So You Think You Can Dance: I Have Been Emotionally Manipulated Against My Will

Holla Gasmi! You gotta love Fox. Other networks are showing Obama discussing his plans for the healthcare system. Fox is all, “Fuck that, dude! Serious shit is supposed to air AFTER 10 pm on our network. But to make up for not airing your press conference, how about we throw in an emotional medical piece? Would that help you out any? No? Oh well, we’ll do it anyway because manipulating people emotionally is something we like to do for fun over here.” THIS. Is So You Think You Can Dance (dance……..dance)!

UGH. Please stop wearing metallic fabrics. 

This week Nigel and Mary will be joined at the judges’ table by Mia. And Ellen DeGeneres. Couldn’t we have just had Ellen instead of Mia? Is there a reason WHY we need four judges tonight instead of the usual three?

Please direct all your questions to this guy. 

Cat makes sure to add Doctor to Nigel’s introduction now that he’s gotten his honorary degree that we get to hear about again. He makes a comment under his breath to Mary that just about makes me barf. “The doctor will see you later.” Are those two doing it?!?!? Their sexual innuendo has maxed out this year and it’s making me wonder. And then barf. 

Cat asks Nigel if he always knew that this show would be so amazing. He didn’t. He’s hugely surprised that it’s done so well, and excited to be celebrating their 100th episode tomorrow evening. Oh, and Katie Holmes will be performing. And Ellen is here tonight. 

How come I wasn’t invited? 

Uh, because I wasn’t in charge of the invites.  Maybe for the 200th episode. With the addition of a fall season that should be in another couple of years. Hell, if they add a winter season too maybe in just a year and a half.

Cat moves on to Ellen, saying she knows Ellen’s a big fan of dancing and that she’s been known to bust a move on her show, but has she ever had formal training? Ellen says that everything she’s learned, she’s learned from the streets. 

 

Me too! 

She goes on about how the streets had no name and some dude named Eduardo, and it was funny and this retelling isn’t so I’m just going to stop now.

Let’s move along to Mary. Cat asks her what it’s been like to be part of the show. Mary says it just keeps getting better and better. She thinks this year has been off the chain. 

Fo shizzle. 

Nigel wants to know what off the chain means, and Mary doesn’t really know so she starts screeching things at him like “It’s way out there” and “get with it, English muffin.” Oh, that Mary. You have to hand it to her. When she finds something she likes she sure does stick to it. Here’s to many more seasons of the highlarious “English muffin”. Hey! Maybe next she can start calling him a cranky crumpet or a saucy scone!! 

Cat goes to Mia next asking her if she’s been nominated for two Emmys now.

Three. And one Lifetime Bitch Award. 

Cat wants to know if it’s getting more and more difficult to outdo herself every time.

No. Being a bitch comes naturally to me. 

Oh! Cat meant choreography-wise. Well then, yes. Mia says she’s always trying to find inspiration in everything, to find dance in everything she sees. Does that mean we have an ironing routine to look forward to? Or perhaps “Packing the Bowl”? By the way, what is up with Mia’s hair tonight?

Alfal-Mia 

Cat tells us that tonight everyone is performing four times. Twice as couples, once in their solos, and they’re all performing in a group routine. Choreographed by newly anointed golden child Travis Wall. 

Travis tells us the story of this group number is like a huge rave or party in year 2300. Evan says 2200. Travis then says 2100, 2200, 2300. Pick a number!! Ade pops up to say 2010. “That’s like this year. I dunno.”

There will be a fusion of a lot of styles. There will be high energy. It will be fast. Travis wants it to be a banana extravaganza! That sounds vaguely dirty. And then the top eight gather for a group shot saying, “Top eight. Don’t hate.”

Well don’t say things like that if you don’t want me to hate on you. 

The dance is performed to “Let it Rock” by Kevin Rudolf featuring Lil Wayne. There’s a lot going on right away. Flips, leaps, turns, and wacky costumes. 

