Recap: So You Think You Can Dance Performance Show: Peace, guys!

Before the recap: Has anyone seen that show on TNT called Heartland? It is awful. I think it’s actually about Treat Williams being a heart surgeon, but I just caught an episode that was all about organ donation and HOW VERY IMPORTANT IT IS. Like, yes, a very noble deed, but if every episode of this show is about HOW IMPORTANT ORGAN DONATION IS, this would have to be the second-most emotionally manipulative show on television. The first being the once and ever champion, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Also, WTF? I was watching this episode because I started watching 15 minutes in and the school shooter angle really got me and I just wanted too know what happened and they NEVER TELL US.

Fuck off, Heartland!

I’m sorry, what was that? You challenge me to a dance-off? SoYouThinkYouCanDance??

Better start screaming, teen-aged girls, because tonight’s the first show of the Top 10. Tickets are on sale for the tour now!! Better start dialing, Albany! Damn, I just checked the website and they’re not coming to New York City. Like I’m going to Nassau Coliseum. However, the Atlantic City date sounds appealing. Craps, taffy and SYTYCD, anyone?

Tonight Cat is dressed as the even bitchier sister Atia never knew she had on HBO’s Rome, purple toga and eyeliner and all.

I’ll let you ravish my daughter for an invite to your party!

Cat reminds us that tonight the boy and girl with the lowest votes will be eliminated. Though the jidges have no power anymore beyond bad-mouthing, Cat introduces them. And since I’m writing this after I’ve seen the results show, I know to comment on guest jidge Mia Michael’s Marine jacket. Apparently there was a big brough-ha-ha over this in some parts of the country, but I never heard about that. Instead, I was learning from Page Six that Lindsay Lohan claimed she wasn’t wearing her own pants the night of her DUI and coke bust. You know, the important things.

How come wearing those awful camouflage shorts from Old Navy is ok but this isn’t? I blame the hair.

Honestly, my first reaction to the jacket was like, Oh, cuuute! Where can I get one? But apparently the Marine’s don’t take too kindly to that.

And SYTYCD is changing things up a bit in its third season! This year, (or maybe just for this episode? I can’t tell) the finalists will perform solos choreographed by someone else so they can all be judged side-by-side. Oh and now I’m SO mad they cut Anya for poor solos, since the judges only ever had a problem with her self-choreographed solos! Boo!

Anyways, Wade is choreographing today and really, I liked Wade so much more before he started to speak. He and his wife [random!] decided that because this will be performed 10 times in the show, they should make it meaningful and powerful. And I’m quoting Wade directly here: “It’s about peace. It’s about the war. It’s about anti-war. It’s about peace.” Whoa, deep. He then asks us to “be the change that we want to see.” I’m already not fighting a war, what more do you want from me? Choreographer, visionary, plagiarizer: Wade Robson. He’s really convinced this routine is going to change the world.

In case you don’t know how the rules have changed this week, Cat lays it out for us. In addition to the power now resting solely with the voting audience, partners are going to change as well. Now the girls will randomly draw from a hat.

Lauren picks her partner first and it’s Pasha! And they’re doing hip-hop! And I write everything with exclamation points in an attempt to convey Lauren’s enthusiasm! I think that’s what bothers me most about Lauren. Not that she shouldn’t be enthusiastic, but that doesn’t go with this whole faux-rocker thing she tries to convey. It doesn’t match. It’s uncomfortable.

Phoney!

I still love Pasha, though! Expecially when he frets in rehearsal video that he’s going to let Lauren down. Well I don’t think he really has to worry about that. Their music starts (and ends!) with all these mechanical noises and Lauren sits on Pasha and they form a giant spider thing. Then the music starts and they hip hop all over the stage. It’s kind of generic, save for the fact that they’re dressed like… skeletons? I don’t get it.

Nigel calls it a great way to start the show, calling them human transformers. Um, I don’t think that’s possible. He goes on to comment on how well Pasha has transitioned into other styles. Nigel’s also glad they kept Lauren. I disagree! Mary thinks a great partnership has formed and parrots Nigel’s transformers comment. Mary’s got a fever, and the only prescription is more Pasha and Lauren. That’s only funny because that fever/prescription thing is never not funny. Touché, Mary. Mia thought Pasha was going to be awful, but thinks he actually did really well. She thinks Lauren is “blowing up.” No Mia, not you too!

