Snooki & JWoww Recap: With Friends Like These

Snooki & JWoww

By SuburBint | Friday, July 27, 2012 | 11:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Recaps, Snooki & JWoww

Joey #2 is sitting on the sofa and shouts “Hi Roger!” to Paul Bunyan, who is sitting nearby in a papasan chair. “Are… you… thinkin’bout me morethanfriend?” Joey slurs. “Whaaaat?” PB asks, and Joey shakes his head, trilling, “Whoopsie!”

I’m thinking Joey is a leeetle bit tipsy.

“So, Nicole’s Joey,” Paul Bunyan interviews, “seems like he’s taken a little liking to me.” Joey continues to flirt drunkenly, so Paul Bunyan decides that the appropriate response is to tip the sofa that Joey is sitting on onto its back, spilling Joey onto the floor. Joey tells JMomm that he shouldn’t have fallen off of the couch because he is “very fit.” He says this while rubbing his belly which, while not what one might call huge, does have a mildly Buddha-esque quality to it. “I know you are,” JMomm says in a reassuring voice.

Meanwhile, in another part of the room, Paul Bunyan is declaiming loudly about how he’s never been denied sex more often than he has while dating JMomm. “I don’t even think Roger realizes right now the number of sexual comments he’s making, cos he’s so drunk,” JMomm interviews, and we cut to PB saying, “I have a tiny dick and I love it!” thus neatly answering my questions about whether or not he uses steroids. JMomm continues her statement to us: “Especially, right next to my father.”

It’s hard to tell if Daddy JMomm is offended or disoriented.

“My dad is next to you!” JMomm yells, and Paul Bunyan laughs and says, “He knows I have a tiny penis!” JMomm’s dad shrugs and smiles. JMomm interviews, “I feel like Roger just doesn’t know when enough is enough,” and her point is proven when PB overshares, “I’ve had chlamydia four times.” Sweet merciful goodness, use a freaking condom! What is wrong with people? After hearing this revelation of stupidity and reckless behaviour, JMomm’s dad looks troubled.

Although in all fairness, he might just be trying to remember what time the shelter closes so that he can be sure to get back before they lock up for the night.

JMomm gets up saying she has to pee, and Paul Bunyan quips, “It’ll probably burn a little bit.” She tells us that if he keeps joking like this, she’s not going to have sex with him.

Daddy JMomm wanders outside and finds Papa Snooki sitting at the patio table. “This is more like it,” Daddy J says, “a little break from the action.” My father was pretty crap as parents go, but I can guarantee you that if I ever brought a guy home who said anything remotely like the things Paul Bunyan was saying in front of my dad, he would have had his ass handed to him before anybody even knew what had happened.

“So what’s your take on the girls?” Papa Snooki asks. “I think it’s awesome,” Daddy J replies. Papa Snooki says that he sees them… “Maturing?” Daddy J supplies, and that is indeed the word Papa Snooki was looking for. Inside, JMomm drunkenly falls out of the papasan chair. “They’ve been through a lot in the past few years,” Papa Snooki says, and Daddy J agrees. “It’s amazing how far they’ve come,” he says. Papa Snooki is glad that the girls have become such close friends. “They look out for each other,” he says. Daddy J asks if Papa Snooki is relieved at seeing Snooki growing up “in a sense,” and Papa Snooki nods and grins. This conversation is both stilted and nonsensical, and not just because Daddy J is so spacey.The party is over, and the guests are leaving. “Bye, handsome!” Joey #2 says to Paul Bunyan. JMomm interviews that it’s getting late, and everybody can get the fuck out so they can go to bed. That’s how I like to end my parties: “Everybody get the fuck out so I can go to bed!” Except I generally shout it through a megaphone.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
About

After giving birth to her fourth child, SuburBint carefully weighed the options and decided that recapping reality TV was probably a better choice in the long run than alcoholism. Liver function tests have yet to confirm the wisdom of this decision. Being an honest-to-goodness recapper is also a dream come true, as she has aspired to do this ever since discovering that such a thing existed way back in 2002.

Her favorite shows of all time include Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Coupling, Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Firefly, Community, Parks and Recreation, Doctor Who, and Veronica Mars. She can also quote The Big Lebowski in its entirety, and will do so with little to no provocation.

