This is it Gasmi. Tonight we find out who has made the all important top ten, thus securing a place for themselves on the tour. It’s also Nigel’s birthday, and he is full of love and good will for everyone. Well, everyone who can make him buttloads of money. THIS. Is So You Think You Can Dance (dance….dance)!
â™« It’s my birthday; I’ll change the rules if I want to. Change if I want to. Change if I want tooooo,………..I will do anything I want to do-oooooo â™ª â™«
This week’s opening number is performed to “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes. I like it. The dancers are like little hip hop toy soldiers. I’m trying to figure out who choreographed it, and then, this move happens…..
Tabitha and Napoleon. Gotta be. Which is somewhat surprising to me since this is a little more hard hitting than I’m used to seeing from them.
Nice way to start the show. As Cat makes her way onto the stage, she gets a little salute from each dancer. I am immediately distracted by what she is wearing. Her hair looks gorgeous, all straight and shiny, but her dress is a little too Walk Like An Egyptian for me.
Ay oh, way oh, ay oh way oh…….
Cat reminds us that this is the last time the cuts will be up to the judges. After tonight, it’s all about the phone voting. Tyce is back tonight, of course, and Cat calls him snapalicious. Well, I guess that’s better than Brooklyn brownie.
Cat wants us all to put our hands together because it’s Nigel’s 60th birthday today. He tells us, “No botox!” No Shit. Then he says that he went to get some, but Mary had gotten there first. Mary laughs it off, but I bet she kicks his ass later. And I bet he likes it.
Cat also brings up the rumors of the Michael Jackson tribute show that’s supposed to be happening, and asks Nigel what’s going on with it. Well, it seems that they had some bad news yesterday. He first explains what they had wanted to do, which was a show where all the music would be Michael’s. They had the choreographers on board, everyone was really excited, and when they put the music through to Sony for clearance, they were told no.
So e-mail Sony and tell them what dip shits you think they are. Not me! It’s not my fault.
I have to say; whoever said no to it is a moron. They probably would have sold even more music. It seems like a really stupid move to me. I think it would have been really interesting to see how they incorporated the music into the ballroom routines, and to see what songs each of the choreographers picked. But such is life.
Moving along to Mary, Cat asks her how it feels to know that this is the last week the judges will decide who goes home. She has mixed emotions. She’s happy that this is one of the few competition shows that the judges actually have a say. WHAT? Is she an idiot or what? There are plenty of shows where the whole thing is decided by judges.
So glad to see you took your stupid pills tonight.
She goes on to say that it hasn’t been easy week in and week out to make those decisions, and if you haven’t been happy with the results, well it’ll be your turn soon enough. Hope you get it right.
Now Cat moves on to Tyce and almost immediately I want to kill him. She talks about how difficult this is for the dancers, learning two routines, all the bruises and cuts they get, how difficult does he think it is? He says it’s tough, but they didn’t sign up for a vacation at club med. This is So You Think You Can Dance (dance…..dance). The greatest, truest competition.
Please someone stuff a sock in his mouth
Too late. He’s not stopping. “They gotta be like magicians, flip the hat, flip the switch, get into character and do it in like one second. And they’ve gotta be warriors. That’s just the way it is, that’s the truth. That’s it. That’s it. Nothing else.” Ugh. He makes me want to puke.
Enough of this, let’s get to who is safe and who is not. First two couples up are Jason and Caitlin, and Brandon and Janette.
Gee…..I wonder who will be in the bottom three from this grouping. Can you imagine being backstage and finding out that you’re grouped with Brandon and Janette this week? Obviously Jason and Caitlin are in the bottom.
Cat goes to Mary on this one, saying this is the third time they’re having to perform their solos, what’s going wrong? Mary thinks that their first routine, Bollywood, was magic, but we haven’t had the magic since. I don’t think they ever did have the magic. At least not together. Mary wants them to come out and fight like new people tonight.
The next two couples are Randi and Evan, and Phillip and Jeanine.
Well, there goes my prediction for at least one of the bottom three couples. But who of these two will be safe, and who will be in the bottom? On the one hand you have vanilla hip hop and the opposite of a sexy samba. On the other hand you have a Disneyworld ride with an annoying song, and motorboating labeled as a jive. They both sucked it pretty hard last night. In the end, Phillip and Jeanine take a ride to the bottom three.
Why is Jeanine dressed like a streetwalker?
Let’s go over to Nigel. Cat wants to know if he thinks the Russian folk dance hurt them. Maybe in terms of voters, but Nigel would like to explain how they go about it as judges. First he says that they know the results in the morning, so they know who’s in the bottom three way before show time. “We then we don’t look on it in a negative sense, we always look on who do we want to keep in the competition, not who do we want to get rid of, so we come from that angle to start with.”
