Silver Bells: Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg

Recaps

By Hypnotoad | Wednesday, December 26, 2012 | 10:00 am | 9 Comments
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Featured, Recaps

Santa, you smell like tinkle.

I’m a bit confused as to how to feel at this point, but luckily, the music is there to guide me into feelings of wistfulness for simpler times. Christy walks by a souvenir shop and shines a flashlight inside. There appears to be a postcard that looks almost exactly like a photo Danny took of the Brooklyn Bridge. Amazing! Because there is only one souvenir shop in “NYC” and only one picture ever taken of the Brooklyn Bridge! Plot contrivance, thy name is Hallmark.

Catherine’s best friend buys a tree from Christy and Officer Tough Voice offers to help her with it. Christy tells Officer Tough Voice that he came upon a souvenir shop with a pic of the Brooklyn Bridge – just like Danny’s. That’s really worth checking into by the NYPD. Officer Tough Voice says they’re doing everything they can. Uh huh. Tate Donovan pretends to act cold by rubbing his hands together, although he is visibly sweating from the 80-degree heat in L.A. Acting!

I guess it’s yet another night in “NYC.” Shouldn’t it be June by now? Whatever. At Catherine’s office, Boss Man asks about where the “Silver Bells” are. I guess they want the people of the city to guess where they are as part of the “Look Up” campaign. Boss Man leaves to go see The Nutcracker or something. Later, there’s a knock on the door. Catherine opens it with a security card and a key, and Danny enters. Wow, I can’t believe its Danny! I never would have expected him! Well, not if this were a real movie.

Catherine hands him a check for the “Silver Bells” photo. She wants to know where they are, but Danny won’t tell her. She praises him on his photos, which, to be fair, are amateur at best. You can tell Danny’s hit on hard times because the makeup crew has made him all pale, and his hair is disheveled.

Pic5

I’m going for the natural look. By not eating and not washing myself. And sleeping under a bridge.

Danny wants to use the office at night to study for his GED, and he asks Catherine to hook him up with his sister. It’s later (I guess) because Scroogey McBoss’s Son pulls up to the office in a car and sees the lights on in the office. Uh oh. Danny has fallen asleep studying for his GED. What – he doesn’t have enough time to sleep during his day job as a homeless person? The piano music becomes 1% more sinister as Danny hears Boss’s Son enter and scrambles to get away. But he left the computer on! Shit will go down later, I’m sure. Not good shit, but shit nonetheless.

And now it’s yet another morning, as Catherine walks down the street. It’s snowing totally not fake snow on the totally real city of New York. Catherine gives Christy some coffee. They introduce themselves for the first time, and Catherine mentions her husband. I guess he died 3 years ago. Almost to the day. Wow, I didn’t see that one coming. Except I did. Christy says he lost his wife to cancer 4 years ago. Everyone who’s already dead in a Hallmark movie has died of terminal illness. Catherine says that she and Best Friend are taking Best Friend’s daughter ice-skating. Does Bridget want to come? Hell yes! Danny is apparently sleeping in that castle I mentioned earlier, as the caretaker asks him to be careful about the windows or something. I’m beyond paying complete attention at this point.

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Hypnotoad
About

Hypnotoad is a 2009 graduate of the MFA Writing program at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. He was a staple of the Chicago Quickies reading series, has been published in various Art Institute publications, and served as an actor/playwright for the Curious Theatre Branch's Rhinoceros Festival. His works have been online at Fiction At Work and is included in their short story collection. A victim of the crappy economy, he is now living back in Kansas. With his parents. His days now consist of perusing Yahoo Hot Jobs, and sporadically posting horrible ideas on his blog. Good times.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    LNNC92
    Posted January 3, 2008 at 6:44 am

    I know I’m really late to commenting, but I thought this recap was really funny. I haven’t seen (and won’t watch) this movie, but your recap was enjoyable. I laughed out loud a couple of times and I totally rocked the My So Called Life flannel with my hair just like Angela’s with the exception of the color.

  2. 2
    kimbubbly
    Posted December 29, 2008 at 11:55 am

    Got the TVGasm alert e-mail and didn’t realize for about an hour WHY I was walking around the office singing “Silver bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an eee-ggggg”. When I finally figured it out, I figured that I had already invested enough time in this recap to actually read it, and I am OH-SO-GLAD that I did!!

    What a lovely post holiday guffaw I just had for myself…the day counting had me choking I was laughing so hard and when I got to the “intern poured a bottle of Aquafina over him” part I actually had to push away from my desk to regroup.

    Thank you for saving me from watching this!! I’m a sucker for Hallmark treacle, but this recap was SO much more fun!

  3. 3
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted December 29, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    This recap was hilarious! I hadn’t even heard of this special. But then again, I never watch the Hallmark Channel… Anyhoo, my comment is….If Danny was missing for over a YEAR, wouldn’t there have already been an APB out on him when he first disappeared?! Lame!!!!

  4. 4
    uglycutie
    Posted December 29, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    My stepson almost called 911 I was laughing soooo hard!!!

    I agree that the day-counting and Aquafina part were two of the funniest parts of this recap.

    And I can’t leave out “he could be the next Leonardo Dicaprio….s assistant” ahhhahaha!

  5. 5
    Robin Robinez
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    I Love seeing a sappy movie ripped apart with skilled hands. Thanks.

    Just for shits and grins, this is the version that I have heard my entire life..It never get’s old..heh..

    Jingle Bells
    Batman smells
    Robin laid an egg
    Batmobile lost it’s wheel
    And Joker got away

    :)

  6. 6
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted December 29, 2010 at 12:03 am

    Oh my dear sweet lord. I had no idea Flipit was going to repost this. But I’m glad he did! This is like, the B-Movie-est B-movie EVER. I mean, Anne Heche? She was culturally relevant for about 3 months in 1998. Sheesh. I hope y’all enjoy! Big ups to my roommate (at the time) Carol!

  7. 7
    LAC
    Posted December 29, 2010 at 6:32 am

    LOL! What a gift! Thank you for this so I NNNN-EVER have to watch it. Yep, I am a girl but not feeling these lame holiday movies.

    My favorite line from this recap? “Gee, I sure hope she learns to find the true meaning of Christmas by the time the movie is done!” That is the question I ask while watching these movies, usually loaded on wine. (Will she find the true meaning of Christmas…Easter…Mother’s Day…Halloween?)

  8. 8
    Pikey
    Posted December 30, 2010 at 5:32 am

    Loved the inclusion of the little girl in red from Schindlers List! It fit the movie, in a rather weird way…

  9. 9
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Your title is the best. What a barf-o-rama of Hallmark icky sweetness. Hope you washed that movie down with lots of booze-laced eggnog!

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