We’re back for another exciting week of So You Think You Can Dance! Only 14 dancers – 7 couples – remain! It’s gonna be a quick show – OH BUT WAIT! Everyone’s dancing TWICE. Imagine my excitement. JUST when I though it’d get easier. I’m surprised Fox hasn’t turned it into a four hour show and have everyone dance 6 times and/or until they puke blood.
And what do we have here – it’s our favorite little penguin…
Cat! WTF is up with her outfits this season?! Seriously! It looks like a 5 year-old’s pageant dress. Like any minute she should break into a routine of “Ragtime Doll”! It looks like what Shamu must have worn to his prom. I could go on – just awful. At least she remembered to do her hair… on one side of her head.
Tonight’s judges include hip-hoppers Tabitha and Napoleon – “Napitha” or “Taboleon” depending on which camp you’re from – and Mary Murphy (Is it just me or does she get a few extra teeth each week?) and Nigel – who’s actually dressed quite well this evening.
First up – Jessica and Will – rehearsing the jive with choreographers Melanie and Tony. I totally saw Melanie and Tony the other day in Beverly Hills! I was like, “Crap – look at that lady’s hair– Oh my god – it’s Melanie — and there’s Tony!” They walked by me and I uncontrollably say, “Hey guys – I love you on So You Think You Can Dance! Great job!” And they responded, “Oh thank you!”
It was very exciting. I was tempted to tell them to read my recaps but feared Tony would hold me down while Melanie would make me eat my own teeth if she knew I made a drag queen comment about her. Oh the woes of recapping.
Jessica and WIll are super-confused by the jive and rehearsal is not going well. At least Melanie’s not screaming at Will to grab her ass. They look like they’re having fun but if I was Jessica and I knew Debbie Allen was leering over me because her prodigy was my partner – I’d probably be a bit more serious. Right Jessica?
Hey Jessica – show us where Debbie’s gonna put a bullet if you fuck this dance up too! Yup… there we go… that is correct.
Time for the Jive! I think it’s terrific but you know how the judges love to praise Will and shit all over Jessica. I really think this is the first time they’ve nailed a routine. And there’s an amazing move where Jessica dives over Will’s back and he pulls her back through his legs:
This move is called the “While You’re Down There…”
And the rest of the dance was fantastic – if the judges shit on it I’m gonna be pissed. Tabitha is the first judge to speak – and as a judge – she’s too… boring. I need good ol’ “Totally ecstatic!” or “That was shit!” Tabitha is very matter-of-fact about it and says “Well – you woke up this evening.” Thanks Tabitha – bring a Thesaurus to the judges table next time. Napoleon thought it was great and thought it took off after their special move (see above).
Mary thought there was a lot of missed connections and gave it an “OK” while Nigel ragged on Jessica for having her weight in the wrong position. WHAT?!? This is bullshit – does anyone else out there think they did a far better job than the judges are giving them credit for!? I thought it was great. It might not have been technically perfect – but since when has that stopped the judges from blowing smoke and handing out tickets for the Hot Burrito Bus!?
Next up – new couple – Comfort and Thayne! There’s lots at stake for these two – if they don’t nail their two dances it’s gonna be permanent splitsville a la “going home”. They’re doing a Broadway number with new choreographer, Andy Blahalahalah (his last name is ridic).
They’re doing “Cool” from West Side Story! Oohhh! Comfort says her goal is to not be in the bottom three anymore – thatta girl – aim low!
Comfort and Thayne start the “west siiiiide” routine and I’m not really a fan of it. I think a little blame is on the choreographer here – there’s just a lot of jumping around and it doesn’t match the music – not that the song is that great.
And Thayne doesn’t seem as into it as Comfort is. I think he might miss Cheslea.
It’s most apparent when he drags Comfort offstage while screaming “WHY CAN’T YOU BE CHELSEA?!!?”
Tabitha (BTW – Can someone please tell Cat that it’s “TabithA” and not “TabithER”?!!?) thinks that Comfort and Thayne are a great match. Especially the moment where Thayne looked like he was ready to pop one in her. Ew. Gross.
Mary enjoyed the number and thought the new pairing works. She’s especially proud of hip-hopper Comfort. I agree – she really kicked up the sexy-time for this number.
