So You Think You Can Dance: Tough Tango

Welcome to week two of the competition. What will tonight bring? The stakes are high and so are the costume designers. THIS. Is So You Think You Can Dance (dance……dance)!

When does a ruffled maxi-pad dress EVER sound like a good idea? 

Cat gets right down to introducing the judges for this week’s show. Of course we have Nigel and Mary, and they will be joined by Lil C. I’ve always liked Lil C, but then he went all mean girl with Mia in Vegas. I’m really hoping we get his old self back for tonight.

Cat wants to know if Lil C watched the show last week. First he says he didn’t, but he’s just playing. He did watch and apparently Lil C and I have a lot in common because he also likes to pretend he’s a judge and critique the dancers from the comfort of his own couch. 

Except sometimes I’m actually a REAL judge, and you never are 

That wasn’t very nice Lil C. Let’s just move on over to Mary if you’re going to be so jerky. Oh. I’m sorry I said let’s move on to Mary. Cat’s referencing the botox moment again, and yeah, it was funny last week, but I don’t want to relive the moment every week.

Does Nigel have any thing interesting to say? “Show us your strengths; don’t show us your weaknesses.” WOW. Stellar advice there. I’m going to write that one down and hang it on my bulletin board. Can we just get to the dancing already?

Not yet. First we need to find out what this week’s filler topic is going to be. Are you on the edge of your seat in anticipation? Come on……you know you are. This week we are going to find out what the dancers think America needs to know about their partners. YAWN. We’re going to start with Randi and Evan.

Randi likes to French kiss her dog 

Evan built his own car  

Riveting. On to the dancing! Rehearsal. Randi and Evan have picked jive out of the hat, and their choreographer is Louis van Amstel. Oooooo, I liked his stuff last week. The jive is all about personality, and fun. In fact, Evan is having so much fun that he says there should be a fun counter counting how many times they say fun. Let’s just say the editors oblige and the count gets up to thirteen before they’ve even danced.

FINALLY it’s time for them to dance. They’re performing to “Shake a Tail Feather” by Ray Charles, and you know what? This dance is fun. I love Evan, so I’m a little biased. I will say that it was a little softer than it should have been, and I’m sure that Mary will call them out on their retractions after the kicks not being sharp enough. I still enjoyed it.

Don’t squeeze the Charmin.

So what did the judges think? Lil C liked it. But he doesn’t stop there. I’m not going to transcribe exactly what Lil C has to say because you and I just don’t have the time for that. In a nutshell, he would like Evan to be more explosive, and he thinks Randi is a little firecracker.

Cat asks Mary if she thought it was fun. (Reappearance of the fun counter). It was fun. And then they all say fun a bunch of times and it’s supposed to be cute and funny, but it’s not. It is LAME. Can we get back to the critique? 

Mary thinks out of all the dancers these two are built for the jive. That said, she thinks it fell short. Randi was stronger for her, while Evan’s feet were a little sloppy and he didn’t have enough hip action. It was a great way to start the night, but she was a little disappointed.  I’m a little confused. Can something be great and disappointing at the same time?

On to Nigel. He thought Evan would be better than he really was. He was too into the floor, and didn’t have enough of the double bounce going on. Nigel calls him out on the lack of snap in his retractions, saying they should be like a snake’s tongue. As a couple he thinks they are tremendous, just a little out of their zone tonight. 

Up next, Ade and Melissa. What must we know about them? 

Melissa and her sister are married to brothers. SOOOOO exciting. Thanks for sharing 

 

Ade’s real name is Adetokunbo Isaac Kayode Obayomi. Really? That’s MUST know information? I’d rather hear more about his magical prick pick 

This week they picked jazz out of the hat and they get Sonya Tayeh. Sonya tells us this piece is about a high maintenance girl and a guy who doesn’t like to lose. Don’t ask. They are dancing to “24 Hours” by Terry Poison. As with all of Sonya’s stuff, it’s a little strange but really cool at the same time. The costumes are wacky, but that’s nothing new for this show.

