So You Think You Can Dance: Vegas, (Cry) Baby

This week on So You Think You Can Dance (dance………dance) everyone seems to be PMSing or something. Seriously, the estrogen levels must be off the charts because every other person is FUCKING CRYING!!!!!!!!! So get your hankies and your life vests ready and let’s see if we can swim on over to the other side of this episode.

Too bad he didn’t fucking drown himself 

Cat gives us a brief recap of the first part of Vegas week. In a nutshell, some people got cut, some people didn’t. Some of those that didn’t, will. Oh! And by the way? Season six is going to blow season five out of the water.

Ya don’t say? 

We pick up at 5pm on day two of Vegas week. Only seventy seven dancers are left, and it’s time for Drill Sargent Gibson. Wow. She is a giant bitch. We see clips of her telling the dancers they are messy and asking them why they are looking at the ground (prolly cause they’re afraid to make eye contact with her).

You eyeballin’ me boy? 

Iveta says she’s like a teacher in Russia (HAHA!), and some dud gets singled out for talking thanks to a camera man that didn’t pan away fast enough. One of the guys asks a legitimate question about the routine and she goes OFF. 

I will gouge your eyes out and skull fuck you! 

In the first group to perform for the judges is Karen Hauer, one of the husband and wife ballroom teams (aka NOT the face licker). She says her brain hurts and she can’t think and she’s about to start crying. She wants this so bad.

She tries, but she’s just okay with this one. I gotta say that this entire group (what we can actually see of it anyway) was not that impressive to me, but I don’t recognize anyone else in there, so I’m not too upset by that. Karen and her partner are through, but Nigel gives her the so-so hand motion thingy, so it looks like her outfit may have helped her there.

In the next group is her husband, Matthew, and boy does he suck donkey balls trying to do this routine. SO BAD.

You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around…… 

Nigel tells him that as a Latin dancer, he was expecting more fire from him. CUT. But thanks for trying so hard! Outside he consoles his wife who was standing in the auditorium while his group was dancing but didn’t know he got cut??!!?? BAD WIFE! Don’t worry Matthew, if she makes it to the top twenty I’m sure they’ll try to pair her up with some hot guy and then talk about how great their chemistry is all season. BYE!

Nigel actually stops the next group we see to chastise them and tell some girl she looks like a wet rag. Oh no! Iveta is in this group and Nigel says he has no idea what she was doing! Pull it together girl, I actually like you! He tells them to do it again and do it better.

I guess Iveta didn’t because Cat tells us six more dancers have been cut, and she’s the only one besides the same sex ballroom guy that I recognize.

Awww, I really wanted her to make it and be paired with Russell, they were so cute together. 

Speaking of Russell, he’s in the next group, along with Mollee Gray and Billy Bell. Go Russell! 

Is it wrong to hope that she trips? 

They just show Russell in a couple of quick clips, and I’m a little worried because his timing seems to be off from his partner’s. I’m hoping she’s the one that’s really off. Both Billy and Mollee handle the choreography well, and I’m sure they’ll get put through to the next round.

Nigel tells Mollee she’s dancing like a little girl right now, and he needs her to dance like a woman. He continues, saying that’s why the minimum age is eighteen rather than sixteen, because he wants women here. 

Funny, I always thought it was so he wouldn’t get arrested for statutory leering. 

Then he calls Russell forward, and I am nervous as hell. Nigel asks him what other training he has had, and Russell says he just dances, he gets it, whatever comes at him, he just does what he can. Nigel asks if this means he has had no formal training. Nope. What a minute! Didn’t he say he did other styles when he was at the auditions?  

He totally did you guys. Why would his answer change now? Well, either he was lying the first time around (entirely possible) or maybe he’s taken a few classes here and there and realizes that that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s been trained. I’m willing to give him a pass on this because I really like him. Nigel tells him to keep up the good work.

The entire group is through to the next round. 

As Molly is leaving the stage she’s limping and tells us she hurt her foot. Oh my god, do I hate this girl. She is just too “cutsey cute –  I’m such a cutie” for me. She’s talking about going on to the next round and dancing through her injury, but she’s doing that little girl talking thing and I am starting to look around for a sharp object to jab into my ears.

