Brian the Handyman arrives, and Snooki tells us, “We love Brian. Not so much Anthony.”
JMomm is in full agreement.
As Brian the Handyman hangs crazy animal print fabric on the walls, he comments that it looks like they are hunters who have killed and skinned every animal known to man. “We’re animal lovers,” Snooki says. I don’t think a penchant for animal prints indicates a love of animals per se, but it’s Snooki so I’m just going to roll with it.
The doorbell rings, and it is Anthony the Handyman, here to collect his wages. “I’m not answering!” Snooki tells JMomm, and tells her to answer it. “I’m scared!” Snooki whimpers. In an interview, she says, “I just think Anthony is really creepy, because he wants his money…” and then she lets out a window-shaking belch. No judgment here, when I was pregnant I belched continually thanks to hormonally-driven heartburn. Let it out, girlfriend! “…but he just made a mess of everything.” As I recall, they didn’t provide him with any materials with which to hang their huge, heavy lengths of fabric everywhere, so he probably did the best job he could with the situation in front of him. Also, wanting to be paid for one’s work is fairly normal in my experience.
Anthony the Handyman comes up the stairs to the kitchen carrying a manilla envelope. “What’s that?” JMomm asks, in a tone which suggests that she wouldn’t be entirely surprised if the envelope were to contain a severed finger.
Or a toe.
It is nothing so disturbing, however, it is merely the invoice for the work he did. He never filled it out, though, so he asks the girls if they have a pen. Neither of them do, so Anthony the Handyman begins searching through his many coat pockets for one. He finds a lollipop and tosses it on the counter saying, “Here, you want a lollipop?” JMomm nervously demures, and tells us, “He just went one up on the freak scale.” Okay, so lessons learned today: wanting to get paid for your work makes you creepy, and lollipops = freak.
JMomm finally asks Brian the Handyman if he has a pen, and of course he does because Brian is the shining knight in this scenario. “Anthony, the handyman that sucked, is watching the savior fix his shit,” she interviews. “I love this. It’s so awkward.” Things never would have become awkward if you hadn’t asked Anthony the Handyman to tell you a story about sex gone wrong in the first place, but we should all know by now that expecting our girls to take personal responsibility for anything is pointless. Anthony the Handyman leaves, taking his creepy, payment-seeking ways and his super filthy sex story with him.
Goodbye, Anthony the Handyman. We hardly knew you, thanks to 75% of everything you said being bleeped out, and I’m okay with that.
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