Meanwhile at Casa Lana, Lana and her sister Natalya are getting ready for the AFAN party with Natalya getting body paint applied to her to look like a zebra. I’m pretty sure she would have made a better camel because their humps are spread far apart much like her humps. Lana tells her sister that she is hungry for lizard meat. I know people from other countries eat weird shit but Lana is actually referring to Alicia, who she believes looks like a lizard. Leaving for the party, Lana wears bird feathers which is pretty brilliant considering that birds do eat lizards for breakfast and I feel like Alicia is on her menu. Lori’s group arrives at the party and she explains that anything can happen at this event. Amy shows up on her own and is doing everything she can to not bust her ass from walking in uncomfortable heels. Women if you can’t walk without wobbling then you need either a kitten heel or a bigger size. No one is looking at the size but they are looking at you doing the wobble wobble…and laughing…and praying that you fall.
Lana walks into the event with 6 little people, a bunch of body guards and a few other friends. She explains that she always arrives with a Lanatourage while Alicia interviews that it was a little disrespectful to have little people with her. I guess Alicia has never seen the Willy Wonka films or The Wizard of Oz. At least Lana’s little people get to wear actual clothing and not orange body paint and MC Hammer pants, now that is disrespectful. Amy comments that it isn’t impressive to have be surrounded by people and that it shows more when you come alone, like she did. Lana explains that she collects strange and interesting people and then sits down in her own private tent discussing refund gaps and area codes. Alicia is chatting up Ace Young and then explains that she’s slept with Nigel Lythgoe (gross), Criss Angel (gross), Chris Botti and David Foster….wait. wait. When was this and did she get passed around between them because my fellow RHOBH fans will know that they are good friends. Lori is presented on stage because her company donated the Step and Repeat and then Lana is presented because she donated a huge bedazzled check for $10,000. Lana gives a little speech about respecting the work that AFAN does and then calls herself God. If she were really God then she wouldn’t have to beg for information on Alicia, she would already know everything. Omniscient, Just Saying.
Amy, Lori and Lana are on the top deck overlooking the party when Lana decides to use Amy’s roots in Las Vegas to find out dirt on Alicia. Amy indulges Lana by saying she heard that Alicia is married but separated from her husband because she messes around with other men and that she has slept with married men. Lana doesn’t approve of this because she’s been married for years and she doesn’t appreciate someone that specifically targets married men. The best part of this whole exchange is that for some reason Alicia sneaks up to the side of them and just listens as they talk shit about her. She doesn’t even interrupt them and Lana doesn’t interrupt Amy to let her know that Alicia can hear her. Later, the ladies are all sitting around on a couch talking when Lana invites them to a shooting picnic in the desert. Alicia tries to get Lana’s attention but Lana wants nothing to do with her and if looks could kill, Alicia would be buried in the desert.