What. The. Hell? 

So it was pretty and flashy and it had some good moves in there, but I wasn’t blown away. If you’re going to make these crazy costumes with lights all over them, why not really use them? How cool would it have been if they had a portion of the dance done completely in the dark? Nothing too crazy, but maybe some great synchronized isolations? THAT would have been really cool and possibly pushed this from just okay to really amazing for me.

Nigel thought it was fantastic. It makes him feel like a proud father. He loves the outfits, calling them very Lady Gagme Gaga. He thought it was a great opening to the show.

Ellen, what did you think? “First of all, I can do that.” She then goes into a bit about how she helped Travis with the costuming, saying they first started with regular light bulbs, but they were too big. They tried Christmas lights, but the dancers kept getting tangled up in each other. So they ended up with this. And it worked. And everyone laughs and laughs and laughs. And, yeah, it was funny, but not THAT funny. 

Mary thinks the dancing was great, the costumes were great, and the choreography was great. Now she’s gonna pick on a few people because it’s time, they’re almost near the finale. “Nope. Nobody to pick on.” You gotta love Mary’s fakeouts. 

The first thing Mia wants to say is that she is beyond proud of Travis. At such a young age he really has it going on. She love love loves the costumes. Why am I not surprised by that?

I like shiny things! 

Oh lord. Mia wants to wear that costume. If she does that I will have to gouge my eyes out. On the other hand, if the government shot video of her in that outfit and sent it to Korea they could probably be persuaded to stop their nuclear weapon development.

Think about it Hillary 

Before we move on to the first couple of the night, Cat wants to remind us that tomorrow night is a very special evening for them. So let’s have an in-show commercial for the 100th episode!! There will be dancing! There will be Wade. Dancing!! There will be Katie Holmes delivering “the performance of a lifetime”. Just not her own. There will be far too many of my favorite dancers missing from the show.   

Where are you?!?!? 

Time to see who Evan picked out of the hat. It’s Janette! Which is pretty lucky for him given that she’s the shortest girl on the competition. First up for them is a Sonya jazz routine. Sonya tells us the dance is focused on wanting people to shut up. I can SO relate to that. There are many many people I would like to shut up. Three of them are sitting at the judges’ table.

The music for the routine is “Move (Metrononomy Remix)” by CSS. Yep. Never heard of them. But that’s the norm for me with Sonya’s music. Apparently wanting people to shut the fuck up is a very subversive thing. So much so that it requires dressing in S&M garb.

I can’t use my safe word if you’ve got your hand over my mouth 

The dance itself is good. Sort of. It’s unmistakably Sonya, incorporating all of her signature moves, and that quirky jerky style she has. I say it’s sort of good because I’m left wanting more. I thought it was a little predictable. But not bad.

I mean, with moves like that, how could I call it bad? I wish it had a little more badassery in it. I don’t know, it felt kind of all on the surface for me, if that makes sense. And they talked in the rehearsal footage section about getting more and more frustrated as the piece goes on, but that didn’t happen for me. I didn’t see that in the performance. So I’ll say I liked it, it was good, but it didn’t blow me away.

Nigel says there’s no question that they’re two little stars of the season. He admits that he’s picked on Evan in the past saying he needs more from him, and he feels like he’s finally getting it. And he thinks Janette’s wonderful in everything she does.

Over to Ellen. “First of all, I can do that.” Crap. Is she going to say that after every dance. I’m already over it. Please don’t make me say mean things about you Ellen, I like you too much for that. Ellen goes on to say that it was hard hitting, complex, rich and full-bodied. Oh wait, that was the wine she had before coming out here. It had a vanilla after taste. Hmmm, I didn’t know that Tabitha and Napoleon were into winemaking now.

Mary thought it was a lot of fun seeing Evan outside of his category. He’s been outside of his own category for most of the show Mary. She thought he did a good job, but would have liked to have seen him get more gutsier toward the end. I’d like to see her speaking more grammarly. Oh wait. No. I’d rather she didn’t speak at all.