HATE 

It’s now 9pm and they’ve whittled away eight dancers. I guess Drill Sargent Gibson isn’t as bad ass as she thinks she is! Cat tells them that they’re going to divide them up into groups and they’ll have to choreograph a routine to show to the judges bright and early in the morning. Everybody cool?

Good, because I have front row tickets to Hair tonight. 

It sounds like the judges may have put everyone into their respective groups. I like it better when they have to put themselves into groups; you can always tell who everyone either hates or thinks is shit. We get to peek in on some of the groups rehearsing.

Hmmm, who would have ever guessed that Legacy is a jerk? 

Me! 

Before you know it, it’s 7 am and time for the dancers to show their routines to the judges. The first group up has Russell (yay!), plus four contemporary dancers. I see Paula van Oppen, Jacob Karr, Pauline Mata, and Jackie Ford.

Their random music pick from last night was Broadway, and it looks like they banged their routine out really quickly. In fact, by 11 pm they decide they’re done and head off to bed. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. That’s never a good thing. Please don’t let them fail miserably.

YES! They did awesome. Debbie agrees, also shouting out a YES! when they finish. That routine was a thousand times better than anything Tyce does for the show. Nigel thought it was very good, inventive and creative. He says they have nothing negative to say, and with that, the whole group is through.

Ditto, Russell, Ditto. 

Next we get a montage of group numbers. 

 

 

The Good. 

 

The Bad. 

And then it’s time for The Mollee. UGH. Cat tells us that Mollee ended up going to the hospital for her foot, so her group had to start their choreography without her. One of the guys explains to us their challenge: if they choreograph it without her included and then she comes back, they have to start over. But if they include her and she can’t dance they’re screwed as well. 

They are determined to make it work. 

I’m so proud. 

Mollee gets back from the hospital at midnight, two hours into rehearsal. She tells her group that she has a really bad sprain, but she can totally still do stuff. So they sit her in a chair. She doesn’t like them babying her (said in a baby voice - double UGH), and rightly says that the judges are sure to call her out for not doing anything. They work through the night on the routine, and it still looks crappy.

Please drop her on her head! I’ll give you a lollipop! 

It is really REALLY bad. In fact, I don’t even need to describe to you how bad it is. All I have to do is show you this:

When Mia pulls the “I just smelled a rotten egg fart” face? You just know it’s really awful. Mia tells them that it was stupid. But she doesn’t mean stupid in the way she usually means it like when she calls someone she really likes stupid. She actually means it was stupid. Another hint a routine is bad? Mia using the English language properly.

Nigel feels like the guys were hiding behind their characters, rather than dancing. He likes the concept and how they’ve improvised with the problem, but they also need to show their dancing. And so they’re cut passed through to the next round. HUH??? I call bullshit on that one. In fact, I’m gonna say right now based on that decision that Baby Mollee is going to get into the top twenty. BLARF.

It’s now noon on day three and time for the Mia Michaels choreography round. Dun Dun Duh!!!!! The editors helpfully remind us that Mia is a bitch. Like we would ever forget. Cat tells us that Mia’s known for her intensity and brutal honesty. Cat? Where I’m from we call that being a bitch.

Everyone is scared. One girl tells us to pray for her. 

Who the fuck ARE you?  

All that fear is for nothing. Someone seems to have started slipping Lithium into Mia’s morning coffee because she is mellow and she’s leading the dancers in some sort of spiritual thanks giving to their souls or some such new age bullshit. I think maybe she’s trying to get them to let their guards down so she can EAT THEIR SOULS!!!!!!!!

In their first group to go up for the judges is Kevin Hunt. He got cut right before the top twenty in season three, but came back this year to audition in Boston. He told us there that he wasn’t just trying to get to Vegas, he’s trying to get all the way to the top twenty. 

Nigel, Mia and Sir BitchyPants talk throughout the routine abut how awesome Kevin is, particularly his feet. And I have to say, this guy has obviously been taking a lot of classes before coming back because he really does do a great job here.

Sir BitchyPants tells him he’s amazing. Brilliant. Nigel agrees. He’s through to the next round. 

Another montage. Included are Billy Bell who Mary says is killing it, and Russell (yay!) who Nigel says handled himself well. They are also through to the next round. Yippee! Mollee is also staying, as is some dude with a mustache that we’ve never seen before.

