So You Think You Can Dance: Krumping, Humping, and A Whole Lotta Jumping

On tonight’s So You Think You Dance (dance………dance), we get a Pasha Paso (Meee-YOW!), Travis gets a spanking, and Sir BitchyPants gives us another failed attempt at Broadway.

Perhaps I should change his name to Sir BotchyPants.

Before we get into this week’s show, I have to give a BIG shoutout to HLo for covering for me while I was on vacation.  Awesome job; I laughed, I cried, I’ll read it again and again.  Seriously though, THANK YOU and kadooz on a job well done!

Thankfully Cat has retired the cinnabun this week.  But what would Cat’s outfits be without a little wackness?  This week someone decided her white sheath dress needed a little dressing up.  With feathers.  Oy.

Cluck you, wardrobe people.

After Cat introduces the judges (as if we didn’t know who they are), we go back in time to last week’s result show.  Or I should say, POST result show, where the dancers are ready to “randomly” pick their all star partner for the upcoming week.  Interestingly the “random” pick seems to involve each dancer picking the top card from a stack of cards in the box Cat is holding.  Wow, now I’m wondering why I put random in quotes before.  I mean, really, the way they are leaving this all to chance is kinda scary, no?

Pick a card, any card.  As long as it’s the top card.

As you know already, the all star picked determines the genre since they are only dancing in their own style.  Billy picks Comfort and she informs him they will be dancing krump.  Um, wow.  Did Billy piss in someone’s Wheaties or something?  This should be interesting.

Lauren picks Dominc and lyrical hip hop, Adechike gets Allison and contemporary, Kent chooses Courtney and jazz, Melinda gets Ade with contemporary, and poor Alex gets the devil.  She informs him they are dancing Broadway, and because it is her, I JUST KNOW it will be a Sir BitchyPants routine.

Someone throw some holy water on her, quick!

Cristina gets Pasha and a “passionate paso doble”, Ashley draws Mark and jazz, Robert gets Anya and the Argentine Tango, and Jose gets Kathryn and…..Bollywood?  Uh……since when is Kathryn a Bollywood expert?  Did she take a trip to India for a Bollywood intensive or something?

That’s what I thought.

Cat looks into her empty box and tells us there are two cards left (in the production office), so that means Twitch and Neil will not be dancing this week.  Enjoy your week off guys!  Cat assures us that they will be dancing next week, but how could she possibly know that given that the picks are random?

Alright, enough of me picking on the random draw.  Let’s get down to business.  For those of you that are curious, this week’s filler topic is childhood memories.  Yay?

Up first is Cristina.  Her childhood memory involves her costume ripping and her underwear showing.  Normally I would harp on the fact that she was wearing underwear underneath a dance costume, but I guess in this case it all worked out for the best.

No kidding.

The choreographers for her Pasha Paso are Jean-Marc and France.  I’m always hit or miss with Jean-Marc’s choreography, but the guy himself always cracks me up.  He tells us this Paso Doble require a very strong man, and a very strong woman; she’s a gypsy, he’s a tyran(t).

He’s a goofball, she’s a mute.

Both Cristina and Pasha tell us that the routine is dangerous, and there are some crazy lifts and flips in there.  Cue shots of lifts.  Super scary!  Jean-Marc thinks the routine should be like a roller coaster.  Nauseating and over way too soon?

I think Cristina did a fairly good job here.  Not terrible, not great.  She had some stumbles here and there, and some of the transitions in and out of lifts were a little awkward, but she did have some nice moments in there as well.  In all honesty though, I have to say it took about three times watching this routine before I even focused on her.  I mean, hello?  Pasha?  Mostly shirtless?  Yes please!

Why are the all stars now staying on stage for the critiques?  I don’t care when it involves semi-shirtless Pasha.

Nigel would like us all to remember what elements are required for a Paso:  Passion, Power, Fire, and Control.  He thinks Cristina brought all that tonight.  Passion and power, maybe.  Control?  No.  And there’s no fire allowed in the theatre by order of the fire marshall.  He thinks it was a great start to the night.

Mia kinda thinks it was everything.  It was power, it was passion, it was the whole package.  I think she spent the routine looking at Pasha’s package.

