Sober House: So Sad We Had This Time Together

By Twunty McSlore | Tuesday, May 11, 2010 | 7:16 am | 22 Comments

Tagged: ace frehley is the shit, awesome kids, done with drew, stay sober and prosper

Posted in: Featured, Recaps, Sober House

I know that I’ve missed a couple of weeks, so let’s catch up with the two we’re missing before we get to the rather lackluster finale.

In episode six poor Gim finally loses it over the messy slobs she has to live with and their total lack of respect for her. I am surprised that she has made it this far without whacking one of them over the head with her broom.

What does not surprise me is watching Heidi incite impressionable Mikey in his own issues with Gim. She’s not allowed to push Tom’s buttons anymore so what’s a poor little pain in the ass like her to do? She tells Mikey that Gim isn’t “her kind of people,” and says she hates her and thinks that she isn’t fit for the job. I’ll take that for what it’s worth, unlike Mikey.

We all know what kind of people YOUR people are.

Excuse me? I don’t get the hate. Can Gim be a little over-dramatic? Sure. Do her emotions take over at times? Yes, she’s in the other room crying at this very moment. But you know what? I have to point out that Gim hasn’t had any problems with any of the girls, not even Heidi. It’s only the guys that have gotten in her face and disrespected her authority, and Heidi knows this.

She got Mikey all riled up and when Gim asks him to clean his room, he ignores her, argues with her, and makes up excuses so that she has to chase him around. She’s relentless because she has to be. He even rides circles around her on a bike before getting in her face and trying to force her to hug him.

They exchange obscenities, she chases him up to his room and then tells him to leave. Not the wisest of ways to handle things, to be sure. She should have just issued an ultimatum and left it at that. Treat him like the child he is and tell him he’s going to be sent to bed without his corn on the cob. Take away his Alice In Chains CDs, maybe.

Instead, she let him get to her and now she looks like the bad guy. The poor thing, we have all been saying for weeks that Gim needs help. ONE of these people would be tough to babysit but SEVEN?! Weaker people would have a nervous breakdown, and stronger ones would be in jail for assault.

What makes it even worse is that when Gim gets called in to meet with Dr. Drew to discuss the altercation, he exhibits little or no sympathy for her. He actually had the nerve to compliment Mikey for not hitting her! He tells her that when she saw that he was pacing and irritable, she should have backed off. He even tells her that normally she would get fired for using such abusive language with a patient, i.e. when she called Mikey an asshole.

Okay, fine. She should have backed off, but when she started telling him how overwhelmed she was, all he did was repeat what she said and then tell her that she’s not a professional, as if her feelings don’t matter. So, yeah. My love affair with Dr. Drew is pretty much over.

Seriously, the guy never gets his hands dirty. He sits back and takes credit for any progress anyone makes, all the while kissing these C and D list celebrity’s asses AND making Gim take the fall. One good thing happened, though. Loesha and her no-nonsense attitude will be helping our over-extended Gim for the final two days. Sadly, it’s too little, too late.

Making it worse? Drew tells her that she’s just another addict and then voice overs that it’s up to the residents to take care of things since it’s THEIR house. That is the complete opposite of what he said on the first day. Effing asshole!

No wonder she shot him daggers with her eyes during their meeting. How dare he set her up to fail and then insult her. Sheesh, at this point I wouldn’t trust him with an infected hangnail, let alone someone trying to get clean. Unless they were famous, of course. Then he’ll make house calls and even fetch you your juice box in the morning.

Dennis heads off to court and gets some additional clean-up service tacked on to his sentence and the judge tells him that if he gets kicked out of rehab, he’ll go to jail. Later on we see him cleaning up one of the local beaches with Bob walking alongside. I’d love to see Bob do that with a regular everyday normal non-famous patient. No, really. I would. I want these people to prove to me that they aren’t all star fuckers, and that they care just as much about regular folk like you or me.

If this wasn’t on tape, he’d probably be picking it up for him too.

Tom also had his day in court and the judge let him stay on probation because he’s in rehab and making progress. You have to love the REAL reality of seeing some of them in court where the judges are not impressed with their fame. This Bakersfield guy barely flinched when he was told that Tom had 30 days sober. He basically said fine, don’t fuck it up, he’s seen many addicts without his resources, and they fixed their lives, so he better not take his chances for granted.

I’m going to sentence you to banging Heidi Fleiss. Oh wait..

Monroe looked good too. She still acts like she’s high, though, talking slowly with that goofy smile on her face, but she is a nice change from that crazy camera hogging girlfriend of Jeff Conaway’s. We got no grandstanding, denial or pleas to be in the celebrity wing out of her, and that’s a big improvement from Vicki.

You know what else was nice? Meeting Rodman’s mom. She was cute and seemed genuinely baffled by being ousted from his life. Once again I got the impression that he’s got Aspergers and prefers to be alone rather than deal with people and their demands on him. He’ll surround himself with partyers so he’s not physically alone, but people that have a personal stake in his happiness get tossed aside because he can’t relate to them the way they want him to.

