Recap: So You Think You Can Dance Results Show: Finale or Clip Show? You Decide!

After a season that brought us the Hot Tamale Train, more than we ever wanted to know about Wade Robson, and the discovery of just how awesome disco can be, we’re finally at the finale. You remember those great moments, but do you remember the initial auditions? It’s better if you don’t because most of the following two hours is filled with video-montages of this season. Plus some awesome dancing, but come on, my name is Krank, I have to bitch. After an hour and 55 minutes of filler, we will crown America’s Favorite Dancer [for this year].

The excitement is palpable. Or maybe that’s just the humidity. There were a record 16 million votes cast last night… Welcome to SoYouThinkYouCanDance!

Oy. Is it Labor Day yet?

Tonight the entire Top 20 are back for one last fleeting moment on television. Until next season of course. Everyone’s dressed in white. It’s like Mia Michaels’ vision of Heaven. I notice that Jessi and Jesus don’t dance during their introductory solo. Instead, Jessi just runs her hands down his body, reminding us exactly what she brought to the show.

Cat is going out with a bang tonight and appears to be dressed as a paper bag. Not a bag lady. The actual paper bag. That is one truly fugly dress. It’s Olsen twin-ugly.

Yeah, you.

Cat explains that tonight’s show is filled with dancing – mostly our old favorites – but she also promises a duet between her and Nigel. OMG for real? That would be a sight to see. You know Nigel can’t wait to get his hands on Cat Deeley. In the name of Dance, of course.

All of this season’s jidge/choreographers are on the panel tonight. Except Adam Shenkman is in the audience and Debbie Allen is out beating hookers.

Cat goes down the panel asking for gibberish from each judge. Everyone loves everyone, “it was ridiculous,” inspiration, hope, peace, love, blah blah blah…. By the time they get to Nigel at the end, they’ve pretty much used every synonym of great possible, so he gives a shout out to Paula Abdul in the audience.

I’m tiiiiired!

OH PLEASE bring her on as a choreographer/judge!! Though I’m not sure my brain could process Paula Abdul and Mary Murphy together on a judging panel. It would make my head explode in the same way it would if my future self came back in time and my present self saw my future self. Parallel universes DO NOT WANT.

Nigel also brings up Claire from last year who twisted her ankle in one of the later rounds. Nigel told her she could come back this year and go straight to Vegas, but as many avid SYTYCD viewers know, she didn’t come back. That is because she got herself knocked-up and is now caring for an infant instead of chasing her dreams. Too bad for Claire, but her baby is freaking adorable. She’s a Cabbage Patch Doll come to life.

Which is the real baby?

Cat says that before she gets to the “business” of tonight, we need to look at the journey to this moment. Because there’s still another hour and 50 minutes before we really get to the business of tonight, this is video montage 1 of 4 for the evening. We’ve seen this all before and I’ll be damned if I’m going to recap a recap.

Tonight’s first number is the group routine from The Lion King. I wasn’t that blown away by this the first time, but I think it’s more powerful with a larger number of dancers. Oh Tyce, how I enjoy your Broadway numbers that aren’t cribbed from Fosse! It’s also funny that it’s the last episode of the season and the only people I can pick out of these group numbers are Sabra, Danny, Hok and Jamie… mostly due to their hairstyles.

Mary Murphy’s favorite number of the season was the “Transformers-inspired” routine by Shane Sparks, starring Pasha and Lauren. Ugh, no way! This was Shane’s best all season, maybe, but that’s not really saying much. His choreography totally blew this year.

And here’s our second video-montage, showing the “range of styles” this season. How wacky! Speaking of wacky dance styles, remember the clogger, Brandon Norris? He’s back! His clogging is still awesome, even though the novelty has worn off. And all that “sexy” movement that made me so uncomfortable at his original audition is better incorporated into his routine. I don’t know how a clogger really makes a living, but someone give this kid a job!

Put a hat with a couple dollars sticking out in front of ya and you’ve got yourself a profession!

Asked what his favorite routine of the year was, Nigel replies “When Wade actually used Hok and Jamie well.” Sounds like a total dig at his choreography last night and I love it. Of course, Nigel’s favorite was the routine with Hok as a hummingbird and Jamie a character from Dragonball-Z. Yay this is amazing and I’m so glad we get to see it now, since I won’t see it on the Tour, damn you jidges!! This routine still gives me goosebumps all the way through.

Jean-Marc Generaux wants to see Dominic and Sabra’s slow hip-hop routine. I thought this was boring last time and I still do. Whatevs. Dominic is as insufferable as ever in his interview with Cat. I swear, I’m going to punch the next person who uses the word “blessing.”

Adam Shenkman’s favorite routine was Sara and Neil’s disco routine. Awesome choice. It’s so great to see again, even if Sara’s hair is trying to eat her face.

Treat your hair right. Or it will kill you. Dead.

Video-montage #3: A tribute to hip-hop. It’s actually interesting because you don’t see hip-hop this good again for the rest of the season.

And here to do a special solo performance is everyone’s favorite dancer with severe scoliosis – Brian! Screw Debbie Allen, I want to go to the Brian Gaynor School of Dance. It would be so handy at parties! The judges are on their feet by the end because So You Think You Can Dance is absolutely not patronizing. Cat asks Shane if he’s really putting Brian in a movie like he promised. Shane says he’s so glad Brian is “out here” so he can “introduce him to some people.” So that’s a no, Shane?