I think they do a good job here; Melissa manages to capture the movement well which is very different to the ballet style she is used to. And Ade, well, he’s simply fantastic.  Lil C agrees. He thinks it was buck. Cat decides they need to do a three way.

Hmmm….maybe magical prick was more accurate after all 

Back to Lil C. He remembers when they told Ade he had made it into the top twenty how surprised he (Ade) was by that. The person Ade was looking at as his competition had made it so he thought he was out. Lil C tells him he thinks Ade is everyone else’s competition. He has impressed Lil C. “You are modifying your manipulation of movement, and I appreciate that.”

Mary? What did you think? She’s going to give them some tough love. “It was really tough to find anything I didn’t love about that!” Oh Mary. How I just adore your fakeouts. Not. 

 

Hot flash! 

She loves Sonya’s quirky cool style, and loved Ade in this dance, calling him a gentle giant again. What about Melissa, Mary? Nope. Nothing. Moving on to Nigel, he loves how Sonya allows them to show off their technique even within her quirky, weird style. He tells Melissa if he didn’t know she was a ballerina he would never have guessed tonight. Good job.

Let’s move along now to Jason and Caitlin. I wonder what secrets they have to share with us.

Jason perfected the art of the pee pee dance at a young age.  

OR he was obsessed with Michael Jackson. What about Caitlin? UGH. She’s one of those girls. You know the ones. They use baby voices to talk. How annoying. Jason agrees. She also does an imitation of a velocirapter.

There are no words. 

This week they are doing hip hop with……..wait for it……….SHANE SPARKS!!!!!! Woo hoo! I love Shane sooooooooooo much! 

 

Yay! 

Except it’s not so yay once they start to dance. They’re out of sync again this week. Not so much on the timing, but from a stylistic approach. Plus Caitlin is the very definition of white bread in this dance. She has a cheerleader-esque smile plastered on her face the entire time, and it really started to bug me after a while. The dance is not horrible, it’s just meh.

What did Lil C think? He didn’t love it. He thinks the choreographer’s fantasy has to become the dancer’s reality, but here it became their nightmare. It came off as corny. Huh. I actually agree with that and think that’s why it was so meh for me. 

Mary compares them to Michael Jackson and Britney Spears, saying they were mismatched stylistically. Out of sync. I love it when the judges and I are on the same page. 

Does anyone else think that Jason looks a lot like Tracy Morgan? 

Nigel thinks we’ve come to expect a certain hard hitting element when it comes to hip hop. He thinks this show has helped to evolve hip hop, bringing out a softer side. I’m going to have to disagree with Nigel on that one. Lyrical hip hop existed before this program did. He thinks Shane softened his style to compliment the types of dancer he had to work with, and that they looked good doing this routine.

Up next are Brandon and Janette. Brandon shares with us that as a youngster Janette had the worst teeth ever. That’s not very nice, Brandon. Her teeth are pretty bad, but I don’t think they’re the worst ever. 

They actually bug me more now than in this picture. Go figure. 

Janette is kinder to Brandon than he was to her, telling us that despite having a smoking body, Brandon has never worked out in his life.

I bench press girls 

That would actually be considered a workout Brandon. I’m starting to think that Brandon may not be the sharpest tool in the shed. This week they will be disco dancing with Doriana Sanchez who tells us this just may be the fastest dance she’s done for the show.    

The thing about disco on this show is that it usually bugs the shit out of me. It’s usually corny and sloppy and annoying. This one, I really enjoyed. Doriana put some really nice lifts in there, and in general I think they did a good job.

I wonder if they have a bikini waxer on staff. Kudos to you, nameless waxologist! 

At one point Janette stumbles and almost falls, but she recovers well and keeps going, so good job on that. You know, watching this disco routine has me reminiscing again about past seasons. Let’s travel back to season one. Remember the disco dance Nick and Melody did? Love it!

Okay, back to the present. Lil C is up first to comment and boy howdy does he. “I believe that the primary focus of all obstacles is to induce labor so progression can be born.” He believes that he just saw the birth of progression in two amazing dancers.

What the hell is he talking about? 

