The family unloads trees on the fake street in fake NYC as whimsical Christmas-y music plays on the soundtrack. Ah! 10 minutes in and we have our first Anne Heche moment as she grabs her keys from her apartment, which are located on a table along with black and white pictures of Anne with some guy. You think he’s her husband? You think he’s still alive? This is a Hallmark movie, so no. Dude is dead. She walks out onto the street, and Bridget says that the “museum lady” is coming. Christy tries to sell her a tree, but Anne wants no part of it. I guess they don’t need Christmas trees on the spaceship ride back to her home planet. Don’t aliens like Christmas too, Celestia?
At night, on the roof in what is totally not L.A., Danny sets up his camera to take pictures of the “NYC” skyline. Christy tells him to go to bed soon. More tinkly music as it’s now morning. Wow. Each shot in this movie is about 10 seconds long. I guess that makes sense since the target audience only has the attention span to read a greeting card. Danny sits and eats with his dad and sister. The guy who plays Danny could totally be the next Leo DiCaprio . . . ‘s assistant.
Now it’s morning again, and Bridget is wearing a pink coat and scarf. Danny skips out on the tree selling business to take pictures of “NYC.” God, more tinkly music? Is there none of this film that’s not set to vapid, manipulative background music? Danny ends up at some castle, where he talks to the caretaker, Bill. Danny walks into an art gallery. Anne Heche works there. It’s so not a museum so I don’t know why the Byrne family calls her the “museum lady.” Anne Heche talks to Danny, and it’s borderline flirting. He talks about the camera his mom gave him. You know, before she died. Around Christmas time.
He shows Anne his photos, and Anne pretends to like them. And now we’re back at the house. Danny is in hot water for skipping work with his dad. Another day (my god, I’m getting whiplash from all the short cuts) of Christmas tree selling. People buy Xmas trees. It’s really not fascinating. Anne walks down the street with coffee, goes to some store, and hands it to someone I believe is a friend of hers. Remember when Anne Heche was sort of a lesbian badass? My how times have changed. I guess it’s evening now because some woman asks Anne if she wants to go get drinks. Anne refuses, and goes back to her apartment to light a fire and think about Christmases and lesbians past.
Maybe I shouldn’t have burned all my Indigo Girls CDs.
It’s the next day and Danny’s back at the gallery, where creepy Anne Heche (Carol: “I think Anne Heche is a robot.” Me: “I think she’s actually an alien.”) tells Danny that “as an artist you should never doubt yourself.”
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