So You Think You Can Dance: Tap, Sap, and More Crap

On tonight’s So You Think You Can Dance (dance………dance), we get auditions in L.A. and Chicago.  Will L.A. bring mad talent?  Will the windy city blow?  Let’s jump in and find out!

BTW, I am LOVING Casual Cat!

Cat tells us that throughout the seasons L.A. has delivered more talent than any other city.  We see clips of one dancer per season that came from the L.A. auditions, and I am shocked that they actually included Season one’s winner, Nick Lazzarini.

See, Virginia?  Season one does exist!

Joining Nigel in L.A. are Adam Shankman and Hi Hat (Nadine Ruffin), who is a well known hip hop choreographer.  Cat tells us Hi Hat has worked with Kanye West, Mary J. Blige, and Lady Gagme.

Ready?  O-kay!

First up is Lauren Froderman who tells us she is a cheerleader whose friend told her that auditions were going on thirty minutes from where they were competing.  So she decided to stop by and check it out.

Cheerleaders are dancers.  Who have gone retarded.

Lauren tells us her solo is pretty sexy, but she’s going to make sure it’s appropriate for the kids but still a good time.  Okey dokey then.

Wait, there’s something missing…….

Yep, that’s better.

So.  Lauren can dance, but the cheerleader definitely shows; she needs to work on losing the cheesy ass grin while she’s dancing.  Also, I’m not sure how her dance was appropriate for the kids unless you all make a habit of taking your kids to the local strip club.

Nigel predictably loves her, probably because now he doesn’t have to worry about changing out all those twenties for singles.  Hi Hat thinks she was excellent, but thinks she needs to work on her personality.  Adam disagrees.  He loves how she took an R&B song and made it so playful, sexy and seductive without it being lurid.  Nigel’s non-lurid boner sends her to Vegas.

Next up is our first idiot of the evening, calling himself Hella Hung.  Yeah, right.  It never fails that the people that feel the need to tell you all the time about how smart they are, or what awesome Christians they are turn out to be the biggest morons and most evil people on the planet.

Different claim, same concept.

Why are we wasting time on this fuckwad?  Cat comments that he’s already got a lot of sweat going on, and he tells her that’s just the manly juice.  And then he grabs on Cat, and nuzzles her ear, and then he puts her hand in his crotch.  How she manages not to barf all over him I’ll never know.  I think Cat needs a raise.

We all know this guy is stinkier than Roquefort in July.  Not only that, by the time he is done “dancing” his T-shirt is soaked through with sweat.

Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

You know, I’m not against a guy sweating; sometimes it can be quite sexy.  But this idiot makes me want to scrub my eyeballs with brillo.  Wait……maybe…………

Ahhhhhhhhh………better now.  THAT’S how you work a sweat!

From the trauma of Teenie Weenie, we move on to Rachel Girma, who tells us she has been dancing for two weeks.  She’s actually a rhythmic gymnast who was training for the Olympics until she broke her foot.  So of course dance is the logical back up plan because you definitely don’t need your feet for that, right?

She can move, and she is limber as hell, but Rachel has those spazzy gymnast hands going on that always drive me crazy when I watch their routines.  I find it hard to truly believe she’s only been dancing for two weeks.  Don’t gymnasts have to take dance classes?  Especially rhythmic gymnasts?

Nigel says it felt like she should have been on ice skates.  He thinks she is absolutely fabulous.

Soon I’ll be bendy like Rachel, darling.  Then I’ll be able to kiss my own ass from both directions.

Hi Hat didn’t want the routine to end.  She thinks she was incredible, phenomenal (doo doo doodoodoo), she loved it.  Adam says it’s so brilliant in itself; he doesn’t know if it will translate to other choreographers.  He’s not overly concerned though, and they send her straight through to Vegas.

For our first montage of the evening we’re focusing on the girls.

Adam tells one girl he wants to eat her.  But only because she is like the perfect stew.  Somehow that doesn’t put me at ease.

It looks like they give them all tickets to Vegas, and Hi Hat comments that Adam’s been hitting on some girls today which totally weirds Nigel out.

So he checks to make sure his wrists haven’t gone limp.