He arranges for his Mom to come over to the Sober House later and meet his kids. It was a strange scene. He sat off to the side smoking his cigar while his mother had to make her own introductions. The kids were cute with her but a little stand-offish. Understandable since they don’t really know the lady and as heartbreaking as it was, it was all worth it for her, you could tell.

AND when Drew tried to tell Mama Rodman that the reason Dennis abandoned his blood relations was for his own survival, Rodman was like Hell No! I do it because I’m independent! In other words, I’m selfish and I just don’t care. HaHa, funny. God, I’m sick of how Drew makes excuses for these people. Unless your name is Jennifer Gimenez, of course. Then you’re kinda fucked. And a loser with no credentials, thank you very much.

Lastly, and I know I’m missing some events here, they all have a BBQ at the Sober House. For some of them, it’s the first time that they have attended any kind of party without a fifth of vodka or an 8-ball in them. So, yeah, it should be a blast.

It all looks like a huge bore until one of Seth’s friends show up toasted. She’s sloppy and wacky and she couldn’t stick out more if she were Ben Roethlisberger at a female empowerment rally. It was sad and everyone notices, including Gim, who makes her take a pee test.

She tests positive for cocaine and benzos, of course. Doesn’t everybody? Who here has never taken valium? I have. I was on it off and on for about a year after I got separated. It helped immensely with my anxiety, and that’s why this Jenna girl takes them. The only difference is they help her deal with doing porn, not killing her ex-husband,

and I don’t know which one is worse.

She can’t stay at the house and Gim and Bob try to convince her to enter rehab instead of just leaving. She’s almost too fucked up to make a decision and she ends up puking her guts out in the bathroom. Unreal. Nobody gave Mikey any corn and still, we had to see someone throw up.

She ends up leaving long after Seth had gone to bed. It’s like he didn’t even care, even though his excuse was that he couldn’t deal with it. I swear that it almost felt like he brought her in just for the drama, but that’s just me. I don’t trust anyone on this show anymore, except maybe Tom.

Which brings us to our final episode. The end of the end until they get Heather Locklear or Charlie Sheen on the show by dangling the big bucks in front of them. I heard he’s offering Lindsay Lohan a million dollars, for goodness sakes. That is INSANE. I’m sorry.

You don’t pay people to go to rehab, that just further entrenches their sense of entitlement, don’t you think? I shrugged it off at first because my reasoning was that as long as it gets them in the door, it’s all good. I’m not so sure about that anymore.

Dole out dollars to druggies to get clean and pretty soon they’re going to expect to get paid for everything, each shit they take, every autograph they deign to sign, every random photo with a smiling fan. Didn’t there use to be an unwritten Hollywood rule that you kinda owed your fans your success on a basic level? There’s a natural entitlement that goes along with being universally adored, it doesn’t need to be heightened, not one bit.

It’s like that old joke of Chris Rock’s about the absurdity of complimenting men for not being dead beats. Um, you’re supposed to be a good dad, that should be the norm, not the exception. The same goes for doing drugs. You should be paying someone to help you get clean, not the other way around.

That’s one of the reasons that I got so fed up with this show, but I’m more than willing to see it through it’s last two days. So, let’s have at it, shall we?

It’s the morning after the barbecue and table meditation/confrontation time. Kendra is pissed at Seth for allowing such a fucked up chick to come into their midst and then going off to bed to leave everyone else to deal with it. She says that they had to clean the mess up themselves but I’m going to guess that any vomit on the floor was mopped up by Jen, not Kendra. She’s the only one I’ve seen holding one. All Kendra holds up is her ubiquitous cigarette. Anything else is just too much for her.

“I have to wear this huge sunglasses. The violent sunlight triggers my post traumatic stress disorder, waaaaahh!”

Her toothbrush is probably the maximum weight she can bear without collapsing and she probably thinks that the plants are out to get her, but who knows? Maybe they are.

She does kinda look like Ellen Greene.

God, if I had to hang around her it would be really hard not to tease her about how sensitive she is. Really hard. It’s how I grew up, being teased by three brothers and countless cousins. You can’t whine all the time if somone is right there mocking you when you do. Sadly, every guy around Kendra wants to fuck her and alas, she goes unmocked.

Seth offers a half hearted apology, as over-reaching dire dramatic music plays in the background, like this was some kind of unbelievably traumatic event for them. I’m glad it happened. They’re about to go out into the real world. People around them will be trashed. Best to see it first while you still can’t use, and look at it with clear eyes.

They all agree that being wasted is a place that they don’t ever want to revisit, and then Dennis meets with Dr. Drew again. He has to leave to host some parties in Edmonton and he can’t agree that he won’t get drunk. We’re back to exactly where we started with Dennis saying that he can’t promise to be sober, and until he changes how he makes his living, he never will.

It’s funny but back when he and Drew were talking to his mother, Drew made the observation that Dennis likes to help people, that he has a generous heart. Why isn’t he parlaying that spirit into a new avocation? It seems obvious to me, why isn’t it obvious to these so-called experts? Hook him up with the right people, or at least try. Those bills aren’t going to pay themselves.

