Everyone is finished eating, so they begin clearing the table for dessert. “This is what you could have had, baby,” Vinny says, rubbing his nipple with one hand and balancing a stack of salad bowls in the other. “I clean. And I work.” “So does Jionni!” Snooki protests, and Vinny asks where. “On your vagina,” Ronnie suggests. Snooki finds this answer amusing. It’s funny because it’s true!
JMomm tells her guests to put the dishes on the counter, and Snooki goes to retrieve the cake from the top of the fridge. “I’m not even excited to tell the roommates I’m pregnant because of the reaction I got saying I’m engaged,” she tells us. No reason why they couldn’t have found out in the supermarket checkout line like the rest of America, Snooks. All you have to do is “accidentally” drop the cake box on the floor, and kick their rude-ass asses out to go get some gelato.
“It is dessert time, and Nicole looks like a fucking bag of shaking bones,” JMomm interviews. “I have never seen Nicole this kind of nervous.”
Being the empathetic, altruistic person that she is, JMomm is naturally loving every second of Snooki’s inner turmoil.
Snooki carries the cake to the table and sets it carefully on a cake stand so that the roommates have to make an effort to see what is written on the top. “By. The. Way. I’m. Pregnant.” Vinny slowly reads out loud. “Hold on a second: you’re knocked up?” Pauly asks, and when Snooki confirms that she is indeed in the family way, the roommates are stunned into silence. Snooki starts digging around in her bra, and Pauly lets out an alarmed, “What else are you hiding?!” A fair question, buddy, but all she’s doing is retrieving her ultrasound pictures from their secure hiding place.
This may very well be the worst night of Vinny’s life.
As Vinny looks at the ultrasound picture, he cracks, “Oh my God, he looks just like me!” meeting with a reproving, “Vinny!” from all of the girls. “I did not have sex with Nicole four months ago,” Vinny tells us. “I don’t think.” Back at the table, he is counting backwards on his fingers, presumably trying to keep the joke alive that he is worried about being the father of Snooki’s baby. “Aw, fuck!” he exclaims, bolting from the table. “It’s not yours!” several of the girls yell together, making me wonder how many times they’ve had this reaction from various men in their pasts. “DNA test, bro!” Pauly says as Vinny sits back down.”Oh my God, it looks like a little meatball!” Deena exclaims as she examines the ultrasound pictures. “My Meatball’s engaged and she’s freaking getting pregnant over here,” Deena tells us. “What the hell is going on?” Many of us have asked ourselves the exact same thing, Deena. “Now I feel like the only meatball I have left is the one on my plate.”
There it is! I had forgotten how much I love her “I’m so proud because I just said something amazingly clever” face.
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