Beats me. All I know is that he likes it and tells Brandon that he was phenomenal which has got to feel good after the ass ripping Lil C and Mia gave him in Vegas. Mary wants to know if they were watching the number on fast forward. She babbles on for a while about how awesome they are and all the dogs in my neighborhood are howling again as her pitch gets higher and higher and then breaks the sound barrier. 

I think she may have just given Nigel a stroke 

Nigel says if he could stand up and scream like Mary, he would. I thank god that he can’t. I don’t think my ears would survive. Nigel goes on to say it’s one of the best disco routines they’ve ever had on the show, and then starts babbling on and on about how Doriana was in Dirty Dancing. To make a point about how many lifts they did in their routine versus that entire movie. I’m not sure exactly how they’re related since Dirty Dancing wasn’t about disco. Shut up Nigel. He then warns Brandon that Mia will be choreographing the group number tomorrow. 

I just pooped my pants! 

The next couple to perform will be Asuka and Vitolio. But first, what does America need to know about these two? Vitolio is obsessed with motorcycles. 

Hog heaven 

Asuka makes spit bubbles 

How interesting. I’ll be sure to pick up the phone and vote for her now that I know that. This week they will be dancing the waltz as choreographed by Louis van Amstel. Louis has decided to make this more a lyrical, spiritual waltz. Evidently “spiritual” means “let’s all hear about how Vitolio is an orphan yet again”. I really need for them to stop doing that. Asuka tells us America doesn’t realize what he’s been through, but she’s WRONG because this is now the third time we’ve been told about it. Stop trying to manipulate me, show!

And to make matters even worse, they’re dancing to an Enya song. Excuse me while I go barf. The dance is really very lovely, but I don’t see what being an orphan had to do with any of it. Perhaps that aspect would have played better if they were dancing to “Tomorrow” or something. 

This time Cat goes to Mary first. As she starts to talk she chokes up a little, starting to cry. So Nigel makes fun of her. Thanks! She didn’t feel their pain, but she thought it was painfully beautiful. Why does Asuka bug the crap out of me? Vitolio seems so much more genuine to me than she does. During the entire critique I really felt as though she’s putting on an act.

Is it just me? 

So Mary loved it. Lil C thought that any choppiness Vitolio had in his steps was made up for in the sincerity of his emotion. He talks about how Vitolio is not afraid to show his vulnerability, and when that is unfurled no one can deny it. Also, Asuka has a dominant submissiveness that is an excellent quality.  

Huh? 

Let’s just say he loved it too. Nigel? Any thoughts to share? “Anybody who wasn’t touched by the beauty of that routine I think is heartless.” Well, I don’t consider myself to be heartless, and I guess I was moved somewhat by the performance, but I think I might have been more moved if they weren’t trying so hard to make me feel moved. Does that make sense?

Talking about manipulation, let’s move on to Max and Kayla. Did you know how awesome Kayla is? She is, you know. Just ask the judges. Now it may sound like I don’t like Kayla, but that isn’t true. I just don’t like being told how much I need to like Kayla. Sound familiar? And yes, I have a problem with authority also.

Kayla would like us to know that Max is like the mom of the house, if your mom had a penis, I guess.

The thing we need to know about Kayla? Well aside from being the most awesomest awesome dancer that is awesome, she is constantly texting. CONSTANTLY. Yeah, that’s not helping in the show’s quest to make me love her.

I bet she texts while she’s driving 

This week they’ll be working with Brian Friedman on a pop jazz routine. Whoa! Brian Friedman and Shane Sparks return on the same show?!?! I may have just died and gone to heaven.

 

But where is the golden afro? 

No matter, I love him with or without hair. The story of this dance is that Kayla is a princess and Max is coming in to perform for her, but he really wants to steal her throne. He wants a strong regal element and is glad that Max has that ballroom training to help out with that feeling. The number starts and holy crap! What the hell are they wearing? Someone really needs to cut off the costumers’ supply of ‘shrooms.

I really enjoyed this number, though I wish the cameraman had kept it wide instead of zooming in. There were entire sections that we lost half of the performance because we couldn’t see what was going on with the other dancer. It’s annoying. Shoddy camerawork or not, I’m sure we’ll be subjected to another Kayla tongue bath courtesy of the judges.

