Snooki & JWoww Recap: With Friends Like These

Snooki & JWoww

By SuburBint | Friday, July 27, 2012 | 11:00 am | 12 Comments
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Posted in: Recaps, Snooki & JWoww

Jionni comes to the house, carrying a tray of food and wearing a T-shirt that says, “Give me a Scotch. I’m starving.” He also brought a barbecue grill — unassembled. He and Snooki are going to put it together, because that sort of activity is so good for couples to do together. Early on in the process, Jionni lets out a “What the fuck?!” and Snooki asks if she should go get Brian the Handyman to help. Jionni says no, because he is a man and they are silly that way.

Inside the house, Paul Bunyan has arrived and he comes out to the deck to say hello to Snooki and Jionni. When he sees what the diminutive couple is up to, he tells them that he’s guessing it will take them four to six hours to successfully assemble the grill. “No, we just started, and it’s almost done, Snooki says, gesturing to the frame. Jionni comments that they didn’t fasten the screws tight enough, and then a wheel comes off.

Paul Bunyan is more than willing to collect Jionni’s man card at any time.

“It isn’t going well,” Paul Bunyan interviews. “It was like a five-year-old kid trying to build a pyramid. It was crazy.” He watches for a moment, then goes back inside, chuckling to himself.

Some indeterminate amount of time has passed, and Snooki is inside putting on bubblegum pink lipstick. Paul Bunyan comments that he hasn’t heard any clanking from outside in a while. As soon as he says this, Jionni pokes his head in and calls, “Roger? is Roger here?” Paul Bunyan gets up to help, groaning, “Oh, God.” He reminds Jionni that he recommended that they buy a pre-assembled grill. “I knew that putting this grill together was going to be a little tough,” Jionni interviews, “but nothing was fitting right.” We quickly see that nothing was fitting right because Jionni has no clue at all what he is doing, as Paul Bunyan shows him how the burner is supposed to lie flat at the bottom of the grill instead of hanging off the side which is what Jionni was attempting to make it do. I sincerely hope that Snooki and Jionni get the “in home assembly” option when they buy a crib for their baby.

Paul Bunyan starts teasing Jionni about being the one in college but he can’t put a grill together, and Jionni asks if PB wants to get kicked in the ball sack. “Why is he going to kick you in the ball sack?” JMomm asks, coming outside. Jionni says that he doesn’t have to explain himself to “this kid,” which is an interesting phrase to use given that Paul Bunyan is probably ten years older and  a foot taller than Jionni. “Are you guys really fighting out here or fake fighting?” JMomm asks. PB asks her to go get a stool for Jionni so that he can kick him in the balls. “I could easily kick you in the head if I wanted to,” Jionni retorts. “With what?” Paul Bunyan laughs. He interviews that Jionni is a wrestler and thinks that he’s a little bit of a bad ass, “but I’m six-foot three. There’s no way this kid is gonna kick me in the head.”Rather than risking being kicked in the head, however, Paul Bunyan extends his arm out at approximately head height and tells Jionni to prove his leet skills by kicking his hand. After some stalling about not being properly stretched out, Jionni goes for it. He tells us that he is going to get Roger back for busting his balls by kicking him in the head. However, not being mindful of his surroundings, he catches his foot on one of the metal strap thingies on the skylight, bending the metal up and hurting his foot.

I don’t know what this setup is called, so here’s a visual.

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About

After giving birth to her fourth child, SuburBint carefully weighed the options and decided that recapping reality TV was probably a better choice in the long run than alcoholism. Liver function tests have yet to confirm the wisdom of this decision. Being an honest-to-goodness recapper is also a dream come true, as she has aspired to do this ever since discovering that such a thing existed way back in 2002.

Her favorite shows of all time include Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Coupling, Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Firefly, Community, Parks and Recreation, Doctor Who, and Veronica Mars. She can also quote The Big Lebowski in its entirety, and will do so with little to no provocation.

