Recap: So You Think You Can Dance: Results Show

Well gang, its here, the results show that announces which 4 dancers are advancing to the finals, and which 2 are going home to be egged by the townspeople. I’ll try to keep this one short and sweet. Thanks for all the positive feedback, I was happy to be of assistance with Krank Mills away. Welcome to (sniff… I promised myself I wouldn’t cry) So You Think You Can Dance!

Yay! Group dances are my fave. This little ditty is another Wade Robson original, which tends to mean; weird, weirder, and “what exactly is happening right now? Oh who cares, it’s awesome!” This one was…interesting. I don’t know how he comes up with them, but I do know one thing; Wade sure does have a thing for the un-dead. I think the theme was ‘Festival of Cannibals’. The movement was great but I was really alarmed at the faces all the dancers were making.

It appears Wade has instructed them to eat the losers

Cat makes her way to the front and tells us with a heavy heart that two more dancers will be leaving tonight. But before we tell you who, we’re going to stretch the show to 2 whole hours with small talk, endless commercial breaks, talking about contestants who have already left (seriously, Cat, no one actually asked how Cedric was doing since he left. Lies make baby Jesus cry. BTW, he will be going to Debbie’s school), and setting prolonged montages of each dancer to the saddest song on the top 20 for one final “you did great, see that? Aww! Now get off the stage. Seriously, go. We’ve already burned your things. You can catch a bus on the corner.”

Our performer this evening is a disciple of Ms. Debbie Allen. His name is Titus Somethingorother and Debbie refers to him as “man meat”. I mean, “gentle giant”. She tells us she discovered him while producing Steven Spielberg’s “Amistad.” You’re not fooling me, Debbie, I know a crack-addled male hooker when I see one. She’s totally his pimp.

Where’s my money, bitch?!?

Titus and the African Dance Music Ensemble come out and give a fantastic performance. I am especially fond of Titus’ red and yellow parachute pants and his washboard abs. Believe-you-me, this one is hella fun to do at home. Step one: run in place. Step two: flail arms wildly. Just be sure to watch the corner of the coffee table when you get dizzy and fall over. One more blood stain on the carpet and my living room will officially look like a crime scene.

After Titus flails his way into my heart, each of the dancers has the chance to perform one final solo. They all do their usual jigs and I check the clock. Come on, guys, can’t you just make this a half hour show and throw on an extra episode of that show made up of aired karaoke parties or the one with 5th graders who are going to run into some major trouble in high school because they’re 1) nerds and 2) egomaniacs?

At one point, Cat tells us that SYTYCD got all of its choreographers together to teach a workshop to dance teachers who run after-school programs in “some of LA’s most challenged neighborhoods”. I think by “challenging” she meant “air-conditionless” because we see Nigel suffering from some major heat stroke.

“So… thirsty…”

Let’s get down to business, shall we? Who is going home? Cat calls the girls and reviews each of their performances from last week. You all danced wonderfully girls, but did America feel the same way? After the vote…the first girl going into our finale will be… Lacey. Well, no surprise there.

The guys are up next and I am starting to get nervous. Cat reviews each of their performances before telling us that… after seven kabillion votes (the number gets crazier each time)… Danny… is safe. The crowd goes wild and Danny walks off the stage beaming.

Cat drops a bomb on us and announces that the show we are watching is not live. Did you hear that? Did you hear my world just shatter? Turns out they filmed the show on Thursday (the normal result show day) and are showing it to us on Monday so that the final four have enough time to practice. Which begs the question; wouldn’t they have had the same amount of time to practice if we had seen the show live on Thursday? The finale is still on this Wednesday, so… am I right? Does that not make any sense?

Cat then drops bomb number 2 on us (good lord, Cat, why don’t you just stab me in the heart?) and tells the audience that, in order to prevent any leaks, they are going to clear the auditorium of all people except for essential crew members and create a lockdown situation. Wait just a second; I know a ruse when I see one. This is just so you can keep the losers contained for Wade’s cannibals, isn’t it?! For shame, Cat! I don’t know what the tradition is in England, but here we don’t eat people just for sucking. We make a reality show and exploit the life out of them.

See?

The irate audience clears out and Cat calls the girls up to the stage. Can I have a drum roll, please? After eighteen fafillion votes……the girl going home tonight is….. Lauren. That is kind of sad, but the girls left were pretty kick ass. I mean, Sabre and (as much as it pains me to admit it) Lacey could dance a war away.

On to the boys! I tell ya, it is a damn good thing I don’t have IBS right now because every fiber of my being is 100% stressed out. We are down to Neil and Pasha. And the person going home is… WHAT?! Say it ain’t so, Pash! I am sobbing hysterically and tightening the noose around my neck when I see that Mary is crying too. I don’t like to have too much in common with crazies so I collect myself and add fifteen katrillion SYTYCD voters to my list of people to smite. We see a montage of Pasha being the biggest little critter on the block and I shed a single tear while Celine Dion’s “I’m your lady” plays in my head. Pasha, if you’re reading this: I cannot pay you, but if you’ll accept banana bread (and/or lovin’) you can dance for me anytime. Call me!

…and you are my maaaaaaan!

And that, my friends, bring us to the end of our results show. The final four return on Wednesday to battle to the death. Sorry, I’ve been on a gladiator kick lately. They’re just so entertaining! I can’t wait to see what the choreographers have got for us, last years finale had my favorite performances of the entire season. I mean, HELLO? Tranji?! Gotta love ‘em.

Again, it has been a pleasure recapping for my fellow SYTYCD fans. I’ll be solely on Two Coreys for now, but will be commenting my heart out after the finale! Enjoy!