We’ll start with Lil C who starts off by telling us that dance is a language. Each choreographer has there own language, so to speak, and on this show you have to pick that up in a very short period of time. He thinks Max did very good, but he has nothing to say to Kayla because she is amazing. And here we go again. 

Mary is not digging Max’s outfit, but she saw past it to watch his dancing. She was surprised by him but didn’t think he stole the throne. Kayla is wonderful, blah blah blah blah; please see Lil C’s comments above. Nigel continues to heap praise on Kayla and I really really hope that all this praise doesn’t alienate the voters.

Excuse me while I get a towel. All that tongue bathing created a spit puddle under my TV.

This summer, watch a chubby chaser look for love. I hope there’s a lot of hot tub action! 

Back to the show! Jonathan wants us to know that Karla is actually a bad ass hip hop dancer, and a member of the Boogie Bots. Don’t know who they are? Then you don’t watch ABDC. But even if you watched ABDC you would not have known that Karla is a Boogie Bot since she didn’t compete with them on that show. Bad ass my ass.

Boogie Not 

Jonathan likes to sing. Badly.

American Idol, here I come! 

This week they will be dancing a contemporary routine choreographed by  Stacey Tookey on loan from So You Think You Can Dance Canada. Uh oh. After last week’s weak showing, I think they are going to be in trouble for sure with this one. I don’t think Jonathan’s going to be able to pull it off. 

They’re dancing to “Falling Slowly” by The Frames, and HOLY SHIT you guys, I take back everything I just said about Jonathan not being able to pull it off. I LOVE this number. 

You know, when I watched this the first time, I thought Stacey had maybe gone a little easy on Jonathan and given Karla the more difficult portion of the routine. I was wrong. I specifically watched Jonathan the second time I watched the number, and he had some difficult steps in there that he executes really well. This is my favorite routine of the night. Hands down. 

Cat says she just got the first Deeley chills of the season. Mary thinks that Jonathan performed this style better than his own. All this goodness has made her dizzy. Yeah, thats it, I’m sure. Nigel couldn’t believe it. There were no false moves. He says there’s a real lesson to be learned here. Last week they were on the verge of being eliminated and this week they’re blowing everyone away. Lil C thought they danced it beautifully and that it had a perfect balance. In other words, it was buck.

Two couples left. Next up are Phillip and Jeanine. Jeanine shares with us that Phillip is a super nerd. DU-UH. Did we not know that already? 

And all this time I thought he was Hugh! 

 

Are you blind woman? 

No silly, I just wanted an excuse for adding your picture again and again and again. Oooooh.  Phillip really IS a super nerd. He’s an engineering/physics major who loves science fiction. He also collects (collected?) reptiles and at one point had about forty of them. Yuck. What do we need to know about Jeanine?

 

She loves her teddy bear.

His name is Spanky and she says he is the perfect boyfriend. I really don’t know how they get away with this on network TV. Someone needs to call the FCC about this. Two incidents of bestiality in one show are just too much for us normal folks to bear.  Haha. Bear. Get it? Get it? Huh? Oh phooey.

This week they will be tackling a tango. Tony Meredith is the choreographer and he is surprised by their lack of ballroom knowledge. I’m surprised that he’s surprised. I mean, it’s not like he’s never choreographed for the show before.

Oh no! This dance is one giant ball of suck. I love Phillip lots and lots but he is so painful to watch in this tango, it’s not even funny. I barely even notice Jeanine because I cannot get myself to look away from the train wreck that Phillip is in this dance.

He doesn’t keep his frame, he’s incredibly flat footed during the dance and he looks uncomfortable the entire time. I’m really sad because I was hoping he would do well. Mary is going to give him an A+ for attitude. She also gives him a C- for technique. I’m sorry, but that technique was an F. Period. Just because you like him Mary doesn’t mean you should go easy on him. She thinks Jeanine was a hot mama out there though.

Lil C starts by saying he’s a fan of Phillip’s and then busts out with “a lack of confidence is the heaviest anchor you can put on your creativity and on your art.” I can see what he’s saying here, but I also think that all the confidence in the world still would not have saved that dance.