Was? Try still is.

Adam starts to say something about there being a Pasha Doble joke, but he’s not going there.  He probably can’t remember it.  He says it was mucho caliente.  I see someone else spent the routine oogling Pasha.  Don’t worry Adam, happens to us all.  He thinks her confidence, commitment and character were extraordinary.  Great start to the show.

Pasha leaves before Cat gives us Cristina’s numbers, reminding us again that the numbers have changed this year.  I’m curious about why they chose “best” for the numbers.  I thought we weren’t choosing the best dancer but the favorite one.  Why not use “fave” instead?  And then I remind myself that logical thinking and this show reside millions and millions of miles apart.  That’s what happens when you go on vacation; you forget the important things.

Next up is Adechike.  He tells us that his dad was dancer, and the coolest guy he knew growing up.  We see a few pictures of him, but they must have been from other family members because he tells us that his family lost everything in a fire a few years ago.  What can I really say beyond “That sucks”?  Normally I get annoyed with sob stories, but he talks about it so matter of factly, I’m letting it slide.  THIS time.

He and Allison will be working with Mandy Moore for their contemporary piece.  She tells us that this time there is no story to the dance, it is just about emotions.  Love, to be exact.  He talks about connecting more with his partner this week, which seems to translate into Mandy telling him to smile.  Because love is smiley faces, I guess.

I fucking love Allison.  She is such a beautiful and compelling dancer.  And this dance (and the one before it) illustrate YET AGAIN what I don’t like about this new format.  I know, I know, I keep harping on it.  I’d love to tell you that this will be the last time, but you and I both know that that?  Would be a LIE.

Okay, so here’s my all star tirade for this week.  There are some dancers that they’ve brought back that I truly love watching.  Like LOVE love.  But as much as I love them, they’re taking away from the current year’s dancers.  Yes, it’s giving us some wonderful dancing, but I keep finding myself watching the all star instead of the contestant.  Now, I go back and watch the routines three, four times.  But not everyone does.  And you can’t tell me that other people aren’t focused primarily on the all stars too.  Especially when you have someone like Allison (or Pasha, or Mark, etc) dancing up there.

I really wish instead of this format, they’d consider doing an ALL all star season.  I’d love to see some people come back again, competing against each other.  Hell, I might even put up with Satan’s Spawn for that, because you KNOW she’d be back.

End of this week’s tirade.  Feel free to skip over them as the season progresses because there really is nothing I love more than beating a dead horse, injecting it with a zombie virus, and then putting a bullet into it’s brain.

Nigel says he can see a major improvement this week in Adechike bringing out the emotion and connecting to his partner.  He thinks he has to watch that he doesn’t interrupt the flow of his emotional side with steps.  Basically, Nigel can see him thinking about the steps that are coming, rather than immersing himself in the performance.

Mia wants him to tap into the joy that is in there on a much more consistent level.  She talks about how he smiles and stops, then smiles and stops, and she thinks it comes across as dishonest.  No more dishonest than the people who keep a smile plastered all over their face for ENTIRE dances.  She then tells him to remember that dance is not just an art form, it’s a HEART form.

Coincidentally, this is the exact face I made when she said that.

Adam points out that Adechike is very good technically, but that he’s dancing from his head.  He tells him he needs to get out of his head and just let go.

Now it’s time for Alex.  He tells us when he first started dancing, it was in tap and jazz.  He thought ballet was boring.  That was less of a childhood memory and more like a History of Alex’s Dancing, wasn’t it?

As predicted, Alex and the devil will be working with Sir BitchyPants for Broadway.  UGH.  WHY?????  Where is Spencer Liff? Or Andy Blankenbueller?

Sir BitchyPants consistently does crappy Broadway numbers, and I’ve finally figured out why.  The guy has ALMOST ZERO Broadway cred.  That’s right, folks.  Our resident Broadway “expert” has no credits as a performer on Broadway, one choreography credit for a shit ass show that closed two months later, and a failed attempt to become part of the cast of the A Chorus Line revival.

The crazy thing is, that I actually like some of his jazz and contemporary pieces, so if he’d just stick with that, I might like him more.  Okay, probably not because I think he’s an asshole, but I’d rip on his choreography less.

