Sober House: Taking Turns With The Cameraman

It’s the new deadliest job in America, or L.A., at least. If this keeps up they should think about allowing the cameramen to fight back. Do you know how hard it would be not to? You have to listen to a bunch of self centered twats bitch and moan all day, half of them smell like garbage disposals and the other half look as though they just got finished delicately wiping the cum off their chins. Jesus, they should have taken that job with The Bad Girls Club. Then at least they could get blown or something for their trouble.I have good news to report. Very, very good news. Carrion blew the popsicle stand! Finally someone got fed up enough to throw her out on her despicable hiney. Thank you God for the treasure that is Gim! I loved her last week and this week is no different.

As much as I love Gim, I HATE the intro to this show. It is so phony with the awful somber crime drama music and the over emphasized harshness of Drew’s one liners. How am I supposed to take this seriously when I am laughing before anything even happens? This show needs a makeover even more than the so-called patients do.

It’s morning on Day 2 and out come the cigarettes and coffee. We went over this during CR but I’m going to say it again. This show only serves to reinforce my commitment to not smoking. Watching week after week of almost everyone sucking down tar and nicotine has grossed me out so badly that if I hadn’t quit last summer, I sure would have this winter. I don’t know how the non smokers like Heidi and Gim can stand to be around it. Kudos to them.

One of those smokers slept on the couch for some reason, and Gim let her. She probably made the concession so that little miss hypoglycemia can be closer to her beloved juice in the morning.

Mean, I know. Whatever, lesser things set her off and if I have to watch her lose it, it might as well be nuclear style.

Gim said that she cannot wait until she leaves, Hello! Make it happen, sister! If anyone can do it, it’s you.

Mikey is detoxing still from the Suboxone and is complaing about the skin crawlies he is experiencing. Here we go again. Why is Mikey going through withdrawals in the Sober House? Shouldn’t he be back at square one at the PRC? Enlighten me. Some of you have been there or worked at a rehab, please tell me why this is okay? I don’t get it at all!

It seems like the chaos that results from the relapsers is just fine and dandy with the producers as long as it brings the drama. How is that helping the addicts? Fuck, I’m back to being pissed and Mikey is back flipping off the cameras. Nothing has changed.

Drew is meeting with Carrion to go over the flunked drug test and her many, many issues. Here’s where she explains how she is allowing Mindy to stay in her home. Thanks to MitchyPR for the link to the article, I read it and I only believed about half of it. It’s funny, though. She hasn’t changed her story much. She just added some meth smoking.

Here she tells Drew that Mindy is taking diet pills and guzzling jugs of Carlo Rossi. She almost made poor shrinking violet Carrion drive off the side of the road when she grabbed the wheel of her car as they were arguing. How awful!

Yet, Carrion is too much of a nice person to stick up for herself. She just hates to argue, as we all know. Wow, that was too much for even softie Drew to take, and he tells her that she has a tendency to distort things, to feel attacked when she really isn’t.

God, she scares me sometimes. I honestly wouldn’t even flinch if pea soup came out of her mouth like a sprinkler head, spinning and spinning until the whole room was drenched. Drew is clearly scared too because he backtracks AGAIN and says, “not that you aren’t being attacked,” and we get to hear how she doesn’t speak up for herself enough.

Huh? Who is this person? Since when has she ever had trouble saying exactly how she feels? This is just another way to manipulate someone to do her dirty work for her. He doesn’t fall for it. Instead, he starts the meltdown ball rolling by telling her that he cares about her but she does distort things, and she starts to cry.

She’s tired of taking abuse from everyone, including that big mean witch Gim. Okay, THEN STOP BEING A RAVING PSYCHO BITCH. That might work if you try it.

What do you guys think about this whole Mindy thing? And why on earth would she want to move in with Carrion? I don’t know what to believe. Was she really pushing her buttons by bringing up how everyone leaves her, or was she trying to help her with some tough love? Either way, she shouldn’t have been drinking, especially around a fellow addict. Seizure Part Deux, anyone? DUMB.

It’s time for everyone to attend a meeting at the PRC and the porno girls practically leap into their seats. THEIR seats that they sat in during sex rehab.

Tom picks out a chair nice and close to them and as everyone gets situated, you can’t help but notice how much happier Kendra and Jenny seem that the drug rehab folks. It helps that they haven’t just kicked meth or heroin. They probably missed all the attention too.

Bob asks if anyone is scared or angry and Mikey pops up and says that he’s scared all the time. He’s worried about what he’ll do when he gets out, but he is getting way ahead of himself here. He just relapsed for crying out loud. Now he’s eager to get a life and have nice things? I’m worried about him. He is such a child. I don’t know if he has the patience to see this through.

