Silver Bells: Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg

Recaps

By Hypnotoad | Wednesday, December 26, 2012 | 10:00 am | 9 Comments
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Featured, Recaps

New York is clean when it’s in L.A.!

At Mrs. Quinn’s, Christy tells her that he saw Danny and about the cash box. Turns out, Bridget stole the cash box. She tells her dad that she wanted to give it to Danny so he could eat better. But I like to think she stole it so that she could take a bus to sunny Florida, where she’d never have to chop down Christmas trees or make corn on the cob and chicken for her dad. Ever again! She tells her dad that she saw Danny at the skating rink. They share a Hallmark moment.

Meanwhile, Danny has reached the castle, but he can’t get in through the window! So he climbs on top of the icy roof to get away from the cops and Boss’s Son. That sounds like a great plan, Danny. Of course, he slips and falls off over the edge, into the night, and one of the cops says, “Come on! There’s water on the other side!” Cops get thirsty, I guess. Meanwhile (again) at Mrs. Quinn’s, Mrs. Quinn is up making hot cocoa or something when she hears a knock on the door. Officer Tough Voice enters and tells Christy that Danny fell off the roof of Belvedere Castle. And into an icy pond about 40 feet below. And then he was hit by a bus. And then he was shot in the leg by a hunter. And then he was mauled by a tiger that escaped from the Bronx Zoo. Okay, so maybe not, but he did fall through the ice and no one knows if he got out or not.

Meanwhile (yet again), Catherine wakes up at her office. Where’s Danny? she wonders. Boss’s Son rushes in and brings in a camera that was stolen from the office (Danny had it with him, I guess, but Hallmark didn’t care enough to show us) and asks if Catherine knew about it. Most of the plot points are wrapped up in 15 seconds: Boss’s Son asks if Catherine knows the boy who took it. She says it was Danny and that the camera wasn’t really stolen. She also says that Danny took the picture of the mystery “Silver Bells” that everyone in “NYC” is wondering about (where are they? Who cares?).

Boss Man walks in right at this moment and is all, “Really?” Boss’s Son says Danny may be dead because he fell 40 feet off Belvedere Castle into a frozen pond, after which he got alcohol poisoning and was stabbed in a bar fight before partially eaten by wild boars. And then he choked on an egg salad sandwich. There’s a knock on the door, and they open it to find Danny. Okay, it looks like an intern poured a bottle of Aquafina on him backstage and said, “Yeah, that looks like he fell through a frozen pond, right?” Dude is almost bone dry.

At Mrs. Quinn’s, the phone rings. She and Christy freeze and stare at the phone. (Carol: “It’s a Hallmark movie, so every ringing phone requires a dramatic pause by everyone on camera.”) It’s Catherine, she tells Christy that Danny fell 40 feet off Belvedere Castle into a frozen pond before being attacked by a roving street gang and crashing his car into an oncoming train. So Christy and Catherine end up in the completely realistically empty NYC ER, where they fight about Danny and the secret Catherine kept from him. No, not the one about her lesbian past, silly! The one about Danny.

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Hypnotoad
About

Hypnotoad is a 2009 graduate of the MFA Writing program at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. He was a staple of the Chicago Quickies reading series, has been published in various Art Institute publications, and served as an actor/playwright for the Curious Theatre Branch's Rhinoceros Festival. His works have been online at Fiction At Work and is included in their short story collection. A victim of the crappy economy, he is now living back in Kansas. With his parents. His days now consist of perusing Yahoo Hot Jobs, and sporadically posting horrible ideas on his blog. Good times.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    LNNC92
    Posted January 3, 2008 at 6:44 am

    I know I’m really late to commenting, but I thought this recap was really funny. I haven’t seen (and won’t watch) this movie, but your recap was enjoyable. I laughed out loud a couple of times and I totally rocked the My So Called Life flannel with my hair just like Angela’s with the exception of the color.

  2. 2
    kimbubbly
    Posted December 29, 2008 at 11:55 am

    Got the TVGasm alert e-mail and didn’t realize for about an hour WHY I was walking around the office singing “Silver bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an eee-ggggg”. When I finally figured it out, I figured that I had already invested enough time in this recap to actually read it, and I am OH-SO-GLAD that I did!!

    What a lovely post holiday guffaw I just had for myself…the day counting had me choking I was laughing so hard and when I got to the “intern poured a bottle of Aquafina over him” part I actually had to push away from my desk to regroup.

    Thank you for saving me from watching this!! I’m a sucker for Hallmark treacle, but this recap was SO much more fun!

  3. 3
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted December 29, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    This recap was hilarious! I hadn’t even heard of this special. But then again, I never watch the Hallmark Channel… Anyhoo, my comment is….If Danny was missing for over a YEAR, wouldn’t there have already been an APB out on him when he first disappeared?! Lame!!!!

  4. 4
    uglycutie
    Posted December 29, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    My stepson almost called 911 I was laughing soooo hard!!!

    I agree that the day-counting and Aquafina part were two of the funniest parts of this recap.

    And I can’t leave out “he could be the next Leonardo Dicaprio….s assistant” ahhhahaha!

  5. 5
    Robin Robinez
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    I Love seeing a sappy movie ripped apart with skilled hands. Thanks.

    Just for shits and grins, this is the version that I have heard my entire life..It never get’s old..heh..

    Jingle Bells
    Batman smells
    Robin laid an egg
    Batmobile lost it’s wheel
    And Joker got away

    :)

  6. 6
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted December 29, 2010 at 12:03 am

    Oh my dear sweet lord. I had no idea Flipit was going to repost this. But I’m glad he did! This is like, the B-Movie-est B-movie EVER. I mean, Anne Heche? She was culturally relevant for about 3 months in 1998. Sheesh. I hope y’all enjoy! Big ups to my roommate (at the time) Carol!

  7. 7
    LAC
    Posted December 29, 2010 at 6:32 am

    LOL! What a gift! Thank you for this so I NNNN-EVER have to watch it. Yep, I am a girl but not feeling these lame holiday movies.

    My favorite line from this recap? “Gee, I sure hope she learns to find the true meaning of Christmas by the time the movie is done!” That is the question I ask while watching these movies, usually loaded on wine. (Will she find the true meaning of Christmas…Easter…Mother’s Day…Halloween?)

  8. 8
    Pikey
    Posted December 30, 2010 at 5:32 am

    Loved the inclusion of the little girl in red from Schindlers List! It fit the movie, in a rather weird way…

  9. 9
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Your title is the best. What a barf-o-rama of Hallmark icky sweetness. Hope you washed that movie down with lots of booze-laced eggnog!

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