Jaimie performs the solo first, which I think was really to her disadvantage because it’s such a ridiculous routine and I, at least, needed to see it like, at least four times before I could get through it without giggling. First of all, it’s to John Mayer’s “Waiting for the World to Change.” I used to be a fan of his, but lately all his stuff sounds like easy-listening late 90′s music. It reminds me of Counting Crows’ version of “Big Yellow Taxi.” Ugh, even referencing that makes my skin crawl.

Secondly, Wade choreographed them to point to their wrists (like at a watch) when the music says “time” and they mime holding a globe… normally I love Wade’s routines but this is so CHEESY! The music breaks so we can hear each contestant scream in the middle, and then it all ends with the soloist giving the peace sign. God, Wade, it’s like you want me to mock it.

Anyways, the back of Jaimie’s shirt reads “honesty.” Her performance is good. We know from the hummingbird routine that Wade’s choreography fits well on her body. But she also went first, so she will be forgotten by the end of the show.

Soloing next is Dominic, whose shirt reads “love.” Seeing him right after Jaimie just highlights his technical shortcomings. He’s doing all the steps, but it doesn’t make me feel. Point your toes! Plus, he touches his heart while giving the peace sign. So you know he means it.

The next couple is Sabra and Kameron. They’re both thrilled to pick contemporary. Seriously, Kameron better bring it this week. Ha, Sabra says she’s looking forward to working with Kameron because “he’ll never, ever drop me. Dominic.” Bitchy! I like it.

The pair are dancing to a horrible recording of “Amazing Grace.” Kameron may make a great partner because he’s so strong, but once again he’s the boring one in the pair. And once again Sabra is nearly perfect.

Do I have any bats in my cave?

Nigel thought it was well danced, but he didn’t believe Kameron’s “emotional journey.” He didn’t see any magic. Mary once again copies Nigel’s comments, saying she didn’t feel the magic either. She also didn’t think Kameron was as good as he should be. Mia thinks Kameron was exposed tonight and thinks he’s a very immature dancer. She tells him he has to “break though” and “reach another level.” Someone’s been reading the Reality Show Judge Book O’ Platitudes.

Soloing next is Sara, whose shirt reads “hope.” She’s good, but this routine highlights how low her jumps and leaps are. And I even laugh at her earnest peace sign and I love Sara. And peace!

Back from commercial, we are greeted by Pasha’s back, which reads “communication,” but ironically, I first misread it as “communism” and was all, you would, you Russian. See! This is exactly what Wade is fighting! Remember, Krank, “understanding.” “Communication.” Wow, I feel like a better person already. Pasha can do no wrong in my eyes and I love him in this. And still, I giggle at the peace sign.

Let’s communicate, you sexy commie tiger!

Lacey’s new partner is Danny and the two are performing a Samba, choreographed by Dmitry from last year. So. Much. Sexy. In. One. Room.

Meow.

Lacey says that together, she and Danny make “Dancey” and she made them matching bedazzled armbands. And lol, they’re both wearing them in rehearsal. It’s a sexy dance, but I’m starting to get the feeling that this is Lacey’s only form of sexual expression. It makes for a great in performance, but geez, she needs to get laid. Big time.

Lacey’s a Latin ballroom champion so she is amazing in this. They’re both dressed in black and there are long, gorgeous legs everywhere. I’m sure Danny’s faking it, but I’m totally buying. I’m sorry, but I’ll take fake-Danny over 10 real-Dominics any day.

Bow to the Thigh Master

Nigel thought it was a great routine, but warns Lacey that she plays to the audience too much and needs to interact with her partner a little more. He says Danny didn’t have that problem and made up for his lack of technique with an excellent performance. Mary wasn’t a fan of Danny’s tonight. I join the teenaged-girls and Nigel Lythgoe in booing Mary Murphy. But of course, she loved Lacey. However, rythmical? Not a word! Mia doesn’t care what the others say, she thought it was hot and great from both of them. Go Marines!

Lauren’s word is “patience” and her solo isn’t half bad. Actually, it’s pretty good. She’s another one that does really well with Wade’s style of dance.

Peace, guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Neil solos next and his word is “humility.” Of course, he’s leaping the highest of anyone as yet, but I think it’s the douchey expression on his face that keeps me from liking it. I mean, he does the steps and gets around the stage, but it’s utterly un-graceful and I don’t really believe he wants peace.

Terrorist! Douche-y terrorist!

Sabra’s word is “unity,” which is painted across her butt. Hell, if I had Sabra’s butt, I’d be drawing attention to it too. Sabra’s is the first scream that you can actually hear over the screaming of the teenaged girls in the audience. Plus, as I said before, Sabra’s practically perfect. She rules.

