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Friday, July 27, 2012
11:00 am
12 Comments
Tagged: don't stop putting out until after the honeymoon, funny, gay Joeys are the best Joeys, horrorporn, jersey shore, Kegels are important, misplaced machismo, MTV, never assemble a barbecue grill with a loved one, parody, recap, Snooki & JWOWW, sober Snooki sulks, suburbint, the miracle of childbirth, TV, tvgasm
Let’s dive right in, shall we?
Previously on Snooki & JWoww: Snooki is pregnant; Snooki decided to invite the Jersey Shore roommates over for dinner and to announce her engagement and pregnancy; JMomm is doing a terrible job pretending that she is not insanely jealous about Snooki’s impending domestic life.
I don’t care, I love it!
We rejoin the girls and their summertime roommates at the dinner party, with Snooki saying, “The real reason why I invited you guys here… is because me and Jionni are engaged.” The girls squeal with excitement, the boys express disbelief and surprise, and Vinny says, “I’m a little upset about this.” In an interview, he tells us, “Everybody knows you don’t even get a girlfriend at the Jersey Shore. A wife? A husband? That’s out of control.”
“Also, I am the complete package and she should have chosen me. Even if we did meet at the Jersey Shore.”
He quizzes Snooki about whether she really thinks that two years of dating is enough time before deciding to spend your life with a person. He then says, “You know that’s one penis for the rest of your life?” “I love his penis,” Snooki responds. Pauly asks to look at the ring, leading to another talking head from Vinny. “Jionni can’t afford that shit, he doesn’t even have a job.” At the dinner table, Pauly asks, “Did you buy it?” and is rewarded with an “Oh no you didn’t!” guffaw from JMomm. The whole table finds the question funny, actually. I’ll admit it, I also assumed that she paid for her own ring, but it’s one thing to speculate about that privately and another thing entirely to say it to a person’s face. “This isn’t something to bust my balls about,” Snooki interviews. “You’re supposed to be happy for me.”
“You’ll probably be divorced soon anyway,” Vinny says. I know he and Snooki had an on-again-off-again thing in the early Jersey Shore days and that she cheated on Jionni with him when they were in Italy, but he is being an incredible dick about this whole thing. “Greaaaat…” Snooki mutters, probably wishing that she had “forgotten” to call Vinny as well as Mike.
Snooki quietly wishes that she had “accidentally” seasoned the pasta with rat poison.
Everybody shuts up at this point, because Vinny has obviously gone too far and turned what was intended by most of them (I hope) as good-natured teasing into pure bitchery. “Awkward,” Ronnie finally says. This breaks the ice, and Pauly says what everybody should have said right off the bat: “Congratulations on the engagement!” Snooki tells them all, “Dig in. Assholes.”
The dinner now takes an even more awkward turn as Vinny asks JMomm if she is also engaged. “I wish,” she replies, which is the most honest thing she’s said yet about this whole situation. “You’re getting up there, girl,” Vinny helpfully contributes, “you gotta get on that.”
…and now Jenni is feeling homicidal, too.
“Ask Roger,” JMomm says despondently. Sammi asks how long they’ve been together, and it turns out that Paul Bunyan and JMomm have been dating for almost exactly as long as Snooki and Jionni. Information that is revealed later in the episode will help shed some light on why PB is dragging his feet when it comes to making an honest woman out of poor Jenni. The conversation turns back to Snooki’s engagement, and Pauly interviews that he can’t picture Snooki being tied down… except to a bed post. Zing!
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12 Comments
Oh no!!! Another sign of the apocalypse – Pauly and Ronnie are saying rational, logical and responsible things that I AGREE WITH to Snooki!!!!
Obviously, we both missed something in regards to those paintings. I think they fall more into the “Dogs Playing Poker” genre myself!
Thanks for another great recap. I do look forward to them! And, remembering your comments re: Snooki, I think you were dead on. Sober Snooki is a bit different from JS Snooki.
The “gun” is a tattoo. Great recap though!
Only in Snooki’s world does wearing animal print mean you are an animal lover. Somewhere, PETA is banging it’s head against a very hard wall., ala Mike.
Thanks for the recaps. I always miss the show, but never a recap!
@ ScurvyJoe — Is it a tattoo? I would certainly feel better if it is; drunkenness and handguns do not mix. I’m married to a cop and am as comfortable around firearms as I’m ever going to be, which is mostly not comfortable at all unless I know for a fact that the person carrying is trained in how to use it and is extremely responsible with it, and even then I’m happier not knowing if someone is armed. I don’t see the appeal of getting a tattoo like that, but it’s way better than the alternative.
I feel like I need a shower after reading this. Thanks SB! You are a brave one.
Almost as brave as that poor stuffed crocodile on Snooki’s wall. Someone needs to send that thing to a medical research facility so we can cure AIDS, Cancer, Herpes Simplex, UTI’s and Eczema, all at one time.
If Roger wants Jenni to give it up, he may want to stop bragging about his reign as 4 time chlamydia champ in the thumb dick-lympics. His accomplishment did seem to charm the pants right up Snook.I.Joe’s crack though. Ugg.
From the pictures, I get a weird vibe from JDad. I can’t decide if he was once a JMom, or if he is a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison. Either way, I totally understand that we all need to feel pretty sometimes.
Oh Lord!!! BedHeadJen!!! I had just taken a sip of coffee when I got to the, “a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison” bit – coffee went everywhere and I almost died laughing!!! LOVE IT!!! That just MADE my morning! Thank you for sharing.
WishICouldDance-
@ BedHeadJen — So many excellent points you raised, where to begin?!
I agree, that poor crocodile must be crawling with gonnorrherpesyphilaids. It should be burned, like the toy in The Velvetine Rabbit.
Roger was absolutely being inappropriate, but I have a feeling that it doesn’t take much for JMomm to decide that he must be punished by witholding sex. Although maybe if they had sex more, they would get along better? All those bonding hormones released during orgasm can work wonders in a troubled relationship.
DaddyJ gives off major weirdo vibes. I’m guessing he did not let the 70′s pass him by, but engaged wholeheartedly in whatever uppers and downers came his way. Looks like he preferred the downers, though. “A hand puppet away from Mr. Garrison” is the sentence of the day; I’ll have to share it with the EldestBintlet, she is going through a major South Park phase right now and will get a huge kick out of it.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they were all spot-on and hilarious!
<3
SuburBint, Ha ha ha! I bet the dreaded gonnorrherpesyphilaids is behind the disappearance of Snooki’s bunny suit! Thanks for the laughs!
This….is….so….boring. Not ur recap, the show. Your recaps rule. This show is a yawnfest. I could not care any less about these people.
Finally got around to your phab ‘cap of a completely unscripted, gen-you-ine reality show. Yup.every apartment when I was single was as cool as theirs started out to be, so natch I would cover it in animal prints and paeans to my ego.
J-Dadd is totes more feminine than J-Momm. Makes me wonder if he started out as J-momm’s mom???? Have we seen her?
Snooki’s in labor!