So You Think You Can Dance: He’s Still Just a Hack To Me

What the hell is going on with Cat tonight? Not only does she look like she’s wearing her underwear, but her hair’s a mess and her makeup’s not looking much better. Was she screwing someone in her dressing room again?

Please get laid on your own time. 

Welcome! To So You Think You Can Dance (dance…………dance)!

The opening number this week is danced to Billy Joel’s “It’s Still Rock And Roll To Me”. Great song, terrible dance.

What the hell was that?  I think it’s sort of trying to be like Class of 1984 with even worse hair and makeup. I keep waiting for the teacher to show up and blow them all away. And by “waiting”, I mean praying. 

Of course Sir BitchyPants choreographed it. Seriously dude, you suck at anything but contemporary and jazz. Please stop trying to be edgy. Christ! Half of this dance seemed like a solo for Jakob with the other dancers serving as backup. Maybe SBP has a thing for him or something.

And why on earth would he have Ryan and Asseleigh making out in the middle of the dance?!?!? What the fuck? 

Get a fucking room!!! 

Cat wants us to put our hands together for Sir BitchyPants, but the only way I’m doing that is if they’re together around his throat. We get a shot of him in the audience and AHHHHHHH!!!!! No! Lauren is right there with him!!

Save Yourselves!  

Cat says that as of tonight we are only two weeks away from crowning America’s favorite dancer. Wait. What? That means we’re going to have a top six this season instead of a top four. I HATE that. How’s that going to work? We won’t have time for the everyone dances with everyone scenario that we usually have. What are they doing to my show?!?!?!?

Cat asks the judges how happy they are that they don’t have to cut anyone this week. Nigel says it takes the pressure off, but they’re still sad to see two people go.

Funny how his sad face and arrogant jackass face look exactly the same. 

As always, we get a montage of what happened last night because Nigel thinks we are all idiots who can’t remember what happened just last night. 

After a commercial break we’re treated to yet another commercial. This time it’s Dominic doing yet another one of those clips where he tests people’s dance knowledge. It is even worse this time than it was the last time.

Please just stick to dancing.  

Her children are so proud. 

Time to get to some results. The ladies are up first.

Okay, so based on the order they’re standing in, I would say Ellenore will be safe, Mowee should be in the bottom two, Asseleigh will be safe (BLEH), and the final one in the bottom will be between Kathryn and Noelle, with Noelle winding up in the bottom.

Let’s see if I’m right. Cat starts with Ellenore. She is safe, of course. No shocker there. Moving on to Mowee. She is safe. That surprises me, and Mowee looks to be pretty surprised herself.

But Ellenore’s reaction is priceless. And hilarious.

Okay, that’s a little disappointing, but surely now that means that Asseleigh has hit the bottom, and I’m betting that Noelle will be joining her. Hopefully Asseleigh will be the one going home. 

Cat skips over to Noelle. Oh Cat, trying to confuse us, are you? Of course Noelle is in the bottom. She doesn’t seem too shocked to hear that. And now we’re down to Asseleigh and Kathryn. The second girl in the bottom two is Asseleigh Kathryn. WHAT?!?!? I don’t get that AT ALL. I don’t understand how both Mowee and Asseleigh could have gotten more votes than Kathryn. Are blind people voting?

What happened? You guys told me we were voting for Kathryn! 

Time for the guys. 

I don’t know if I can predict the bottom based on their order here if Cat is going to fuck with us again. So I’ll just say that it should be Ryan and Legacy based on last night’s performances.

Cat’s starting with Ryan. He IS in the bottom two. And then they cut to Asseleigh making ugly sad faces and I’ll just spare you that sight because I am sure it was scary enough the first time around.

Now she’s going to jump on over to Russell. Cat tells him he’s safe, but only after making him look at her first. Jakob is next and we all know he’s safe, so let’s just move along to Legacy and Nathan, okay? Again, based on performance, Legacy should be in the bottom, but we all know he’s got tons of fans, and Nathan’s been in the bottom before, so it’s really anyone’s guess at this point.

And it’s Nathan in the bottom.

And now, while the bottom four dancers prepare for their solos that have no bearing on anything, Cat tells us it’s time for some special guests. Presented by John M. Chu (director of Step Up 2 and Step Up 3-D), choreographed by Harry Shum (Mike Chung, aka Other Asian from Glee), Christopher Scott (from the Step Up movies), and Galen Hooks (assistant choreographer for Camp Rock), it is The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers!

These guys are fucking amazing. Holy crap. From what Cat said, these guys are putting together an online adventure in 2010. Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this?!? You can bet you ass I’ll be watching!

What sucks is that the lighting on this was pretty crappy, making it really difficult to capture any decent pictures. I thought about posting the entire number here again, but then I went online, looking for more information, and found two trailers for them. Want to see them? The first one has an intro by John Chu.

 

 

Is anyone else as excited as I am about this?  I love that he’s filming it as though it’s a superhero origin story. It looks like it’s going to be visually gorgeous, plus it has phenomenal dancers in it!  I cannot WAIT to see more!!!!!!!!

And now it’s time to see a redux of the solos. Noelle is up first.

Am I hallucinating, or did she actually change her choreography? That may have made me like her a little bit more. But not enough to want her to stay over Kathryn. Sorry Noelle!

Cat goes over to Adam to get his take. He thought Noelle had an incredible show last night, he feels like he discovered her for the first time. Yeah, that may be part of the problem, Adam. I don’t think she’s been real memorable on her own.

