SYTYCD: Can I Get A Woo Woo?

Wow, Gasmi, we’ve got a lot to cover on tonight’s So You Think You Can Dance (dance……dance).  We’ve got Dallas auditions, we’ve got Nashville auditions, and we’ve got Vegas.

Ultra dramatic music plays as we are shown clips from tonight’s episode.  Nigel says the competition begins now!  Toni Redpath yells at everyone!  Sir BitchyPants tells us to get the hell off the stage!

You first.

Anyone else want to skip over the last two audition towns and go straight to Vegas?  Me too, me too.  Unfortunately I’ve taken a recapper’s oath that forbids me from skipping over the boring stuff to get to the good stuff.  Damn!  I knew I should have kept my fingers crossed.

We’re starting in Dallas where Nigel will be joined by Sir BitchyPants and Toni Redpath, and the first dancer of the day is Ida Saki.

The judges ooh and aah throughout her entire audition, and when Sir BitchyPants starts pounding on the judges table it makes me want to pound his face.

For those of you who haven’t seen one before, this is what a camera whore looks like.

She is really good.  At one point during her audition, she raises herself up from a straddle using only her legs to do it; she’s balancing on her heels.  This girl has lower body strength that is unfreaking real.

Nigel asks long she’s been dancing, and she says since the sixth grade.  Wow.  Considering she is only eighteen that’s pretty fucking impressive.  He asks if her parents are both dancers, and she says no, they’re from Iran and her mom always wanted to dance but wasn’t allowed to.

Nigel thinks she is an exquisite dancer.  Toni says it’s obvious she’s dancing for herself and her mom because it’s like she’s got the two of them dancing in her one body.

Sir BitchyPants wrote Wow on a piece of paper, and Nigel helpfully points out that if you turn it upside down it spells Mom.  Because Ida’s theme is Mom; don’t forget it.  Of course she’s going straight through to Vegas.

After Ida leaves, Toni says to Nigel “I would not want to follow that.”  Yeah, no shit, huh?

Looks like the next dancers hold their own though, and we get brief glimpses of Robert Rolden and Rebecca Hart.  Both get put through to Vegas.

Feeling good?  Great!  Because now it’s time for our first sob story of the day.  Haylee Durbin tells us she started dancing when she was two, but she was never one of those frilly ballet girls.  Her dad was the ultimate dance dad.  And yes, you guessed it, he died.  Of cancer.

Eh.  She’s not a bad dancer, but she’s not great either.  There’s some good stuff in this audition, but a lot of it was just mediocre.  I really don’t understand why we have to be subjected to the sob stories of people that aren’t going to make it on the show.  If I have to watch a whole segment like this can’t it at least be for someone who is unbelievably awesome?  Oh wait.  THOSE people don’t need the sob stories.  Pleh.

Nigel’s not sure what she’s done today shows off her best.  He doesn’t understand why a pretty girl would have a stank face on for her whole audition. Maybe she was trying to avoid your perviness, Nigel.

Huh?  I only perv out over blondes, brunettes are stanky.

Toni says she dances very bound.

I think you need some Dance-Lax.

She says when you’re holding that much tension in your body you’re not going to be able to realize your full potential.  Sir BitchyPants says they’re really not seeing enough of her in her dance; she needs to show more of herself.  He brings up her dad dying and says she could use that in her dancing.  They put her through to choreography.

We go from sob story to idiot.  Connor McLaughlin tells us his style is scooter style.

Woo hoo!

Oh.  Boo.

He tells us that “Scooter Rocket” is not an alter ego, it’s a way of seeing the world.  From behind dork colored glasses.  Oh, and guess what?  He also writes music!  Of course he does.  His lyrics are so moving. “When the wind breaks, there are no mistakes….”

He’s so fake, I’d like to stab him with a rake, or maybe drown him in a lake.

Cat wonders what his philosophy has to do with dance.  Silly Cat!

He roller skates around the stage BADLY for his audition as the judges sit with shocked looks on their faces.  It is just how I imagine a community theatre production of Starlight Express would be.  Wait, I take that back; community theatre could never be this bad.

Of course he doesn’t make it through, but we all know he got what he wanted: his ugly mug on our TV.  Yipee for rewarding nutjobs.

We follow Connor with a montage of other idiots.

Nicole Knudson is up next, and she stands out because her hair is up in a gravity defying bun.  She tells us she totally didn’t just do her hair like that for the audition; she wears it like that all the time.  Yeah, I believe you Nicole.