Thank you Nigel 

Mary’s reaction to Nigel putting his hand over her mouth? She barks at him. Like a little yippy dog. And then she calls him English muffin AGAIN and tells him to go sit on his degree. Okay, that one did make me chuckle.

Mia thinks that Evan made a step. Emotionally and character wise she thinks it always stays around the same feeling from him. She thinks he’s gotten by because he’s a great dancer and a great stylist and he has a mush face that she apparently wants to chew on.

I have the munchies 

She thinks that because he is so adorable he will never be a dark twisted freakish dancer that Sonya requires for her work. He did good, but she wants more. To Janette she says, “You are my favorite, favorite, favorite this season.” 

I really hate it when they do that. I think it is so rude to the other dancers. Janette, of course, is over the moon that Mia said that to her and thinks that it’s a big deal.  Yes, because do you even exist as a dancer until you’ve been validated by two three time Emmy nominated Mia Michaels?? I say nay. 

Time for the first solo of the evening. Kayla is up and dancing to “The Moment I Said It” by Imogen Heap. You know, this is the first solo she’s done that I’ve sort of liked. For once she didn’t just do a series of kicks, leaps, and developpes. 

There are a couple of parts where she seems shaky; some of which I think is choreographed that way, but some I think is actual shakiness. But when all is said and done, I enjoyed this solo more than any other one she’s done so far. And she doesn’t do the bullshit “sexy” swaying crap that other people do at the end of their solos, which is always a plus in my book. Nice job, Kayla.

Time to find out whose name Brandon pulled out of the hat. It’s Jeanine! Yay! I’ve been wanting to see these two together! For their first dance they will be waltzing with Hunter Johnson. Hunter tells us that waltz is difficult because it is so still and yet it has to move. Yep, Hunter is right. Still movement is not an easy thing to achieve.

Brandon thought the steps and vocabulary were confusing. Brandon tells us while Hunter was explaining the steps he was pondering about birds and bunnies and cats and….

They’re performing to “May It Be” by Hayley Westenra. It’s a very Celine Dion-esque song which means I hate it. How I feel about the dance is just meh. I sort of think the song killed it for me. There were parts of the dance that I really liked, but it seemed like there was much more walking going on than waltzing. Just Meh.

Nigel says that was an extremely tough routine. And not their fault, but the music felt like pulling teeth to him. At least he prefaced it for once. He calls it music for insomniacs, and I have to agree with him. I just had to delete a whole bunch of nnvdis’ijv f[‘ verf veiwRU[w9′oijrgpeakf because I fell asleep while rewatching. 

He talks about Hunter saying it’s about controlled power and that with the slowness of that music they needed to be under such control. He didn’t really get as much as he wanted in that routine from two of his favorite dancers. The crowd boos him, so he tells them to shut up.

He looks like the old hag in The Princess Bride 

Ellen says she disagrees with Nigel. Cue rounds of applause. She had no idea that disagreeing with him would get such a response! She goes off on a tangent about Twyla Tharp standing in line for the potty which has Mary cackling her little head off before saying they were fantastic.

Mary says that was probably the slowest waltz they’ve ever had on the show, and even ballroom professionals would have a tough time with that tempo. She thinks they did it respectable. There were things she would have liked to have seen stronger, but the only one she mentions is that their lines could have been longer. She wishes she could stand up and scream (I don’t), but she can’t do that. All they’re getting from her is a respectable.

Mia thinks if Brandon wasn’t dreaming about birds and bunnies the performance might have been better. Because of the training that both of them have had she expected everything to be magical. She wanted to be taken to another place, like a fairy tale. There were too many hiccups and stuck moments, so it didn’t just take her away.