I am so fucked.
Oh wait, Nigel’s not done yet, “We take into account everything we have ever seen these dancers do, right from the beginning. They can change our minds with their solos, which is why we call it dance for your life, our minds can be changed, but in general we’ve made our minds up who we think should remain in the competition, and then by the very nature of who we want to keep in the competition, the bottom two then move out.”
So let me get this straight. Before anyone even gets one toe out onto the stage on results night, the judges have already decided who is going home. I’ve always suspected as much, but I never in a million years thought that I’d see them admit this. The fact that Nigel says their minds can be changed is a crock of shit. Maybe once and a while. But I doubt even that. I’m still in shock that he actually said everything that he did.
But wait! There’s more! “We always talk about a top ten and going on the tour, but the thing with the tour is we take swing dancers as well, and whoever is cut tonight I’m sure will be on that tour as a swing dancer.” Uh, Nigel? Don’t you have to be good at all the different styles to be a swing dancer? It seems that that criteria would knock some people (coughphillipcough) out of the running. WOW. I think I’m in shock.
So the last two couples are Melissa and Ade, and Kayla and Kupono.
This is a tough one. I’m thinking Kayla and Kupono are in trouble yet again, which is just wrong considering how awesome that Mia piece was. But I don’t want to see Melissa and Ade in the bottom; I really like them. I’m thinking the Kayla hate/backlash is going to win out on this one, but I’m wrong! Melissa and Ade are in the bottom. Poop.
Is Tyce shocked about this? He’s going to be honest because he wants to help them. Uh oh. Let’s see how “helpful” Tyce is. He thinks it takes two and that Ade dropped the ball a little bit in terms of energy. BULLSHIT. He thinks that when they step out on stage their body language says how important this is, and Ade needs to dig in and get this. Have I mentioned that Tyce should shut the fuck up?
This is usually the part of the results show where we have a performance from the world of dance. This week they’ve decided to forgo that and instead show us an extended preview of season six auditions. Annoying.
So I’m wondering if the Russian folk dancers were supposed to perform and then decided to tell Nigel to stick it up his ass after he insulted them last night. I mean, they’re Russian folk dancers, it’s not like it’s going to hurt their career if they blow off performing on this show. Folk in Russia still love them, I’m sure.
So Cat tells us this is going to be a real treat. Once again, this show and I have completely different definitions of a word. Watching auditions that I will be sitting through again in just a few short months is not what I would consider a treat.
THIS is what I consider a treat. A tasty treat.
Jesus! She just said she’s going to be bringing us highlights from the auditions every Thursday. Seriously? I hope you’re cutting the fucking no talent musical guest then. This is crap. They’re probably going to reshow these same exact clips in September. GRRRRRRRRRRR.
So this week we’re going to head for Boston. There are good and bad dancers, the same as always. Some sixty year old guy thinks his turns were off, and Mary thinks he’s off his rocker. But there was one guy that really jumped out at them was Teddy Idontcarewhathislastnameis. He is doing a dance that portrays his personality. Sassy? Loud? Nice? Nasty? “Whimsical”. And the air quotes are provided by him
He thinks wearing a bowtie makes you whimsical, unfortunately for him, wearing argyle pants just makes you an asshole. I don’t think he looks like he’s any good at all, but the judges seem to love him. Maybe they smoked a big bowl before auditions that day. Maybe I should try that before watching.
I totally see it now. Brilliant.
After making sure to pimp the tour, and taking a brief commercial break, it’s time for the solos. Caitlin is up first, performing to “Stand by Me” as covered by Playing for Change.
Caitlin’s solos are usually the time I like her the most, but I’m not feeling it this week. I don’t know if it’s the song, which I think I might hate (this version of it, that is), or the fact that she’s not showing me anything I haven’t seen from her before. It’s all a little cutesy cutesy for me. I think she’s in trouble.
Next up is Jason. He’s decided to give the tweenies something to squeal about and is dancing sans shirt.
I sort of like it and sort of don’t. It’s a little frantic for me. He could be going home based on this solo. Oh but wait! They’ve already decided who’s going home, right? So the solo doesn’t matter.
Let’s move along to Jeanine. It looks like someone gave her some unfortunate costuming advice this evening. That dress is HORRIBLE.
I thought her solo last week was better, but she’s still the best girl for me right now. There’s no way in hell she’s going home tonight.
Next up is Phillip. What can I say? I love watching him do what he does.
As much as I love how he does what he does, I think he’s reached his expiration date on the show. The only reason to keep him in at this point is to have him as part of the tour. But Hok didn’t make top ten and he went on the tour. And let’s not kid ourselves; Hok was a better dancer than Phillip.