He needs new nail polish, dammit!

Instead of addressing that, Drew asks him if he can just drink gingerale and smoke cigars all night. Well, he’s done that in the past only to have the club owners refuse to pay him. It seems that they expect the party animal version of Rodman to show up and feel gypped by the shy, wallflower one.

So, once again there’s no resolution and Dennis continues to waste his talents. Maybe he’s lazy? Nope, don’t buy it. He works out like crazy and has no problem with labor of any kind. Maybe he LIKES what he does, or he’s addicted to the big payouts he gets for so little effort. That’s what I believe. If only he’d realise that he wouldn’t need all that money if he would get rid of all those hangers-on.

Coach kids and raise your own. Live a simple happy life, or are you too addicted to fame?

Layne Staley’s mom does not approve.

He packs up and leaves Sober House, ending the only forseeable gig that doesn’t involve drinking. I can just hear his inner monologue where he tells himself that this was a nice break but it’s back to the real world with vodka and whores who will suck his dick at the drop of a hat. Have fun!

Hope you had fun attending what was basically a spa for you!

That’s one little Indian addict down, six more to go.

Seth is talking to Mikey about whether he is going to continue treatment or not. He says that he doesn’t need it. Wrong answer. Mikey thinks he’s all better now that his body doesn’t hurt anymore, and he isn’t craving a speedball sandwich every morning.

They’ve offered him another stay in another resort rehab, this time at Las Encinas. I went to their website and it looks very nice, all except for those deaths they had recently. That part’s kinda a bummer. The site even has an interview with Gim posted, but Mikey hasn’t agreed to go yet.

He meets with Drew and tells him that he’s feeling a lot better, he’s even thinking about renting a place of his own instead of living in motels with Daddy, but Drew doesn’t think that he’s ready. I agree. Unless it’s a room someplace dry, like Dubai, that he wants to rent out, in which case I say- groovy! Have at it! Otherwise, uhn-uh. This is what, his thirtieth trip to rehab? Whatever he did afterwards in the past OBVIOUSLY didn’t work. It’s time to do it whole hog, and continue with supervised care.

But Mikey’s a child, so explaining to him that the cravings aren’t over, they could be triggered at any time, just doesn’t sink in. They are going to have to sink to his level and coerce him into more treatment somehow, and they are going to do it through the one thing he loves other than painting boobies, and that’s playing music.

-Obligatory fabulous rock star screen grab complete with sun on strings.-

They finally show him playing a his bass guitar, and we find out later that the show bought it for him. Drew asked Bob to help, and he has chosen a School of Rock mini-concert for Mikey to play in along with some of his close friends. Mikey seems excited to do it, especially when he hears that Ace Frehley from KISS is joining them.

I like Ace, he seems like a decent guy. A little scary ugly but a decent guy, unlike nasty cheap caveman looking Gene Simmons. Have you Gasmii watched any of his Family Jewels reality show? What a pig! I know that it’s staged but I was really happy when his baby mama held a yard sale and sold off some of the cheapskate’s memorabilia.

I also have some stories from friends that have dealt with him professionally but whatever. He’s gross, but we’re talking about Ace here, and he arrives at the sober House with Mikey’s friends Albie and Mike. He rolls out this big poster advertising the gig and it has all their names on it, including ‘Mike Starr, from Alice In Chains.’

They hang out for a bit and Mikey goes into superfan mode, telling Ace that KISS was the reason he got into music in the first place. If it wasn’t for Dr. Love, platform shoes, fake blood and fire breathing, our little Mikey would have never made the trip down to GuitarCenter and strapped on his first bass. I hope that he never watches Gene’s little socks & t-shirt sex tape. That visual might make him give it back up forever.

Ironically, Ace has a new CD coming out. Can you believe it? He’s appearing on a music *cough* channel’s reality show and he has something to plug. What a whopper of a co-inkeedink. Lucky for Vh1 that he does, or else we might have to put up with someone of lesser stature appearing on the show, like um, I don’t know- Steven Adler?

Ace is releasing the CD on his 3rd anniversary of sobriety, and Steven is playing drums with them. So excited! I kinda love poor little lost boy Steven, and I agree with Bob when he says that the former drummer for Guns & Roses and Mikey have a lot in common.

He points out that they both experienced success at an early age and then got kicked out of bands that were notorious for their drug use. That’s all true, plus neither of them matured emotionally past the eighth grade. They’re both still love/hating women just like they did their mommies, and they both live their lives with a pubescent black and white morality more suitable for an Archie comic book than real life.

It makes their stories sadder in some ways, but also a little easier to understand. We don’t have to wade through much bullshit to get the gist of their motivations, unlike a Mindy McCready or a Carrion. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and often get crushed because of it.

This concert plan of Bob’s turns out to be a form of bribery. Ace tells him that if he wants to participate, he’s going to have to check into Las Encinas for at least two more months of aftercare. He agrees to do it (as if he would say no to the guitar player from KISS!) and then Ace dangles a guest spot on his next album in front of him as a reward if he can stay sober.