Cat asked Nigel if Thayne is a “smooth operator” like his name tag reads and Nigel says “I have no idea – don’t want to get into that!” GROSS NIGEL. Why would you even think that ya pervy old bloke!
Nigel thought it lacked the explosive movement that he hopes for in a BM.
Next up – Kourtni and Matt! These two are in serious trouble – they’ve been in the bottom three like everytime. Matt makes a joke about practicing his solo – uhh – if you’re in the bottom three buddy – you better start practicing the line “One ticket to Glendale, Arizona please.”
And after just 30 seconds of rehearsal footage (it’s funny how much crap they cut out when they have 14 FRIGGIN DANCES to get through!) it’s time for them to hit the stage with their Hip-Hip routine by Cecily and Olisa.
Their routine is – in so many words – “Meh”. It’s kind of odd that it’s so slow for a hip-hop number. It’s lacking urgency or real hard-hitting beats that makes hip-hop so attractive.
And Matt’s content with just being a “smooth criminal”. I think while dancing he becomes whiter than MJ – which is scary.
Tabitha thinks Matt was able to “sit in the pocket” (whatever the fuck that means) but Napoleon adds, “If you did this at a hip-hop competition – NO – DEFINITELY NOT.” Ouchie. Looks like they got served. Ohhhh!
Mary adds that she only “Liked it”. And that it infuriates her that she can’t jump up and scream that she loved it. How DARE they take that away from her! It’s the only time the poor woman can reach orgasm.
Nigel just generally disliked it – the style, the choreography (hope Cecily and Olisa don’t know where his car is parked) and thought it was hip-hop on sleeping pills. Nigel needed it to be more arousing – like hip-hop on viagra.
Next up – my personal favorites – Mark and Chelsie! They’re doing a fast jazz routine and the clip of them rehearsing was even shorter (I just don’t want you Gasmii to think I’m leving anything out – this show is moving along QUICKLY).
They’re off to a kiss-kiss bang-bang of a routine! It’s very fun and flirty and they of course look like they’re having fun while nailing it at the same time. It’s not my favorite dance that they’ve done – but I think they did a great job of the routine they were given. Although we know these two are very brother/sisterly, they play off the passion…
… and the incest-vibe very well!
Tabitha loves that no matter what they do they’re able to tell the story. Napoleon agrees with her – shouldn’t only one of these two get to speak each go around instead of repeating themselves? Either that or they need to disagree more – maybe a big fight that leads to a cage match. That’d be nice.
Mary says “I hate to be a downer tonight (REALLY?! CAUSE WE’VE NEVER HEARD YOU DO THIS BEFORE!!!) so don’t get mad at what I say… (and she hits glass-shattering tones here)… I JUST LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!” UGH. I swear somewhere Marlee Matlin just signed “What the hell was that?!?”
Nigel thought they were the first couple with a real connection which created… “MAGIC”! We can only hope – perhaps they’ll make Mary disappear. Or maybe they could saw her in half.
Next up – everyone’s favorite conglomeration – Twitchington! Tonight they’re attempting the “Pasa Doble” – the first of the season! Twitch tells us the dance is like a fight between him and K-ton. I can’t imagine K-ton fighting – unless she can hold that smile while bludgeoning.
They begin and — AHHHHH!!!!!!
JESUS. Don’t scare me like that! They look like the two-headed latino-drag love child of Dracula.
WOW – it’s actually muy caliente! I keep waiting for K-ton to crack a smile and ruin it but she holds a steady glare through the whole thing! This – I think – is the first time the two of them really show a sexy/passionate side. Ole!
Taboleon thinks the matador in Twitch came out. Well – ALMOST – technically he would have had to spear K-ton at some point. And you know how PETA would get worked up over that. Napitha also think K-ton’s a whiz with a cape.
Mary loved the passion – especially the lift at the beginning – but otherwise it was an entertaining “OK”.
Nigel says Mary backed down (she agrees she did) and although he says there were problems, he’s proud of K-ton for not smiling through the whole thing. Hollah! However, Nigel accuses Twitch of using his shoulders as earrings.
However they do go smashingly with his outfit.
Up next – Katee and Joshua… with (she’s baaaaack) a Mia Michaels routine! And this time Mia’s brought friends!
It’s like Aryan nation… and the’re making a mia sandich.
Katee and Joshua are worried they’ll disappoint Mia – that’s no surprise – they’ve SEEN what happens when Mia the Tyrant hits that judge’s bench.