Someone needs to buy some more Calgon 

It lacked. It was lacking. She wanted more. Especially from the two of them because they are the tops. I seriously ADORE Cat because she pipes up with, “You’re the coloseum.” Love. Her.

You’re the top; you’re a dance in Bali. You’re the top; you’re a hot tamale.  

Time for another solo. This time it’s Jason dancing to “…Slowdance On The Inside” by Taking Back Sunday. Why does the title start with …? Does anyone else find that to be annoying and pretentious? 

It’s a typical Jason solo, good but not great. He’s got a lot of leaps in it, which he always does well, but I wasn’t blown away by it. Some of his movements between the leaps and turns can be a bit awkward. I was left wishing it had been better.

Time for another couple! This time it’s Ade’s turn to pick out of the hat and he picks……Melissa! Nice for them that they don’t have to worry about building trust or chemistry at all since they’ve already worked so well together.

Their first dance of the evening is going to be the cha cha with Tony Meredith and Melanie LaPatin. Tony tells us that the most challenging part of the routine is going to be getting the technique. That sounds more like the most challenging part of getting the genre, but whatever.

Melissa says there’s lots of steps and you have to step and which step is which and I’m lost. I guess she’s trying to say the steps are hard, but she lost me in circular speak. Ade has to get a sexy back kind of walk. And now thanks to him I have that Justin Timberlake song stuck in my head. Ade! I thought we were friends? What the fuck, dude?!?

They’re dancing to “Yeah (Como Goza Mi Morena)” by Chino Espinoza Y Los Duenos Del Son.

I gotta say, this dance didn’t do it for me. They tried, and I think they were okay, but nowhere near sexy and steamy enough. I think they are going to be in real trouble with this dance. 

Nigel thinks Tony and Melanie gave them a great routine, and it gave them a lot of things that they could really show off with. Nigel cautions Melissa on turning her feet out too much. It will stop her hips from working as well as he thinks that they can. Ewwww. He’d also like her to not purse her lips when she’s trying to be sexy.

Ellen wants to know if they are carpenters…..”Because you nailed it.” OY. Really Ellen? Stop.

Mary thought the execution of the material was nailed. However, she feels like everything is in slow motion now. Not that that’s a bad thing, but it does give everyone time to focus in on technique. First technique note goes to Ade. Your butt was too high in the air. 

 

I thought you liked my butt Mary! 

She does, but she’d like to see it more into the floor. His hip weight, that is. She actually does give him some decent advice on his technique. She felt like both of their feet were sliding all over the place. She tells Melissa that when her feet weren’t turned out they were too turned in. It went from one extreme to the next, causing her to lose the sexy line. 

Mia thinks that this was Ade’s worst performance this season. She thinks it was kind of thrown all over the place and he wasn’t getting down and dirty. She expected it to be uuuuuhhhhh, but it was just uuhhh. It needed to be in there more. 

I wish you were just bleh, but for me you are too blecqcqcqcqchhhh 

Time for a little Miami heat from Janette. Only it’s impossible to bring heat when you are dancing to Celine Dion. Why Janette? WHY???

I really wish she hadn’t done this. First of all, I hate Celine Dion music with a passion, so I’m already going to be predisposed to dislike the solo now. But then she messes around with the formula that’s working for her. Instead of coming out and dancing a speecy spicy salsa, Janette’s decided to do a sort of salsa-contemporary fusion piece. I think I get what she’s trying to do. I think she’s trying to show off what she’s capable of, but it doesn’t quite work. Maybe a salsified jazzy piece would have worked better.

So if you’ve been paying attention, it will be no surprise that Jason picked Kayla out of the hat. For their first number they’ve got Broadway with Tyce. I’ve got high hopes this week given how much I liked the Hair number. 

Their music for this piece is “Mr Monotony” from Jerome Robbins Broadway. I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to have the word monotony in your song title. I yawned as soon as I saw it. And then I yawned again as I was watching the dance.

