Snooki is excited because now she can finally smush Jionni. Jionni’s stomach has other ideas however, as Jionni decides that he needs to cook two more burgers right now. He does have the courtesy to ask Snooki if she wants anything. “I want to fucking cuddle,” she whines, and Jionni promises that they will cuddle, but he needs to eat first. Snooki interviews that “usually when you are pregnant, you want nothing to do with sex, but I’m starting to get my sex drive back!” The second trimester can be pretty insane, and that is all I am going to say about that.
Out on the patio, Paul Bunyan asks Jionni, “Do you know what I want right now? More than anything?” “Vagina?” Jionni answers. No, PB wants a rematch of Jionni trying to kick his hand at head height. “I’m not drunk, it’s not going to happen,” Jionni tells him. He then asks if PB thinks that he can kick Jionni in the head. “Are you giving me permission to kick you in your head?” Paul Bunyan asks, in an excited and hopeful tone. Jionni doesn’t think that PB will be able to do it, because he is so muscle-bound that he probably doesn’t have the flexibility needed to swing his leg up that high. “Go ahead, kick me in my hand,” Jionni says, but PB wants a shot at Jionni’s head or nothing. Jionni tells us that he realizes that if PB kicks him in the head, he could be in some serious trouble.
“I’m gonna break this kid like a twig, you know what I mean?” Paul Bunyan interviews. He kicks Jionni, and although he misses Jionni’s head, he does make good contact with Jionni’s shoulder. “Can I go again?” PB asks. “No! Are you out of your mind?!” is Jionni’s response. They’re both laughing, but Jionni interviews that if PB had hit him in the head, there was a good chance that he wasn’t getting up again.
Snooki wanders outside to see if her fiance is ready to come to bed, but he is still grilling his hamburgers. “I am so over smushing with Jionni,” she tells us. “I’ve been waiting this whole night, and fuck it, like, now we won’t even cuddle.” She retrieves her stuffed crocodile from a strap in the ceiling above her bed and crawls under the covers.
The boys come inside, and go to their respective special lady friends. Paul Bunyan takes his shirt off and lies down on the bed, and:
Do you see the gun in his waistband? This is a terrible idea for so very many reasons.
PB starts getting a little grope-y with JMomm, and she tells him to stop. “I just want to snuggle,” she says. Jenni, you’re doing it wrong. You aren’t supposed to start saying no to sex until afteryou’re already married. If you would put out more, you would be engaged by now. Case in point, Snooki and Jionni, who are pulling the blankets over their heads so that they can get busy with as much privacy as can be achieved when you have night-vision cameras in your bedroom. “When me and Jionni smush, it’s not like sex. It’s like, we’re in love, and it’s very passionate, it’s not like random rabbit sex. It’s like REAL sex.” On the other hand, we have poor Paul Bunyan, who tells us, “Yet another night for me of not getting laid.”
His ox is blue, and so are his balls.
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