Sister Wives Episode 5 Recap

OMG, MUSTANG DAYS, aren’t you EXCITED? Me neither.

Happy Mustang Days, Gasmii! In the fifth episode of Sister Wives, we learned two things will bring your Sister Wives together. One is babies. The second? A common adversary!

People in Lovell are seriously against our lifestyle. Hear that, wives? Best behavior time.

I know I said I would get this recap up by Wednesday, and it’s now Friday. I need to get some Sister Wives in my life to help me out – I have been crazybusy with work, travel, cleaning, feeding myself, and prepping for an out-of-town visitor. Thanks to those of you who have been commented on the Minicap for this episode, I have some extra insights on this episode for this recap. It’s like you ARE my Sister Wives, and TVGasm is our Kody.

Robin is super pregnant, y’all! This episode picks right up where the last one left off at Robin’s house, the family learns it’s a boy.She has selected a name that has a lot of historical meaning to her family but isn’t going to tell anyone yet. There’s no secrets in this family, skinny, so you’re going to have to come out with it soon.

Kody asks everyone what they want to name the baby. When he’s asked, he jokes that the baby will be called Baby Boy Brown #17. A child I don’t recognize wants to name the baby Cleveland, while the other kids probably want to name it “for sale.” Kody notes that half of his kids are named after cities; he also thinks it’s hilarious that Little Boy Brown #? wants the baby to be named Cleveland. Robin is like, “Isn’t that a person?” Kody tells her it’s a sports team. Robin, have you ever been outside???

“Cleveland Brown, he was like the president, right?”

“HAHAHAHA My lack of knowledge is HILARIOUS!“

More names are thrown out. How about Derek? Other Boy Brown #? says they should name the baby Simon spelled with a C. This kid is either my hero or will grow up to be pretentious and creative and thus not a friend of Baldy.

The C is for “Can’t” as in “I CAN’T BELIEVE we’re adding another kid to this family.”

When Robin is asked what she wants to name the baby, she says, “we’ll see.” Then again, she is a mumbler so maybe she wants to name him Willseah

Lamaze / Birthing class time! All the other couples are there for their first baby, and Robin feels like a senior who had to come back to school to re-take a class. Birthing class for your FOURTH kid? Are you kidding me? You don’t know how to do this yet? And Kody, COME ON! You’ve done this a kazillion times. This brings us to Brilliant Gasmii (Bre) Observation #1: Robin is totally taking this class to have alone time with Kody. I second that!

I wonder how the other wives feel about this – Kody went on an 11 day honeymoon with Robin when they got squat for their honeymoons, and now she gets birthing class? I bet Janelle and Christine are thinking “bitch, I will throw together a powerpoint presentation and lend you a book if you want to learn how to have a baby. Quit monopolizing Kody!”

Robin says it was awkward telling the class how many kids they have. Clearly she learned nothing from the ultrasound experience. Nobody wants to talk about the small village you two are helping create. Apparently she’s also just learning that soda and water aren’t the same. For serious – a friend of mine who is pregnant found out that drinking non-decaffeinated soda decreased the amount of amniotic fluid in her baby sac thingy – Robin better get busy. Also, I can never get pregnant

This is my turtleneck and tank tops

The birthing coach asks the class why they would want to discuss relationships during a birthing class, and the music gets dramatic. Since Robin has done this three times before (and thus does not need to be there but whatevs), she steps up to school all the first time mommies – you best get along or it does not go well. Robin’s first husband was no Kody, so sister was doing it for herself. Now that she has Kody, she doesn’t even need to walk on her own anymore!

When there were only 20 sets of Footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you.

(Sidenote – what kind of douche was Robin married to before that he didn’t help her with her pregnancy and labor???) Robin is having a hard time letting Kody help her because of this experience. Maybe that is why they are doing the class. She’s probably always saying. “I’ve got this, Kody – I don’t need your help!” HAHAHAHA as if.