By 3 pm the only hip hop dancer left is Legacy. Cat reminds us that he only survived yesterday by dancing for his life. He looks to be floundering while learning the steps, but Cat tells us he’s determined to give it his all. He says his technique is not what the other dancers have, but his heart is ***insert whooshing noise here**.  

And his dancing is BLEH 

Mia wants to know what he is feeling. He tells her it changed something inside of him, and then he cries. Again. Oh yeah, I think I forgot to tell you he was crying after the rehearsal time. And now he’s crying again. Didn’t he cry on last week’s episode too? GAH! 

He continues to suck up to Mia, telling her it’s her energy and her movement always means something, and she’s made him a better dancer, he thinks. And now he wants to learn that style even more so.

Ass sucker! 

Of course he gets through. Mia thinks he exposed himself in a beautiful way. “We see you.” Yeah, I wish I didn’t. Eleven dancers get cut this round, but Cat tells us that it seemed like the ones that made it through were the most emotional. And we get a montage of more people crying because they didn’t get cut. Suck it up buttercups!

Thankfully the clip we saw of Russell last week was him crying about making it through Mia’s piece. Whew! 

We’ve made it to day four in Vegas, and the guys and girls have been separated once again this year for Broadway with Sir BitchyPants. I wonder what choreographer he’ll rip off this year. We’re starting with the girls, and they’re doing a number from Sweet Charity, so it’s going to be Bob Fosse that gets hackified this round. 

Right now I’m frantically trying to see who is still left.

So we’ve got Jacob Karr, Peter Sabba-something (tapper from last year), Billy Bell (natch), one of the Hart twins (yay!) and the tapper that used to dance with Ryan (Phillip?) 

I also spotted Bianca (yay!), Karen Hauer, and that annoying Channing Dairy Queen girl. Also, Ashley the face licker and her husband Ryan.

The girls are dancing to “There’s Gotta Be Something Better Than This”. I LOVE this song!  Sir BitchyPants tells us this routine is going to take a lot of stamina; they’ll have to combine technique with energy and strength. The girls are put into groups of three and given one last chance to rehearse before performing the routine for the judges.

In the first group is Pauline Mata. She got cut in the top twenty selection last year. She’s hoping the judges like her better this year. She’s in a trio with Paula van Oppen and a random girl I haven’t seen before. As they rehearse for the last time, this happens.

OUCH 

Uh…..That is not good. They immediately call for a medic and get her off the stage. It’s already swelling up pretty badly.

OUCH again 

She can only sit and watch as the other girls dance for the judges. I don’t think she’s going to be able to dance on that ankle. That really sucks. We see a montage of the girls, and some girl named Noelle moves on and so does Mollee. I’m happy to see Bianca get through.

Bet you’re glad you decided to come back this year! 

In the last group is the red headed girl that was in Mollee’s group number (the one who wanted her to sit in the chair the entire time), and Ashley DiLello. Apparently she has been n her husband’s shadow throughout Vegas week. This girl just rubs me the wrong way. I hope she goes home.

UGH 

Nigel calls her forward and tells her that they’ve put her through this week because of ballroom and they’ve been investing in her, hoping she’d come through for them. He thinks she is probably the most improved dancer of the week. Crap. She made it through.  And then she cries.

Conveniently she has forgotten to wear waterproof mascara today. Coincidence? I think not. 

In all, seventeen girls have made it through this round. Now they’re off to the pool, and we get a little clip show of their poolside shenanigans. Hilariously Bianca is at the pool wearing her shower cap, and I swear this clip must be from earlier in Vegas because the girl Channing is pushing into the pool looks an awful lot like one of the girls they JUST CUT.

Bitch better not even TRY pushing me in the pool! 

Pauline is back from the hospital, and tells us she has sprained her ankle, and they told her to stay off of it for two days. Hey! Whatever happened to Mollee’s sprain? I’m pretty sure she’s been dancing as if there is nothing wrong. SUSPECT.

She’s waiting to talk to the judges, but she’s gonna have to wait until after the guys do their Broadway round with Tyce. For the guys Tyce will be plagiarizing Twyla Tharp’s choreography from the musical Moving Out. 

Ryan Di Lello is in the first round. Remember his wife just got put through? They’re dancing to “It’s Still Rock And Roll To Me” and Ryan has his fuchsia shirted completely unbuttoned. Ashley is still in the auditorium letting out random woo!s and Adam is reminded that he needs to go to the gym. Ryan takes his shirt off at the end and swings it around over his head.