Sorry…no.

Now the Top 8 dancers are back performing that weird Matrix-inspired group number from Shane Sparks. I don’t get why the men are in suits and the women are dressed like slutty janitor-esses. We get still shots of the four finalists in their final poses and yikes, that’s an unflattering angle for Lacey.

Dead people get pimples too.

Oh shit, Nigel just shut my mouth by saying that Hok is an alternate on the tour, so we will be seeing the hummingbird routine. Yesssss my bitching worked!

Wade and I are totally on the same wavelength (although totally not really), and he wants to see Lacey and Danny’s samba, choreographed by Dmitry. So sexy. I like to imagine Dmitry does the voice-over himself on this song. You just know he loves the sound of his own voice, much like I love Danny’s legs that go on for days.

Now it’s the end of the road for one in this pair. Danny looks like he’s convinced it’s him, but no! Lacey is the first one out! She looks like she knew that was coming. No crying and clutching the LED this year from Papa Schwimmer. Benji looks both proud and relieved. Benji still #1 Schwimmer!

Back from commercial, Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls is singing for our “enjoyment.” Like the group itself isn’t bad enough, we have to hear from them individually as well? I am 100% sure she’s lip-synching here so fast forward… Love the wind machine, though and definitely think that should be utilized by SYTYCD choreographers more often.

Shane’s favorite routine was Benji’s West Coast Swing, performed by Sara and Pasha. Sara’s a busy girl tonight! I think we’ve seen her more than we’ve seen Neil and Sabra and… frankly, all our finalists. This is such an entertaining number that it’s hard not to love it, even if it’s so patently cheesy.

Is that Jenna Bush behind Benji?

Tyce chose to see Danny and Anya’s Foxtrot again. No! Does this mean Danny’s out next? I can’t even concentrate during this because I’m convinced Danny’s about to be done. And he can’t lose to Neil. That is what we call a travesty. Ok, pull it together Krank., there are only so many more times I’ll get to see Danny dance. Must. Remember. Every. Moment. Looooove it.

After the break, we see Tony Meredith’s favorite routine. I like that we’re really getting all of the choreographer’s favorite numbers. Yay for more dancing. Tony picks Wade Robson’s Chaplin number danced by Sara and Jesus. This is Sara’s third time performing tonight, not counting the group numbers. Girl got some good choreography this year. We get nice wide angles for the entire dance, which is refreshingly non-nauseating camera work for once.

Mia Michael’s favorite routine of the season was Mandy Moore’s business-room jazz routine performed by Sabra and Neil. So now one of them is about to be sent home. And we all know it’s Neil. Cat makes Danny come on to the stage for good measure, but come on, we know who’s going. After 16 million votes, goodbye Neil, you are a douche. The little girls in the audience scream bloody murder. Literally scream.

Our last group routine of the night is Mia Michael’s contemporary, where they’re all dressed in black with little red lights pasted over their hearts. I still love that bit where they flop on the end of the stage. Also: Danny Tidwell. Maybe you’ve heard?

Mary introduces us to “what [we've] all been waiting for,” Cat and Nigel dancing together. “La Cucaracha” starts playing and figures dance with Cat and Nigel’s pictures pasted above the faces. You think it’s just a cheesy intro, but no, that’s the whole routine. RIP OFF! I want my money back! Nigel shamelessly plugs some stupid website, saying his friends made it and they can make one for you too. Ugh I will never! You lied to me SYTYCD!

Then Cat introduces Ryan Cabrera singing, “I Will Remember You,” this year’s official SYTYCD send-off song. Whoa, when did Ryan Cabrera become Jack White? That was a horrible decision. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I much preferred the blond, flat-ironed look to this hot mess:

Well, I will remember you.

Video-montage #4 plays this season’s saddest moments. I think Ryan Cabrera’s mug is the saddest image of all.

That hair. Why? WHYYYYYY?

Dan Karaty’s favorite moment of the season was Mia Michael’s contemporary about meeting her father in Heaven. I remain underwhelmed, though I feel bad that Neil and Lacey have to dance still after they’ve been officially eliminated. I’d be all, “F you, I’m going to sleep, assholes. Sorry about your dad.”

Ah, the final five minutes! It’s what we’ve all been waiting for. I’m honestly happy with either Danny or Sabra winning, but I’m still nervous. Who knew it would come down to these two in the end? There’s some non-eloquent dancer-speak about the privilege of standing together on stage together. They forget they’ve been standing on that stage together for WEEKS.

Neither dancer has had a perfect season, and both danced for their lives on more than one occasion. But they’re here now and after 16 million votes, America’s Favorite Dancer is Sabra!

Congrats! You get to sit next to Benji at least once a year until this show is cancelled!

There’s screaming, tears and a lot of confetti. We can’t see Sabra at the end, she’s surrounded by the Top 20, but you can hear her saying “Oh my God, oh my God,” which is awesome and sweet. Congrats Sabra!

So that’s it for this season, see you on the tour!! I’ll be back in about a month recapping America’s Next Top Model next. A big thank you to Flipit for all his picture help, Pachita for the awesome job filling in and the biggest thank you of all goes to all you readers for your patience with me this summer. Catch you on the flip side!