That was pretty nice of him, and some of the other Sober House kiddies will be involved as well. It turns out that Kendra is good for more than crying over spilt sushi, she also manages her emo hubby and knows her way around a rock show. And I’m not just talking about backstage dressing rooms and indescriminate hand jobs to Journey cover band singers. She has a clipboard and everything!

Thank goodness she’s around. It’ll give those midget rockers something to aspire to when they turn 18 and start banging groupies. It shouldn’t take a ton of imagination. She is, after all, the size of your average seventh grader.

The kid singing ‘Rock And Roll All Nite’ looks like a future Sunset Strip pavement pounder, so he’s perfect, and then we get this glorious video moment of a super psyched kid having a ball with real musicians and living the dream.

One day I’m gonna hump tramps and get gonorrhea just like my idols!

Don’t laugh. If he’s lucky, he will. The world needs more Motley Crue books, you know! I read The Dirt in one sitting, it was that good and that sleazy. I want my rock idols to be decadent and insane. I want them to fuck thousands of groupies and give the CDC new diseases to study. None of this phony sincere weepy shit for me. I wouldn’t touch one of the Jonas brothers with Courtney Love’s dick, and neither would she, I bet. Unless they knew the whereabouts of Kurt’s missing millions. Look up yer nose, sweetie! My money’s on your sinus cavity.

The School of Rock kids are so cute, and unlike the movie, they’re real! It is adorable when one of the boys says that he’s so excited about the show since he’s been “wanting this forever,” as if her were in his thirties or something! Funny how kids can be so awesomely enthused, and I was the same, weren’t you?

Something will happen and you act as if you were the first person it’s ever happened to, especially when you get your first taste of love. Time passes so slowly when you want to grow up. A year seem like a decade when you’re twelve. And so it is with our little rock stars and their adorable attempts at originality.

shf14b

And there’s a girl bass player, yay!

It’s the morning of the last day and Jenny has a job interview at Warner Bros. to meet a producer named Lisa Gregorisch. Drew is tagging along to meet more celebs to starfuck for moral support, and I like this Lisa gal. She commands respect without being a hard-ass and she pretty much ignores Dr. Drew (bonus points in my book). She works for Extra!, that tabloid TV show that I never watch.

So THAT’S how Dr. Drew gets his patients.

Would you be surprised? The Good Doctor just keeps looking more and more like an opportunist to me. I’m not gonna lie.

They go over Jen’s vast experience in front of and behind the camera in the adult film world and Jenny tells her that she’s willing to take any job, no matter how lowly or inconsequential, in order to get a foot in the door of the mainstream film world.

Lisa seems impressed and tells Jenny that no one ever says that. All the wannabees that she interviews expect to be on the fast track to fame and fortune and come off like cocky fools that aren’t willing to pay their dues. In contrast, Jenny’s willingness to do what it takes is refreshing and I hope this Lisa chick follows through with her promise to help mentor her.

I like Jenny and I want to see her succeed. It’s nice to have someone to root for. Someone smart, funny, hard working and genuinely concerned about her future. She doesn’t act like the typical Hollywood trash that expects everything to fall into their lap after zero effort, unless you count posing on Robertson Blvd as making an effort.

If that’s the case, we’re gonna need to give Phoebe Price the presidency of the Screen Actor’s Guild.

Back at Sober House Kendra tries to get Mikey to get his shit together for rehearsals. He’s in bad Mikey mode, not feeling well, unresponsive and complaining that he needs more meds. They’re running late and then Drew shows up to have him complain to him as well.

Funny, at their meeting the day before he said he was all better physically and today, he’s right where Drew said he would be, scared and in dire need of medication. At least he thinks he is. He probably hasn’t played out in decades, so of course he’s scared. He just needs to get back on that horse (not THAT horse), bite the bullet and feel the rush of performing again.

When Mikey says that he isn’t up to doing that, Drew offers to cancel for him and Mikey says ‘no way,’ finally gets his shit together and they leave.

By the way, is Parliament cigarettes sponsoring this show? I wouldn’t put it past them to take money from a tobacco company. Normally that shit would be blurred out. Not here. Highly suspicious. Am I wrong? Isn’t it wierd for everyone to be smoking the same brand and not Marlboro or Camels or Newports, you know, one of the big three. I even noticed that Jenny has a pack next to (probably her actual brand) some blurred out Marlboro Lights. Strange.

Holy smokes, I trust nothing on this show anymore, do I?

At the sound check, there’s a pretty decent crew of musicians that have shown up. There’s Kyle from Tenacious D, Ace of course, and Steven Adler who looks clean but is still his lopsided grinning goofy self. God, he looks so different from his stint in the late 80s version of Guns. It’s as if he had a face transplant or mangled his mug in a freebase fire. In actuality it was a stroke from a bad speedball (is there a good one?) and he lives with a speech impediment to this day. Look at the difference, it’s striking-

Well, hello Mister Bear!

To looking like you were mauled by one.