The kids start their contemporary dance and it’s pretty friggin’ fantastic. They’re totally into it – and well – damned if I can explain what it looked like. It’s Mia – so it was part beauty – part terror – and part WTF was that?!
“Not the hairspray… no more!! PLEEEEAAAASE!!!!”
Poor Joshua looks like an emotional wreck afterwards. He explains to Cat “It’s just so much more than dancing with Mia – so much more!” I have this feeling Mia teaches them the dance and then whispers “I’ll skull fuck your first born if you screw this up for me.”
And does anyone else think the other choreographers are like “UGH. If I have to hear ONE more time about how FRIGGIN’ GREAT Mia is I’m gonna lose it.”??
Napitha think their moves were over the top and loved the “contemporary version” of some of their hip-hop moves. There’s a shot of Mia while they’re blowing smoke up her tank:
In case you ever wondered, this is what “smug” looks like.
Mary loves the “monumental stillness” of Katee and thinks this was her breakout performance. I wish Mary would try monumental silence.
Nigel goes above and beyond by saying “These two are one of the few couples this season that will make this season outstanding when history is written.” WHEN HISTORY IS WRITTEN?! Does he think this show ends up in Encyclopedia Britannica or something?! Can you just imagine 20 years from now – kids are sitting in History class and the teacher says “Alright class – now that we’ve covered Vietnam and then the Gulf War – let’s move on to the Katee and Joshua era of “SYTYCD”. Open your books to Chapter 18, “Season 4″.
Next up, Courtney and Gev who will be hip-hopping with Cecily and Olisa – who comment that it looks like the show is turning Gev into a contemporary dancer. I guess something happens where Gev has a limp wrist because…
Courtney prances around mimic’ing Gev. Watch it bitch. You’re about 3 seconds away from alienating over half your audience.
I guess the best way to describe their dance would be “Ghetto Fabulous”. It’s very traditional hip-hop and I think they do the job well. I wish it had a “story” to it but the dancing seems to be on target.
Taboleon says that it was great but looked like Courtney was in control the whole time.
Really? What part gave that away?
Mary says she’s feeling it 50/50 and blames Gev. Nigel calls it “fun, funky but more fun than funky.” Ahhh – such the orator. And then he says, “It was like the OJ’s doing backstabbers!” WHAT?!?!? What the hell does that even mean?!?! And then he adds “It was like Cinderella getting ugly.” If I was Cat I would’ve called him out and been like “What the FUCK are you saying?!!” I’m guessing the fumes from Mary’s hair are getting to him. Or maybe she’s secreting “crazy” again.
Alright kids – we’re officially half-way through and it’s time to do it ALLLLL over again! How’s everyone doing? Got your energy bars? Fluids? Stretches? Super.
Up next (again) is Jessica and Will. Let’s see if they can burn the judges this time around with lyrical jazz. Mandy Moore is challenging them by adding a “shirt” to the routine. Whoa. She’s bringing out the big guns. I’m glad Mandy mentioned adding the shirt…
Because otherwise I would’ve thought that Will was just refusing to touch Jessica citing the “looks and smells like the Little Mermaid” factor.
Oohh – there dancing to Heart’s “Alone” – love that song. And WOW – I think they’re dance is a GREAT. It’s beautiful and there’s perfect lines being made al up in the house. And passion?! Sex?! Romance?! It’s alllll here….
(sung to the tune of Heart’s “Alone”) “How do I give you the boooone?! How do I give you the bone?! (Give you the bone now…) THE BOOOOONE!!!!
And Will – holy hotness right?!!? RIDIC. You can always tell when a couple’s feeling in jeopardy – they bring out the “big guns”. I’m sure teenage phones will be dialing their number like crazy.
Off to the judges – Tabitha asks Will to keep his shirt off and Mary cackles “AMEN SISTER AMEN!!” UGH. GROSS. It’s one thing when Tabitha says it but it’s an entirely different thing when Mary, 40 years his senior, says it. I need to clean my ears with bleach.
Anyways, Napitha loved Will’s lines and his leaps. They go on and on about Will and then, literally, tell Jessica she’s holding Will down. OUCH. Originally I agreed about Jessica – but I honestly thought she did a good job this time around. Now it seems like the judges are just getting unnecessarily snatchy about it for added drama. She almost starts crying at one point. I hope in her head she was planning on fire-bombing Napitha’s car.
