Snooki & JWoww Recap: With Friends Like These

Snooki & JWoww

By SuburBint | Friday, July 27, 2012 | 11:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Snooki & JWoww

“That was a lot of news to take in over dinner,” Pauly says. The rest of the roommates agree, and they all thank Snooki and Jenni for dinner, hug goodbye, and head out into the night. As they file out onto the sidewalk, Pauly says, “I thought Jenni would be the one to announce her engagement first.”

Meanwhile, JMomm lets us all know what she’s going to look like when she’s 80 and has taken her dentures out.

 The girls stare at each other awkwardly for a while, and then JMomm half-heartedly attempts to apologize for the way she acted. “You’ve been saying things like that this whole time,” Snooki tells her. “I didn’t think before I said,” is JMomm’s excuse. “I am really excited for you, even though it comes out weird.” Yes, that is obviously what is going on.

Now in their jammies, Snooki invites JMomm to watch a video of “a baby coming out” with her. “I don’t know if I’m prepared for this,” Jenni says, “am I gonna have nightmares?” “Maybe…” Snooki replies, smirking quietly. “I’m really intrigued about birth now because, obviously, I’m going to have a baby,” she tells us. Snooki pulls up some child birth videos on the computer, and JMomm watches it with her. “Just seeing babies pop out of vaginas is so crazy!” Snooki interviews. The word vagina comes up so often in this segment of the show, it has started to lose its meaning. JMomm is shocked and appalled at how far a vagina stretches during birth.

Videos of natural deliveries can basically be summed up with one magical little word: Horrorporn.

JMomm tells Snooki that she better be working on her Kegels over the next six months. “Do you do your Kegels?” Snooki asks. “Yeah,” Jenni nods. “Why?” asks Snooki. Sadly, JMomm’s reply is bleeped out, and she is being filmed in profile so I can’t lipread her brief answer, but I’m assuming that it has something to do with keeping things nice and tight, because Snooki’s response is, “You slut.”

 The next morning, JMomm is bitching about how she is spending soooo much time getting the house finished. “I haven’t gone to the gym, I haven’t gone tanning, I haven’t done my nails…. I wake up thinking about parties and what to get for this stupid house.” Snooki and I roll our eyes.“Today we’re having our housewarming party,” Snooki tells us. “So we’re inviting friends and family here to celebrate, finally, our finished apartment.” The trouble is, it’s not quite finished yet. They are going to need some handyman help in order to get everything done before the party.

Speaking of handymen, the phone rings, and when the girls let the answering machine get it (outgoing message: “Leave a sexy message, bitches! Byeeeee.”) the person calling them is Anthony the Handyman. He hasn’t been paid for his work yet and wants to know when he’s getting his money. I am having a very difficult time believing that this is not a manufactured story line. JMomm says she’ll call Anthony the Handyman back when Brian the Handyman is at the house, because then they’ll feel safer.

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About

After giving birth to her fourth child, SuburBint carefully weighed the options and decided that recapping reality TV was probably a better choice in the long run than alcoholism. Liver function tests have yet to confirm the wisdom of this decision. Being an honest-to-goodness recapper is also a dream come true, as she has aspired to do this ever since discovering that such a thing existed way back in 2002.

Her favorite shows of all time include Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Coupling, Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Firefly, Community, Parks and Recreation, Doctor Who, and Veronica Mars. She can also quote The Big Lebowski in its entirety, and will do so with little to no provocation.

 

12 Comments

  1. 1
    WishICouldDance
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Oh no!!! Another sign of the apocalypse – Pauly and Ronnie are saying rational, logical and responsible things that I AGREE WITH to Snooki!!!!

    Obviously, we both missed something in regards to those paintings. I think they fall more into the “Dogs Playing Poker” genre myself!

    Thanks for another great recap. I do look forward to them! And, remembering your comments re: Snooki, I think you were dead on. Sober Snooki is a bit different from JS Snooki.

  2. 2
    ScurvyJoe
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    The “gun” is a tattoo. Great recap though!

  3. 3
    caligal
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Only in Snooki’s world does wearing animal print mean you are an animal lover. Somewhere, PETA is banging it’s head against a very hard wall., ala Mike.

    Thanks for the recaps. I always miss the show, but never a recap! :)

  4. 4
    SuburBint
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    @ ScurvyJoe — Is it a tattoo? I would certainly feel better if it is; drunkenness and handguns do not mix. I’m married to a cop and am as comfortable around firearms as I’m ever going to be, which is mostly not comfortable at all unless I know for a fact that the person carrying is trained in how to use it and is extremely responsible with it, and even then I’m happier not knowing if someone is armed. I don’t see the appeal of getting a tattoo like that, but it’s way better than the alternative.

  5. 5
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:44 am

    I feel like I need a shower after reading this. Thanks SB! You are a brave one.
    Almost as brave as that poor stuffed crocodile on Snooki’s wall. Someone needs to send that thing to a medical research facility so we can cure AIDS, Cancer, Herpes Simplex, UTI’s and Eczema, all at one time.

    If Roger wants Jenni to give it up, he may want to stop bragging about his reign as 4 time chlamydia champ in the thumb dick-lympics. His accomplishment did seem to charm the pants right up Snook.I.Joe’s crack though. Ugg.

    From the pictures, I get a weird vibe from JDad. I can’t decide if he was once a JMom, or if he is a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison. Either way, I totally understand that we all need to feel pretty sometimes.

  6. 6
    WishICouldDance
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Oh Lord!!! BedHeadJen!!! I had just taken a sip of coffee when I got to the, “a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison” bit – coffee went everywhere and I almost died laughing!!! LOVE IT!!! That just MADE my morning! Thank you for sharing.

  7. 7
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    WishICouldDance- :)

  8. 8
    SuburBint
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    @ BedHeadJen — So many excellent points you raised, where to begin?!

    I agree, that poor crocodile must be crawling with gonnorrherpesyphilaids. It should be burned, like the toy in The Velvetine Rabbit.

    Roger was absolutely being inappropriate, but I have a feeling that it doesn’t take much for JMomm to decide that he must be punished by witholding sex. Although maybe if they had sex more, they would get along better? All those bonding hormones released during orgasm can work wonders in a troubled relationship.

    DaddyJ gives off major weirdo vibes. I’m guessing he did not let the 70′s pass him by, but engaged wholeheartedly in whatever uppers and downers came his way. Looks like he preferred the downers, though. “A hand puppet away from Mr. Garrison” is the sentence of the day; I’ll have to share it with the EldestBintlet, she is going through a major South Park phase right now and will get a huge kick out of it.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they were all spot-on and hilarious!

    <3

  9. 9
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 29, 2012 at 10:46 am

    SuburBint, Ha ha ha! I bet the dreaded gonnorrherpesyphilaids is behind the disappearance of Snooki’s bunny suit! Thanks for the laughs!

  10. 10
    Tmurda
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    This….is….so….boring. Not ur recap, the show. Your recaps rule. This show is a yawnfest. I could not care any less about these people.

  11. 11
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Finally got around to your phab ‘cap of a completely unscripted, gen-you-ine reality show. Yup.every apartment when I was single was as cool as theirs started out to be, so natch I would cover it in animal prints and paeans to my ego.

    J-Dadd is totes more feminine than J-Momm. Makes me wonder if he started out as J-momm’s mom???? Have we seen her?

  12. 12
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Snooki’s in labor!

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