You know, the choreography isn’t my favorite, but it isn’t terrible. It’s just so stylized that you really have to have the personality to pull it off. And I don’t think either one of these two has that personality. This dance would have been so much better suited for Evan and Janette this week, I think. And I actually think Jason and Kayla would have done a better job on Sonya’s dance. But thems the breaks. At least Kayla is finally wearing shoes.

Nigel thinks that style will go on and on and on and on because it is so beautiful to watch. He thought Jason’s feet were terrific, and there were a couple of times that he reminded Nigel of Gene Kelly. He thinks Kayla is a really great dancer who can do anything that is thrown at her. He thinks this is one of the best routines that he’s seen this evening.

Ellen says all she wanted was good seats for the taping; she didn’t expect to be judging and doesn’t have anything to say. But she’d like to invite them back to her house because she has some stuff that needs to be hung because they are such good nailers.

Please stop 

Cue cackling from Mary. Mary thinks Tyce has come up with a fabulous number that has the two of them bouncing off of each other. “And it just seemed to flow effortless.” LY. I’m not quite sure how you can bounce off each other and flow effortlessly at the same time. Maybe it’s easier to do without that pesky ly. And then……

Who let Mary buy this? 

You know, I wouldn’t mind it so much if the whistle had kept her from screaming, but she blew on the whistle and then screamed so I just hate it all. Mia says she seems like the only sane one up there and that is scary.

Please share your definition of sane. 

She loved the style of it, but tells Jason she wants him to work on his upper body. She says he has this thing he does sometimes (hunching his shoulders) that kills the line for her. I hate to say it, but I agree with her on that one. She wants to take a hammer and smash his shoulders. That’s her sanity talking.

She asks Kayla if she sings or acts. Kayla’s response? “Sometimes.” What? Isn’t that a yes or no question? Mia thinks that she should and that she would take Broadway by storm. She’s talking Tony after Tony after Tony. Isn’t she making a huge assumption here that Kayla could actually sing and act? If her emotional connection to the pieces she’s danced is any indication, I wouldn’t be holding my breath for any awards. The addiction piece aside, she’s never seemed emotionally connected to the dances she’s done on this show. God, Mia is such a fucking jackass.

But wait! There’s more. Mia thinks that if you look up in the dictionary “girl”, “perfection”, and “star” there is a picture of Kayla.

I found this under “bitch”, “crazy” and “stoned” 

Oh my lord. She’s still not done. She says Kayla is just the epitome of a girl. She’s such a girl. And it’s just so awesome to see how brilliant a girl can be. Excuse me while I go puke.

Better now. Time for Ade’s solo. The music is “Hater” by Various Productions Artist. This is much more in the style of his “Windowdipper” solo from a few weeks ago. 

I like the musicality he has when dancing to odd music, and the height this kid gets on his leaps is amazing.  I will say, when we were watching my sister said something to me that I had not thought of when watching him dance. She thinks he dances too sloppy at times. And it was one of those things, that once she said it, I saw it. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it’s definitely there. There’s a lack of following through on the movement at times that shortchanges it and makes the movements look sloppy. 

Time for the second round of dances from our couples. Up first (again) is Evan and Janette. This time they will be doing a rumba with Tony and Melanie. The rumba is a sexy sensual dance (duh it’s in the Latin category!) and Evan is trying to get in touch with his inner Latino stallion.

Keep trying 

Their music is “Heartless” as sung by Kris Allen. I can practically see the sideways face while the song is playing. The costume department must be having budget cuts because they’ve decided to recycle Asuka’s Frederick’s of Hollywood unitard by making it into a shirt for Evan.

I sure hope they washed it first 

Evan stumbles a couple of times, but overall does a decent job. It’s hard to buy him as smoldering and sexy, but he tries. There are a couple of really nice moves in there, and they handle them well, but again, I’m left wishing for more.

