; closing a million dollar deal one minute then scrubbin a toilet the next.

Kim isn’t endearing herself to anyone either- she slams her pregnant friend to the world then claims that being a NBA dancer is huge everywhere but the SV so she’s keeping it on the down low. News flash Kim: no one cares anywhere.

 

Dwight Schrute. Beets. Bears. Battlestar Galactica.

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

17 Comments

  1. 1
    SurrealGirl
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 7:18 am

    As much as I love Bravo shows, not every show is good. I’ve found Life After Top Chef boring as hell, and this show has already bored me. And it’s only the first episode! Bravo has aired it several times already, and I haven’t been able to watch it in one sitting. I can only tolerate it in pieces. I don’t know why I hate it so much, but I do. These kids seem really full of themselves, with everyone thinking they will be the next Google. I’m expecting that in subsequent episodes, these kids will back-stab each other, sleep with the enemy, spread rumors in cyber-space, and whatever else. Snooze.

  2. 2
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Kim’s speaking manners totally reminded me of Angela on Gallery Girls. Ugh! ITA SurrealGirl, just not getting into this and I also couldn’t get into Life After Top Chef. I’ll give it another watch next week before deleting completely from dvr. Most definitely will be back to read the recaps and comments though!

  3. 3
    SurrealGirl
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I think maybe I’ve become disheartened with Bravo shows as of late. RHONJ was really getting ridiculous. Andy Cohen’s SCHTICK was cute at first, but it’s a little played. I think next week is Million Dollar Decorators, and last season it was a total snooze. I’m noticing that these shows recycle people. Joe Francis was one of the clients on Million Dollar Secorators and last week he was recycled on RHOM.

  4. 4
    labowner
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Whoa – swinging the snark mace right out of the gate. Haven’t watched yet, but so looking forward to reading the recaps.

  5. 5
    jp
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Short hair blonde girl is way too dependent on her looks and I guess she knows how to get what she wants. She didnt look too good without makeup though, seems like the type that has to take forever to look good. But I guess good looking people are hard to come by in SV so she is the best they got.

    Those tetris pants were cool before she wore them to an interview. Sure SV is laid back but there are still first impressions. Her butt was barely covered by her shirt! Plus the sleeping under the table… I hope this was rigged or else thats just horrible!

    Anyway I don’t have very many channels and no dvr or On Demand so I will probably end up watching this show bc of my limited selection.

  6. 6
    Tecca
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    @surrealGirl your comments are exactly how I feel about both shows. life After OMG what a bunch of bore that was. Forced myself to DVR FF through 3 episodes. This new Start Ups I can’t even endure the entire first episode. big, big FAIL Bravo. Loved your Andy SCHTICK couldn’t agree more. Keep commenting love reading your comments.

  7. 7
    Holyterror
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I couldn’t stand even an introductory segment of Dwight. People like these become successful because no one will socialize with them: case in point, even after being separated their whole lives, Snotter and Herman had to live with each other.

    They’re all pretty much different aspects of everyone I hated at school.

  8. 8
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Sleeping under the table might be the key to success. Bill Hewlett, of the first SV startup, Hewlett-Packard, slept on an army cot in a shed with a dirt floor during their development stage. It worked out for him in the end.

  9. 9
    SurrealGirl
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Hermy sleeping under the table? That was George Costanza’s idea! Those pants were hideous. All these kids think they are hot shit. Wherever they came from, they may have been a big fish in a small pond. Now they are small fish in a big pond. Enter the piranhas, and let’s see who still stands. Ben has 42 companies? Talk about ADD! He must lose focus fast. It’s not impressing anyone. Kim scrubs toilets. Awe, poor baby. Go buy a self-cleaning toilet when you close your next deal. IF you can close a deal, that is. You can always shack up with Sarah at The Four Seasons. Then you can have the hotel staff scrub your toilet. Problem solved.

  10. 10
    noelster
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    so boring, its obvious the cast is playing to the camera, real entrepreneurs wouldn’t have time to film a reality show, they’re too busy coding. and i don’t think cohen had anything to do with this, he isn’t listed as a ep in the credits. only randi zuckerberg, who’s more full of herself than all these kids combined.

  11. 11
    labowner
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Cranky it was the shed in his parent’s yard. Big difference.

  12. 12
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    @labowner, it was a shed in the yard of a rental that Packard and his new wife occupied. I’m not sure why he couldn’t have a spare room in the main house. At any rate, I’ll bet there won’t be any Hewlett-Packards or even any Skinny Girls coming out of this group.

  13. 13
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    @labowner, now I see what you mean about the big difference. I just got around to seeing the episode and the sleeping is being done in the office of the VC where she is trying to get funding. I had thought that sleeping under the table was done to save time so more work could be done. So, it really is more like Seinfeld than HP. I think I’ve seen enough — I hate all these assholes.

  14. 14
    labowner
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Thanks for the laugh Cranky.

  15. 15
    labowner
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    There are no brains in that package Sarah. Called Silicon Valley and yet all I see is SF.

  16. 16
    Litley
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    This show was ridiculous. First of all, Silicon Valley is a good 30 miles south of SF! [Note: they left toga party (seemingly somewhere in SV), and were immediately in SF. Drunk drivers or huge cab fare!]

    Secondly, why does that British fool have his right-driver side car in SF? Is that even legal?

    Third, Hermy’s hair was coifed in scene one pre-VC pitch. Cut to pitch scene: looked like she slept in a dumpster. Obviously re-shot.

    Dammit Randi, what is this crap?

  17. 17
    KartofflMuter
    Posted November 9, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    These aren’t Silicon Valley Entrepreneurs. They are jokes.

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