On the other hand – Mary screams something about talent being flame and genius being fire – and then she screams more. Ahh Mary. The Shakespeare of her time. She also puts them on the Taquito Train.
Nigel takes a survey – “Who wants to dance with Will?” and of course every teen girl (and of course some guys) go apeshit bonkers in the audience. I was waiting for Nigel to ask the same question about Jessica so we could hear the sounds of crickets in the audience and then Jessica wailing.
Nigel gives Jessica credit where it’s due (screw you Taboleon) and the world is at peace once again.
Next up – NKOTB – Thayne and Comfort dancing a smooth waltz under the direction of Edward Simon. Thayne tells us it’s about a “long lost love” – something he admits he doesn’t have.
Oh! Hollah to all you lonely boys out there – Thayne’s looking for someone to knock on his wood. (This joke is much funnier if you’ve been watching every episode. If not, just trust me.)
Comfort’s intent on showing their romantic side. Ok – but according to the FCC you have to keep your clothes on.
They start smooth waltz’in and aside from the random Medieval whistle-flute music, it’s a enchanting bit of dance and although the chemistry isn’t quite there – they do look like professional dancers.
Suddenly and without warning – Napitha splits into a 2 headed monster – each with its own opinions! Napoleon loves it but Tabitha gives Thayne a bunch of shit saying “She didn’t feel it” and she thought he was pretty much a fake. Well! Someone’s going to be sleeping on the couch in the Taboleon household.
Mary settles the debate by proclaiming herself a Waltz expert and declares that she loved it. She, of course, then goes on to use several ridiculous metaphors. I honestly don’t even know what to say about Mary anymore. Words can’t describe.
Nigel thought Edward’s choreography was beautiful and liked Thayne’s carriage. Hey now. He also adds that since Comfort took that dreadful eyebrow ring out she now looks like a dancing queen. Comfort smiles a mixture of “Thank You” and “Fuck You”. It’s a delightful look that makes her grow on me.
Next up – Matt and Kourtni dancing the mambo with Alex. Kourtni says this is the hardest dance she’s ever had to do.
And from the looks of it – I believe her. I’ve only seen this move once before and it was performed by a drunkard heading down a flight of stairs. Let’s hope Kourtni’s move doesn’t end with an ambulance trip too.
They begin their mambo and it looks like they’re doing a pretty great job of it. However I know the judges are gonna nail them for a lack of chemistry once again. Matt dances with Kourtni like she’s his bestie – which should be difficult after moves like this:
“OMG we’re tooooootally gonna play Mall Madness and get pedi’s after you unwrap your body from around mine, right?!”
There’s alot of fancy footwork and the wonder twins seem to hit every move. Although the final move seems a little stunted.
Tabitha thought the dance was a bit hot and cold and tells Matt…
“I just need a little more from ya!” in the best non-intentional Streisand impression I’ve ever heard. It’s also entertaining since for some reason she gestures like Matt should shake his boobs about.
Mary thought Kourtni was smokin’ hot out there but didn’t believe the chemistry. I hate it when I agree with Mary. It makes me feel dirty.
Nigel critiques the positioning of their legs and demands that they do things a little sharper. In particular he bangs on Matt for not being “butch” enough – the audience boos Nigel and before he continues on…
He turns around and verbally bitch slaps the audience with a “If you don’t like to hear my critiques – then stop coming to the show!” WOW! BALLSY! Stay tuned for next week when the entire audience is a cardboard cutout and a few miserable “Dance” interns.
Next up – Chelsie and Mark with a foxtrot. Although Chelsie is an old-pro with it, Mark is nervous. Well – he shouldn’t be – he pretty much needs to defecate onstage to fall from the pedestal everyone’s put him on.
Ten seconds into the performance you can tell he needn’t worry. It’s pretty impressive that these two can pull off a kick-ass hip-hop (from last week) AND look completely at ease with a fox trot.
And the mere fact that they can pull off this flip while she’s wearing that dress is amazing. I mean seriously – it looks like Mark’s flipping drag queen cookie monster over his back.
Naptiha love that Chelsie continued on even though there was a big blue feather in her mouth. A true testament to her can-do attitude. Mary can’t stop laughing about it (sooo easily amused) and gives them props for pulling off some really hard moves.