Kameron is up after the commercials. His word? “Trust.” This is probably the strongest dancing from him with the exception of maybe he and Lacey’s jive routine. Maybe I’ve seen the routine so many times I no longer find it funny, or maybe Kameron and I are meant for each other. I don’t know.

This week Jaimie and Dominic are paired together and are doing the Viennese Waltz… with a Spanish flavor. There are a lot of flamenco elements and I can already tell the judges are going to HATE it. Dominic comments that he’s looking forward to the lifts because Jaimie’s “gorgeous, head to toe,” and he can’t wait to manhandle her in the air. Does it make me a bad feminist to laugh at that? After hearing about how much Dominic drops people, Jaimie’s not really looking forward to the lifts, thanks.

Dancing to “Man of La Mancha” as sung by Linda Eder (LOL!), this definitely looks more like a flamenco dance than Viennese waltz, regardless of the 3/4 time signature. And of course this is hammy – they’re doing a Viennese waltz disguised as a flamenco. It’s ridiculous.

As I predicted, the judges hated it. Nigel blathers about doing a style on a style, and especially didn’t like Dominic. Nigel thought Dominic was a caricature of Groucho Marx meets Mr. Bean. HA! Mee-ouch! Mary, too, thought it was way over the top. “Cartoonish” is thrown around quite a bit in reference to Dominic. Aw, Dominic apologizes profusely to Jaimie. Mia tells him to stop apologizing for one bad week, and then goes on to call his carriage, technique and lines “atrocious.” Ah, there’s the vicious Mia Michaels we know and love. Jaimie is mentioned as an afterthought all throughout this, so I predicted here that she’d end up going home.

I love that when contestants are ripped apart by the judges, Cat gives them a little pep talk. Here, she tells Dominic that it’s ok, “sometimes you have to go too far and then pull it back,” stiff upper lip and all that.

The back of Lacey’s shirt reads “peace.” Her solo is good. I’m really running out of things to say about the same routine over and over again. Lacey kisses her fingers before making the peace sign and LOL, thanks for the laugh, Lacey!

The final solo belongs to the king of dance, Danny, whose shirt says “understanding.” The judges say this later and I agree that Danny is the only one to put his own style on the dance. His dancing is fluid and balletic and beautiful. The move where he’s kicking around the stage is particularly lovely.

The last routine of the night belongs to Neil and Sara, performing a disco. I was all, uh-oh, death knell, but damn this is awesome. Rehearsals look dangerous as Neil throws Sara around.

The routine itself is SO AWESOME. After last week’s jazz performance and now this, I’m totally a fan of Sara. There’s lots of body gyrating and ‘knock, knock, knocking on wood.” It’s so fun and Sara looks SICK. (In a good way.)

Good Sick

Nigel loves disco like that and comments that it’s nice to see Neil without goggles, much to Mia’s mock dismay. Mary rightly calls it “corny, cheesey and fun, fun, fun!” Sounds like an ad for the Discovery Zone. Mia calls them the biggest dorks in the best possible way. What a way to close the show!

But before the show can truly end, we need to hear the jidges’ comments on each of the solos. Before Nigel goes into the critiques, he pauses a moment to compliment Wade and his inspiring wife for a great [meh] routine. They accept their applause all smug and noble and clad in hemp in the audience.

Freakin’ hippies.

Anyways, critiques: Nigel thinks Jaimie has plateau-ed. Mary thought she was expressive and beautiful. Mia agrees with Nigel and would like to see more emotion. Nigel thought Dominic was lacking in technique, but emotional. Mia thought Dominic was good, but takes this opportunity to chastise the group for not making it their own enough. Nigel thought Sara was dancing “small in [her] movement,” though Mary and Mia thought she gave great emotion. Nigel thought this wasn’t one of Pasha’s best and found it unemotional. Mary, however, was pleasantly surprised.

Nigel thought Lauren was the first dancer to use the music and come forward with hope. Ugh, gag me with a spoon. All the judges think Neil did well, but think his shoulder and upper back were tense and made some of his movements ugly. Sabra is universally praised by the judges. Mia calls her out as her favorite. Mia thinks Kameron took the criticism she gave him during his partnered routine and applied it in his solo, which bodes well for his future in dance. Nigel comments that Lacey isn’t just a Latin and Swing champion, since she’s great at every style, though Mia still wants more emotion. Nigel says that Danny’s the only one that put his own style on the solo and calls it beautiful, though he warns him not to fall off the beat. Mary thinks they’re chipping away at Danny’s wall, though says they still need more.

So what do you guys think? And where does anyone know where I can buy Mia’s jacket?