I can see the Broadway producers lining up for this as we speak

Sir BitchyPants tells us this routine is going to be inspired by the Fosse style, but with his take on it.  Of course it is.  It’s like having the perfect ice cream sundae, but instead of whipped cream on top, adding a dollop of shit.  Yum.

Alex tells us he doesn’t really know a lot about Fosse, so he’s going to go do some homework.  I’m sort of flabbergasted that he doesn’t know much about Fosse, but I’m glad he’s going to do some research on him.

First of all, why would he pick “Summertime” when Bob Fosse didn’t choreograph Porgy and Bess?  Hell, it’s not even a “dancing” show!  I mean, I understand if you don’t want to do Cabaret or Chicago, but how about something from Pippin?  Sweet Charity?  Damn Yankees?  I’m sorry to get so riled, Gasmi, but I love Broadway shows.  I try to see at least a couple a year, and his constant hackery of this genre makes my head explode.

Anyway, on to Alex’s dancing.  He is a technically brilliant dancer, but this style was not his.  I blame Sir BitchyPants.  I think a lot of it is the hack choreography and Sir BitchyPants’ “take” muddying up Fosse’s style.

When I first watched the routine, I was disappointed by the lack of personality in Alex’s performance, but upon further viewing I think some of that is issues with lighting.  Don’t get me wrong, I think he could have brought more to his performance, but it wasn’t completely without personality as I had originally thought.

Nigel starts out by giving Alex some reference for Fosse.  He comes up with Kiss Me Kate and The Little Prince.  He tells Alex he needs to bring a little power to his performance.  Nigel thinks he’s going to have to work hard in changing genres.

Mia uses hissing as part of her critique.  I’m glad to see she’s giving clear concise criticism.

A little more hsssssss, less of the sssssssss.  Got it?  Good!

She also hates the outfits which is something that Alex has total control over, right?

Adam tells him his talent is so expansive.  So for him this contest is not about his ability, it’s about his versatility and growth.  He thinks Alex’s performance was sort of the antithesis of Fosse.  There were no levels; it was all at eleven.  a lot of flash and no smolder.  I blame Sir BitchyPants for that.

Alex thanks them for the critiques and says he can here to learn as much as he can; to learn what he can’t in a ballet company.  Nigel says he’s doing a brilliant job so far.  I think it’s obvious he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

Next to perform will be Ashley.  Her childhood memory is about how her mom dressed her in pink and curled her hair.  Thanks for sharing, Ashley!

She will be dancing with Mark to a Travis Wall contemporary jazz piece.  Travis may be trying to kill them because he has put an INSANE amount of lifts into the routine.

Wow, she danced the shit out of that.  She really is a powerful little dancer, and has some really beautiful lines. Was it jazz? Nope  Did I care?  Not a bit.

Nigel immediately points out that this was not jazz, and says it’s more of a note for Travis than for the dancers.  The problem is, he doesn’t feel that he’s learned anything new about Ashley; he already knows she’s a terrific contemporary dancer, now he wants to see what else she can do.  He congratulates her on being good in something he knew she was already good at.  Great comments, Nigel.

He also says he hopes America realizes how good the girls are this year.  He sees the guys getting voted for; he doesn’t want to see the girls just disappear, leaving them with only guys.  This is what happens when it’s about the favorite dancer and your biggest voting block is tween girls.  It’s also another issue caused by the new format, but I won’t delve deeper into that this week; I’ll save that one for another time.

Mia also says that they need to see something different from her, but then tells Ashley that she is one of her favorite girls.  Careful, Ashley.  She may tell you she wants to stab you in your face!

She thinks Ashley needs to be really aware of her transitions; she needs to dance through the transitions and keep the story alive through them and the lifts.

Adam is in the same place as Mia.  And then he babbles about breathing and filling the moments in between the steps, which is completely correct, and also something he’s said a million times already this season.

Time for Billy.  Billy was a fat baby.  He also tells us that he started dancing later and his first dance was hip hop.  In a pleather costume.  Ah, we’ve all had one of those, haven’t we?

He and Comfort will be choreographed by Lil C who tells us he’s going to bring out the buc in Billy.  I think the only buc you’re going to see out of Billy is if you have him stand around buc naked.  Billy is about as far away from buc and krump as you could humanly get.  Baby kitty cats are more buc than Billy.