Nigel immediately starts calling her Marge, which is actually pretty funny.

She’s good.  I could have done without the Lauri Ann headphone tribute, but this girl can dance.

Sir BitchyPants LOVES her and says a talent like hers come around like once every hundred years.  What is he on?  I mean, she’s good, but give me a fucking break here.  BARYSHNIKOV is a talent you see once every hundred years, Rudolf Nureyev, Martha Graham, Savion Glover, Gregory Hines…..THEY’RE people you say something like that to.  Hell, if you want to say that to someone in this competition, fine.  Say it to Danny.  Maybe even Alex Wong.

Sorry about that.  I just really hate when they do that; it really irritates the hell out of me.

Nigel thinks she’s absolutely unique and they haven’t seen anybody like her ever.  Toni says she took her breath away; she wasn’t watching her dance, she was being taken on a journey.  Nigel wonders how she’ll do in other styles (Badly.  Oooops!  Spoiler!)  She goes through to Vegas.

After Nicole, it’s time for choreography.  Haylee Durbin dances, and Nigel tells her she is not strong enough and sends her on her way.  And with that, day one in Dallas is done.

Day two dawns in Dallas and Deroccius Harris is ready to give it his all.  He tells Cat he tries to be a little masculine and a little sassy at the same time.  Oh lord, that’s sure to go over splendidly with Nigel.

Just……..no.  Not only is it no, he should also be penalized for misuse of spandex.

Nigel says it wasn’t for him (SHOCKING!), but perhaps he could make the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.  Deroccius:  “Thank You.”  Yeah, that wasn’t a compliment darling.

It was too girly for Toni and she doesn’t like that.  Sir BitchyPants tells him if he’s happy with what he sees that’s all that really matters.  But then he adds in “But that was really difficult to watch” illustrating exactly why his name is what it is.

My pants may be bitchy, but at least they’re not spandex!

Up next is Marcella Raneri.  Her dad was a mobster, but she didn’t know until he went to jail.  In order to make ends meet her mom starting a lingerie company, and Marcella models for her mom a little bit which really creeps me out.  I mean I know money is tight and all, but don’t you think she should have hired some models for her LINGERIE company?

She has a really nice series of fouettes in there, but again, something is missing from her performance.

Nigel tells her there wasn’t any heart and soul in her work.  Yep, he’s right again.  That has to be a record.  He makes a big deal of being all scared when he hears her dad was in the mob, and says she’s a yes for him to choreography.

Toni says she felt like she was seeing a series of setups from her, and Sir BitchyPants felt like she was doing some moves that she’s seen other people do.  They all send her through to choreography.

After showing us a series of the judges saying no (including Sir BitchyPants telling one guy he liked his sneakers more than what he did), we move on to Jordon Johnson.  He tells us when he was nine he found out he had a biological father.  Ummmm…….don’t we all?

I know, I know I’m being too literal.  He tells us that he’s struggled with depression and addiction, and being rejected by his biological dad.  He gets choked up about it, and you know you’re supposed to feel sorry for him because they play tinkly piano music over shots of looking pensive.

I can feel the pain through the TV.

Cat is as awesome as ever, as she sits rubbing his back while he cries about his father’s rejection.  I seriously love her.

I dunno why I’m so unimpressed with everyone this season.  I mean, I thought he was okay, but nothing to write home about.  I did like his sense of humor in there, but what his audition really did for me was make me wonder where all the awesome street dancers are this year.

Nigel really, really likes him.  He thinks he’s dangerous and exciting.  He thinks Jordan could do well in the competition because he has the potential to shock people, and that makes them pick up a telephone.

Toni thinks that his energy is sexy; she wanted to crawl over the table.  Oh, Toni.  Toni, Toni, Toni, Toni.  Do I really have to go over this with you so soon?  I can see that I do.  This?

Is not sexy.

THIS is sexy……rrrrrrrrooowwwrrrrr.

Or, for the lady lovers among you……

Also sexy.

They send him straight through to Vegas.

After Jordan, it’s time for choreography again and Marcella the Mafia Princess gets sent to Vegas after her performance there.  Stick a fork in Dallas because it’s done.

