So You Think You Can Dance: Eight-ish

Cat (in voiceover) tells us that eight dancers have trained their entire lives (just not these eight), leading them to this moment……

The moment when Cat finally gets to show them her Solid Gold dancer outfit 

Welcome! To So You Think You Can Dance (dance……….dance)!

Cat wants us to welcome our top eight dancers, but……..

Last time I checked 3 + 4 did not equal eight. 

What’s going on? First Cat reminds us that next week is the finale (booooooo – final six is stupid-boooooo), and that tomorrow will be the cruelest and hardest set of cuts they’ve had to make so far. Need help deciding? The judges are here to help push their favorites right down your throat.

We’ll have new couples again tonight, along with each dancer performing a solo. Yay! Lots of dancing! And apparently each couple has had one of their songs remixed especially for their performance. Who cares?

Cat finally acknowledges that Asseleigh was not out on stage as we were introduced to the top eight, and calls her out onto the stage to explain. 

Asseleigh tells us that during rehearsal her shoulder popped out. But she popped it back in. And now the doctors won’t clear her to dance. She says she’s ready to go, The doctor said no, they want to do an MRI to make sure everything is okay, which she says it will be because she feels A-OK.

The lithium helps.  

Cat then drops this bomb on us. “Tonight you will call in to vote for your favorite individual dancers, and even though she’s not performing, we’re going to be giving you the chance to call in for Asseleigh, and put her into the finale.” WHAT THE FUCK???!!??? That is a load of crap. She’s not even fucking dancing, but she can still be voted for? Fall season, what have you done to my show?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Moving on, it’s time for the first couple: Ryan and Kathryn. Kathryn is going to give 150% and love and every second of it. Ryan wants to make the finale because he might get a chance to dance with his wife. He thinks America would really like to see that. Ummmm, Ryan, I already saw it. She licked your face, and I puked all over the place. Does anyone really want to have to go through THAT again?

For their first dance they will be doing a Doriana Sanchez disco. Crap. It’s sure to have even more lifts than usual, I think. Doriana says the theme is last dance (because that’s the song they’re dancing to), but it’s really the first dance, and honestly, I have no idea what the fuck she is talking about. Oh, and by the way, this is their remixed song, if you happen to give a rat’s ass.

What the hell is Ryan wearing? That outfit is not flattering at all. Kathryn, on the other hand, looks absolutely gorgeous. I thought she did a good job in this number; it looked like she was having a blast. Obviously Ryan did a great job on the lifts, but I barely noticed him during this dance, and that was even trying to force myself to watch him. He was a snoozefest for me in this dance.

Adam thinks this dance was so fun, and a great way to start the show. He says Ryan has proven tonight that real men can wear sequins. Oh, Adam. What is happening to you? You used to be one of my favorites judges, and now I find myself wanting you to shut up as well. 

Mary thinks if the two of them keep dancing like that, it certainly won’t be the last dance, for sure. She thinks Kathryn is peaking at just the right time. She singles out a couple of moves she liked, particularly the synchronized skip ripple. She can’t wait to see their other dance! 

Nigel doesn’t agree with his colleagues tonight. He thinks the style suited Kathryn, and he also loves her outfit. He doesn’t like Ryan’s outfit. I am shocked. He also thinks Ryan was too stiff, too ballroom; he needed to get more funk. Ryan attempts to get more funk.

I’m sorry, I’m all out of singles. 

The next couple up is Mowee and Jakob. Mowee tells us this week’s performances are crucial because they decide who will be in the finale and that decides who will be America’s favorite dancer.

She also wants to tell us that the sky is blue, the sun is hot, and the ocean is wet. 

Jakob feels like the stakes are extremely high this week; everyone’s so good, it’s going to be tough. Making it to the finale would be one step closer to his ultimate goal. Winning. 

Ask a stupid question…… 

Mowee tells us that all the winners of other seasons have gone on to do spectacular things. Ummm, I’m pretty sure there are plenty of non-winners out there working steadily and building their careers. I’m actually wondering what Benji or Sabra are doing right now? Anyone know? Is it spectacular?

For their first dance, they will be performing a Viennese waltz choreographed by Jason Gilkison. He tells us the story is about two friends; she’s lost her mojo and he’s trying to help her find it. Okay then!

I have the same problem I always have with her: she’s too clunky. I really wish she was a little lighter on her feet because I might actually enjoy her dancing a little bit, but she’s clomping through this number with her usual lack of grace that makes it impossible for me to like her. 

