Recap: So You Think You Can Dance Results: So Close, and Yet, So Far

People, we were thisclose to getting Baby Oil kicked off tonight! I mean, of course there was no way Nigel was letting his eye candy go, but a girl can dream, can’t she? In other news, there’s another shocking male elimination and a… let’s call it “quirky” opening number.

Welcome to SoYouThinkYouCanDance!

This move is called the “Crosswalk Disaster”.

The opening group number tonight is creepy and weird. Everyone’s dressed all in black and acting like a spazz. All to another Wade Robson song, too. Who knew he made music?? Sara is featured during the breaking section, and I’m glad that we’re not just seeing Hok or Dominic again. I also love that part of the choreography involves the boys pulling the bottoms of their shirts through the neckline to make a belly-shirt. Very Camp Mahakenoe, circa 1992. There’s some cool tumbling and then Sabra comes up as the wind… I guess, and she blows everyone into some uncomfortable looking positions. Uh. I don’t get it. Less art, more flash, please!

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Cat Deeley, decked out in a fetching yellow frock, reminds us that tonight the bottom three couples will have to dance to avoid the guillotine. She doesn’t want to prolong the wait, so she brings out the first three couples right away. The crowd goes batshit crazy and Cat has to ask for “a little bit of hush.” Heh.

First up, Lauren and Neil. Last night the judges loved Neil and found a greater chemistry between the pair. Did America feel the chemistry? Yes! Lauren and Neil are safe. Jessi and Pasha danced second last night and impressed the judges with their Jazz routine. Pasha was particularly favored. Did America agree? NO! They’re in the bottom. HOLY SHIT YESSSSSSSS. I love you America!

Last night Jamie and Hok didn’t fare as well with the judges. Their samba routine was pretty much panned by Mary Murphy, though Mia and her “love juice” enjoyed it. Ha, suck it, Joker, America loved it too, and Jamie and Hok are safe. Jamie is luuuucky she is paired with Hok. He’s like an automatic pass to the Top 10.

Lacey and Kameron’s Broadway routine received pretty good reviews, though Mia Michaels could have used a little more spice. Unsurprisingly, Lacey and Kameron are safe. Anya and Danny’s Viennese waltz was a hit with the judges, despite the absolutely INANE music. They got the first scream of the night from Mary Murphy, so you know they are safe as well.

That leaves Sabra and Dominic, and Cat reminds them they were in the bottom last week as well. Like they could forget it. Things don’t look good, since they’re the last couple in the group, but PSYCH! They’re safe too! I bet the three couples in the last group are sweating hardcore right now.

To recap the last group: Sara and Jesus did a Paso Doble to Queen. It was about as bad as you’d expect, though tonight’s clips provide a little revisionist history, which tips me off that they are the safe couple in this group. Jimmy and Shauna’s hip-hop was met with tepid reviews while Faina and Cedric’s Foxtrot was just plain panned. Clearly, Sara and Jesus are safe.

When asked if they’re shocked by the results, all three judges say they are mostly shocked to see Pasha and Jessi in the bottom. Meanwhile, only the other two couples stand onstage. BURN! Nigel says he’s starting to worry about Cedric because his own dance style is great, but he can’t do anything else. STARTING to worry? This has been your worry all along. Um, basically since he got to Vegas. I bet they even made him do choreography at his original audition. Shut up, “starting.” Nigel rambles for a while about why he thinks Cedric isn’t right for the competition. Hey buddy, save it for when you actually kick him off. Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you?

So that’s what it feels like to have a second asshole.

First solo is Jessi. She’s wearing some ugly hippie tablecloth dress that she constantly lifts to show her stomach. Yes, we remember why you’re here, Jessi, thanks. This solo is so mediocre. There’s barely more movement than Ashley had in her solo last week. After she finishes, Cat asks what it would mean to go on, and Jessi replies, “I guess… everything.” Eloquent and verbose! “Fingers crossed you’ve done enough.” Cat says. Ha, so not crossing my fingers.

Pasha’s solo takes a moment to get going, but when he does it’s soooo good. He’s doing the jive, I think, which is weird, considering that’s not really his style, but still, so good. There’s some air piano-ing and hopping and I. LOVE. HIM. He finishes the routine with a little caterpillar. So versatile!

Now Shauna shows us why she’s on this show in the first place. Her solo is INCREDIBLE. She’s spinning and leaping and showing us all her best moves. So freaking bendy. It goes by in a flash, but she certainly works all the necessary moves in.

Jimmy’s solo is also great, though it does look like he falls out of a pirouette at one point. But geez those lanky legs are incredible and boy can he jump.

Okay, so just before Faina’s solo starts, I’m thinking, “Jessi totally blew it, and if Faina is as good as she was last week, Jessi’s going to be gone! Huzzah! Don’t let me down Faina!” Unfortch, Faina kind of phones it in this week. She’s got a cute vibe going in her solo, dancing to “Do You Love Me” from Dirty Dancing, and wearing a ’50′s dress, but the dancing is very messy. Damn you Faina, we almost had her!

Talk about putting your ass on the line.

Cedric’s solo is great, but more of the same. At this point I was thinking “Buh-bye!” Cat asks if he thinks he’ll be saved a second time. Cedric clearly thinks he’s going home because he replies that he’s at piece either way.

Cat sends the judges backstage because that’s totally her call and then welcomes Daddy Yankee to the stage. Um. Fast forward. I can really only stand to listen to him under two circumstances: 1) During a quick trip to the corner bodega. 2) When I’m drunk as a skunk at a dance club. Also, he’s chewing gum! I can’t believe he just “sang” live on TV while chewing gum! Utterly unprofessional!

For real?

When we come back from commercial, Cat is standing with the bottom three girls, waiting for the judges’ verdict. Jessi is called forward first. Nigel basically says that her solo was not good enough. No shit, Sherlock, send her home. Instead, he sends her back into the line.

Shauna is called forward next. Nigel admits to the over-dramatics of the term “dance for your life,” but says that’s exactly what Shauna did, and she’s safe. Faina is called forward and Nigel says that her solo “didn’t really happen.” And while he admits that Faina is not the reason she and Cedric are in the bottom, nonetheless Faina is going home. Because Nigel wants to bone Jessi. ÃœBER-BOO! Well, at least Faina made it a round farther than her brother!

Pasha is called forward first of the boys. Nigel says that his solo was not good enough. WhatEVER, Nigel. Pasha is through to the next round, though he better step it up next time.

So now we’re down to Jimmy and Cedric. Nigel reminds us that last week, Cedric was also up against a contemporary dancer with more training, and the judges chose to keep the unique dancer, Cedric. Tonight they had the same dilemma. Mary wants to keep the talent (Jimmy). Mia, ever the kook, wants to keep the unique dancer. So it was all down to Nigel’s vote and he, DESPITE the fact that he ripped Cedric a new one at the top of the show, decided to keep Cedric and his “uniqueness” for another week.

INSANITY. Nigel warns Cedric that if he’s in the bottom again, Nigel will not support him – EVER AGAIN! Cedric leaves the stage and I think if I were Jimmy I’d stab that no talent hack.

Aw, bye Jimmy, we hardly knew ye! Which is probably why you’re gone!

So another really talented boy gone. But chin up, people, Jessi was almost eliminated! Let’s keep this momentum going!