Snooki & JWoww Recap: With Friends Like These

Snooki & JWoww

By SuburBint | Friday, July 27, 2012 | 11:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Snooki & JWoww

“No more Meatball Days,” Deena sniffs to Snooki. “Well, when it pops out…” Snooki replies. Oh, honey. That’s really not how the miracle of childbirth works. “When it pops out, then you’ve got to take care of it,” Pauly rationally points out, and JMomm chimes right in with her agreement. “It’s not just the pregnancy,” Ronnie adds. Snooki tries to interject that she’s allowed to go out once in a while after the baby is born, but the Jersey Shore crew has already departed on the “Snooki’s so dumb she thinks that once she gives birth, her job here is over” train. They’re talking over each other about how it’s not a race and when you get to the finish line, you’re done, and Snooki is seriously getting pissed. She tries to appeal to JMomm for support, but Jenni is laughing it up with everybody else. “Jenni, you know this, we talk about it all the time!” Snooki says. “You’re so annoying.” She’s not wrong, but now the roommates are razzing the girls about it being their “first fight.” It occurs to me on a second viewing of this episode that they’ve all been drinking and Snooki hasn’t, so that may help to explain the misplaced joviality and lack of filters. To some extent, at least.

Snooki interviews that as a best friend, JMomm is sucking at supporting her. That’s because of the cold, cold knife of jealousy lodged deep in JMomm’s heart, and Deena, Miss Tactfulness herself, is going to twist that knife right now, telling Jenni, “I thought it was going to be you first.” “Not after the shit I’ve been going through with her!” JMomm retorts, pointing at Snooki.

Translation: I thought it was going to be me first too, and thank you so much for reminding me that it isn’t.

“Because of her, I am petrified to have a kid,” JMomm continues. I don’t know what that even means — is it seeing what pregnancy is like up close that is freaking her out? Or is it that taking care of Snooki makes JMomm dread the responsibility of parenting, because she’s been taking care of Snooki for years so that reasoning doesn’t hold water. “That’s real nice, why don’t you make her feel a little better?” Vinny asks. I guess he’s the only one allowed to make Snooki want to cry tonight. “This wasn’t how I wanted dinner,” Snooki says. “You’re so dysfunctional.” At this point, Sammi steps in to try and make Snooki feel better which, as I said in the minicap, is a huge red flag that things have gone horribly, horribly wrong. “You’re going to be, like, a nice young mom. You’re going to grow up and have, like, a nice life with your kid,” Sammi says. She’s totally phoning it in, but at least she’s making an effort. “It’s gonna be the most loved baby,” Deena adds.

There’s the love and support I was looking for!

Ronnie tells Snooki that they’ll be there to back her up no matter what. Vinny’s contribution is that “everything happens for a reason and this is your path,” which leads me to believe that he has been reading his own Twitter feed. “At the end of the day, with all the bullshit and making fun of me for everything, they’re all actually really, really happy for me, and they’re there for me if I need anything, so it feels really good to know that I have them.” Do any of us actually believe that this group of six people will actually stay in one another’s lives once MTV stops throwing them together for TV? Anyone? Yeah, me either.

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About

After giving birth to her fourth child, SuburBint carefully weighed the options and decided that recapping reality TV was probably a better choice in the long run than alcoholism. Liver function tests have yet to confirm the wisdom of this decision. Being an honest-to-goodness recapper is also a dream come true, as she has aspired to do this ever since discovering that such a thing existed way back in 2002.

Her favorite shows of all time include Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Coupling, Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Firefly, Community, Parks and Recreation, Doctor Who, and Veronica Mars. She can also quote The Big Lebowski in its entirety, and will do so with little to no provocation.

 

12 Comments

  1. 1
    WishICouldDance
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Oh no!!! Another sign of the apocalypse – Pauly and Ronnie are saying rational, logical and responsible things that I AGREE WITH to Snooki!!!!

    Obviously, we both missed something in regards to those paintings. I think they fall more into the “Dogs Playing Poker” genre myself!

    Thanks for another great recap. I do look forward to them! And, remembering your comments re: Snooki, I think you were dead on. Sober Snooki is a bit different from JS Snooki.

  2. 2
    ScurvyJoe
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    The “gun” is a tattoo. Great recap though!

  3. 3
    caligal
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Only in Snooki’s world does wearing animal print mean you are an animal lover. Somewhere, PETA is banging it’s head against a very hard wall., ala Mike.

    Thanks for the recaps. I always miss the show, but never a recap! :)

  4. 4
    SuburBint
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    @ ScurvyJoe — Is it a tattoo? I would certainly feel better if it is; drunkenness and handguns do not mix. I’m married to a cop and am as comfortable around firearms as I’m ever going to be, which is mostly not comfortable at all unless I know for a fact that the person carrying is trained in how to use it and is extremely responsible with it, and even then I’m happier not knowing if someone is armed. I don’t see the appeal of getting a tattoo like that, but it’s way better than the alternative.

  5. 5
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:44 am

    I feel like I need a shower after reading this. Thanks SB! You are a brave one.
    Almost as brave as that poor stuffed crocodile on Snooki’s wall. Someone needs to send that thing to a medical research facility so we can cure AIDS, Cancer, Herpes Simplex, UTI’s and Eczema, all at one time.

    If Roger wants Jenni to give it up, he may want to stop bragging about his reign as 4 time chlamydia champ in the thumb dick-lympics. His accomplishment did seem to charm the pants right up Snook.I.Joe’s crack though. Ugg.

    From the pictures, I get a weird vibe from JDad. I can’t decide if he was once a JMom, or if he is a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison. Either way, I totally understand that we all need to feel pretty sometimes.

  6. 6
    WishICouldDance
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Oh Lord!!! BedHeadJen!!! I had just taken a sip of coffee when I got to the, “a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison” bit – coffee went everywhere and I almost died laughing!!! LOVE IT!!! That just MADE my morning! Thank you for sharing.

  7. 7
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    WishICouldDance- :)

  8. 8
    SuburBint
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    @ BedHeadJen — So many excellent points you raised, where to begin?!

    I agree, that poor crocodile must be crawling with gonnorrherpesyphilaids. It should be burned, like the toy in The Velvetine Rabbit.

    Roger was absolutely being inappropriate, but I have a feeling that it doesn’t take much for JMomm to decide that he must be punished by witholding sex. Although maybe if they had sex more, they would get along better? All those bonding hormones released during orgasm can work wonders in a troubled relationship.

    DaddyJ gives off major weirdo vibes. I’m guessing he did not let the 70′s pass him by, but engaged wholeheartedly in whatever uppers and downers came his way. Looks like he preferred the downers, though. “A hand puppet away from Mr. Garrison” is the sentence of the day; I’ll have to share it with the EldestBintlet, she is going through a major South Park phase right now and will get a huge kick out of it.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they were all spot-on and hilarious!

    <3

  9. 9
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 29, 2012 at 10:46 am

    SuburBint, Ha ha ha! I bet the dreaded gonnorrherpesyphilaids is behind the disappearance of Snooki’s bunny suit! Thanks for the laughs!

  10. 10
    Tmurda
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    This….is….so….boring. Not ur recap, the show. Your recaps rule. This show is a yawnfest. I could not care any less about these people.

  11. 11
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Finally got around to your phab ‘cap of a completely unscripted, gen-you-ine reality show. Yup.every apartment when I was single was as cool as theirs started out to be, so natch I would cover it in animal prints and paeans to my ego.

    J-Dadd is totes more feminine than J-Momm. Makes me wonder if he started out as J-momm’s mom???? Have we seen her?

  12. 12
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Snooki’s in labor!

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