After some clips of dancers who are unhappy that they got cut we move on to Christina Santana and her partner, Pepe (le Pew).  You all might remember Christina from last year when she gave Billy Bell a nosebleed with her elbow.

Eh.  We’ve seen much better ballroom dancers on this show.  But all three judges love her, and Adam thinks she really understands her body.  He tells Pepe it was hard to watch him; his eyes kept being drawn to Christina.  Hi Hat agrees, except she calls Christina Ana, which confused me for a minute there.

Nigel thinks Pepe is more street salsa, where he sees more than that in Christina.  Christina gets a ticket to Vegas, and Pepe goes to the choreography round.  Is it wrong of me to hope that Christina and Billy Bell get paired up again in Vegas???

And just like that, it’s time for the last solo of the day.  Dancing it will be Taylor Costello who tells us she’s adopted and that she never got to meet her birth mom because she died when Taylor was eleven.  Oh yay.  Our first sob story of the evening.

Apparently her birth mom wrote something to her that said her favorite thing to do was dance, so now Taylor feels like she is living through her in a way by dancing.

There’s something about this audition piece that feels very self-indulgent to me.  She’s not a bad dancer, but she’s kind of all over the place and yet turned in on herself at the same time, if that makes any sense.

Nigel says she seems almost possessed, and I was like “Yes.  That’s it.”  I know, I was surprised too.  He wants to know what’s driving her.  And so she tells him about her birth mom, but now goes on to tell us that her mom was murdered and they never caught the guy that killed her.

Putting that aside, Nigel says her dancing was slightly manic, but she had some good work in there.  Hi Hat liked that it was different, and Adam thinks she’s great.  They send her through to choreography.

Speaking of choreography, it’s about that time.  Before they get too far into it, Pepe decides he is in over his head and quits.  After Taylor dances, Nigel tells her it wasn’t strong enough, but does give her a “see you next season” so who knows, maybe we’ll see her again next year.  Thirteen other dances make it though to Vegas.

Day two in L.A., and the first dancer to audition is Alexie Agdeppa who made it as far as the green mile last year and then got the boot.  She tells us this year she’s going to be on the show.

She’s good.  She does a weird thing were she sort of plays with hair while dancing which I hated, but other than that, she’s got some good stuff going on.

Nigel says he’s not sure what’s happened since they last saw her, but her performance level has dipped down a lot, he was missing the warmth in her performance, and he didn’t think she stretched her legs or pointed her toes as well as she’s done in the past…….”And that is how to tell lies.”

What a jackass.

Hi Hat says she lights up the stage, she’s so joyous.  She loved it.  Adam has only one thing to say: she’s going to Vegas.

From Alexie, we move onto another montage of girls going to Vegas before moving on to Melinda Sullivan.  She is a tapper (yay!), and she says she fell in  love with tapping because you are a drummer with your feet.  Very cool way of putting it.

Can I just say how much I love her tap boots?  They look like Doc Martens.  I usually like more traditional looking taps, but those are freaking awesome.  I want a pair.

She dances with Jason Samuels Smith’s company and she’s been a member since she was fifteen years old.  She also got to meet Gregory Hines which is a pretty big deal for any tapper.

I’m going to start out by saying I hated her music choice, but other than that, I thought she was great.  She had nice clean sounds to her tapping, and her rhythms were fabulous.  Some of her transitions seemed a little wonky, but that’s a choreography choice more than anything else.  I hope she can do other styles because I’m still hoping for a tapper that can come on and blow us all away.  Not sure if she’s that person, but I can hope, right?

Adam though it was an interesting choice to tap to a ballad.  He likes her confidence, but says she needs more performance.  Hi Hat thought she was amazing and interesting.  She liked what Melinda did.

Nigel doesn’t know if he liked what she just did there.  He thinks she’s talented and interesting, but he felt like she was being slightly rude to Stevie Wonder in her interpretation of his music.  But her tapping was strong enough for her to get through to choreography.

Wondering where all the guys are today?  Apparently they all suck.

And just like that, it’s time for the last dancer of the day.  It’s another girl, Ryan Ramierez, who has assisted Mia Michaels; most notably for the bed routine in season 4.

