Keeping the Door Open for Lame Spinoffs

Sorry that I am a little late with this week’s Smallville post. After the Yankees blew their 3-0 lead in the ALCS and lost to the Red Sox in such depressing fashion, the TVgasm Board of Directors had me placed under observation for the night just in case I do something to harm myself or others. Hey, when I said I was going to take a 9 iron to that guy’s face, I was just joking! You use your 9 iron way too often during the course of a round of golf. If I wanted to bloody anything, it would have been a sand wedge. As it turns out, Smallville was sort of lackluster this week, and the big news is that Tom Welling’s very outside shot of starring in the upcoming Superman movie fell through and Bryan Singer has tapped a relative unknown to play the lead role of Clark Kent/Superman. For those of you who didn’t come here for updates on my mental health or the latest fanboy rumors, let’s get on with this week’s episode.I love it when a show like Smallville starts off with some hip-hop music, because it means a little bit of a change of pace. In this case, it is an abandoned warehouse in Metropolis where a deal is about to go down. Remy Zero is for the prom, but if you need to show something has some edge you use…The Roots? Well, everybody in the TVgasm loves The Roots, but if Smallville wanted to get all gangsta, may I suggest some G-Unit, Wu-Tang, or Planet Asia? And if you are trying to show what a big player this guy doing the deal is, could you at least manage to get your hands on a Mercedes E-class that isn’t three years old? At least give the poor guy and S-class. Anyway, we see this guy waiting around to do a deal and complaining about how the person is late. Just as those words are leaving his mouth, a slight gust of wind passes and the other half of the deal walks in, in the form of a kid who has some watches to sell. It turns out the gangster guy has hit the big time now, and so he isn’t interested in the small stuff anymore. The kid is unhappy with his deal, so he says he is going to just take it all and leave, and he does exactly that, before the buyer has a chance to react.

We cut to Clark and his dad walking out of the hospital. Jonathan apparently needs even more heart medication, but they made something of their trip to Metropolis since Lex was able to score some sweet tickets to a game. Jonathan stops to pick up something at a newsstand, and just as Clark is leaving to pick up the truck, he notices sees another truck barreling out of control towards his father. Clark is just about to rush in and pull his father out of the way, but somebody else gets there first. As they discuss what happen Clark tells his dad that it was somebody else that saved him, but somebody who had Clark’s super speed. Jonathan tells Clark that whoever saved him also swiped his wallet, which of course had the tickets for the game.

When they get home, Clark convinces his dad not to call the credit card company so he can get a chance to investigate whoever it was that stole the wallet, and has his speed ability. Martha is glad to see that Jonathan is OK, and he suggests a romantic evening together. Martha has been away managing the Talon, so she has had very little time, and she says she is busy again that night. I guess those of you waiting for some hot and heavy Annette O’Toole action are going to have to hold out for a few more weeks.

Clark tracks down the mystery kid/thief to his hotel and enters the room having heard the shower was on. He sees a lot of stolen merchandise and a backpack with a lightning bolt symbol that contains watches and some fake IDs. Apparently this kid is a criminal and is running from something. The kid catches clark snooping around and it becomes evident that not even Clark is able to keep track of him. Clark tries to confront him, but the kid changes clothes, grabs his backpack, and takes off. Clark gives chase but stops as the kid is about to hit the water. He runs so fast, his feet barely touch and he is able to run across no problem.

It turns out Clark didn’t have to worry so much. When he returns home, he finds the kid eating at his kitchen table. Apparently, the kids was so impressed that there was somebody fast enough to keep up with him, even if for only a little while, and decided he had to get to know Clark more. It turns out the kid’s name is Bart, and unlike every other odd commodity Clark has run into, he didn’t get his powers from the meteor crash in Smallville. Bart always wondered if there was anybody else like him, and Clark was the first. It turns out Bart’s parents couldn’t deal with his abilities and he has been running ever since. Clark and Bart argue about how much his stealing hurts other people. Bart thinks it is a victimless crime, and Clark says he should use his powers to help people. Clark takes it upon himself to keep an eye on him, and so he follows Bart to Miami. You know, I am with Bart on this one. If I had the ability to fly to say, Vegas, have some breakfast and fly back in the space of a few hours, why shouldn’t I? Oh wait, I live in LA and can already do that. Bad example, but you know what I mean.

Clark is envious of Bart because he uses his powers without thinking about hiding them. When they return to the Talon, they bump into Chloe(apparently back from getting her hair straightened at the salon). Bart asks what her favorite flower is, and when she responds, he leaves and comes back with a tulip. Chloe is amazed, but Clark is worried. Bart knows Clark has super speed as well and he also stumbled upon Clark’s reaction to Kryptonite, so you can see why Clark would be nervous. Thankfully, Bart only has some cheesy lines for Chloe. When she asks where he is from, he says “The future. I ran all the way back 100 years just to tell you that we are still in love” Hey, it’s better than “You must be tired, because you have been running through my mind all day.” Do those work on anybody?

