Tonight is the big night. Well, until the actual finale, but the judges really want us to believe that tonight’s eliminations – which will leave us with our Top 10 – are a big deal. I mean, it kind of is, as the Top 10 go on tour, but really it just serves to remind me that I’m not going to see two of my favorites on tour.
Once again, I disagree with the judges, but [evil cackle] it’s our show from here on out people! I’m totally voting from now on, because the electoral college is out so our votes actually count for something! Yay democracy!
Plus, tonight’s show has a professional tap routine and all the sadness and silliness of a SYTYCD results show. So join me, won’t you? Time for SoYouThinkYouCanDance!
The group number tonight is set to “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,” so that’s going to be stuck in my head for the next week. Everyone’s dressed in various military uniforms and the dance is a big swing number which reminds me of that scene in A League of Their Own, but a lot less slutty and gap-toothed. Aw, the kids solute Cat Deeley as she comes out to start the show. Suck-ups.
I would kill to be a judge, because apparently all you do is wear fun party dresses and talk. And gah! Cat! Another bad dress! With the pick of all the party dresses in the land, this is the one you chose:
It looks like the Easter Bunny sneezed all over you.
Why? It looks like it was at one point a lovely, floaty white dress that got caught in some Holi festivities. Cat says that at this point no one wants to go home. As opposed to the other weeks when contestants were really psyched to be getting the boot. And now that we’re almost at the Top 10, it’s time to start plugging the tour. Suddenly it hits me that the judges continue to pick who is sent home during the Top 20 because they want to make sure no one on the tour is going to be a joke. Like Cedric.
But enough about the jidges, let’s find out who’s in the bottom. Cat brings out Sabra and Dominic and Anya and Danny. Both of them kicked ass last night, and apparently Dominic was asleep right until show time. Dominic and Sabra did a rocking little Jive, while Anya and Danny performed a classy Foxtrot. And fuck off, AMERICA. Anya and Danny are in the bottom again!
Maybe you should have worn five pairs of sunglasses.
Danny looks piiiiiissed. I mean, it has to suck to get rave reviews from the judges and still be in the bottom. That basically means most of America hates you. Burn.
Back from commercial, Cat is onstage with Jamie and Hok and Sara and Pasha. Jamie and Hok were in a snoozetastic Broadway routine the night before. And yeah, Hok wasn’t great in the dance, but hearing him say “I’m Mr. Bojangles” in his British accent just makes me love him like he’s a puppy. Named Mr Bojangles.
And speaking of puppies…
Sara and Pasha were in a sick 80′s Jazz routine involving suspenders and jazz hands. It was awesome, but Mary wasn’t sure they’d keep themselves out of danger. Except the average viewer of this show was young enough in the 80′s to look back at that time fondly because how could we know that hairstyle would be so unflattering? We were SIX! Sara and Pasha are safe.
Nigel hems and haws when Cat asks him what he thinks about Jamie and Hok being in the bottom. He’s all, really it’s Hok’s fault, he sucked in the waltz last week and again this week. Nigel still loves Jamie, of course, and asks her to point out her teacher, Denise Wall, who’s sitting in the audience. Which means Denise wall has taught at least THREE finalists on this show. Is she paying them for this commercial? Jk, love her, want to learn from her.
So that brings us to our final two pairs. Lauren and Neil danced a Mia Michaels contemporary that Wade enjoyed, but left Nigel and Mary confused and a little uncomfortable inside. Maybe try some Bean-o, guys. Lacey and Kameron danced a hip-hop routine that the judges hated. Should Lacey and Kameron be in the bottom, Kameron would totally go home because the judges all single him out as the weaker of the pair yet AGAIN. But never count out that Schwimmer family fan base! Lacey and Kameron are safe. Wade’s shocked.
Please oh please oh please send Lauren home! I’m expecting to go right to commercial here, but Cat’s got a little surprise in store for us tonight. Minx. She explains that while tap dancing is a very popular form of dance – even in pop culture–it’s very hard for them to do on this show given the time restraints. But as a little compromise, they’ve got Jason Samuel Smith on the show performing a solo.
Debbie Allen Approved
It’s cool that he doesn’t use music so the taps are kind of his music, but in this forum (filled with idiotic screaming girls), Jason’s performance is also punctuated by screams from the audience that ebb and flow as he performs. It’s driving me insane. He’s awesome though. And Debbie Allen’s cousin. You can see him next at her school doing a tap festival or something. Apparently he also teaches the open level class at Alvin Ailey. Oh I am SO signing up for that.
Dancing her solo first is Anya. And she continues the string of insane costumes. Tonight she’s in a sheer black leotard with silver beading covering what needs to be covered. It’s cute on the skirt, but the strings of beads also make her look like she’s wearing boob tassles, which is probably a smart move with skeeve Nigel on the panel. Dancing to Tina Turner’s “Rolling on a River” she’s doing another upbeat dance, which is definitely better than any solo she’s done before. I liked it.
You gotta wonder if she dresses like this to go to the supermarket.
Danny’s solo is more greatness, like we’d expect anything else from him. He spins and throws himself around the stage. Jamie’s solo is more lovely but slow contemporary stuff. I’m sure the lines were fabulous. Plus she’s in that nude sparkly bra, so I’m sure Nigel loved it. Hok’s dancing to some Jamiroquai and, while awesome, I don’t think that was as good as the week before.
After commercials, Lauren performs her solo to Christina Aguilera. It’s definitely the best I’ve ever seen her dance, but I’m still not a fan. Also, what are you WEARING? A tiny pink corset??
Neil is dancing to Maroon 5, thus appealing to his teenage girl fanbase. Bleh. He leaps around and does that roundhouse kick move that always looks so cool, but like one of the judges said at his initial audition, it’s the time between the tumbling when Neil is really lacking.
After that, Enrique Iglesias “sings” but he is also the dullest ever. Fast forward. Cat doesn’t interview him afterwards, and we get no reason why, so I’m just going to make one up. Enrique Iglesias was a dick and all, “No interviews.” God, what a jerk.
What’s your dad like in real life? Is he like, a total gigolo?
So it’s time to send someone home. Nigel asks Jamie to step forward first. He thought her solo was a little desperate and not as good as before, but she’s staying. Nigel begins his comments by saying that Lauren’s never really reached her potential. Anya has struggled in her solos and while she gave a lot of energy tonight, Lauren finally reached her potential, so Anya’s going home. BOOOOOO! BOO LAUREN!
Her goodbye video is filled with the judges talking about how great they think she is. It’s ridonk that she’s going home.
Now for the guys. This was a unanimous decision. Nigel says that Hok was in his favorite routine, but alas, he’s going home. The audience is irate. While Hok is unique, Nigel explains, he hasn’t been diverse enough to perform other styles.
Aw, I’m really going to miss Hok. As the credits roll and everyone hugs, Hok leaves the pack and dances for his last few moments on this stage. What a performer! Ok, my problem with the decisions tonight. Who would you rather see on tour? Lauren or Anya? Neil or Hok? I rest my case.