Jakob is fabulous, as he always is.  One thing, though. Last week I talked a little bit about how it irritated me that so many of the choreographers kept incorporating Legacy’s b-boy moves into every dance rather than just making him dance the style. They do the same thing with Jakob. You don’t traditionally see jetes in a waltz. Just thought I should point that out in the interest of fairness.

Cat thinks Mowee looks likes Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday.

Wrong! 

Adam says he could have watched that for two more hours. He thinks it was so beautiful, and calls them great, their choreographer was great, the idea was great, it was all great.

He says he feels like a broken record talking about Jakob and how he’s one of the best dancers that he’s ever seen. And then he goes into how awesome he thinks Mowee is and how she’s blooming. He says he’s never seen a jete or butterflies in a waltz before. He loved it, it was great.

Mary wonders what is not to like about these two. She thinks Jakob’s partnering work was fantastic, and Mowee has elevated again. Wow, with all the elevating the judges seem to think she is doing, shouldn’t she be floating around in the clouds by now?

Nigel blathers on for a while about how awesome the show is what with showing LXD last week, and now this gorgeous dance this week, both of them taking his breath away.

Oh, if only that were true.

He says the difference between a waltz and a Viennese waltz is that the Viennese waltz keeps a constant flow with it, and they had that. He also thinks that for the first time the stealth screen actually worked. I cannot believe that he actually admitted that thing doesn’t work, and then I’m left wondering why they bother to use it if it doesn’t work. 

Time for the first solo of the evening.

I think I’ve already gone over how I feel about this, but in case you didn’t get it the first time. This is fucking stupid. There is no way she should get to move on to the finale when she is not even dancing. On a dance show. What was it that Nigel said a few weeks ago about the word DANCER being in “America’s Favorite Dancer”? It’s so annoying.

Up next are Ellenore and Legacy. Ellenore tells us it’s important to her to make it into the finale because she wants that one last chance to show America what she can do. Legacy has worked hard to be here and he doesn’t want to let doubt seep in. 

Their first dance will be a contemporary piece choreographed by Travis. He tells us that for this routine they are hired assassins. But there’s a twist. They’ve been hired to kill each other! AND they’re married!

Looks like someone rented Mr. and Mrs. Smith over the weekend. 

He thinks he has the perfect couple for this concept because there are so many acrobatics. He’s using Legacy to his fullest extent, and he needs Ellenore’s technique and beauty.

There was a lot of really cool stuff in this number. But I don’t know if I’d call it contemporary. To me, it felt more like a jazz number. For those of you completely over Legacy’s b-boy skills in other genres, I’m going to assume that you probably hated it. I do still get annoyed by that, but I still liked the routine. There was a lot of difficulty in there, a lot that could go wrong, and I thought they did a really good job with it from both from a dance perspective, and also with the performance of it.

As Cat wanders over to them she says it was like War Of The Roses meets Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Thanks for ruining my joke Cat! I thought of that before you even said it, and now I can’t use it.

Fuck you, I’m using it anyway! So there. 

Adam tells Travis that he loves any choreographer that understands how close dancing and murder are. Yuk, yuk, yuk. And speaking of murder, Legacy and Ellenore MURDERED IT. 

He thinks what Travis did so beautifully here was he had a clean, simple idea, and he understood his couple that he was working with. He thinks it was awesome.

Mary tries to fake them out saying it wasn’t that good, but then says of course it was. Why does she continue to try and fake people out? She sucks at it.

I want to play poker with her. 

She loved the dance and thinks they were both amazing.

Nigel loves the romance of the routine. What he really loves about it is that it was so, so dangerous. Anything could have gone disastrously wrong. He says the last time they had a routine with a table it was Mandy’s table dance that earned her an Emmy nomination. He thinks this routine could do the same for Travis. I think he’s a nut. The dance was good, but it certainly wasn’t Emmy worthy.

I think I just made an Emmy poopy in my pants.  

Nigel thinks that this was the most dangerous routine of the season. He gives them props for that.

Time for another solo. This time it’s Jakob.

Love his dancing, hate the outfit. I have to say, I wasn’t crazy about this solo. We all know he has amazing extension and leaps and turns, but I felt like he needed some more actual dancing in there this time around. Still love him, and he HAS to be in the finale.

Time for the next couple, which would have been Asseleigh and Russell, but I guess it’s just Russell now. Russell tells us that this is the time when you really need to be focused. You have to go in and you have to go in hard. He says if he makes it to the finale he will feel like America really appreciated what he put out there as an artist.

Asseleigh says that for her to make it into the finale would be beyond description.

 

At least we agree on something. 

They got Shane Sparks for hip hop! Oh YEAH! Shane tells us that this is not a lyrical routine; this is a street hip hop. He is not giving us anything less than the hood. 