While Bart woos Chloe, and Chloe pretends she is interested, Clark’s mom tells him that Lex wants to see him. When he gets to the mansion, Lex tells him he bought an ancient manuscript that had some symbols similar to the ones in the cave Clark spends so much time in. Clark recognizes them immediately as Kryptonian, but keeps that fact to himself. The letters read “look deeper” and when Clark uses his x-ray vision, he gets a glimpse of a map underneath. Just as he is leaving, he bumps into Bart, who has been checking out Lex’s mansion. He tells Bart to leave right before Lex comes into the hallway and asks who Clark has been talking to. Clark can only put on a stupid grin and pretend nothing has happened. He did, however, decide that he needed to come back and get a better look at the manuscript and the map later that night. The only problem is, when he gets there, the manuscript is gone, and the security alarm is triggered and Lex catches Clark “in the act”, although the manuscript is already gone, so Clark couldn’t have taken it. Although both have said they wanted to patch things up this year, neither has been completely hones with each other, although it seems Lex had at least put in a good faith effort for a while.

Obviously, Bart took the manuscript, having heard how much it is worth, to take it back to sell it to his gangster friend. It turns out Lex put some feelers out to known criminals telling them to watch out for anybody selling such merchandise. When Bart tries to sell the merchandise, the thugs blindside him and knock him out. Lex walks in, sees that Bart is just a kid and tells the guy to leave them alone before the cops come. Looking to avoid repeating in his father’s footsteps, Lex called the police, I guess in case things went wrong. The gangster’s bodyguard pulls a gun, which Lex knocks away and proceeds to put a Lois-sized hurting upon him. Why do a I say Lois-sized? It looks like whatever military academy Lois got her fight training, Lex hung around for some pointers as well. He displays enough moves to knock out the bodyguard but can’t get out of the way of a butt of the gun the other gangster had in his face, which knocks him out. Bart wakes up to see the muzzle of the gun now in his face, which of course cues Clark to rush in and save everybody. He knocks the gun away and throws the gangster out of the building, literally, sending him through the roof and into some trailer next door.

Another job well done? Not exactly. Bart remembered that Clark was allergic to Kryptonite, and places some near Clark to facilitate his own getaway. Clark pleads with Bart telling him he is not a murderer, he has seen the good in him, yada, yada, yada, don’t do this to yourself, you are better than this, yada, yada, yada, you still have a choice in what to do with your life, yada, yada, yada. If you don’t get the point, there was a big clichéd speech about seeing the good in yourself and using your powers to help people. Bart seals the kryptonite back in lead, but runs away with the manuscript anyway.

Back in Smallville, Martha and Jonathan come together and Martha says she is so sorry she has spent so much time away from home. Martha talked to Lana earlier about why she was working so late, explaining that whenever she was around Jonathan, it only reminded her of how sick he was. She worked late so she wouldn’t think about it. Lana said that if she acted that way, it was as if she had already lost him. God, who knew one summer in Paris could make you so thoughtful and relevant in matters of love? Martha thanks Lana, saying it took her to realize how important it is to share all your feelings with the people you love. Lana is hit with the irony of this statement, since she had an argument with Jason earlier in the day about her tattoo. This exchange leads Lana to tell Jason all about her tattoo, and show him the cave where the symbol is. It takes a little while for him to take in all of the whole supernatural side of things, but he tells Lana he is behind her all the way. It also leads Martha to invite Jonathan for some fun that involves him, sweat, soap, a sponge, and a hose. I guess Trashy Lingerie maid’s outfit was impractical at the time.

Clark visits Lex at his mansion and finds out the manuscript has returned. They both play dumb about what it contains. Clark takes a second look at it, and we see that Lex has had the manuscript experts take a look as well. They both know about the map, but don’t tell each other. Clark is sketching the map back at his farm, when Bart shows up. As predicted, he thanks Clark for being his friend. Bart tells Clark that he is going to search the world for people like them, and that they should join a club, or a league. For those of you not up to date in your DC Comics, the league comments is an allusion to the Justice League, a group of superheroes, that are committed to saving earth. Their primary members are Superman, Batman, The Flash (presumably Bart in a few years), and The Green Lantern. I hope that comment was made in passing, because I would seriously bring that sand wedge out again if I have to see how Clark meets Bruce Wayne before he is Batman, etc., etc. Still, maybe it is an interesting way to add some story lines for the time period after Clark graduates and he has to do something with his life.

Overall, a pretty flat episode. Not terribly exciting, and simply moved the plot along a little bit. Then again, maybe it just seemed a little boring since nobody in the high school was sex crazed over each other for once this season. We did get some insight that there might be other people like Clark out there, but maybe not with all of his abilities. Perhaps they slotted this episode knowing that people might be watching baseball, but let’s hope they get back on track with some good episodes before the playoffs are over.