Nigel loved the choreography of that but he thinks it’s an exceptionally hard style to get votes with. He is wrong. Of the five times (hard to believe that’s it) that the Rumba has been done on this show, and I’m not even counting the Cuban rumba from Heidi and Ryan, only one time has it sent a couple into the bottom. That was when Dominic and Lauren performed it. Hmmm, Lauren causing a dance to suck? Never!!! 

Anyway, back to Nigel. He thought Janette was terrific and she has the sensuality down pat. Yep. I’m sure he’s patting himself down as he’s saying it. He doesn’t think that there appeared to be anything passionate in Evan’s face. He tells him he has heavy eyelids which sometimes make him look as though he’s drowsy. Somehow he’s got to open his eyes.

Ellen starts out saying she knows nothing of what she is talking about, but she loves Evan’s face. She thinks the problem with this town is that everyone’s face all start to look the same. “They’re all going to the same doctor.” So she loves that his eyes are so unique, and his face is so charming and charismatic. She loves that he has this essence about him that you just know that’s Evan.

Mary thought Evan did a really good job. He was really there for his partner. She points out that it was a slower rumba which can cause people to lose their balance, but he did not. He did too, Mary. Not a lot and not in a big way, but he did lose his balance. She thinks Janette was fire and spice and she’s a little hot tamale.

Mia is going to agree with Ellen as well. She thinks that not everyone in this world has to be the sexpot. She says that what Evan brings to a stage not a lot of people do, and that’s why he’s here because they celebrate him. She says she wasn’t too sure she wanted to see him be sexy, but he did it. He did it with a Zoolander face.

And this picture I found under “backhanded compliment” 

She doesn’t think she needs to say anything else about Janette; she said it all before.

Time for Melissa’s solo, performed to “Heads Will Roll” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. 

I am not digging it. I know she’s trying to do something different here, but it’s not doing it for me. It’s lacking fluidity, her tricks are the same that they’ve been in almost every other solo she’s done, and once again, I’m left wanting more from her. I don’t know if it’s because she’s a ballerina that I expect more from her; I try to be fair in what I expect from everyone, but I am consistently left with the feeling that she is holding back. Maybe she’s scared she’s going to fall on that floor, maybe it’s not a good floor for pointe work, I don’t know. I just wish she’s do something to blow me away in her solos, and she just never does. And it makes me sad.

Time for Brandon and Jeanine’s next dance. This time around they’ll be doing a pop jazz routine with Laurieann Gibson. Isn’t she the bitchy lady from Diddy’s show? Not wanting to break from her established TV persona, she immediately starts barking at them. “Don’t dance it! Feel it!”

She tells us that if she can help prepare the soldier then their chance at victory is real. Wha??? She also tells them that there is no thinking allowed in this room. 

Damn!! 

Laurieann seems like a pretty harsh taskmaster. She seems like she’s constantly yelling whatever she has to say. “Don’t be a girl!” Was that to Brandon or Jeanine? “I want you to be great!” “Don’t be afraid of me, embrace it!!” At one point it looks like she makes Jeanine cry, and she basically tells her to suck it up.

We’re going all the way with the soldier theme on this one; their song is “Battlefield” by Jordan Sparks, and they’re dressed like soldiers from an x-rated movie.

This pop jazz routine is harder hitting than most of Tabitha and Napoleon’s hip hop routines. I thought they did a good job with it. The synchronization was off in a few parts, but not by much. It seemed to be that Jeanine was trying a little too hard at times which caused her to get ahead of herself (and Brandon). It was a good piece, not outstanding, but solid.

Nigel says that that’s all he’s asking. This is the top eight, and all he’s asking for is performances like that. He thanks Laurieann for bringing such a strong style to the show. “It’s finally begun this evening for me, thank you! Hooray!!” 

He says everyone is saying how wonderful everyone is tonight, but he thinks this is the flattest night he’s ever experienced on So You Think You Can Dance (dance…..dance). I think some of his comments contradict that. But I sort of agree with him, so I’m going to let it go.