We’re moving on to Nashville now, and honestly, I’m going to go through this one quickly because there is very little to see here.  We get some weird ass not-flamenco dancer who is about as exciting as a wet dishrag, a girl that Joey Dowling says looked like she was doing hip hop aerobics while her kids take a nap in her house, and a montage of bad dancing with “On The Road Again” playing in the background.

The only good audition we see here is Brian Gaynor.  You might remember Brian; he’s the guy with severe scoliosis that can do the robot like a mo-fo.  As soon as he appears we all know there’s no way he’s moving no, but did you really care?  Me either.  Since I can’t really capture what he does in a photo, I decided to post his audition piece instead.

This can even make me like that stupid fireflies song.  Joey cries, Adam has his stupid “I’m so inspired” smile on, and Nigel loves him, but says realistically he’s not right for the show.  We find out that he’s dancing with a crew now, and Nigel invites them to perform on the show.  I think it’s safe to say that that is probably what Brian was hoping for when he came to the auditions here.

On that note, we’re finished with Nashville and heading over to Vegas!!!  YAY!!!!!!!!!!

Cat tells us the odds are tougher than ever this season because out of the 122 dancers here, only ten will make it through to the performance shows.  This is because they’ve decided to bring back “all stars” who the newbies will be paired up with each week.  BLECH.

Alright, I’m not going to go into what I think of the all stars as individuals until we get to their first showing, but I am going to say that I HATE THIS CHANGE.  Hate it with a passion that burns like twenty year old gonorrhea.

I know some of you will say that they made this change because of the low ratings for the fall season.  I will say it is unnecessary.  The reason the fall season didn’t do as well as the summer is because this is a SUMMER SHOW.  People have other things they watch in the fall, and I know plenty of young dancers that can’t watch in the fall either because they are in class, or their parents don’t let them stay up that late while still in school.

The reason I hate this change?  It takes away the best part of this competition.  And that is discovering new dancers.  Do we love all of the top twenty?  Of course not.  But sometimes we are surprised by the dancers that become our favorites.  Jeannine would have never won season five if she had been on her own from the beginning.  People didn’t see how good she was until they watched her week after week with Phillip.  Kathryn is another example.  I couldn’t stand her at the start of last season, and yet she became one of my favorites early on and also made me like Legacy more than I ever would have on his own.

Okay, tirade over.  More to come when we get to the individual dancers.  Sitting at the judges’ table in Vegas are Nigel, Lil C, Mary Murphy, Sir BitchyPants, Adam Shankman, and Toni Redpath.

Each dancer will start out doing a solo for the judges, and Cat tells us that for two of the dancers it’s the first time the judges will see them this year as they both have been given free passes to Vegas.  OH YEAH!!!! Alex Wong and Billy Bell are in da house!!!!  Can I get a WOO WOO??

I LOVE ALEX WONG!!!!!  Seriously.  He is probably the only dancer I’ve seen on this show that has the potential to overtake my love of Danny.  Potential, mind you.  I’m not giving up my Danny love THAT easily.

I miss you!

The judges aren’t supposed to give any feedback during the auditions but I’m fairly certain that all the hooting and hollering they were doing during his solo let Alex know he wasn’t going anywhere.

Next up is Billy.

Love it!  You know what I really love about this solo?  I can see how much he’s grown this past year; his dancing has matured.  After these two solos, I am in my happy place.

Anthony Burrell is worried.  But not because he is intimidated by Alex or Billy, it’s because he pulled his hamstring.  Crap.  That sucks.  He’s off to the clinic hoping to get them to sign off on his continuation in the competition.

We see snippets of solos, making me wish they spent more time on this part of the competition.  I’d sit through three weeks of Vegas if they would show us each and every solo for these kids.

Before you know it, it’s 3 p.m. and Anthony is back with a clearance to dance.

And dance he does.  Very nice.

And then the cutting begins.  But since we’ve never even seen most of the kids, it’s kind of hard to care that they’re being cut.  And then Nigel calls a group to the stage that must be a fake out.  Right?  It includes Anthony Burrell, Billy Bell, Kent Boyd (sweet small town boy), and Alex Wong.  If these people get cut I am quitting.  In the middle of the show.

No worries though.  They’re not being cut.  Nigel wanted to call them to the stage to tell them the judges like them a lot and feel that they deserve a special mention.  Phew!  In all, twenty six dancers were cut after the solos.

Time for the Hippity Hop with Tabitha and Napoleon.  But before the dancers go to the stage we meet up with Jokerface who has decided that a good way to appeal to the female audience is to slather on the fake tan.