Oh. my.  He definitely gets an A+ for effort, but that was not good.  In fairness to Billy, I think part of the issue is that krump isn’t really meant to be choreographed.  That aside, Billy tried, he really did, but he’s not gritty enough for the style.  His technique is still there, and it really shouldn’t be.  This may have been the crappiest krump ever done on this show.

Nigel starts out by saying he hates the music.  Great.  Can we get to the dancing now?  He tells Billy that this is probably the most alien style for him that he will find on this program.  He thinks krump is a warrior’s dance, and Billy has not found the warrior within yet.  He does give Billy props for throwing himself into it and giving it everything he has.

Mia thinks he knocked on the warrior’s door, but he was afraid to open it.  Maybe it was locked, Mia.  She’s a little freaked out; it was a little strange for her to see him do that, and she points out that he was turned out during the routine.  She says he was trying to be badass but it didn’t quite work out.  Instead of Billy B Buc, he was Billy B Wack.

Adam says Billy is one of the best dancers they’ve ever had on the show, but that was like a bad experiment.  Mia pipes up to say it could have been a lot worse.  Adam says he didn’t have enough hit or rebound in the steps, but he’s a great dancer, who cares?  LOL, Adam knows even with that craptastic performance Billy isn’t going anywhere.

We’re moving now from Billy to Robert.  He tells us when he was a little kid he was an attention whore crazy.  He used to jump off the walls, dancing around, especially at weddings.  I bet the brides loved him.

Jean-Marc and France will be choreographing Robert and Anya’s Argentine Tango.  Jean-Marc tells us it’s going to be boiling in the room; get your fire extinguishers ready.  Robert continues to ham it up and irritate the fuck out of me.  Dude, try a little less, I may like you more.

Is “Libertango” the only music to tango by?  Yeesh!  I think we’ve had that song on this show about five or six times now, haven’t we?

I’m going to start off by saying I think my annoyance with Robert as a person is effecting my enjoyment of his dancing.  I think he did okay here, but he made stupid ass faces throughout the entire thing which were extremely distracting.  So I stopped watching him and watched Anya instead.  LOVE HER.  She is smoking hot in this dance, and honestly, I kept imagining what it would have been like to see Anthony Burrell do this number with her.  Excuse me while I go take a cold shower.

Nigel says this dance is about being the dominant male and taking control of the woman, and he thinks Robert did that this evening.  Bleh.  I disagree.  He thinks Robert looked magnificent up there; his carriage was terrific.  He thinks it was one of the best routines of the night.

Mia disagrees.  She says when she sees Argentine tango, it looks like the man is going to eat the woman alive, like devour.  She feels like Anya devoured him.

Thankfully she didn’t choke on that HAM bone.

She needed more power, more groundedness.  For her it was a little scritchy.  Anya interrupts to say she wouldn’t look like that if he wasn’t by her side.  WRONG Anya!  We all know you could dance with a coat rack and still be fabulous.  Oh wait, that was Pasha.

Adam knows what each of them are saying.  He thinks Robert had beautiful footwork for someone who’s never done this before, but he looked really stressed out.  He also tells Robert he needs to stretch his steps; that would have completed him.

During the judges’ comments, Robert mugs and acts overly sincere, and reminds me yet again why I can’t stand him.  I mean, the guy can dance, no question there, but his personality is SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

He then tries to do the same thing as Alex, talking about being there to learn.  Only thing is, I believe Alex when he says it, Robert is yet again trying too hard to seem sincere so he comes off as insincere instead.  And when Cat gives his numbers, he pretends to barf them up.  Yep, you heard me.  He pretends to puke.

PLEASE STOP

Melinda is next.  She tells us she was a quirky child, different than the other kids because her parents stressed them being involved in the arts.  Yes, because no one has ever been involved in the arts since childhood.  Shut up, Melinda.

Stacy Tookey is choreographing Melinda and Ade’s contemporary routine, and she tells us that the story of this routine is the relationship between mother earth and mankind.  Melinda talks about how the routine requires trust, and then we see her not trusting Ade, even though she says she does.  He does wack her in the nose at one point, which was both hilarious and my favorite part of Melinda’s screen time this week.