He then fumbles and calls Jeanine Janette and then says Jeanine quickly hoping no one noticed. Nice try, Nigel. He says Jeanine was fantastic and really kept up with Brandon. Brandon was strong, and the choreography was strong. And then he thanks the ceiling.

Ummm, you’re welcome?? 

Ellen is happy that he’s that happy. And she’s happy too. She thinks they make it appealing to join some sort of armed forces. That’s true. If the soldiers dressed like that enlistment would surely go up, but then again, so would sexual harassment charges. Ellen says there’s dancing, then there’s da-a-ancing, and then there’s da-a-a-a-a-a-ancing. “That’s what that was!” Which?

Cat’s stock response to everything Ellen says 

Mary yells, “It was strong! It was powerful! Dynamic!” She thinks the two of them just hit it all the time. She asks each of the judges if they hear it, and then screams. We all hear it now, Mary. In fact, I think they heard it in China.

Mia’s afraid to talk after all this. Yeah, sure she is. She tells us that Laurieann Gibson doesn’t dance a step unless it comes out of her soul first. She doesn’t do anything unless she’s convicted. To moooove. And that’s why she’s Mia’s sister. From another mister. She thinks they danced in a place that was more than dance. They went to a place that was so believable. 

And then she proceeds to give Brandon a tongue bath. I guess he doesn’t make you want to vomit all over yourself anymore, huh Mia? Could I possibly hate her any more than this? She also gives Jeanine props for keeping up with him. 

Time for Evan’s solo. He’s dancing to “Old Devil Moon” by Jamie Cullum. 

It’ pretty much what we’ve come to expect from Evan’s solos except for the fact that he drops his hat. But he recovers nicely which I always like to see. Again, it’s good, but I’m not blown away. God, I feel like I’ve been saying that all night long. Maybe I’m just being hyper critical tonight.

Jeanine’s solo is up next, danced to “Let the Drummer Kick” by Citizen Cope. 

I just can’t help it. I love this girl. She’s got great musicality going on in this piece and a lot of control. This is the first solo of the night that I really loved and wanted it to be longer. 

Next up is Melissa and Ade working with Tyce on a contemporary piece. I’m sorry, an “emotional contemporary piece”. The piece is about a woman who has breast cancer. Tyce tells us he felt compelled to talk about this subject and a friend that is faced with it.

Melissa says the dance is going to be hard because it’s not as much about their dancing as it is about portraying that emotion and message. And that right there sums up my issue with it. It’s so fucking emotionally manipulative. How on earth are the judges supposed to critique a dance that’s about fucking CANCER?!?!?!? It’s like that stupid dance Mia did about her dad; it was a lame ass dance that got praised because no one wanted to shit all over her dead daddy. I am so fucking pissed about this.

FUCK. AND….they’re dancing it to “This Woman’s Work” Are you fucking shitting me????!!!! What makes it even worse is that I START FUCKING CRYING!!! REALLY?? REALLY? I have been emotionally manipulated against my will!! I want to press charges.

I fucking cried watching it again. You know, the dance itself is actually very good and powerful in and of itself. They didn’t need the chemo scarf and all the cancer talk to set it up as an emotional piece. I got that from Melissa and Ade and their dancing. Guaranteed that this dance will save them from an otherwise surefire trip to the bottom two. Which pisses me off all over again. Not because they didn’t dance well. Because I hate the fucking manipulation. Grrrrrrrrr. 

Nigel says that that has just shown him why he loves dance so much. Because it can express so many emotions without the use of words (except for those that set the whole story up). It must be noted here that he is fighting back some tears himself as he is talking.

He of course praises Tyce for his choreography and says he will be very surprised if he does not get a nomination for this piece next year. He thinks he has just witnessed one of the most memorable routines on this show; he found it extremely touching. He says he can’t think of a better couple to have danced it. I actually agree with him there. The relationship that they’ve already built together helped them pull it off believably, and some of the lifts required a hell of a lot of trust, which would be hard to build in just a week.