The birthing coach has had polygamist clients before, but never ones as outgoing and open as Robin and Kody. I can’t really focus on her words because I am hypnotized by her “highlights” that look like two pieces of hay coming out of her head.

Seriously, what is happening to the highlight on the left?

The other birthing coach thinks it is great that the Brown family is living their truth. I think Naomi and and the midwife are living their own truth as wives. You go girls!

TLC, the Lesbian Birthing Coach show can air directly following The Theo Show. You’re welcome. Love, LB

It’s time for Mustang days back in Kody’s hometown! He’s going to see old friends for the first time in 20 years. He’s never been openly polygamist in front of his friends from back in the day but now that they are out about their lives, it’s time to bring everyone home and announce “THIS IS ME! TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!”

I’m immature, I’m all about me, and gosh darnit, people like me!

The teens are thrilled to be getting out of Vegas, and it looks like the rest of the family is feeling the same way. Things have been pretty stressful and tense in Vegas, so it’s time to go. That’s such a strange sentiment to me because Vegas is where I go when things have been stressful and tense. To each their own, I guess.

This is my “Ranch in Wyoming” getaway

Road trip! Kody tells us about his falling out with his BFF, Ken. Ken was pissed when Kody left the church and they cut ties. They didn’t talk for 10 years, started doing business 8 years ago, and now it’s time to deal with it. Also, the producers probably recognize that the wifey drama is tired, so it’s time to bring on the drama from others instead.

Nothing builds friendship like org charts

We are reminded that Mormons are not down with the Poly life. Lovell, WY is super-Mormon and everyone is up in each other’s biz. Yeah, this is going to go over AWESOME. Kody was the perfect Mormon kid while he was growing up. While he was on his Mission, Mom and Dad switched to the fundamentalist church. Can you imagine? You study abroad for a year, come home and Dad’s got multiple wives? I came home from camp once and Father Baldy had a mini mullet and cowboy boots and it was like the whole world turned upside down. My mom banned him from trips to Texas after that.

Kody naively thought that his friends would stay his friends after he joined the Fundie church. He still wanted to be friends but his friends were like “whatever crazy cult freak”. I can understand that. Again, COWBOY BOOTS. We’re San Franciscans, for fucks’ sake! It was a hard time for me.

No time to worry about how it will go because it’s time for a day boating with Ken and his family. Christine does the boating dance.

Also the “My Night with Kody” and “Robin is Gone” dance

Kody’s bestie Ken makes a point to introduce his WIFE (emphasis on the singular) and kids. Between the two families, that’s a lot of people. Did they hold a raffle for the kids to pick who gets to go? I hope they have more boats.

Kody notes that Ken is still uncomfortable around him. There’s a thunderstorm and hail on the horizon, and it feels like foreshadowing. IT IS! Kody seems positive that things are going to be okay, while Ken makes passive aggressive comments about Kody left and right. Are they sure they were ever friends? Ken thinks that Kody is going to Hell and he doesn’t want Kody’s sinner cooties.

Someone gets these men some poster board and markers so they can smooth things over with more org charts

Kody drives the food over and apparently did not get the memo that he was supposed to help Ken with the boats, and Ken bitches about it. Ken has been on this show for two seconds and I can’t stand him. On the other hand, Ken describes Kody as an egomaniac who doesn’t like to work, so it’s not like I don’t agree with everything he’s saying.

Of COURSE Kody would go public. He’s something I can’t say, but it in Pig Latin is attention-hay ore-whay.

Janelle is scared of ground to cloud lightening and thinks they should 86 the boating plan for safety reasons. This makes her the…

SMARTEST PERSON ON THE SHOW

Ken has two brothers that Kody apparently has not met – SOME BEST FRIENDS! Maybe they are younger. Christine is doing the best to get along with the mono wives while Ken is still an ass. He lets Kody know that two of his sisters-in-law are cousins, and Kody makes a remark about keeping it in the family, which Ken immediately throws in his face.

That’s my wife. My ONE wife. The woman to her left is not ALSO my wife. You know, in case that was not clear.