I love you, Shane Sparks! 

He says the new stage is about to get ripped in half. Since Asseleigh is hurt, Russell with be dancing with Shane’s assistant, Rachel. They’re dancing to a remix of “Too Much Booty 2″.

I loved Russell in this dance – he fucking killed it. Rachel did not kill it. I will say, it has to be hard to step in at the last minute like that, but I really expected her to be great given that she’s Shane’s assistant. Russell was awesome. I’m so glad he got Shane.

Adam says it must be so hard to be there without your partner. I would guess that would depend on whether or not your partner sucks, and whether or not she is a hand walking queer.

He thinks it was a really solid routine. It was old school hip hop. Oooold school. Really old school.

Are you trying to say it was old school? 

He says that Russell was hitting it so hard, and points out that just because Russell is a krumper, it doesn’t mean he would be great at hip hop; it’s a derivative of the style. He thinks Russell was smoking out there.

Mary says that she thinks everyone including herself has just fallen in love with Russell. She loves watching him dance. It was hard hitting, it was so on point, and he was just attacking every single second. She says no one does it like him.

Nigel talks about the first time Shane did “Too Much Booty”, it was Donyelle and Benji. He remembers Donyelle really shaking that booty. And that she had a lot of booty to shake.

 

Fuck you, Nigel 

He gives a shout out to Rachel for stepping in at the last moment. Nigel says Shane didn’t compromise in this routine at all. He pushed Russell, and Russell kept up with him and gave him everything he wanted. And he also gave Nigel everything he wanted, which is a performance. He thinks Russell is excellent and he has a feeling we are going to see him in the finale.

Time for another solo; this time it’s Mowee.

What else is there to say? I don’t enjoy her dancing. 

Now that we’ve gone through the first dances for all the couples, it’s time to see what they’ve got going on for dance number two. First up (for the second time) are Ryan and Kathryn, and this time around they’ve gotten a Jason Gilkison cha cha.

Jason makes sure to tell us that he’s put together a really difficult routine that even experienced ballroom dancers could have some difficulty with. Ryan tells us this routine is going to make the floor boil. That sounds like it’s going to be painful.

You all know I love Kathryn, so of course I loved her in this number. She was fabulous. It’s funny, because there were parts of this number that didn’t feel like a cha cha at all to me. In fact, certain parts felt almost like a Fosse style Broadway. Whatever the style, Kathryn looked gorgeous dancing it. Ryan did a good job too. He still needs to button his shirt.

Cat dares them to say anything bad about this routine. Nigel says it’s over, and that’s bad. 

Adam thinks this is a huge night for Jason. He thinks that was one of the best ballroom routines they’ve ever had on the show. He thinks it might be a good thing for Ryan’s marriage that Asseleigh is not there right now given Ryan and Kathryn’s chemistry.

He tells Kathryn she is hitting her stride both as a dancer and a performer. He never saw her coming. He loved it.

Mary loves that Adam loved it. She says that routine was on fire from beginning to end. She thinks it should have been tough for Kathryn but she did a great job, and was sexy and smoldering the whole time. If she didn’t know any better she would have never guessed that Kathryn is not a ballroom dancer.

She also thinks that Ryan is a star tonight, and then she puts them on the hot tamale train. She makes sure to point out that she hasn’t said that a lot this season. 

Once is too much 

Nigel is going to start by praising Jason, and making sure to plug his Broadway show, Burn The Floor. Also, Mary is going to be in it starting in December. Nigel says that Jason has turned ballroom into a complete form of entertainment. I’m sure that all the ballroom dancers performing incomplete forms of entertainment will be excited to hear this news.

Nigel says Kathryn must have been thrilled when she saw what styles she got this week. She replies that she was nervous, but knowing she had Ryan made her know it would all be okay. He says she looked like she was a Latin ballroom dancer.

He says that everything he said to Ryan about disco being too straight and too strong was perfect for this style. He thinks the two of them together were magical tonight. Ryan busts in to tell us he is so proud of Kathryn. Shut up jackass.

Are you ready for another solo? This time it’s Legacy.

His solo last week was so much better. And that bit at the end with the phone was a stupid and a real time waster. When he could have been dancing more. I like you Legacy, but that solo was not good at all.

 

Dude, I don’t think you should be talking to me while you’re supposed to be dancing your solo. 

 

I was wondering if there was a part for me in your next movie. I can speak in a cartoon voice. 

 

Can you NOT speak in a cartoon voice? 

 

Never mind. 