Ellen says she feels privileged to have seen this dance. She will always always remember it. Mary is crying her make up right off her face. She thinks the reason that she was touched so deeply is because they danced it so beautifully. She thanks Tyce for shedding light on this situation and giving millions of people the gift of love, compassion and hope. She also talks about the level of trust they had and says they were such a joy to see tonight.

Mia is a wreck. Like she can barely talk. She talks about how many millions of people if they have not experienced cancer first hand, have known someone to either fight it, or not fight it. She talks some about the journey that you go on with them, and that she wishes she had been there for her daddy the way that Ade was for Melissa, and I am done. She is turning me into a basket case right now, and I can’t go there anymore.

Please stop. And I mean that in a nice way for once. 

We’ve reached the final solo of the evening. Brandon’s up and dancing to “Ain’t Nothing Wrong With That” by Robert Randolph and The Family Band. 

It gets a little stripper-esque there in the middle, but it has good musicality and a hell of a lot of athleticism in it. Typical Brandon, but one of the better solos of the evening, in my opinion.

Time for the last dance of the evening. Kayla and Jason will be joining Shane Sparks for a hip hop routine. YAY Shane!! I love Shane so much. It’s an uplifting number in which Jason is a zombie who transform Kayla into his zombie mistress. Isn’t that a little insensitive after the cancer dance? I mean is this meant to be the continuation of the story? Oooo. Maybe that was a little tacky. Hm. Don’t care.

They’re performing to “They’re Everywhere” by Izza Kizza. Okay, I’m going to make my one comment about costuming and then move on. Why is Kayla dressed like some sort of fetish Catholic schoolgirl? I really really really don’t need Nigel’s boner to start talking tonight.

Back to the dance. I fucking LOVE it. It’s hard hitting, it’s in sync, it’s creepy and fantastic, and have I mentioned that I love it? Well, I do.

Okay. Kayla just earned herself about a bajillion points from me right there. I have to admit I never in a million years thought she would be able to pull of a hard hitting hip hop. I think she just blew my mother fucking mind. And Jason? Hoooo-leee Shit! LOVED him in this dance. This dance kicked ass, killed it, revived it, and then kicked ass again. 

Nigel loves the fact that it was sort of Michael Jackson inspired, and it’s wonderful to have Shane back this season. Yes. Yes it is. Nigel goes on saying he’s been a little disappointed in hip hop this year. I’m sure Tabitha and Napoleon will be just thrilled to hear that you said that Nigel. He thinks it was fantastic.

Ellen says if they keep dancing like that they’ll have their own talk show some day. I don’t get it. She thought they were amazing and she loved it.

Mary thinks her little puppy dog got bit by the rabies or something. I hope he bites her. She thinks they hit it, and hit it hard. She loved every minute of it, and thought that it was pure entertainment. And then she screams. Ahhh, it’s like music to my ears. If they had any hearing left in them.

Mia tells Shane that it was her favorite piece that he’s ever done on the show. I might actually agree with her. I dunno, I’ll have to go back and do some research on that. She thought it was awesome, especially that last image. In a moment of self awareness Mia says she must be twisted because she loved that strangle thing. It was disturbingly hot. She’s right. Great performance from both of them.

And that’s all the dances for this week, Gasmi. What did you think? Any predictions on bottom two? Before the cancer dance I would have said that Melissa would be in the bottom, but I really think that it will save her. That leaves Kayla, who I think will be in the bottom, and one of my favorites Janette or Jeanine, and I don’t want either of them in the bottom. For the guys, I’d pick Jason and Evan for the bottom, Evan based on his dancing, Jason past on past voting trends. 

Whatever the outcome, it’s gonna be hard to say good-bye to any of them at this point. As always, I’m jumping right into the results show recap so it will be up as soon as possible. Until then………

SWAK, PottyMouth