Side note: Doesn’t Mark totally remind you of Hermie from “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer”?!!?
Nigel feels that Mark was uncomfortable on the dance floor and burns Mary for overlooking technique because she’s so jazzed about the routine. Mary says she may have a little and then (big shocker coming up) screams at Nigel. Nigel then makes a crack about Mary’s noise level and we all enjoy a REALLY awkward unscripted moment as she screams back again and no one laughs. I seriously cringe thinking about getting through another month of these moments.
Twitchington is up next with a contemporary routine with the goddess herself, Mia. There’s a bed involved and…
We get a glimpse of what the most awkward “morning-after” on “SYTYCD” might look like.
The performance begins – and I say “performance” since it clearly is one of Mia’s “more-than-dancing” routines. It’s pretty great. And, as an added plus, Twitch is doing the whole shirtless thing in order to woe the voters. The bed is actually a unique part – used as both a poetic symbol and a trampoline.
If I knew that was Mia’s mattress I’d launch off it like that too.
Napitha thought the number was “Awesome…awesome…(etc)!” and that it was “story-telling at it’s best.” Mary compliments Mia per usual and makes a sound like she’s squeezing one out. I really need to figure out how to post sound bites on this so you guys can enjoy (suffer through) these Mary moments as well. She adds “Passion is a fever and I think mine just went up.” WHAT?!?!
Oh but wait – here comes Nigel on the “Horrific Mental Images Train” saying “I know Mia was inspired to create this routine by my relationship with her” and “I used to jump around on a bed like that.” I’ll go ahead and give you all a moment to try and cleanse your brain – perhaps some acid or an immensely strong round of bong hits? Aaaaaand we’re back. Nigel screwing Mia. Ha! Gotcha! I’m awesome.
Nigel goes on to say the performance was “utterly entertaining” and calls them one of two couples to beat.
Up next – Katee and Joshua with… BENJI SCHWIMMER! That’s right kids – the ol’ swinger is back to teach our kids some west coast swing. Now – usually Benji gets on my nerves but I know he has a lot of fans out there (apparently more than my favorite, Travis, did) so I’ll give him a break.
And for an added plus – Benji brought Lacey along for the ride.
And some dog. Benji’s obsessed with a little dog in a little pink dress. The gays are on the phone for you Benji. They want their most typical stereotype back.
Let’s see if Benji can preach what he practices. Katee and Joshua hit the stage and look like they’re having the most fun out of all the couples tonight. Jumping, jiving and I’m sure Mary will be wailing away.
The best part is the ending. Katee packs a wallop in her booty and sends Joshua flying across the stage:
I think she picked this move up by watching Mia work her way through a crowded bus.
Napitha thought Katee stole the show and were glad that they didn’t drop her (ungrateful) ass back in Vegas. Mary gives a scream and gives big props to Benji. Hey Benji – how’s that make you feel?
Nigel congratulates Katee and Joshua for being able to transform into whatever dance it is they’re performing and gives Joshua applause for flying across the stage after Katee gave him the ass bump. She’s got hips that don’t lie! Guuuurl!
And finally LAST – we have Courtney and Gev performing a Broadway routine about a tourist’s first time in NY. It’s choreographed by Andy Blahshabluferthingy.
It’s definitely really cute. They dance about like Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra and it all feels very classic. You can just imagine them running among cardboard cut-outs of the skyscrapers and iconic NYC places. My favorite part is the big finish…
Cool! It’s their interpretation of a walk through Central Park at night! It only needs some yellow police tape.
Taboleon thought it was believable but they wanted their characters to match the mood of the music more. Mary thought it was dynamic and GREAT! She also mentions how they’ve never been in the bottom 3 – thus jinxing them for sure. Thanks Mary.
Nigel loves it and thought it was reminiscent of the old movie except that Gev needs to work on his “carriage”. It’s totally Nigel’s word du jour. “Carriage”. He also wants Courtney to work on her roundhouse kick. Next week’s choreographer? Jackie Chan!!!!
AND THAT’S IT!!!! What’s everyone think?!! Too many dances!! They need to cut this shit down so Mary has fewer things to scream at.
There were so many – give me your fav’s – your anti-fav’s and whatever else. Comments about the judges are always welcome too! Come on kids! DISH IT!!!