He also calls Phillip out for dancing with bent knees, and Mary jumps in to say that that is the style in this sort of tango. Cat goes out to Tony who agrees with Mary and says Phillip’s knees were supposed to be bent. Lil C takes the correction with grace, and this is one of the many reasons I really like him. I’m glad to see his trip to the dark side was short lived.

Nigel points out that when Phillip had to lift Jeanine, the strain of that was showing in his face. I actually hadn’t noticed that during the actual dance, but I’m sure that Jeanine is just SO happy that you felt the need to point that out.

Thanks for calling me a heifer on national TV, Nigel 

Nigel really wants Phillip to stay out of the bottom three, y’all. He does say that it wasn’t good from a technical standpoint, but basically tells us we should give Phillip a free pass because it’s like taking a guy off the street and telling him to dance the tango, which Phillip has never done before. Couldn’t the same be said of EVERYONE ELSE dancing outside their genre? 

Well, yes, but I like him better so I want you to vote for him. 

Time for the last couple of the evening, Ashley and Kupono. What stupidity are they going to share about each other? Kupono has a kooky OCD thing going on. Everything has to be straight and all the hangers in his closet have to be evenly spaced. 

You have no idea how long it takes to put away the laundry! 

OCD is not fun, y’all. I have my own wacky thing about my wallet and/or credit card. Every time I use my credit card, I have to check at least four or five times that I put it back into my wallet. Even when I KNOW I just put it back in there, I still am compelled to check. You would think that I had once lost my credit card or left it behind somewhere, but I never have. It’s very bizarre. And now I need to go check my wallet because I stupidly mentioned this compulsion. 

Ugh. Sorry about that. Kupono tells us that way back when on her first day of first grade Ashley blew chunks all over her entire class. I wonder if they still call her vomit girl to this day.

Thar she blows! 

They are also doing hip hop with Shane Sparks this week. I really hope they do a better job than Jason and Caitlin did. Why is this show obsessed with The Black Eyed Peas? It seems like every show we have at least one song from them. This time it’s “Imma Be”. 

You know, it’s just okay. They weren’t terrible, but they didn’t blow me away either. I love Shane’s choreography, but I don’t think they danced this well. This is definitely showing us one thing tonight. There are not a lot of strong hip hop dancers in this group. At least not that we’ve seen so far. 

Mary agrees with me. She didn’t hate it, but she didn’t love it. Lil C has lost me again. Something about clarity and cutting the movement short. In a nutshell he thinks that Kupono dropped the ball so Ashley was not able to mirror him. He wasn’t mad at Ashley, just Kupono it would seem.

Nigel felt like the number stopped just at the point when he was starting to enjoy it. He was underwhelmed by it. He’s pleased they got Shane back, and he loves his choreography, but he feels like the four dancers who got Shane this week didn’t do a good job.

Imma Be pissed I decided to come back to this show. 

Don’t let one week ruin your return to the show Shane! Maybe next time you’ll have someone better at hip hop! 

So there you have it, Gasmi. Round two of the competition. I have to say I was a little let down this week, but I think it’s because we had such a strong start last week. I didn’t think it was a horrible week, I just expected better from them. My prediction for the bottom three is Jason/Caitlin, Phillip/Jeanine, and Kupono/Ashley. That prediction is purely based on their dancing, so I’m sure it will be wrong. 

The couple I’m the most worried about is Jonathan and Karla. Last week I would have said they would be in the bottom this week for sure, but I loved them this week and really hope that they’re safe. I just don’t know if they have enough of a fan base yet.

All in all I think this season will be a good one. I’m really liking the majority of the dancers, and am having a tough time saying for sure who will go home. Usually at this point it’s still fairly easy to predict. What did you all think? Who were your favorites? Biggest disappointments? Are you happy to see Shane and Brian back, or could you care less?

I’m going right from this recap into the results show and hope to have that for you very very soon! In the meantime, I’ve arranged for you to have some company while you wait.

If only I could tear my eyes away to start on the results show recap. Must……..focus…………..just one more peek! Okay, I’m ready.

SWAK, PottyMouth