Time for Melissa to dance.
So here’s the thing about Melissa for me. I really like her, and I love the fact that we’ve got a ballerina on the show, and making it this far in the competition. The girl has a kick ass body, and her lines are amazing. BUT this solo didn’t blow me away. Don’t get me wrong, it was good, but I was really hoping she was going to come out and blow me away, the way that Jeanine did last week. I think I expected more from her than what I got. That said, she ain’t going anywhere tonight either.
Final solo of the evening belongs to Ade. I’ve been waiting to see what he’ll do. He’s dancing to a strange piece of music, “Windowdipper” by Jib Kidder, that basically sounds like my computer is freaking out in the beginning of it. LOVE it.
This was fucking great. I loved this solo SO MUCH. I was really hoping that he would live up to my expectations, and he did. And then some. This kid is awesome. Cannot wait to see what he’s going to do next. WOWZA.
Cat calls Tyce out a little saying he told Ade to bring it, and bring it he did. She sends the judges off to their fake deliberation so that we can enjoy the musical stylings of Kelly Rowland and DJ David Guetta. This brings awfulness to a whole new level. WHY?????? Why must we endure these performances every goddamned fucking week?!?!?
Someone please call Isaac and tell him to get NotB back to The Fashion Show. She’s making my ears bleed.
Oh my god. Her background dancers are awful, she’s awful, DJ Dipshit is awful. I would rather watch DeBarge lip sync badly than have to listen to anymore of this. No wonder Beyonce wanted to go out on her own; she was probably sick of this girl screeching in her ear. GAWD.
Looks like someone got a be-dazzler for Christmas.
Now that we’ve gotten through that shit, it’s decision time. As always, the girls are first. The judges’ decision is unanimous, and Nigel is all business. He says that they think that all six dancers are absolutely brilliant, and they’re sad to lose two of them.
They’ve based their decision on everyone going into the top ten being a star. They believe that this is their best top twenty in technique. WRONG. Why does he try to sell us that crap every year? Anyway, they don’t believe that everyone has started to become stars yet, and they need to. Don’t ask me, I think he’s talking in circles and trying to confuse us.
With the girls, they have done it from a positive point of view and said these are the two girls we would like to see continue on in the competition, we believe in them.
We positively don’t want or believe in the other one!
They haven’t done it from a negative point of view because they think the girl that’s leaving tonight is fantastic. Ummm, Nigel? You can spin this “positive” angle all you want but the fact remains that someone is getting the boot. I’m betting that person doesn’t look at it like it’s a positive thing.
Caitlin, please step forward. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, you’ve been axed.
Go Home! Look at it from a positive place
We see Caitlin’s good-bye montage, and then we quickly move on to the guys. Once again, the decision is unanimous, they’re all wonderful and brilliant, blah blah blah. Phillip, please step forward. Nigel tells him that without question he is unique in what he does. However in everything else, they’ve been a little disappointed in him. And that’s not even including the Disneyworld dance. This is the end of the road for Phillip.
HOWEVER, Nigel has secured with the producers (i.e., HIMSELF) that he and Caitlin will be on the tour. So here’s my take on that one (and you knew I’d have something to say about it, right?). Nigel et al know that Phillip is a cash cow for them on the tour. There is no way in hell they can justify taking him as a swing dancer; he sucks in every style other than his own. So they’ve decided to change it up and include him. Not wanting to seem like he’s bending the “rules” only for Phillip, he decides Caitlin should come along as well. She probably could have gotten a place as a swing since she can actually do more than one genre of dance.
As much as I like Phillip, it was his time. I was really hoping we’d get to see him bust out and blow us away unexpectedly, but he never did. I’m glad for him that he gets to go on the tour, I’m sure they’ll sell lots and lots of tickets by including him.
Cat show us his good-bye montage, and then asks what he’s going to miss the most about the competition.
Feeling you up after every dance.
Phillip says he’s going to miss being able to grow in ways that a lot of people from his background don’t get the chance to. He says it’s pretty clear he’s as far from a trained dancer as possible and to have had this opportunity is incredible. He hopes that he has inspired some people to realize that you don’t necessarily need money or the option for a studio; if you have passion and creativity you can do anything you want. Very well said. Of course, Caitlin doesn’t get a chance to say anything. Love the equity on this show!
So, Gasmi, how do you all feel about tonight’s eliminations? What do you think of our top ten? I think they made the right decision tonight, sad as I am to see Phillip go. I’m liking the top ten, and am looking forward to seeing how they fare with new partners. It should be very interesting. In the words of Ade, it will be really great, or really bad. I’ll be really happy to watch and find out. See you there!