Welcome to the least suspenseful results shows ever! After last night’s performance show, I think it’s safe to say we all can predict precisely who will be leaving us at the end of this hour. Unless the judges try to throw us a curveball. Do you think…...naw, they wouldn’t do that, would they? Welcome! To So You Think You Can Dance (dance…….dance)!
Poor Cat. I think Thursday nights have traumatized her. Her only consolation is her ritual pre-show fuck in her dressing room. But I think she really needs to start giving herself a little more time. At least enough to brush her hair before going on stage.
Mmmmm……….That night off really did wonders for Mark’s stamina…..
As is the usual for these results shows, we’re starting with a group routine; this time danced to “O Fortuna”.
Ummmm……I don’t know where to start. I’m thinking choreography this stupid had to have been done by Sir BitchyPants. I honestly never thought I’d think “O Fortuna” was boring. This dance made me rethink that. This was a clusterfuck of weird ballet/modern/afro pop jazz, and, for me at least, it did not work at all.
Oh, my bad. Not Sir BitchyPants, but a new choreographer, Jamel Gaines. Sorry Sir BitchyPants, but I’m sure you can understand my mistake, right? I can only hope that if we see Jamel again, he’ll bring something better than this. God, I hate it when I start out this cranky. There’s nowhere to go from here.
Don’t look at me like that, Jamel.
Some people are so touchy. Next time choreograph something good and I won’t have to confuse you with Sir BitchyPants.
Anyway, Cat comes out and reminds us YET AGAIN that we are live. I’m so glad, because I for one had completely forgotten. As Cat introduces the judges I am convinced that we only have about two more weeks before Mia’s eyes disappear completely.
Soon she will be judging by sonar alone.
When Cat gets to Nigel I’m thinking we’re going to hear more about dance day and how much we have to all whore it up so maybe Fox will send a camera to our neighborhoods. I’m wrong. This week she wants him to tell us about some changes that are coming.
Don’t worry, I won’t be toning down my pervy comments. I know how you all look forward to them.
He tells us that they like to challenge the dancers each week, so next week they will be doing two routines. For those of you feeling sorry for the women all stars, don’t. They will only dance one dance with an all star next week; the other will be partnered from within the contestant pool itself.
He says they’re going to make sure they dance with all star they’ve never danced with which should be super hard considering the pick is randomly decided. Mia jokingly adds, “And then, one of us.” As if that would ever happen. And yes, I’m still bitter about the judges’ dance that turned out to be just a bunch of walking and posing. No, I will not let it go.
Personally, I like that they’re finally going to dance with each other, and I’m really curious to see how they pair them up. I mean, what random assignments they get.
Alright, enough of the blather, let’s get on to the results. Instead of doing three groups of three, we’re getting a first group of four: Kent, Adechike, Ashley and Alex.
We all know there is no way in hell that Alex is in danger tonight. After we revisit his awesome hip hop followed by the judges’ multiple orgasms, Cat tells him what we all already knew; he is safe. Ashley is also safe, and I’m glad. So we’re down to Adechike and Kent. I’m thinking for sure Adechike is in the bottom three; Kent seems like he has too many fans to be voted into the bottom this early on.
But then, Cat says Adechike is safe. And I’m really surprised. But…..could it be……Kent is safe too! Yep, that was a Cat fakeout, and I have to admit that she fooled me. Well played Cat, well played.
After a short commercial break, we’re back with the next group: Billy, Robert and Lauren.
Unless both Jose and Melinda are in the bottom, two of these dancers will be in the bottom three. I think Lauren might be in trouble when Cat starts with her, but the dirty old man contingent must have been power dialing last night because she is safe.
So once again we’re left with Billy and Robert. Cat says maybe they should arm wrestle to see who is in the bottom, and Billy says that it would definitely be him if they did that. Hee! She revisits each of their performances along with the judges’ comments, and then cuts to another break. Yay! I always appreciate the fake drama of a commercial break, don’t you?
When we return, Cat tells Billy he is in the bottom three. Robert has a brief moment of relief before Cat informs him he’s in the bottom as well.
Come on, who didn’t see that coming?
Oh Hugh, you’re so silly sometimes.
Cat asks Mia why America is not voting for these guys. She thinks it’s because they’re not connecting. That may be true for Billy, but I think Robert is there because he’s fucking annoying as hell. Mia talks about how brilliant Billy is and says he must be sick of hearing people say that. She thinks that may actually be the problem; that’s stopping him from being open to growth and to making mistakes. I think she may be on to something there.
She thinks Robert has a great personality (ha!), but when he hits the stage it’s not quite……he has to figure that out. UGH! Just fucking tell him he irritates people and there’s probably nothing he can do to remedy that at this point.
Whether or not he actually has a great personality doesn’t matter. The personality he chose to show America the first couple of weeks has caused him to land in the bottom. Shit! Even his mom sob story inspiration package didn’t help him out this week. The damage is already done. I predict he will be in the bottom again next week.
Don’t roll your eyes at me! I didn’t tell you to act like a moron the last two weeks!