Her mom says that having someone of Mia’s stature say you’re special is life changing.  I think that was true even before this show starting airing, but even moreso now when so many young dancers watch and go to conventions specifically to see a Mia, or Mandy Moore, or Brian Freidman.

She’s good, but there’s something off there for me.  I can’t put my finger on what it is about her that’s bugging me a little.  Adam says she’s a very talented dancer that just did a really bad thing by not connecting with us.  Huh.  Maybe that’s what it is.

Hi Hat says her technique she has in her bag, but again, the connection was missing.  Nigel says that the best dancers haven’t been the ones who have won this show (yeah, WE KNOW); in his opinion the dancers that have been the better performers have won this show.

I agree with him to a point.  I don’t agree with that when it comes to Danny.  He was the total package, and I still to this day think it was a fix so that a girl would win a season.  I don’t think they wanted a guy to win for the third year in a row.

Anyway, they end up sending Ryan to choreography which actually surprised me a little considering she’s worked with Mia.  I guess her connection was even worse in person!

After the choreography round both Melinda and Ryan get a ticket to Vegas.

With that, we are done with L.A. and moving on to Chicago.  Today Nigel and Adam will be joined by Stacey Tookey.

We’re starting out the Chicago auditions with a guy from a small town:  Kent Boyd, from Wapokoneta, Ohio.  He seems like a cute kid.

This boy can dance.  And although he almost loses me there for a minute, throwing in a gymnastics run, I like him.

So Nigel asks where he’s from, and then proceeds to pretend that he can’t say Wapokoneta.

Stomponmyheada?

Well, since you insist.  Adam wonders if he’s traveled at all.  Well he’s in Chicago, isn’t he?  The judges all think it’s hilarious that he thinks Columbus is a big city, and I’m already over the Hicksville USA vibe they’ve got going here.  Can we please get to his dancing?

Nigel thinks he has a great personality, but he wishes he’d put more of it in his dancing.  Stacey thinks he had fantastic height on his jump and great control in his turns.  She likes him.  Adam would like to see a better understanding of his music.  He goes through to choreography.

Oh fuck me gently with a chainsaw.  Here comes Andrew Phillips who has also brought along his fraternal twin, Tyler who is confined to a wheelchair because he has spina bifida. God, I really fucking hate the sob stories, and this guy seems willing to milk his brother’s illness for it’s fucking worth.

He’s not terrible, but he’s not that good either.  He’s very awkward looking in his dancing, and although he has some decent stuff going on, he’s nowhere near good enough to be on this show.

Of course he tells the judges all about his brother which makes me want to puke all over him.  And inexplicably, they send him through to choreography.  Ugh.

Ready for a psycho?  Alright then, you asked for it.

Meet Malinda Jacobson.

She tells us she has invented a dance style called Hick Hop.  I’m sure she told herself that right after watching it on ABDC.  Why are we being subjected to this?  IS there ANYONE that would rather watch her than an actual GOOD audition piece?  Don’t answer that, because if you answer yes I will be forced to have you banned.  No that’s not an empty threat!  Why would you say that?

The judges openly laugh at her throughout her audition, and of course she is sent packing.  But don’t worry, she’ll be back!  Hoo.  Rah.

After a series of crappy auditions, it’s time for the last dancer of the day, Adrian Lee.  Adrian has a disturbingly long neck.

Why can’t I ever find a turtleneck that fits?

He’s really excited to be here and he hopes that the judges will be able to see how much he loves to dance.

Wow.  He’s actually really good.  I did not expect him to be that good.  He has an effortless quality to his dancing that was really fantastic to see.

Stacey thinks he is the best contemporary dancer they’ve seen today.  By a long shot.  She kept thinking about what she could create on hmi and says that he is perfect for this competition.

Adam says that he never heard his landing for his leaps, which is pretty impressive considering how big this guy is.  He thinks Adrian has the potential to be a great artist.

Nigel would like for him to watch his hands.  He needs to find what to do with them, what shape to put them in because sometimes they’re a bit flappy on the end of his wrists.  Oh no!  Not flappy wrists!

You’re not one of the gays, are you?

Other than a homophobic panic brought on by flappy wrist syndrome, Nigel thinks he’s fantastic and should move on.  To Vegas, that is.

Time for choreography!  Small town boy Kent and spina bifida sob story Andrew are the ones we’re waiting to find out about.  Kent is through to Vegas!

Nigel tells Andrew they out him through to this part just to give him the experience.  But he surprised them, and so he’s going on to Vegas.  WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? Did we just watch the same choreography round that they did?  This is a giant crock of steaming shit.  BOO.

Day two in Chicago brings us yet another mentally ill person.  Kellen Borchers tells us when he goes out to dance at the clubs and stuff, he’s usually the first one to dance and show people he’s having a good time dancing.  He tells them wanna dance?  You’re welcome to dance.

I definitely like to dance…..definitely, definitely.  My dad lets me dance slowly in the driveway.  Uh oh.  Dance.

Wow.  There are just no words.  There is definitely something wrong with this guy.  Definitely.  Nigel wants to know if he’s seen the show.  Yup.  Who does he think he dances like.  Brian.  Huh?  Brian.  Yeah, there’s no Brian, noooo Brian.  Definitely no Brian.  And so Kellen is sent on his way, perhaps to go buy new underwear at K-Mart.

K-Mart sucks!

Up next is Christopher Gilbert wearing an Urkel sweater, huge glasses, and using a cane.  Oh fucking hell.

Wait a minute!  This guy is good!  He totally fooled me into thinking he was yet another idiot, but I really like this guy.  Despite his tragic sweater.

Adam loves the way his dancing fuses with his sense of humor and storytelling.  He thinks the way Christopher hears and physicalizes music is refreshing.  Stacey also loves him.

Nigel really hopes he will be able to pick up choreography; if he does well in other genres of dance, he could do really well season.  Yes to choreography.

We get a montage of dancers that get through to choreography, and there’s a lot of talk about how no one’s gotten a ticket straight to Vegas yet today.  Can Jarrod Mayo change that?

He surely can!  Nigel thinks he’s amazing and if he gets put with some good teachers and choreographers, they could get so much out of him.  Adam thinks he has so much going for him, and he is so special and talented.  After they bring his mom up onto the stage as well, he gets a ticket to Vegas.

Our finalist soloist of the day is Jarrell Robinson.  Jerrell is deaf, and he tells us he started dancing so that he could feel music.  He wants to feel what music tastes like.  I LOVE that.  I’ve never heard it said that way before, but now that I have, it all makes sense.  That’s what every dancer should do, taste the music.

I love this guy; he exudes joy.  Cat agrees with me and she signs to him that she loves him.  He loves her too.  Duh.

Jarrell may be deaf, but he has more natural musicality than we see from many of the dancers on this show.  I loved him, but there’s no way he’s going to make it onto the show.  Nor should he really, but I’m hoping that they give him the opportunity to do the choreography round.

Stacey tells him he is extremely musical for someone who can’t hear the music.  She thinks because he can’t hear the music, he has found a way to really be the music. That being said, the vocabulary of his steps are not strong enough, but she does love him.

Adam finds him to be inspiring and says he was incredible to watch.  Nigel also comments on his musicality, and then he starts talking to the interpreter about Jarrell in the third person which I’ve been told is considered to be extremely rude to a deaf person.  Of course Nigel is rude to everyone, so it shouldn’t be too surprising, right?

He doesn’t think Jarrell is right for the competition.  And then he sends him on his way.  I can’t fucking believe he didn’t even send him to choreography.  That’s such bullshit.  Especially after they sent that fucking spina bifida sob asshole there.  Ugh.  Now I’m annoyed.

Time for choreography.  Christopher Gilbert isn’t quite good enough, so he doesn’t make it through to Vegas.  He tells us he’s gonna be back next year.  I hope he goes and takes some classes and then does come back.

And that ends this round of auditions.  What did you think, Gasmi?  Did you love Jarrell as much as I did?  Hate the sob stories?  What did you think of the tapper?  Is it just me, or are you still waiting for someone to really WOW you too?

Tomorrow night it’s Dallas, Nashville, and round one of Vegas.  That’s right, you heard me, Vegas!  I’m jumping right into that recap because I’m super excited about a couple of people!!!!!

Until then…….

SWAK, PottyMouth