Monowives have a lot of questions for the wives but they are not mean-spirited about them. Janelle sells the freedom, while Christine says she doesn’t understand what other women don’t understand. She has a point – she has six extra hands and doesn’t have to deal with her husband all the time. Sounds good on the surface. The monowives are trying to be tolerant and understanding. Ken could learn a lot from these women if he wasn’t so busy boating and being close-minded.

Ken is going to be PISSED

Kody tries to explain that he has a monogamous relationship with each wife. That makes no sense!

Kody’s polygamist unicycle

Ken takes Kody out on the boat to “tear it up” in the boat. Reality: Confrontation on the water. Ken tells Kody that he was shocked and disappointed when Kody left the LDS church for the Fundamentalist church. Kody tries to explain that he felt the call, and who is he to ignore the call?

It’s not just about Kody’s soul – Ken and the rest of the town was nervous that there was some active crosslighting going on via Kody’s mom- aka telling others that plural was the way to go. Kody defends his parents enthusiasm for their new faith as natural. It’s true, and it’s also the most annoying time in the lives of the friends and family of anyone who finds a new church, AA, Yoga, or a new kind of diet.

Ken says the LDS church gets a bad rap to plural thanks to peeps like Kody and their TV show. Ken has to deal with all the Mormon prejudice all the time and he gets frustrated with Kody and folks who set them back. Thanks to Ken, we arrive at Brilliant Gasmii Observation #2 (Again, thanks Bre!) People have a LOT of problems with the LDS church that have nothing to do with polygamy.

For the record, I spend 16 years of my life in Arizona and loved my Mormon friends and their families – and they were actually some of the most tolerant people I’ve ever met, which is why I loved them to bits. They would have been gracious and kind to the Brown family regardless of their own beliefs. Point is this: Ken, you are doing PLENTY to make Mormons look bad by being such a DICK on National TV. Lay off of Kody.

On the other hand, Ken, I feel you:

Dear Celebutants: YOU ARE RUINING IT FOR ALL OF US. Love, Women

Ken says he has never talked spiritual shop with Kody because he doesn’t want to get into a doctrine debate, for which I am grateful. The problem is that their faith is the center of their lives and so it’s not easy to set aside.

As the day draws to a close, Ken tells Kody that he has organized an intervention confrontation mini-reunion. It happened really fast, so I’m not sure, but I think we were treated to a shot of a goat taking a dump – more foreshadowing!

This is Kody’s first mustang days openly poly – before, they would go but pretend not to be together. AWKWARD! Is Mustang Days exciting enough to go through the charade of pretending you don’t know 2 of the only 2000 people in Lovell? Also, Robin learned a new word – Salacious! It would be SALACIOUS for Kody to be all over them in public. It’s not about sex, people! What is it about? I don’t know, Ken and Kody refused to talk doctrine and I’m too lazy to Google it.

Kody’s mom says people have made comments to her about the show, but the comments are mostly negative. Janelle (wife Janelle, not Mom Janelle) hates being center of attention so coming out has been hard. Christine is not getting her hopes up about people’s reaction in town. If I were her, I would have brought a poncho in the event of rotten tomato / poop throwing.

MUSTANG DAYS!!! The Browns set up on the town corner for the parade; old ladies and townspeople stare, but to be fair, it’s not just about the fact that they are polygamist. You know there are a fuckload of cameras and equipment and a film crew around. People stare at that shit no matter who is being filmed.

Are we on the TEE-VEE?

The camera crew interviews various residents to get their two cents. This guy is puzzled and concerned about the sexual logistics.

Bob, honey – stick to the BBQ and leave sex logistics to people who can handle it.

When it comes to non-traditional relationships, why do people always dwell on the sexual aspect? I get so tired of hearing people bitch about how gay sex is unnatural, as if that was the only aspect of gay relationships.

Meanwhile, this old guy doesn’t give two shits about what they do, which makes him the smartest person in Lovell:

I don’t care what they do. Now make yourself useful and go get me a churro and a beer. Also, I can’t see the parade thru your ass. BEAT IT.