That leaves us with just Jose and Melinda.
I don’t think I’ve seen two dancers on this show stand further apart during the results. I’m fairly certain I know the way this one is going to go and……..
Yup. No surprises here.
Cat asks Adam what Melinda can do tonight to save herself again.
Sorry, that’s what he would have said if he was being honest. Instead, he goes on and on about how she needs to show some vulnerability, but only after he points out that he’s sure she saw in the playback that there were some technical difficulties with the routine last night.
Yeah, if I was her I sure would strive to show some vulnerability to the assholes who told me last night that keeping me was a mistake. Shut the fuck up, Adam. I’m pretty sure that Billy and Robert could both do a Kupuno “I’m taking a dump on stage” solo and she’d STILL be the one going home. Frankly, I think I might have a heart attack if they decide to save her again.
Adam also uses this opportunity to point out that Jose isn’t as good a dancer as Melinda is, but says he has more charisma. Even though I am not a fan of Melinda’s, I do think she’s handling herself well here; I’m sure she can see the writing on the wall, and she just stands there and listens.
Okay, she throws a small eye roll in there, but after last night can you really blame her?
At this point we usually get a guest dance performance while the dancers are getting ready for their solos, but Cat tells us that since they changed the format this season they’ve been getting a lot of letters and e-mails about the all stars. So they’ve decided to highlight them during this portion; reminding us of how we first met them, and revisiting some of their best performances.
This week we’re focusing on Mark and Courtney. First we relive Courtney’s audition, along with Nigel’s season four hairdon’t.
We also get a quick glimpse of Mark’s Vegas “Bohemian Rhapsody” solo which I think I would kill to see all of. Cat tells us that when they got together with Sonya, it led to one of the most memorable routines ever. Like, ever, ever. For real ever. Yup, you guessed it, it’s “The Garden”!
I have always and will always love this dance. LOVE IT. That said, I love it more on the old stage than being swallowed up by the great pumpkin. Still, cavernous stage or not, I love this dance. Did I mention I love it?
I’m thinking we’ll be going right into the solos now, but I’m wrong. We’re getting another dance performance. This one feature the Cirque de Soleil performers from Viva Elvis and is choreographed by Mandy Moore and Tabitha and Napoleon. I’m confused. Did they choreograph the whole show, or just this routine?
I loved the stepping in that routine. So cool. It was a fun number and well danced. Cat makes sure to let us know that Chris and Marquis from season four were among the dancers in this routine. Hey guys most of barely remember!
Solo time. Billy is up first.
What can I really say here? I mean, I love watching him dance. He’s truly gifted and I think there is no way in hell they’re going to cut him from the competition. Not at this point anyway. I still can’t believe he only started dancing when he was twelve. Unreal.
Up next is Robert.
Meh. Again. I’m in the same position as always with this guy; I can see that he’s a good dancer, but I don’t enjoy watching him. Also, his solos are not dynamic at all; he really needs someone to help him choreograph something better.
Last up is Melinda.
She taps a cappella this week, and I have to say that I enjoyed her performance more like this, without the distraction of her dancing against the music. I’ll tell you what, I may not get all warm and fuzzy watching her dance, but this girl has got some CLEAN tapping going on here. I have to give her props for that.
Cat sends the judges off to have their fake conversation about who is getting the axe. To help us pass the time while they all pick their noses backstage, we have Ne-Yo! Don’t get too excited though because the all stars will not be dancing backup this week.
Was it just me or did that performance seem to go on and on and on and on? That felt soooooo long. I think it’s hilarious that he didn’t even bother pretending to lip sync during the choruses. Did he think no one would notice? Does he not care? I guess moving your mouth while dancing is just too hard.
Alright, the time has come. Let’s find out who is staying and who is going. Nigel tells us this week the judges’ decision was unanimous. For one brief moment I wonder if they’ll send Robert home since we desperately need to lose a boy at this point.
Nigel says that both Billy and Robert have heard a lot tonight, and he thinks Mia hit the nail on the head; they’ve got to figure out for themselves what is missing. With that, he tells them both to go sit down (or stand off stage) for this evening. And just like that, Melinda is going home. I’m sure even she was unsurprised at that decision.
Nigel says he adores her (ewwww) and thinks that she dances to the beat of her own drum; he thinks she won’t ever have a problem working. After her goodbye montage, Cat asks her what’s she’s enjoyed most about the competition. Melinda says she’s most thankful for being able to share the gifts that she’s been given and to share her music.
She points out her fellow competitors as what she will remember the most, saying that they taught her about working with others, about herself, and about being in the moment. And with that, Melinda is out, and this week’s show is over.
What did you think, Gasmi? Were you surprised at all by this outcome? Did you think for a moment that they would get rid of a boy just to even things out a little? I think we’ll see a boy go next week, without a doubt. In fact, I’m thinking that the next two weeks will be guy eliminations, then possibly Lauren might go. That’s if Nigel’s boner doesn’t wake up and save her.
Whatever happens, you know I’ll be there to watch and cheer and bitch! You’ll be there too, won’t you?