Hahahahahaha! The wardrobe people hate Melinda as much as I do!  That dress was just so wrong.  Perfect.  Her dancing isn’t terrible, but there’s a disconnect between her and Ade, and I don’t feel like she was fully committed to the lifts.  It was okay.  I still can’t stand her.

Nigel thinks that for a tapper, Melinda has got some beautiful lines.  He thinks it was absolutely tremendous.

Mia loves the concept and the story, she doesn’t love the dress.  Again, it’s not like Melinda picked the thing, Mia.  Mia does say she doesn’t have much room to talk given that she is wearing a bedspread.  I think her blouse looks more like the sheers my grandmother used to have in her kitchen.

She says that with the feet and lines Melinda had in the dance she would have never thought she was a hoofer.  Her lines were like, gorgois.  It was yay.

Adam says that gorgois is the actual technical term for what that was.  He has little to add to what Nigel and Mia said.  He thinks she was great.  He’s so glad they kept her.

We’re moving on now to Jose.  He tells us that as a kid he was into sports and martial arts.  When he was ten, he met one of his best friends who taught him some b-boy freezes.  I guess the rest is history.

Given the fact that Jose and Kathryn are doing Bollywood, it’s no surprise that they’re being choreographed by Nakul.  Hilarity ensues as Nakul tells us he doesn’t know what a b-boy is, and Jose tells us he doesn’t know what Bollywood is.  So entertaining!

Nakul tells us the dance has a storyline; it is a genie in a bottle story.  Kathryn tells us it’s really intricate and really fast.  Jose thinks the hardest thing about it is everything.

Bollywood is not Jose’s genre.  Doesn’t matter though; he will be totally safe.  Why?  Because he was adorable doing it and threw himself into it.  Did anyone else catch the fact that his necklace flew off during the dance plus other parts of his costume or jewelry?  I’d say that’s giving it your all.

Let’s face it, as a Bollywood number that was like a seventh grade talent show version, but for whatever reason, this kid has grown on me.  Do I want him to stay around forever in the competition?  I don’t think so.  But maybe he’ll have some sudden growth a la Ivan and make me want to see him stick around for a while.

In a nutshell, all three judges basically agree that as a Bollywood routine, it was a hot mess.  But they all applaud him for his enthusiasm and charm on the stage.  Adam tells him that if there were a prize for being the brightest light on the show, he’d have already won it.

Other things of note during the judging:  Nigel makes some lame World Cup analogy/reference which I don’t understand and don’t care about, and Legacy is sitting in the audience next to Nakul watching Kathryn dance.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm

Time for Lauren.  She tells us she was talkative and hyper as a kid, so her mom got her into dance so she could get away from her for several hours a week.  My sister has several Laurens in her dance classes.  You could not pay me enough to be a dance teacher.  Any teacher for that matter.

Her lyrical hip hop piece with Dom is being choreographed by a new choreographer to the show, Tessandra Chavez.  Tessandra is known mostly for a choreography style that blends jazz, hip hop and modern.

Tessandra tells us this piece about women who get themselves into abusive relationships.  She tells us it’s about how well Dominic and Lauren can emotionally connect, and then tells Lauren to hit him harder.  She wants them to go to an uncomfortable place in this routine.

This is another case where I think they did a pretty good job with what they were given.  It didn’t really move me as a piece with something to say about abuse.  First of all, they didn’t really go there in the performance for me, and second, Tessandra talked about how it’s about women in abusive relationships, but I thought Lauren was way more violent than Dom.  Maybe that’s him holding back, but I didn’t see it in the choreography either.

Actually, come to think of it, that could have made for a really interesting subject.  There are guys who get abused in relationships as well.  It may have been interesting to see that really played out.

Either way, it seemed like a really tepid attempt at something that should have felt like a punch to the gut.  Example:  Mia’s addiction piece.  As much as I’m no fan of Kayla’s, both she and Kupono gave chilling performances in that piece.  Anyway, it wasn’t terrible dancing, but it could have been more.