If that won’t scare you straight, I don’t know what will.

Seriously, do I need to put up Tila Tequila’s latest promo video? I saw it online the other day and if those two things don’t make a person drop the pipe immediately, it’s time to call Intervention.

Steven and Mikey share a big hug and we find out that they used to use drugs together back in the day. I hope that Steven can serve as an example to Mikey of a guy that came from even worse circumstances and overcame them. He’s back to playing music and if the line out the door is any indication, still in demand.

The other housemates arrive, and then Drew heads backstage to starfuck see how Mikey is doing. He wants more meds and says that even though this whole concert was put together to make him feel better, he’s still feeling like crap. It’s just nerves, honey. Get used to it now that you’re feelings things again.

Just wait until you have to wait in line at the DMV sober. How no one has gone postal on any of those clerks is beyond me.

Drew babysits him in his fragile state and I wonder if he has ever performed without any drugs or alcohol before. It has to be hard if you aren’t used to it. Any of you Gasmii gone through similar stuff? The only reference I have is an interview I read with Fatboy Slim. He recently returned to DJing after a stint in rehab. He said that it was easier to go through the experience of rehab than it was to perform sober. It reminds me of the old college truism that if you are stoned when you study, you best be stoned when you take the test too. Now it’s time to learn to do things differently.

It’s showtime and the kids perform ‘Crazy On You’ by Heart. Sizemore is rocking out, as is Gim. The editors led us to commercial with a clip that would make you think that Mikey went M.I.A. before his performance, but that was bullshit. He gets up on stage and the KISS song goes on without a hitch.

The little kid that sings the song is back and I love the growl he puts in his voice. He slurs the words just enough to be cool but not so much that you can’t understand him, and his voice is still in that precarious almost changing to a lower decibel range. I hope he makes it really big someday. Then Dr. Drew can take credit for that too!

Mikey looks so happy. He is grinning ear to ear. I hope he finds this screen grab of himself online and frames it. I would like for him to always remember how happy he was that day, and how life is so much more worth living without a needle in your arm.

He tells us all that he was comfortable onstage and “It’s possible to be really happy and not on drugs.” Amen, brother. Now spend the time you would normally waste on spewing obscenities or flipping off whoever annoys you, on practicing that bass and writing some new music. Or get together with old painted booby girl and write a Dr. Drew tell-all. Either one is fine by me.

It’s the last day now and everyone is packing up to go back to their lives and leaving all the drama behind, I hope. Before we run down everyone’s goodbyes and the ‘where are they now’ rundown, we have to endure a disgusting flirt session between Heidi and Tom.

I just don’t get it.

Come back to the light, Tom. Come back to the light!

She abuses him, sets him off and yet he still wants her. That is one sick dynamic they have going on there. Once again, I feel bad for Monroe. Heidi is all over Tom, cuddling and telling him to call her when he dumps his other druggie girlfriend. Monroe must have felt GREAT when she saw this. What’s Tom going to do, tell her that it was just for the cameras? It sure didn’t look like it. He needs so stay away from her evil ways for good.

Seth leaves and I bet that he’ll be just fine, as will Kendra. She drives off in a Lincoln Navigator. What is it with these tiny women and their huge cars? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pulled into a parking lot next to a Hummer only to see some blinged out midget soccer mom emerge. What are THEY overcompensating for? It can’t be a small dick so I’ll go with a tiny brain. If you have a better explaination, I am dying to hear it.

Good luck, Carrion junior!

Everyone else leaves as poor Gim is left to pack her own stuff and remark about how somber and empty the house is now. That has got to be a welcome relief after the hell that these people have put her through. She needs to get her ass over to a freaking spa on VH1 or Drew’s dime, if you ask me.

Hell, I’LL pay.

I feel bad for her too. She should get some actual certifications if she is considering doing this again next time. That way Drew can’t pull out the “you aren’t a real proffessional” card when he needs a scapegoat. Also, dealing with those ‘men are the bad guy’ issues wouldn’t hurt. Earlier on she was speaking to Dr. Sophy and told him that she has serious problems with men treating women badly. She didn’t elaborate but it’s more than likely the result of something that happened in her own life. It couldn’t hurt to address those things further.

As for Jenny, I hope that she is busy working her way up the legit corporate ladder. I have faith in her and her cute-as-a-button charm. She’s right, it’s never too late to change and I read that she’s working on a memoir and has contributed some of her writing to The Huffington Post.

Heidi is back with her birds now and engaged to the owner of The Bunny Ranch. I assume that she is still wearing ugly ripped up scrub-style outfits and scaring small children on her trips to PetCo to fetch birdseed. You go, Heidi. Use birth control. Abortions don’t come cheap, you know. That’ll cost quite a few loads of laundry.

Tom’s imdb page is bananas with new and finished projects, so his solution to staying clean seems to be keeping busy. He looks so much younger now that he’s sober and I’m sure that he’s happy about that new turn of events. I read that his birthday is Sept. 29, 1964, making him a month younger than me. I was shocked to see that. I thought he was at least a decade older. Unreal.