 

12 Comments

  1. 1
    WishICouldDance
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Oh no!!! Another sign of the apocalypse – Pauly and Ronnie are saying rational, logical and responsible things that I AGREE WITH to Snooki!!!!

    Obviously, we both missed something in regards to those paintings. I think they fall more into the “Dogs Playing Poker” genre myself!

    Thanks for another great recap. I do look forward to them! And, remembering your comments re: Snooki, I think you were dead on. Sober Snooki is a bit different from JS Snooki.

  2. 2
    ScurvyJoe
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    The “gun” is a tattoo. Great recap though!

  3. 3
    caligal
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Only in Snooki’s world does wearing animal print mean you are an animal lover. Somewhere, PETA is banging it’s head against a very hard wall., ala Mike.

    Thanks for the recaps. I always miss the show, but never a recap! :)

  4. 4
    SuburBint
    Posted July 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    @ ScurvyJoe — Is it a tattoo? I would certainly feel better if it is; drunkenness and handguns do not mix. I’m married to a cop and am as comfortable around firearms as I’m ever going to be, which is mostly not comfortable at all unless I know for a fact that the person carrying is trained in how to use it and is extremely responsible with it, and even then I’m happier not knowing if someone is armed. I don’t see the appeal of getting a tattoo like that, but it’s way better than the alternative.

  5. 5
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:44 am

    I feel like I need a shower after reading this. Thanks SB! You are a brave one.
    Almost as brave as that poor stuffed crocodile on Snooki’s wall. Someone needs to send that thing to a medical research facility so we can cure AIDS, Cancer, Herpes Simplex, UTI’s and Eczema, all at one time.

    If Roger wants Jenni to give it up, he may want to stop bragging about his reign as 4 time chlamydia champ in the thumb dick-lympics. His accomplishment did seem to charm the pants right up Snook.I.Joe’s crack though. Ugg.

    From the pictures, I get a weird vibe from JDad. I can’t decide if he was once a JMom, or if he is a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison. Either way, I totally understand that we all need to feel pretty sometimes.

  6. 6
    WishICouldDance
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Oh Lord!!! BedHeadJen!!! I had just taken a sip of coffee when I got to the, “a hand puppet away from being Mr. Garrison” bit – coffee went everywhere and I almost died laughing!!! LOVE IT!!! That just MADE my morning! Thank you for sharing.

  7. 7
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    WishICouldDance- :)

  8. 8
    SuburBint
    Posted July 28, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    @ BedHeadJen — So many excellent points you raised, where to begin?!

    I agree, that poor crocodile must be crawling with gonnorrherpesyphilaids. It should be burned, like the toy in The Velvetine Rabbit.

    Roger was absolutely being inappropriate, but I have a feeling that it doesn’t take much for JMomm to decide that he must be punished by witholding sex. Although maybe if they had sex more, they would get along better? All those bonding hormones released during orgasm can work wonders in a troubled relationship.

    DaddyJ gives off major weirdo vibes. I’m guessing he did not let the 70′s pass him by, but engaged wholeheartedly in whatever uppers and downers came his way. Looks like he preferred the downers, though. “A hand puppet away from Mr. Garrison” is the sentence of the day; I’ll have to share it with the EldestBintlet, she is going through a major South Park phase right now and will get a huge kick out of it.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they were all spot-on and hilarious!

    <3

  9. 9
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 29, 2012 at 10:46 am

    SuburBint, Ha ha ha! I bet the dreaded gonnorrherpesyphilaids is behind the disappearance of Snooki’s bunny suit! Thanks for the laughs!

  10. 10
    Tmurda
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    This….is….so….boring. Not ur recap, the show. Your recaps rule. This show is a yawnfest. I could not care any less about these people.

  11. 11
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Finally got around to your phab ‘cap of a completely unscripted, gen-you-ine reality show. Yup.every apartment when I was single was as cool as theirs started out to be, so natch I would cover it in animal prints and paeans to my ego.

    J-Dadd is totes more feminine than J-Momm. Makes me wonder if he started out as J-momm’s mom???? Have we seen her?

  12. 12
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Snooki’s in labor!

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.