 

12 Comments

  1. 1
    WishICouldDance
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Oh no!!! Another sign of the apocalypse – Pauly and Ronnie are saying rational, logical and responsible things that I AGREE WITH to Snooki!!!!

    Obviously, we both missed something in regards to those paintings. I think they fall more into the “Dogs Playing Poker” genre myself!

    Thanks for another great recap. I do look forward to them! And, remembering your comments re: Snooki, I think you were dead on. Sober Snooki is a bit different from JS Snooki.

  2. 2
    ScurvyJoe
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    The “gun” is a tattoo. Great recap though!

  3. 3
    caligal
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Only in Snooki’s world does wearing animal print mean you are an animal lover. Somewhere, PETA is banging it’s head against a very hard wall., ala Mike.

    Thanks for the recaps. I always miss the show, but never a recap! :)

  4. 4
    SuburBint
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    @ ScurvyJoe — Is it a tattoo? I would certainly feel better if it is; drunkenness and handguns do not mix. I’m married to a cop and am as comfortable around firearms as I’m ever going to be, which is mostly not comfortable at all unless I know for a fact that the person carrying is trained in how to use it and is extremely responsible with it, and even then I’m happier not knowing if someone is armed. I don’t see the appeal of getting a tattoo like that, but it’s way better than the alternative.

  5. 5
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:44 am

    I feel like I need a shower after reading this. Thanks SB! You are a brave one.
    Almost as brave as that poor stuffed crocodile on Snooki’s wall. Someone needs to send that thing to a medical research facility so we can cure AIDS, Cancer, Herpes Simplex, UTI’s and Eczema, all at one time.

    If Roger wants Jenni to give it up, he may want to stop bragging about his reign as 4 time chlamydia champ in the thumb dick-lympics. His accomplishment did seem to charm the pants right up Snook.I.Joe’s crack though. Ugg.

    From the pictures, I get a weird vibe from JDad. I can’t decide if he was once a JMom, or if he is a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison. Either way, I totally understand that we all need to feel pretty sometimes.

  6. 6
    WishICouldDance
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Oh Lord!!! BedHeadJen!!! I had just taken a sip of coffee when I got to the, “a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison” bit – coffee went everywhere and I almost died laughing!!! LOVE IT!!! That just MADE my morning! Thank you for sharing.

  7. 7
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    WishICouldDance- :)

  8. 8
    SuburBint
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    @ BedHeadJen — So many excellent points you raised, where to begin?!

    I agree, that poor crocodile must be crawling with gonnorrherpesyphilaids. It should be burned, like the toy in The Velvetine Rabbit.

    Roger was absolutely being inappropriate, but I have a feeling that it doesn’t take much for JMomm to decide that he must be punished by witholding sex. Although maybe if they had sex more, they would get along better? All those bonding hormones released during orgasm can work wonders in a troubled relationship.

    DaddyJ gives off major weirdo vibes. I’m guessing he did not let the 70′s pass him by, but engaged wholeheartedly in whatever uppers and downers came his way. Looks like he preferred the downers, though. “A hand puppet away from Mr. Garrison” is the sentence of the day; I’ll have to share it with the EldestBintlet, she is going through a major South Park phase right now and will get a huge kick out of it.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they were all spot-on and hilarious!

    <3

  9. 9
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 29, 2012 at 10:46 am

    SuburBint, Ha ha ha! I bet the dreaded gonnorrherpesyphilaids is behind the disappearance of Snooki’s bunny suit! Thanks for the laughs!

  10. 10
    Tmurda
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    This….is….so….boring. Not ur recap, the show. Your recaps rule. This show is a yawnfest. I could not care any less about these people.

  11. 11
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Finally got around to your phab ‘cap of a completely unscripted, gen-you-ine reality show. Yup.every apartment when I was single was as cool as theirs started out to be, so natch I would cover it in animal prints and paeans to my ego.

    J-Dadd is totes more feminine than J-Momm. Makes me wonder if he started out as J-momm’s mom???? Have we seen her?

  12. 12
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Snooki’s in labor!

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