Seth has an album coming out and I have no idea what Mikey is up to. No news is good news, I guess? Kendra is still managing that emo hubby of hers and runs her own animal rescue. Good for her, I have to give her props for that. It isn’t easy, especially nowadays with all the people who drop off pets they can’t afford anymore. My mother-in-law volunteers at one and the stuff she deals with is heartbreaking.

I have no idea what Rodman is up to but he hasn’t gotten into trouble since that January incident where he got kicked out of an Orange County restaurant for causing a ruckus. I hope that he gets his shit together and does something other than show up to a club, drink and collect his paycheck. Dude is wasting some serious talent and knowledge.

And yes, I got weepy and wish them nothing but the best. Here’s hoping that they aren’t forgotten once they’re off camera.

And that’s it, Gasmii.

I’m sure that Drew, Shelly et al will be back for Season 4 very soon, as filming is slated to start any day now. I’m not sure if I will be along for the ride next time, unless they bag someone really huge and stop trying to force Carrion on us. I am positive that I cannot take another season of her antics. My sanity is just as important to me as sobriety is for these people, I mean DREW’S patients.

I’m not kidding, he called them MY patients when they graduated, when the reality is that Gim, Shelly, Bob and Will did most of the heavy lifting. I’m going to say a prayer that they get the recognition that they deserve and Dr. Drew stops acting like such a celebrity suck-up. It’s so unattractive, but there’s an upside to that. There’s now room for someone else on my celebrity free pass list. I think I’ll go with Robert downey Jr. or Colin Farrel- both whom got clean without getting paid to do so, how about you?

Love and kisses,

Twunty McSlore

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About Twunty McSlore

Crazy busy, crazy in love and crazy about golf. Not so crazy about narcissists and do-nothings. Completely indifferent to network TV unless a sporting event is being covered, and completely in love with half the chefs on the Travel and Food channels. Chefs, not COOKS. If any of them really ARE chefs. I haven't seen any proof.

Bridge Mix and Butterflies, everybody!

22 Comments

1

thiajok

Posted May 11, 2010 at 7:39 am

I’m on the Dr. Drew is a fame-whore bandwagon, too. Also, he should never have put Heidi and Tom in the same programs at the same time–but then it was for ratings, no?

Adults throwing tantrums because they have to clean their rooms? Really? Is that the arrested development or the celebrity coming out? Is there a difference?

Shelly is the one who is rude and demeaning to patients, but you know what–it really doesn’t matter because this is just a damned TV SHOW–it’s not really rehab and recovery.

Finally, you wrote: “God, if I had to hang around her it would be really hard not to tease her about how sensitive she is. Really hard. It’s how I grew up, being teased by three brothers and countless cousins. You can’t whine all the time if somone is right there mocking you when you do.”

I’m so there with you on that, Twunty.
2

thiajok

Posted May 11, 2010 at 7:40 am

By the way, I wasn’t yelling at you about it only being a tv show–I’m just beyond disgusted with Dr. Drew and no longer believe he gives a damn for these people. It’s so exploitative and should be stopped. But it won’t stop, will it?
3

shantigal

Posted May 11, 2010 at 8:04 am

Damnit Twunty, I thought I had kicked this shit. I’ve got to quit hanging around with you.

I was over Drew by at least episode two. You’ve got his number, but what really disturbed me is his complete lack of professionalism in regards to Gim. You can’t have it both ways Doc. Telling her she’s in charge, yet admonishing her for taking charge, then letting her know she’s not a “professional”. How responsible is it of PRC to appoint a non-professional to oversee a house full of addicts? I know, it’s a tv show but I get frustrated none the less.

The concert was cool and it was great to see Steven. Wasn’t sure he was going to make it after his last stint. I was waiting for Dave Mustaine to show up too. His story is nearly identical to Steve & Mikey’s.

Heidi’s with that Bunny Ranch dude? Ugh, my oatmeal is about to resurface. It’s not a bad match actually, if it will keep her from straddling the struggling Tom. Good to hear Tom is back at work and it will be nice to see him on screne in a proper Hollywood production.

Much adoration to you for taking this on and seeing it through.
shanti
4

shantigal

Posted May 11, 2010 at 8:06 am

I hate that you cannot preview your comments! Screne = SCREEN.
5

Twunty McSlore

Posted May 11, 2010 at 8:19 am

I know, Shanti. I’ll pass that on to Flipit. You aren’t the first person to request a preview button.

And no, I didn’t think that you were yelling at me, thiajok. I must be doing the same because your all-caps moment didn’t even phase me! Sheesh, I get almost as pissed at Drew as I do at Shill and LuLu. Scary.

And I forgot to thank all of you that have stuck with me throughout what turned into a rather difficult undertaking. So many ethical lines were crossed, all in the name of sensationalist reality television. This is not a made for TV movie and these people are NOT HYPOTHETICAL. They are REAL and they could DIE. See, there I go yelling again.