Cat asks Legacy who’s on the phone, but instead of telling her about trying to score a movie role, he tells her it’s America. Hardy har har. Lame.

Time for Ellenore’s solo.

That was not impressive at all tonight. She’s so restrained, and it doesn’t go well with James Brown at all. I dunno what’s going on, but she seems off to me tonight. 

Time for Russell.

That was so cheesetastic. I don’t think anyone but Russell could have gotten away with a routine like that. He made me smile the entire time, even as I was thinking about how cheesy it was. He is just too freaking adorable.

We’re moving on now to Mowee and Jakob’s second dance of the evening which will be Broadway. Yay! Spencer Liff! 

Oh poop. It’s this bitch again. 

Joey tells us that they’ll be playing a couple of con artists who are trying to get rich. Jakob is the mastermind, Mowee is the ditz. She tells us she’s definitely not stupid, but she’s definitely not like really, really, really, really, really the mastermind on con artism. Yeah, I think that really, really, really, really, really says it all.

There’s a whole bit about a bench slide, but it’s stupid and doesn’t really end up working anyway.

They’re dancing to “Easy Street” from Annie, but instead of the movie or Broadway version, they’re using the TV movie version. Blech. And it has been remixed. Double Blech.

Eh. Part of my problem I know is the version of the song. I don’t like it, and I don’t like the remixing in it. But yet again, I’m drawn to looking at Mowee, but not in a good way. She doesn’t have great musicality in this number, and she doesn’t really have the personality to pull off the performance. 

Jakob dances it beautifully, but I don’t think he has the performance of it down either. In the movie this number was performed by Tim Curry, Bernadette Peters and Carol Burnett. Let’s face it, these kids are not going to be out shining them. I didn’t think it was terrible, I just wished for more from it, if that makes sense.

Adam tells Joey it was fantastic, and really important because it’s important to show off the dancers best parts right now. He thinks Joey really showed off their strengths so well, and he also thinks they gave great acting performances. I wonder if we’re watching the same dance.

He says that one of Bob Fosse’s girlfriends and muse was Ann Reinking, and he thinks Mowee’s legs look just like Ann Reinking’s. BLASPHEMY! That is not true at all Adam, and now you are just pissing me off with your over the top praise of Mowee. Shut The Fuck Up.

Seriously. Shut Up Adam. 

He goes on and on and on about Mowee and how gorgeous she looks out there, and I am so over him right now. He says his eye was on Mowee during that entire thing, and he thinks Jakob is one of the best dancers we’ve ever had on the show.

Mary thinks they just fell right into that style. She doesn’t know another couple that could have danced it as well as they did.

Nigel says that not only is Joey Dowling a beautiful woman, she’s a beautiful choreographer. No and nope. And shut up, Nigel. He thinks this is a routine that has just taken Mowee into the realms of being a professional dancer and he thinks she should go to Broadway. Weren’t they saying that to Kayla last year? 

He tells Jakob that he reminds him of Joel Gray, there’s just something about him that just suits this as well. He says he’s not necessarily a huge fan of vaudeville, and he feels like every time we see Broadway we end up seeing a little bit of vaudeville. He’d like to see more Broadway in the sense of West Side Story and more of the stronger dance routines.

What does that have to do with them and their dancing? They didn’t choreograph the number. And I’m pretty sure that Spencer Liff has done some awesome Broadway choreography for this show. Stop using hacks and you might get better Broadway choreography.

It’s now time for Kathryn’s solo.

I feel like a broken record. Do I need to tell you I loved it? Yes? Okay. Loved it!

Up next are Legacy and Ellenore. For their second dance they will be doing a hip hop routine with Tabitha and Napoleon. Why couldn’t Shane do two dances? 

Tabitha tells them that they are aliens in this routine. They may be hanging out with Brian Friedman too much. This is how aliens would do hip hop. And then we get Ellenore’s alien talk. Again. Yeah, that’s not old at all.

They’ll be performing to a remix of “People Are Strange” by The Doors

Not digging the remix on this one either. I don’t hate it as much as that shit remake of “Blackbird” that was used a few weeks ago, but it’s pretty close. And the costumes? What the hell? Did they go snatch those shirts off two old ladies going to play bingo? Those were fugly.

I’m not really digging this dance too much either. It feels like a missed opportunity to do something really great. I don’t think Tabitha and Napoleon used either one of them really well, and if they were hell bent on using an alien theme, they certainly could have gotten a little wackier with it. I was sort of bored by it.

Adam starts out by doing Ellenore’s alien talk. It is beyond stupid.