Please stop. 

It looks like all the judges are digging this except for Nigel. And Sir BitchyPants, who just looks, well, bitchy. Nigel would like him to button at least one button on his shirt. So he buttons the bottom one. I gotta say, I just don’t get the oogling over this guy. We’ve had way hotter guys on this show. Let’s just review a few examples, shall we?

and of course there’s….

and I could never leave out…….

What?!? He wasn’t on the show? Huh. 

 

Ryan gets through. This is followed by yet another montage. This one is the guys that do well along with Sir BitchyPants saying how amazing he thinks they are. Or maybe he’s marveling at his own (stolen) choreography. You never can tell with these things. Among those he likes are Nathan Trasoras, Kevin Hunt, and Phillip (?). 

Cat tells us that this is really putting the pressure on the guys that haven’t gone yet, and some of them are happy to tell us how nervous they are. Dominic Pearson is not nervous. He was injured during season four’s Vegas week, and now he’s back and hoping to make it all the way.

He excited. And sweaty as hell. He seems to do an okay job, nothing impressive, but Mia says to Sir BitchyPants that he’s not on it. Sir BitchyPants thinks that he can do it though. Nigel calls him forward to let him know he only got two votes, and that’s not enough. He handles this news rather well.

Debbie Allen tells him it’s not the end of the world. “It’s a big television show, but it’s not the end of the world.”  Hahahahaha. Love her! He continues to blubber. Adam tells him he thinks he cares too much about the result, and he can see that while Dominic is dancing instead of him being in the moment.

Nigel is annoyed by the way he is reacting. 

Stop the crying, sissyface! 

Dominic can’t help it; he can’t control his emotions. Nigel tells him he has to toughen up, and that he should be proud of making it this far and getting to work with the choreographers he’s gotten to work with over the course of the week. Now get the fuck off the stage and get yer ass outta here.

Oh no! You know who else got cut??

Sad Horns 

After the Broadway round there are thirty-eight dancers left. Pauline still doesn’t know what her status in the competition is, and now it’s time for each of the dancers to perform one last solo. Cat tells us they won’t be critiqued, but it’s their last chance to make an impression on the judges.

First up is Billy Bell, and boy does this kid have some amazing lines.

Adam gets really emotional over Billy’s solo to the point where he’s actually shaking while crying. He’s practically hyperventilating. 

Quick! Someone get him a brown paper bag or something! 

I’ve spoken to a couple of people who thought it was really creepy how emotional and over the top Adam got. I thought it was a bit over dramatic, but I did think he was having a genuine emotional response to the dancing, and to me, he seemed to be a bit embarrassed about his reaction. I certainly didn’t find it to be creepy the way I do when Nigel leers at all the girls.

After Billy we get only a montage of the remaining solos. I for one would have liked an hour spent just on showing those COMPLETE solos. I mean, these people are good enough to get to the top thirty-eight, why can’t we see their fucking solos?!?!

One girl is apparently so good that Mia praises her by throwing her pen at the girl.  WTF?!?!? All they can do now is wait and find out if they’ve made it to the top twenty. Who will make it and who will get sent packing? We’ll find out next week!!!!

Any picks for top twenty? Anyone you’d hate to see make it? You all know I definitely want to see Russell in there. I’d also love to see Nathan, Jacob Karr, Billy Bell, and Bianca just to name a few. I could live without Mollee, Ashley, Ryan and OF COURSE, Legacy. But I think he’ll be in for sure given his previous connection to the show.

One last thing before I sign off for this week……did you all hear about Mia quitting the show? I’m sure a lot of the dancers will be disappointed by that. Even though she can be a huge bitch, I know many of these kids look forward to working with her on the show. The good news is that we won’t see her telling people she wants to stab them or hates what they bring as an artist.

So we’ve got just the one show this upcoming week, and then the next week is a little screwy; on Monday, October 26th we will see the top twenty perform, but won’t be voting on them. The following night is the regular old top twenty show. But then baseball is on on Wednesday, so I’m not sure when we’re getting our results. Maybe Thursday? I’ll let you know when I find out.

In the meantime……..talk to me about tonight’s show!!

SWAK, PottyMouth