Kody tells us that he had stirrings he would be a polygamist when he was young. Meri grew up in a polygamist family, so she was actually the driving force behind Kody taking more wives. Apparently Kody’s sister introduced them, and I bet she regrets that! Meanwhile, Robin thanks Meri for bringing Kody into the Plural fold. Robin, you ASS KISSER!

The family heads on down to the Hyart theater for his reunion-vention! His peers have pigeonholed him as an evildoer because of his faith, so they’re nervous. Christine was excited to meet Kody’s old girlfriends. Of course you are, Christine. OF COURSE YOU ARE. Robin should be excited about this too; it will give Christine someone else to focus her laser of jealous on.

Kody says he remembers the good times at the theater with all his friends, and Ken makes more rude comments. Janae, a friend from high school, tells us that Kody painted her headlights black. Robin says he liked her, she says she just thought he was that dorky boy who always had to be the center of attention. DING DING DING DING!!! You are a WINNAH!

One of the ladies reminds me of Clementine of Reno-911. We’ll call her Ol’ Ho Bag. OHB went on a real date to Billings with Kody and he arm molested her. Kody says he would take her out to throw his parents off so they didn’t think he was getting too serious with one girl.

Thanks for the disturbing reenactment

Kody finally calls everyone out that this is partially an intervention and invites them to share their thoughts. He thought his friends had an idea that he was thinking about being a polygamist, whereas his friends were like WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? It makes no sense to his friends. While he was on his mission, Ken had heard poly rumors about the Browns and was pissed, and Kody acknowledges that he understands. Ken lets his anger loose – he thought Kody was stupid. Kody doesn’t want to testify his faith, he just wants to be friends. Janae vaults to ultra-smartest person on this show and breaks it down psychologically that he is plural because he needs to be the center of attention.

Ladies and Gentleman, behold the smartest person in Lovell, Wyoming

Robin gets mad when people assume Kody is a polygamist for the sex – sex is cheap, wives aren’t. No shit – they’re currently paying for FOUR households. Back at theater, OHB says it doesn’t matter, but Ken says it does matter. The men are fixated on the fact that Kody has an issue come judgment day. The bros want to Kody on their flag football team in the afterlife. This has been my experience when I lived in a religious community – my female friends could live and let live but men just COULD NOT.

Tolerant

Haters

Kody doesn’t need to defend his lifestyle, he’s just going to live it. Ken is worried that they will be crosslighting, and Kody and Robin both say that the poly faith does not promote crosslighting. I love one of the lady friends – we’ll call her Hoop Earrings because she’s rocking them – Hoop Earrings calls out Ken on the hypocrisy of going on a mission but not wanting Kody to tell people about his faith. Ken launches into a weak defense; he apparently also thinks that anyone can be talked into any religion. In the end, Ken agrees to live and let live, and they can tolerate each other.

Now that the super awkward confrontation is over, it’s fireworks time! Christine is excited again. Christine is so easy. If they could get a boat and some fireworks in Vegas, I think Christine’s issues would blow over. It’s more reunion time at the lake! People are coming up to Kody and his family to show their support. They all are listed on screen as “high school friend” except this lady who tells us that everyone thought Kody was gay – flamboyantly gay. Maybe that’s why they were all so surprised – everyone was so focused on whether or not Kody was gay that the plural marriage thing slipped right under the radar!

“Friends? I wouldn’t call us friend. I would say that he’s ultramega-gay. I knew it as soon as he didn’t ask me to go to Billings for an arm rub.”

All in all, the Browns had a good time in Wyoming. Kody says that this experience has made him feel hope for the fundy kids and for him mom. And finally, the announcement everyone has been waiting for, Robin’s baby boy’s name will be…..Solomon! And another exciting episode of Sister Wives comes to a close. It will be interesting to see how the family is doing in Vegas next week. What did you all think of Ken and Kody’s friends? Do you think that the trip to Wyoming will diffuse some of the tension back in Vegas?