So, once again- THANKS. Now back to picking up piles of wet dog shit in the rain and trying to wrangle the Jersey whores into something that would make Miss Andy proud. Is all of VH1 and Bravo on crack this year? It must be something in that big city water…
6

kizarny

Posted May 11, 2010 at 8:43 am

Great job, Twunty, you managed to wrangle an uplifting ending out of it and I’m grateful because I don’t really have a lot of hope for some of these people under that starfucker’s care.

Good luck with RHONJ… Yawn!

So let’s see if my avatar shows up, I uploaded it directly… ?
7

kizarny

Posted May 11, 2010 at 8:44 am

Nope! Add this one to the list too, please, Flipit!
8

Samela

Posted May 11, 2010 at 8:45 am

Isn’t one of the COLOSSAL points of rehab is to teach addicts to take responsibility for their actions and how those actions affect the people around them? Way to enforce that notion, Dr. Drew.

Behavior Modification – look it up.

BTW, “she couldn’t stick out more if she were Ben Roethlisberger at a female empowerment rally” made me do the SECOND coffee spit-take of the week all over my monitor.

Good times…..
9

marijai

Posted May 11, 2010 at 9:12 am

Twunty….a BIG THANK YOU (not yelling, just enthusiastic!) for seeing this through to the end. I was afraid you had given up on the show after not seeing a recent recap, but like the trooper we all know you are, you stuck it out for us Gasmii. I have so enjoyed reading your recaps on this show. I tried watching a couple of episodes, but as someone who has gone through detox, rehab, and relapse with a close fam member 3 times before he got straight, I couldn’t watch the unprofessionalism and babying these people provided for their “patients”. As you said Twunty, these are REAL people, with REAL problems that will KILL them if they are not careful and handled responsibly.
Thanks again for not abandoning us readers! Now go restore your sanity with some Bitch Wine, Triscuits, and a few (ha, right!) minutes on bidz.com! You definitely deserve it!
Marijai
10

Twunty McSlore

Posted May 11, 2010 at 9:55 am

I’ll pass it along, kizarny, and thanks. There are always bugs to be worked out with new systems and I know he appreciates everyone’s patience. And I don’t know how but I’ve managed to turn the Joisey recap into an encyclopedia stupidica. It doesn’t seem to have an end.

Samela, I’m glad we’re on the same page. Did I ever tell you about the time I ruined my last laptop? I was screen grabbing CR and spilled wine on my keyboard during one of Drew’s more nauseating moments. So, he owes me a laptop. Good thing Mr. McSlore has them growing out of his ears.

marijai- HI! I missed you. I haven’t seen you since the O.C. whores. How’s Cali? Not a fan of New Yawk, I take it. And you are right, minutes on Bidz? HA!
11

joy1333

Posted May 11, 2010 at 10:01 am

Twunty! I’m glad you came back to do the finale. I completely understood you taking a couple of weeks off– these people are such immature losers, the antics seemed the same every week, taking turns throwing tantrums for camera time.

I couldn’t believe it when Dr. Drew threw Gim under the bus, and it was just proof to me that he really is a fame whore. To side with these addicts and their atrocious behavior over her trying to deal with all the bullshit was just inexcusable.

I watch “Family Jewels” and I don’t understand how they keep up the whole fascade of “Gene = Dad” when they can see him in sex tapes with other women just within the last few years. Baffling.

Keep up the good work Twunty, Love your work on the Real Housewives.
12

here4beer

Posted May 11, 2010 at 10:38 am

oh, good. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one over Dr. Drew. For me, when he went and issued a press release the day after Corey Haim died, I officially wrote him off. It’s a real shame how he went from “beloved physician” to “exploitative famewhore” for me this season, and you can believe I won’t watch any of his shows any more.
13

PottyMouth

Posted May 11, 2010 at 10:42 am

Twunty,

I can’t believe you came back to wrap this up!! I thought for sure you had gotten completely disgusted with Dr Drew and the babies. Major Kadooz to you for circling back and giving us your final thoughts.

I was so pissd off at the way Drew treated Gim in their little talk. This coming after he continuously undermined her authority with the patients. I was really hoping she would fucking tell him off.

It was great to see Steven doing well – his story was fucked up last year, and I still cannot forget him trying and failing at the simple task of opening a door. I really hope he continues to stay sober and do well.

Thanks again for combining all your wonderful snark with compassion for how difficult it can be for an addict to stay sober. Dr Drew could learn a little something from your recaps, I think.

And before I go, if Mr. McSlore has laptops growing out of hs ears, can you pluck one out and send it to me? I’ll owe you one!

SWAK, PottyMouth
14

thiajok

Posted May 11, 2010 at 11:39 am

Did not hear about Drew’s statement after Haim’s death. Christ!

I’m with Pottymouth about rooting for Steven Adler–he, more than anyone from seasons 1 and 2 (when I still watched), was the one who touched me the most.

Kadooz! LOL. I still laugh over that and use it myself.
15

Melissa Wray

Posted May 11, 2010 at 11:46 am

Thank God that I’m not the only one who thinks that Dr. Drew is so beyond overrated. The thing that killed my interest in him was when he offered Lindsay Lohan $1 mil to do his rapidly declining show.

