“No more Meatball Days,” Deena sniffs to Snooki. “Well, when it pops out…” Snooki replies. Oh, honey. That’s really not how the miracle of childbirth works. “When it pops out, then you’ve got to take care of it,” Pauly rationally points out, and JMomm chimes right in with her agreement. “It’s not just the pregnancy,” Ronnie adds. Snooki tries to interject that she’s allowed to go out once in a while after the baby is born, but the Jersey Shore crew has already departed on the “Snooki’s so dumb she thinks that once she gives birth, her job here is over” train. They’re talking over each other about how it’s not a race and when you get to the finish line, you’re done, and Snooki is seriously getting pissed. She tries to appeal to JMomm for support, but Jenni is laughing it up with everybody else. “Jenni, you know this, we talk about it all the time!” Snooki says. “You’re so annoying.” She’s not wrong, but now the roommates are razzing the girls about it being their “first fight.” It occurs to me on a second viewing of this episode that they’ve all been drinking and Snooki hasn’t, so that may help to explain the misplaced joviality and lack of filters. To some extent, at least.
Snooki interviews that as a best friend, JMomm is sucking at supporting her. That’s because of the cold, cold knife of jealousy lodged deep in JMomm’s heart, and Deena, Miss Tactfulness herself, is going to twist that knife right now, telling Jenni, “I thought it was going to be you first.” “Not after the shit I’ve been going through with her!” JMomm retorts, pointing at Snooki.
Translation: I thought it was going to be me first too, and thank you so much for reminding me that it isn’t.
“Because of her, I am petrified to have a kid,” JMomm continues. I don’t know what that even means — is it seeing what pregnancy is like up close that is freaking her out? Or is it that taking care of Snooki makes JMomm dread the responsibility of parenting, because she’s been taking care of Snooki for years so that reasoning doesn’t hold water. “That’s real nice, why don’t you make her feel a little better?” Vinny asks. I guess he’s the only one allowed to make Snooki want to cry tonight. “This wasn’t how I wanted dinner,” Snooki says. “You’re so dysfunctional.” At this point, Sammi steps in to try and make Snooki feel better which, as I said in the minicap, is a huge red flag that things have gone horribly, horribly wrong. “You’re going to be, like, a nice young mom. You’re going to grow up and have, like, a nice life with your kid,” Sammi says. She’s totally phoning it in, but at least she’s making an effort. “It’s gonna be the most loved baby,” Deena adds.
There’s the love and support I was looking for!
Ronnie tells Snooki that they’ll be there to back her up no matter what. Vinny’s contribution is that “everything happens for a reason and this is your path,” which leads me to believe that he has been reading his own Twitter feed. “At the end of the day, with all the bullshit and making fun of me for everything, they’re all actually really, really happy for me, and they’re there for me if I need anything, so it feels really good to know that I have them.” Do any of us actually believe that this group of six people will actually stay in one another’s lives once MTV stops throwing them together for TV? Anyone? Yeah, me either.
Pages: 1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11