Not only does it sound stupid, he looks stupid doing it 

And then Nigel and Mary decide to join in. They are even stupider. What they’re really doing is trying to avoid talking about the number. Because none of them liked it.

Adam says it was a really heavy concept number, and it wasn’t his favorite routine of the night. He doesn’t think it pushed them. The dancing was good, not great. Mary thinks this was like when you go to the movies and see the coming attraction and you get really excited to see the movie. And then you realize you’ve been duped into seeing The Ugly Truth because the hot guy from 300 was in it.

I know! I was so disappointed in Gerard! 

Nigel didn’t like it either. He says normally Tabitha and Napoleon actually use stories and choreography and it goes together quite well. But here it was just strange and they were asking the dancers to be strange and quirky, and it didn’t work. There wasn’t enough dancing, and the dancing that they did get wasn’t together.

Time for Ryan’s solo.

It sucks balls as usual. Why change now when that seems to be working so well for him?

And then.

As Cat gives his numbers, he interrupts her to give Asseleigh’s number and beg people to vote for her. His tearful plea is not working on me though.

Especially since there aren’t any ACTUAL TEARS involved. 

I seriously cannot believe that they let him even say that first of all, and then they let him keep talking!!! This is fucking bullshit. It’s ridiculous enough that they’re even allowing her to get votes when SHE ISN’T FUCKING DANCING! But then to let him beg the audience for votes with his fakey fake crying? What a crock of shit. 

And now it’s time for the last routine of the night. Russell and Asseleigh drew Bollywood as their second style, and since Nigel only knows one Indian choreographer, Nakul will be choreographing the number.

Of course we still get to Asseleigh in the rehearsal footage being the jackass that we have all come to know and hate. Was that too harsh?

Nope. 

Nakul tells us there is no story to this number, no characters, it’s a raw Bollywood number. Nakul tells us that if they do the hand gestures incorrectly, they could offend a lot of people. I am making hand gestures at Asseleigh. I wonder if they would offend a lot of people.

Nope. 

Russell will be dancing with Nakul’s assistant, Alicia.

That was a really fun number. Russell has the ability to just make me smile when he’s dancing. There were some things that were a little sloppy from a dance perspective, but overall I enjoyed the performance. Alicia was great. 

Adam would like to thank Nakul for a couple of things. Number one: thank you for giving us an exciting and really fun routine that was just pure dancing. Number two: he is grateful that he told him that if his hands are wrong he could create an international incident. I’m not loving how much I’m yelling at Adam to shut up tonight.

Adam thinks what was so great about that number for Russell was not only his execution, but he blew joy out of every pore and that’s what gets people to pick up the fun. He just showed the incredibly positive power of the art form of dance. And Adam is grateful.

Mary is gonna have to give him props too tonight. She thinks it’s tough to just dance with one partner, and over the last couple of days he’s had to dance with three people. He has elevated himself and bursted onto the stage.

She wants to say something about Asseleigh. She hopes people take into consideration about the journey that she had this season when they’re voting. I hope people remember that she DIDN’T FUCKING DANCE. And also how Jakob carried her through the majority of the dances.   

Nigel points out the lift that Asseleigh got hurt doing, before telling Russell that even though he was dancing with a Bollywood expert, Nigel’s eyes went to him. Nigel thinks that Russell has a magnetic quality that makes the audience want to look at him. He compliments him on the work he’s done all season.

And that’s it. No more performances this evening; it’s time to vote. For Asseleigh they show a clip form her crappy solo last week along with rehearsal footage of her and Russell dancing together. And then the clips for everyone else.

Cat wants to know if the judges had any advice to America, what would it be? Adam talks a lot but basically says you have to vote. Pick up the phone and vote. Mary says to all of us that have been watching and not voting….

Why is she giving me that look?!? 

She says it means so much to the dancers, and this would be a great time to finally pick up that phone and vote. 

Nigel tells us it’s a time when you shouldn’t assume that your favorite is going to win. Then he says if you’re not sure, vote for everyone. Isn’t that pretty much the same as not voting at all? 

He goes on to tell us that now is the time to forget about technique and vote for the best person that you love. He thinks it doesn’t matter now about technique. Who entertains you? Who do you like the best?

I’m voting for his head on a pike.

Are you not entertained? 

I am!

So that’s it for this week’s performance show, Gasmi. What did you think? Did you think it was bullshit that Asseleigh still got a number for people to vote? Did you buy into Ryan’s crocodile tears? Which performances were your favorites?

I think you all know who I want to go home this week. Please, please, please, let it happen!

I’m jumping right in to the results show, and will have that for you as soon as possible! Until then……

SWAK, PottyMouth