Both of them seem pretty wrecked after the performance, so whether or not I was feeling it, it sure seems like they were.  Nigel thanks Tessandra for bringing an important subject to light.  He wonders if Lauren has a sway back, but Mia thinks maybe she just has a great butt.  Nigel’s boner pops up.  He thinks it was a great performance.

Mia says it was an outstanding performance from both of them; she felt them so much.  The only moments she wanted to feel more were the abuse parts.  She really wanted them to go there.  She wanted it to be really disturbing.  Yep, we are on the same page, Mia.

Adam loves that Lauren took his notes from last week and applied them.  He really appreciates that she listened to him.  He can tell they’re in a raw state emotionally, and congratulates Lauren on becoming an actress.  Yes, break out the Oscar because here she comes!

Cat asks Lauren what she learned from Adam last week, and Lauren says usually she’s thinking about the choreography when she dances, but because of Adam, well all three judges, she really wanted to get to a deeper place.  And then.  Oh then.  Cat asks Dom if he wants to get to a deeper place.

Really, Cat?  Really???

Let’s move along, shall we?  We’ve reached the last dancer, and it is the adorkable Kent.  As a child, Kent looked like an epileptic dancing on stage.  He loved it just that much.

Kent and Courtney’s jazz routine is being choreographed by Sir BitchyPants.  Ugh, really?  Twice in one fucking show?  Why couldn’t that happen while I was on vacation?

Sir BitchyPants says his routine is about a couple who’s together and then not together, sort of about wanting what you can’t have.  And apparently that involves Kent molesting Courtney in the dance.  He’s not used to that, but he tells us he’ll get it.

Oh, look!  It’s the dance table Billy built with his dad last week!  So glad to see that got put to good use!

I liked this routine.  I will say, it felt like Sir BitchyPants was trying to rip off Sonya in parts of this piece, some moves that felt like more her style than his, but I did enjoy this routine at least.  See?  I said before, I always like his jazz or contemporary pieces better.

I thought Kent did a good job here.  He’s a really good dancer, and I really enjoy watching him.  I do wish that he had been able to lose some of himself in this and maybe be a bit more sinister.  I think it would have worked even better if maybe he could have gotten a shot of Mark before performing.

Nigel makes a comment on the costume.  Yeah, it’s a doozy.  I was thinking all he needs is a ball gag, and he could be someone’s gimp in the basement.

The safe word is plie.

He tells Nigel that when people think Kent, they immediately think of him in this outfit.  Yep, adorkable is the right word.  I sure hope this doesn’t get old too fast, because it easily could.

Nigel really enjoyed it and he classes that as jazz.  He thanks Sir BitchyPants for a JAZZ routine.  Sir BitchyPants loves the compliment, Travis would obviously love to shove a large stick up Nigel’s ass.

He says something there, but I could not catch it.  Believe me, I tried.  Anyone else have any luck?  I’m sorting hoping he told Nigel to suck his dick.

Nigel doesn’t think that Kent had as much fun with this routine as he had in his cha cha.  He says Kent is going to have to have fun with stuff he’s good at as much as stuff he’s not good at.  He thinks Courtney would eat Kent alive.  She sticks up for him.

Mia doesn’t know how she feels about it.  She thinks there were great moments of technique and physicality.  She says Kent has such a big personality that the dance tends to stay in Kent world.  He needs to transform himself in every piece he does; step into a more mature role now.

Adam expands on Mia’s critique, saying that it’s not about putting on an external character, it’s about finding the connection with your partner.  He thinks Kent is a fantastic performer and a great dancer.  It was great to watch him dance.

So that’s the show, Gasmi.  What did you think?  What were your favorite routines?  Did you find Robert to be as annoying as I did?  Were you wishing that Spencer Liff was back for Broadway?  And where the fuck is Wade?!?!?!?  My picks for bottom three are Cristina, Melinda and Adechike.  What are yours (without cheating!!)?

Interesting note in the credits about the hat pick.  As if any of us actually believes the picks are random anyway.

For those of you wondering, I had a wonderful time on my vacation.  It was great to get away and relax and be pampered a little.  I miss lying around on the beach already.

Yes, I’d be happy to rub some more lotion on your back.

I’m jumping right into the results show and will have that recap up as quickly as possible.  See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth

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