Yikes!

We also hear from Sarah Brinson (the girl Nigel thinks looks like Charlize Theron) who tells us she hurt her back before coming here.  Wah, wah, wah!  Suck it up.

While Sarah was talking to us, Jokerface got even more orange which I really didn’t think was possible.  He is grossing me out so much right now.

Tang tan

EEEEWWWWWWWWWW

Tabitha takes the dancers through the moves, and Billy tells us that if he doesn’t kill it, he is going to kill himself.  Uh oh.  No shoelaces for Billy!

Cat reminds us that some of the dancers here are not used to learning choreography, like Rachel (rhythmic gymnast) and Jose Ruiz (b-boy).  Rachel’s having trouble, but Jose seems to be holding his own.

Rachel gets a no from everyone and so is sent on her way, but Jose gets yeses from every judge except for Lil C (bitch).  We get clips of standouts, and lips of people that tanked.  Among those leaving are Jokerface and Teddy Tedholm.  By 6pm another 26 dancers were sent home.

One group remains.  Can Anthony Burrell and Sarah Brinson make it through despite their injuries?

Yes

And no.

Honestly, I don’t think Sarah’s injury is what did her in.  From what they showed us it just didn’t look like she was good in the hip hop genre.

Vegas, Day two.  Today’s starting style is going to be ballroom with Toni Redpath choreographing.  It looks like Toni is this year’s bitchy choreographer, and she shushes and yells at the dancers.  And look!

Billy and Christina DID get paired up again!  Hilarious!

Billy tells the cameraman that Toni is like a Nazi Barbie, and Anthony Burrell calls her a drill sergeant.  Nicole Knudson does not do well at all.  Sir BitchyPants is not digging her hair, so she starts to take it down saying she’s confused; she wasn’t sure if it should be her signature.  Oh whatever, she told us all before that she wears her hair like that all the time.

The hair issue gives the judges an excuse to let her have any chance, this time with her hair down.  I think they should just cut her now and get it over with; how badly she danced has nothing to do with her stupid bun.

A guy named Adechike Torbert tells us he’s trying to make sure he looks equal to the ballroom dancers; he doesn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb.

Cat tells us he did an amazing contemporary routine in New York (which I’m pretty sure we didn’t see), but then, inexplicably chose to do a whacked out tap number as his solo.  Seeing a clip of it I’m actually shocked that the judges didn’t cut him after that.

If this isn’t a classic “what was he thinking” moment, I don’t know what is.

He barely got through the hip hop round, so he has a lot riding on ballroom.  Nigel says it was a good attempt but no strong enough, he gives Adechike a no.  He also gets a no from Mary.

Whose vocal cords appear to be on lockdown.

Sir BitchyPants says no, Lil C says yes, as does Toni and so now it’s down to Adam.  He say he thinks Adechike is going to get creamed.  Then Nigel steps in saying that he thinks Adechike make a big mistake not doing a contemporary solo, and perhaps they should see him dance for his life later in the day.  They agree, so he’s sent off to wait.

Before we get to him, there’s one last group left to dance ballroom that includes Jordan Johnson, the guy Toni went wild for in Dallas.

He doesn’t make it through.  Nigel even tells him he was one of the worst of the day.  Ouch!  Nigel says he’s focused himself and gotten himself straight, now he needs to focus on his dancing.  By the end of ballroom, eleven more dancers were gone.

And now it’s time for Nicole to try ballroom again, this time without the bun.  Will it make a difference?  I don’t think it makes a difference; she seems really awkward to me in this style.  The judges disagree with me, and they all give her yeses except for Lil C.

Time for Adechike to dance for his life.  He tells us he’s going to dance his ass off, plain and simple.

I’m glad they let him dance for his life because he is very good.  They put him through but not before Nigel gives him a good ole tongue lashing about his “silly, immature, stupid” decision to do a tap solo.  So he makes it through and has two minutes to get ready for the Broadway round.

But more on that next week because we are done for tonight. What did you think, Gasmi?  Were you as excited as I was to see Alex Wong again?  Do you even remember the Dallas and Nashville auditions?  Any favorites?  People you were bummed to see cut?

Only 58 dancers remain…….and Cat tells us next week gets even tougher.  We see someone withdraw, Nigel tells her (or possibly someone else) to get off the stage!  There are tears!  People refusing to give up!  And more Alex Wong!!!  Hope to see you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth