Hello fellow lovers of dahnce! I’m HLo and I’ll be covering SYTYCD this week while Potty Mouth is out of town. I’ll do my best to keep the torch lit. Speaking of torches, what is going on with Cat’s hair?
Look up there! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a giant button that turns me off!
Welcome to So You Think You Can Dance!
Nananana…So You Think You Can Dance…dance..dance…
This is the first official performance show of the season and it is LIVE and the director is totally not ready for it.
From back here, you look amazing.
Poor Ashley (who?) doesn’t even get to be featured.
Haha! She thinks she has a chance in hell of winning this thing!
Cat is wearing a stunning turquoise one-shoulder dress with gold trim and has a blond bird’s nest on her head.
Or maybe it’s a cinnamon bun? I’m not sure. Cat must have had a tiff with the judges about her hair pillow before the show as she gets in a few jabs saying, “I use that term loosely,” when referring to the judges as “experts.” And she calls out Nigel for telling her off in rehearsal for failing to greet him with her trademark, “Evening, sir!” She explains that each contestant will be partnered with an all-star that they “drew.”
Cat kicks off the show by explaining that this week’s video package question will be: What doesn’t America know about you that they should? Isn’t there an easier way of wording that? Like how about, Tell us something about yourself that will endear you to America and make them want to vote for you even if you’re dancing isn’t the best. And with that, the Top 11 Performance Show officially begins!
What’s Billy’s hidden talent? DIY construction!
See? Billy is totally manly. He can even carry a table.
He and his dad put together a “dance table.” That’s cute that his dad is trying to get involved in dancing, but that table definitely ain’t made for dancing.
Billy is partnered with Lauren and they’re doing a Tyce Diorio Broadway routine.
I know, Tyce. I feel the same way about watching one of your Broadway routines.
Tyce tells us the story behind the dance is it’s about a boy who just has to dance. Wow, real imagination on that one, Tyce. Billy is worried about how fast the steps are.
I feel your pain, Billy.
The dance is to “Footloose” by Kenny Loggins. I know it’s a Broadway show, now, but does this really count? It’s fun and there are lots of kicks and that’s about all I can say about it.
We don’t care about sexual harassment at this high school.
Nigel thinks he had a good “buddy relationship” with Lauren, which is another way of saying she doesn’t seem like Billy’s type. Mia thought it was very different from his usual style and said he danced like a boy, but next time he needs to dance like a man. I think she was implying that before he was dancing like a girl. Finally, Adam Shankman of all people, advises Billy on his butt slapping abilities. Okay, we get it! Billy probably isn’t into girls that way. Can we move on, please?
Cristina tells us that she tried out for the Mexican version of American Idol. Based on the singing she shows us, it’s a good thing she’s sticking to the dancing. She’s so adorable about it, though, it doesn’t matter. Cristina is doing a Sonya Tayeh jazz routine with Mark. Disclaimer here: Mark is my all-time favorite SYTYCD contestant. I still remember his amazing work in Bleeding Love and Sonya’s dance The Garden in Season 4. Seeing Mark back with Sonya means I’m automatically gonna love this dance. Cristina does a really nice job matching Mark’s dark and quirky style, but it’s hard for me to take my eyes off him.
Nigel agrees with me and says that routine was all about seeing Mark and Sonya reunite, but that Cristina did a great job filling in the spaces between the choreography.
Mia greets Cristina by saying “Oye, mami.” Get it? Cause she’s Mexican. She thinks Mark is brilliant (duh) and Cristina should be more twisted like he is in the face. Adam is stunned. He thought it was going to be a disaster, but he was wrong!
Right back at ya, babe.
Jose does yoga to get ready for dancing. Is it just me or is Jose the wimpiest b-boy to ever be on this show? Jose gets “lucky” and does hip hop with NappyTab again this week. His partner is Comfort who is the one all-star who I have to say wasn’t really much of an all-star, but I guess she’s the only hip hop girl from past seasons. I don’t think they showed a lot of impressive breakers this season and Jose is nothing compared to the Doms and Hoks of the past. They’re banking on Jose’s cuteness factor as they show him having a really tough time trying to make a mean face in rehearsal.
I don’t think you’re scaring me the way you intended to.
The routine is about two predators going after each other and is pretty fun, but Jose just doesn’t hit it hard enough in my opinion. The coolest part is a contemporary-esque lift when Comfort jumps onto Jose’s shoulders.
I can’t breathe!
Nigel tries to make a case that Jose is dancing out of his comfort zone, because he’s not used to choreography, but I don’t think that should be an excuse. Mia says Jose needed more character and Adam thinks he needs to have faster power moves. I think Adam is also missing the likes of Legacy and other breakers from the past.
Adechike went to the “Fame” school and gets the principal to pull out Tyce Diorio’s grades. Turns out Mr. Diorio wasn’t such a great student back in the day. Adechike is doing a Travis Wall contemporary routine with last season’s Kathryn. Travis has turned into a masterful choreographer, but I can’t take my eyes off of Kathryn. Adechike partners her well, but I do wonder what a big, manly dancer like Anthony who almost made it this season could have done in a piece like this.
She’s like a pretty Gumby doll.
Nigel thinks that there was no chemistry coming from Adechike. Mia also felt that there was no sexual chemistry and that Adechike was stiff in all the wrong places. Adam echoed the other two saying that he was there for her as a partner, but didn’t go the extra step.
This is how two people who are not attracted to each other look like they want to make out.
Melinda tells us that she is not only a dancer, she’s also an actress who’s been on As The World Turns and she’s also a singer/songwriter. Oy vay. Melinda is partnered with Pasha (hotness alert!) and they’re doing a jive choreographed by Tony and Melanie.
Sometimes, I open my eyes to talk and then I close them to listen.
Melinda is a hot mess. Next to Pasha she looks stiff as a board and even sticks out her tongue at one point in order to put some personality into her dance.
It’s light as a feather, stiff as a board, right?
Nigel tells her that the style didn’t suit her and she might be in trouble tomorrow. Mia says she appears to be pigeon-toed and she’s performing like a box of cornflakes. Cat chimes in that she’ll learn more when she watches herself back and Adam says Cat literally took the words right out of his mouth, therefore ignoring the meaning of the word “literally.”
Oh no, another secret singer. Let’s stick to the dancing, people! Alex is doing a Sonya Tayeh routine with Alison from Season 2. It is in a word: GORGEOUS. There is really nothing to be said about this routine, but if you haven’t already seen it, find it online now and watch it. Sheer perfection.
Nigel says they have just set a new standard for SYTYCD. Mia says it might be the best piece of work ever on the show — which is a lot coming from an egomaniac like Mia. Adam says that this time, maybe the dancers upped the choreographer’s game and this is the best piece she’s ever choreographed.
I agree with all of it. Totally gorgeous.
That was so good, I will forget that you mouthed the words along with Cat like a dummy.
Poor, cute Alexie had to follow that routine, but she by far has the best intro package when she reveals that she was on Star Search in 1991 where she was judged by none other than Adam Shankman.
Well, she didn’t start off quite so cute.
Blue Steel? Or Grey Foil?
Alexie is dancing a NappyTab number with Twitch. Remember his dance with Katie at the door? Well, this time it’s a window. It’s a very cute number, though, and a perfect contrast to the serious heartbreak of Alex’s piece.
Girl, men who arrive through windows instead of doors are up to no good.
Nigel thinks that Alexie is a “cute little dancer,” but that she needs to dance hip hop with more resistance. Mia again says that Alexie is cute (Well, she really is.) but that she needs to match the swag and coolness of Twitch. Adam makes a Zoolander reference in talking about his 1991 self, but says that Alexie needs to dance like the Tab party of NappyTab. She dances like a woman, but with the power of a guy. Hm…I think I really want to see Tabitha dance now. When does that get to happen?
Lauren reveals that she is really passionate about working with “a bunch of kindergartners.” Not one, not two, but a bunch of them all at once. What does she do with these kindergartners? That isn’t made entirely clear.
Um, is this a full bunch?
Lauren is dancing a Mandy Moore pop jazz number with Ade and is having trouble bringing on the sexy. Given her original audition where she smiled the entire way through Let’s Get It On by Marvin Gaye, I am not surprised. Also, Mandy, you didn’t really help things out by choosing the Twix “Chicka chicka” song as the music.
Oh, I love this scene in Ferris Bueller. Best end credits ever.
The choreography is a lot of fun, and the dancing is technically very good, but I wouldn’t call it sexy.
Come and get it!
Nigel feels that the chemistry was lacking. Mia called it a “first draft” of a performance. Adam goes way harsh and says that he doesn’t think Lauren is listening to what they’re saying to her. He accuses her about being all about the presentation and not the feeling.
No, I totally get what you’re saying. Zzzzzz…..
Oh man, Kent is so adorable! He was the Homecoming King at his school, so he is the most popular of 14 boys in the class! He’s from a small town! I know the producers are shoving Kent’s cuteness down our throats, but I must admit, I’m drinking the Kool-Aid and loving it. He gets paired with Anya for a cha-cha choreographed by Tony and Melanie. Oh poor, Kent. Anya could eat him alive. Melanie can’t keep herself from cracking up while Tony says that Kent needs to portray masculinity and strength. God, I love that bitch.
I’ll teach you the ways of the world, young man.
Kent says that he’s going to look older in this piece and instead of looking 18, maybe people will think he’s 19. Adorable. Anya is so cute with her American slang when she says that Kent needs to be a “dude who can lead and rock n roll.” Yep, Anya, that’s how we talk over on this side of the pond.
Oh God. What is that?!?
Kent does an admirable job. There is no doubt that he is really fun to watch dance because he is clearly having the time of his life. He purses his lips the entire time and when Cat calls him out on it afterwards he has another amazing one liner. “When you get into it you just gotta have ‘em!” A. Dor. A. Ble.
Nigel says he loves how Kent enjoys it and manages to make a sleazy comment about Anya. He also makes some very weird joke about if there being cougars on the farm in Ohio now. Ew. Mia says he does great, but there was a moment that Nigel also called out where he looked very girly. Adam is starting to get loopy, because he says watching Kent was like the parents’ nightmare of a child getting lost at the zoo and ending up in the lion’s cage and then dancing with the lion. Um, Adam, I think you’re the only one who has that nightmare. But the Anya/lion comparison was kind of accurate.
Ashley (who?) doesn’t have to work hard to come up with something America doesn’t know about her, since I have no idea who she is. She could have literally said anything in the world. Like, perhaps, my name is Ashley and I’m a contestant on this show, but instead she decides to treat us to her weird alter ego Galvatron who sounds like a voice we all used to make at the dinner table when we were five. If the dancing doesn’t work out, this girl does not have a future in voiceover.
There is a reason the producers have kept me out of the spotlight.
Ashley is paired up with Hotty McHotterson a.k.a Neil from Season 3.
You love me, Neil. Right?
They are doing a Tyce Diorio contemporary routine. You just know Tyce is boiling with fury that Sonya got all the accolades for her contemporary piece earlier. This piece has another amazingly creative concept: Love. Wow, Tyce, you’re really pulling out all the stops this season. Neil says the piece isn’t about the steps, but about the connection. The dance is beautiful and, quite frankly, boring.
Come on, Neil. Say it! Say you love me!
After it’s over, Nigel says Ashley was probably expected to delve into emotions she’s never felt before. He asks 19-year-old Ashley (who?) if she’s ever been in love and she shockingly — and adorably — replies in tears, “As a matter of fact, I think I am.” I am at once moved and worried that she’s talking about Neil. Nigel is thrown for a loop. “What America didn’t know about you is what a beautiful dancer you are,” he says. Yes, Nigel, because you’ve never shown her to us before tonight!
Mia said some unintelligible mumbo jumbo about how she felt what Ashley was feeling and she wasn’t sure what she was feeling, but she was feeling something and a nugget of a emotion was there and Ashley’s a special bunny and Mia’s on another planet. Adam said that Ashley is another example of technical brilliance combined with lack of emotion.
Robert acts like an ape before the break which is totally ridiculous. Goofy does not equal likable, people. Especially when it is so forced.
Nope, it’s not cute, actually.
Robert reveals that he used to be a baseball player before he discovered dance. He talks about hitting balls and I laugh like six-year-old I am. Robert is dancing an African Jazz piece by new choreographer Sean Cheesman. His partner is Courtney whom I love from the aforementioned Sonya Tayeh piece, The Garden, as well as the awesome SYTYCD workout DVD. Courtney has single-handedly made me lose five pounds. Robert keeps dropping Courtney, which makes me not like him.
But then, they dance and it is awesome. Dare I say it, Robert actually reminds me of one Mark Kanemura when he dances. He has the same sense of abandon. Uh-oh, I think I might like this guy.
If you squint, he looks just like Mark.
Well, until the judging beings and Robert totally overreacts to everything said to him. Nigel says he thinks Robert is a dark horse in the competition and Robert goes way too far on the humble act. What did he think Nigel was going to tell him — that he should never dance again?
If I cover my face, does it look like sincere humility?
Then, when Mia says she loves him, Robert starts up an inexplicable growling contest and falls further from my graces. Finally, Adam says he thinks he’s going very far. “He could sink the Titanic?” Cat asks and I wonder what in the world Adam’s comment has to do with an iceberg. Robert says he feels like he’s still in Africa right now and all the good will I built up for him during the dance is now gone.
I should disappear in a cloud of smoke.
So that’s it for the first performance show! My guess is Bottom 3 are Melinda, Ashley, and Robert with Ashley (who?) going home. We’ll find out tomorrow!