Jenny was the only one I actually liked, mainly because she was the only one who was actually devoted to changing for the better.

Thanks for sticking it out, Twunty!!

Hearts and peace,
Lissadoll.
16

dee

Posted May 11, 2010 at 1:12 pm

I want to thank you Twunty, even before reading this recap.
I’ve been on here stalking…umm..errrr…checking to see if you would come through and pull it together for those of us who love your take on Sober House!
Well, you did and I’m so happy!
You are a doll!

-dee
17

skatt

Posted May 11, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Damn PottyMouth, you beat me to it with the KADOOZ (when kudos just are not enough). I totally thought you just thrown your hands up in disgust after the whole ‘lets treat Gem like shit’(more than usual) episode, Twunty. I was just speechless after Drew’s little dressing-down of Gem. She looked like it took every ounce of self control not to just lose it, which in a weird way made me glad– she new he was full of shit.
But I’m glad you did a final recap. Perhaps people can use it as a handy reference when Dr. Drew is eventually in the position of having to defend his practices after something truly awful happens to someone (a celebrity of course, not a peasant) in his care.
18

thiajok

Posted May 11, 2010 at 2:17 pm

I also did not hear about Drew offering Lilo $1million. I heard about him publicly goading her father to try get her into rehab and figured he was angling for his show.
19

Prodigal Cheez

Posted May 11, 2010 at 5:14 pm

This show just totally disintegrated, so thanks for seeing it through Twunty. I can’t believe that there were so many repulsive a-holes on this cast, that Tom Sizemore came out as the sympathetic and sincerest of all of them! Actually, I take that back, Jenny did – but Tom was right up there!

I really, really hope Jenny makes it. I think she has it what it takes, and she’s very low-key so maybe getting away from the drama will actually work in her favor. Some of these people just need constant stimulation, and I think one of the biggest failings in this course of therapy was that there didn’t seem to be any coping strategies for self-soothing instead of self-medicating.

Instead of putting Mike back in a band, I want them to develop a show based on a real-life Happy Madison and send his ass back to Kindergarten. What an FN baby, Jesus! LOL.

Heidi is just oozing sickness out of every pore. Let’s count up her laundry list (heh! pun!) of mental problems: Eating Disorder for sure, Meth-head, Sexually F’ed up (too many ways to count), Passive-Aggressive, Manipulative, Co-dependent, Body Dysmorphic (aside from the ED) with plastic surgery disfigurement. She looks like the Crypt Keeper, and she is as ugly inside as she is out.

I think you’re right about Dennis having Asperger’s, it really makes sense. Also, he probably isn’t truly addicted the way we think of it – if he wasn’t making his living on the party-circuit I’ll bet he could refocus on something else just as easily. He might suffer the physical and mental affects of alcohol abuse, but I don’t think the key to his recovery is the same as for the others.

Kendra… I like the animal rescue thing too, but she still grates on my every nerve. I hate professional Damsels in Distress – especially when you add men to the mix. To all the guys out there… the helpless ones are the ones who will leave you broke, broken and send you postcards from the romantic trip they’re on with your best friend. Just sayin…

Long live GIM, she deserved much better than she got from Dr. Drew. That was just super-shitty. >:(

Well, I’m a glutton for punishment so I’m sure I’ll watch the next fiasco too, LOL.
20

Prodigal Cheez

Posted May 11, 2010 at 5:16 pm

PS – Did anyone figure out how to make your avatar show up in the comments? I am FLUMMOXED!! Although, I actually really like the new format – I think it’s easy to navigate and the recap layouts are great!
21

hoxharding

Posted May 11, 2010 at 6:30 pm

Dr Drew-
One wonders how he can go see ‘regular’ patients,do ‘Loveline’,Twitters,promote Nicorette,be an Executive Producer,be with his family and whatever else he does.
I became disgusted with him when he allowed Tom and Heidi to be put in rehab together.
I doubt he put much actual work into his latest book-I think he should read his own book. Narcissism and addiction to fame seem to be large problems for him.
Plus-he should STFU when it comes to people he doesn’t treat. Anyone see him backtrack on what he thinks Michael Lohan should do?
Yup,he insists he didn’t mean for Michael or any other parent to go buy drugs and frame their kids. Noooo-of course not Dr. Drew.
Oh yeah-he seems to be addicted to gossip and take it for fact-
is there a support group for that?
22

Snootchy Bootches

Posted May 12, 2010 at 2:16 am

Thank you for hanging in with us, Twunty. You are the best!

If I was Gin when Drew was being such a hypocritical asshole, I would have told him that I was done and that HE could move into that house and manage it better. Could you imagine? But then I doubt Mikey would pull the stuff on Drew that he pulled on Gin. He seems like the kind that would be cool to a guy but a total dick to a woman. But anyway, the way she was treated was inexcusable. I will likely not watch another season of this show. Unless… like Twunty said… they bag a big one.

Sober House: So Sad We Had This Time Together

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