He tells her if she survives to next week she should continue on that journey, and continue to grow. He says that as a guy who hires a lot of people, she is in the front of the line. He thinks she is fabulous. Well, that’s gotta be nice to hear.

Time for Ryan to get in another rehearsal of what’s sure to be his signature dance once he becomes a Chippendale.

I have to fight the urge to barf every time I see him. That was just as terrible as yesterday.

Of course we’re going over to Mary since he’s a ballroom guy. She thinks he is one of the best ballroom dancers that they have ever had on this show. 

WRONG!!! 

She tells him that what he has lacked in his solos, he’s more than made up for in his couples work. I love that even she can’t pretend that his solos have done anything other than suck donkey dong. She appreciates him and is very proud of him.

You can tell Cat has the hots for him because she invites him to talk about how difficult it is to do a solo as a ballroom guy. I’m too busy barfing to hear what he says.

Cat! I expected more from you! For shame! 

Next up is Kathryn.

Someone please explain to me how this girl ended up in the bottom. I still cannot comprehend how Asseleigh and Mowee got more votes than her. It makes no sense.

Cat goes back to Mary again. Oh, I get it; Nigel wants to be able to speak about Nathan. It’s probably for the best. I’m sure if he were to talk about Kathryn he’d make some pervy remark and make us all uncomfortable. 

Mary is shocked that Kathryn’s in the bottom. She feels that every single week that she has done everything that has been asked of her, and she’s done it with class and with style. 

Mary goes on, telling her she has the beauty of Cyd Charrise and Ginger Rogers; there is a quality about the way that she moves that maybe isn’t transcending to the audience. It’s transcending to me!! Mary is sad to see her in this position because she thinks Kathryn is amazing. So do I.

Cat asks her how she’s feeling right now, and Kathryn says that she doesn’t think it’s a bad thing to be in the bottom because someone needs to see you dance. Her voice starts to go up, but she doesn’t talk long enough for it to get into dog whistle territory. I’m still floored that I’ve ended up liking her so damn much.

Time for Nathan’s repeat solo.

He’s another one that switches up the choreography for tonight’s solo, and as someone that watches these several times, I have to say, I do appreciate that. But he’s all super angsty again which continues to seem overdone to me. 

Cat wonders if Nigel has any advice for Nathan. Oh, I sure he’s got plenty to say to Nathan. He says Nathan should continue on the path that he’s on. What no admonishments about maturity and growth?  

Nigel says that he thinks if Nathan stays tonight he is now on the right road. If he doesn’t, he has to remember that people aren’t voting against him, they’re simply voting for other people. I’m sure that makes him feel so much better.

It’s not that people hate you; it’s that they don’t like you much. 

Before we find out who has been voted off, it’s time for our weekly musical guest. This week it’s Snoop Dogg who apparently is a living legend. According to Cat, that is.

I’m not normally a big fan of Snoop Dogg, but I gotta tell ya, I’m sorta digging him right now. First of all, I always love when they have someone on who chooses not to lip sync. But what I really loved about this was that he put the dancers front and center. Not only did he have great background dancers, he allowed them to be the focus of the number for large chunks of time. I think that’s pretty cool.

Alright, it’s time for our results. As always, the girls are up first. The girl with the fewest votes who will be leaving tonight is……..Noelle. Phew.

We get the usual good bye montage for her, and then Cat says she worked so hard to be there; is she pleased that all of the hard work paid off?

Are you serious with that fucking question? 

Noelle says for her it has never been about the end result; it’s about the process and the journey. She tells the remaining dancers that they are her family, not just her friends. Cat asks who she is going to miss the most. Oh, she’ll miss Mowee, and everyone. Everything about this, she is gong to miss so much. Jesus! How much longer are they going to let her keep talking?

Now Cat wants to know what’s going to be the one moment she remembers more than anything else. Making it into the top twenty, because she felt at that time that her dreams were becoming reality. And then, FINALLY, we are done with Noelle.

Time for the guys. Cat asks if they’re ready for their results, and Nathan says, “Not really.” Sorry, dude, that’s not going to stop her. The guy leaving us tonight is……pleasebeRyanpleasebeRyan…….Nathan. Boo.

What a waste. 

They then CUT AWAY from Cat talking to him to show us this!

I am going to puke. 

Does anyone really want to see any more of those two than we have to? And if you do, don’t tell me, because I don’t want to know.

We get Nathan’s good bye montage, but because Cat used up all the time talking to Noelle, he doesn’t get to say ANYTHING after the montage. What a load of crap. You can’t tell me that that wasn’t done on purpose. And it really fucking pisses me off that Nigel is such a petty fuckwad.

And there you have it, Gasmi. Tonight we lost Noelle and Nathan. I am unbelievably relieved that it wasn’t Kathryn, and incredibly disappointed that Ryan gets to stay. Did anyone else notice Nathan avoiding hugging Mowee? There are actually a couple of times he blows her off, but this first one makes me laugh every time I see it!

So what did you all think of tonight’s results? Were you glad Kathryn was saved? Sorry to see Ryan stay? What do think about the bullshit of a final six instead of a final four?

I’m really hoping to see Kathryn dance with either Jakob or Russell next week. Ideally, I’d love to see Jakob and Kathryn, and Ellenore and Russell paired up. Although Legacy paired with Mowee could end up being just too painful to watch. Any hopes for potential pairings?

Well, I guess we’ll all find out what the next partnerships will be in a couple of days! Until then…..

SWAK, PottyMouth