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Paul Bunyan laughs, “Nothing makes me happier than when you get hurt.” “Son of a…” Jionni moans, “I just bought these socks!”
The doorbell rings, and JMomm goes to answer it. It is Nick the Painter, with the completed portraits of our heroines. The girls are super excited, and Nick apologizes for the delay, but according to the editing they only just met with him what, 48 to 72 hours ago? Doesn’t it take longer than that to paint a big-ass portrait? Seriously, if anybody is a painter, let me know. Anyway, Snooki and JMomm squeal with delight when they see the finished paintings.
“These paintings, I feel, are gonna just make the whole apartment, and it just looks so Scarface and so dope. It’s gonna make the place look amazing,” Snooki interviews. I’m going to have to watch Scarfaceagain, because I really don’t remember tacky, self-glorifying paintings being a huge theme in that film.
“This… this is perfect!” JMomm gushes. They thank Nick and he tells them to have a great night.
As exterior shots of the house are shown, a horrifically auto-tuned song plays about being “ready to lose control tonight.” Be ready for it people, in 40 years this song will be playing on a Depends commercial. Paul Bunyan shouts that he found a hobo on the street and JMomm’s dad ascends into the living room, carrying a huge package of what could be either toilet paper or paper towels. Next time I have a dinner party and people ask if they can bring anything, I think I’ll tell them to bring toilet paper and see where things go from there.
“My dad’s here first, I knew he would be ‘cos he would leave twelve hours early,” JMomm tells us. Give the guy a break, hitchhiking is not the fastest way to travel.
People start arriving en masse, including Snooki’s parents and Snooki’s friend Ryder. But by far the most interesting guests are the Gay Joeys. “Jenni’s Joey is such a bitch and I love it,” Snooki says, and JMomm explains, “Nicole’s Joey looks like a very big tough guy, until he opens his mouth and rainbows come out.” We then cut to Joey #2 saying, “I heard you say ‘creamy Italian.’ That was my nickname in college.” He is absolutely adorable. Snooki tells us that every girl should have a gay friend named Joey, because every guy named Joey who is gay is fucking amazing.This is the last we see of Gay Joey #1, so enjoy it while it lasts.
People are drinking, burgers are cooking on the grill, and inside the house Joey #2 leans over to sniff Paul Bunyan’s neck. “Why are you sniffing me?” PB asks, and Joey #2 looks away, the picture of innocence. “Why is that guy sniffing me?” Paul Bunyan asks the room.