Porno Kendra opens her blow hole and announces that when she messes up, she does so ROYALLY. No half assed fuckery for her, oh no, she fucks up whole hog. If she cheats on her emo fag hubby, she makes sure to masturbate and snort coke too, while juggling vibrators, I bet.

Carrion looks like she wants to kill somebody and Heidi is dressed like she is ready to clean up the blood. Why is she wearing scrubs? Is she in nursing school all of a sudden? Is she impersonating one to get her hands on the keys to the medicine cabinet? Maybe she made up with Loesha. Or maybe…

I know. I’m reaching with that one.
Heidi is kinda curious to find out what exactly messing up means for Porno Kendra. Is it sex, is it drugs, is it skimping on the eyeliner or the lipgloss? It’s all of that, including masturbation.

This perks Mikey right out of his dope sick haze. He is completely floored that they are not allowed to rub one out, or at least not obsessively. Dude is probably feeling his penis for the first time in years, this self gratification ban is no doubt TERRIBLY upsetting. Oh well, Carrion is still an inappropriate little sex fiend. Maybe she’ll let him grab another titty if he promises to fetch her some juice in the morning.

Dr. Drew is explaining how there are different treatments for different diagnoses when all of a sudden he notices how distressed Carrion is looking. He asks her what’s wrong and the whole mess with Mindy comes spilling out in front of the group.

I was a teenie bit surprised when Dennis didn’t come to his ambulance crush’s defence. He tells Carrion that she invited her, she can disinvite her. If that fails, call the damn cops. Dude is speaking from expeience, 70 visits from the Newport Beach cops? They might as well leave one there 24/7.

Carrion did call the police, and while Bob explains how this is not uncommon, that addicts get into these kinds of hairy situations with their peers all the time, she runs outside. The room goes completely dead as everyone waits for the shit to hit the fan.

Drew tries to reassure them that everything will work itself out but this is Carrion we’re talking about. Everyone in the room has lived with her. Your platitudes don’t count for shit. I will agree with one thing he says. Don’t assume that other people think the same way you do, and don’t allow yourself to get caught up in other people’s shit. In this case, it could cost you dearly, perhaps even your life.

Bitch is outside on the phone to her manager, smoking and freaking out because she doesn’t want Mindy going through her private smut and selling it to the press. I’m sorry. How did she know exactly what was about to happen? Did they bond over the video of McSteamy’s weiner? Did Carrion hint at how she could get a lot of money for the tape?

I swear that I did not alter that screengrab in any way whatsoever. Out of nowhere, her neck just disappeared. Her head slid down her arm and I paused the video, scared to death that evil moaning shadows from Ghost were going to appear and drag her to hell. I am SO going to have nightmares tonight.

And here we go again with the fake tabloid headlines. Wasn’t it Defamer that broke the story online, and then Fleshbot that aired the nsfw video? This is what VH1 came up with:

Please refrain from the phony headline mock-ups. They’re dopey and goofy, and not in a good Disney cartoon way. We Gasmii might get the impression that you enjoy the salaciousness of the whole enterprise, and you wouldn’t want to sully our high opinion of you, now would you?

Carrion is crying now, still freaking out about Mindy stealing her crap. I wish that they would just let her go home. This is serious shit, let her deal with it. It keeps getting worse too. Mindy is texting her to get a lawyer now. WTF? For what? Kicking you out of HER home?

I think we were right, guys. Mindy was faking her angelic surrender to the program. Remember, this is a woman who claimed that her drugs were for a friend and spent time in jail for a fight that got out of control. Carrion isn’t the only bad guy on the show. This shit is serious.

He says that she should go home, only by home he means Sober House. Is he just trying to cover his ass in case something does go down at Carrion’s? I realise that she needs a safe environment but couldn’t he send Will over there with her? How is she supposed to feel safe when Mindy is getting drunk and calling up websites to determine the highest bidder?

Once again, help me out. I’m kinda on Carrion’s side and that’s a scary place to be. I’m going to go take my temperature and pop a vitamin C. I might be catching another cold.

She gets in the car and bitches at the producers for not helping her. Sure, it’s not their responsibility to fight her battles but come on! Drive the bitch to her crib! Put her on one of those Hannibal Lecter dolly thingies, throw an old hockey mask on her face and wrestle her into a straight jacket if you have to, but let her take care of business.

No one can feign surprise when she hits the cameraman. He happened to be handy when her rage boiled over.

Charming, just charming. This is why paying people to go to rehab and filming it for our enjoyment is not such a good idea. It may be the only way to get some of them to agree to get clean, but don’t put a chick with borderline personalty disorder in a house full of people and cameramen and expect her to turn into Pollyanna.

She’s done all this before! The montage they show next proves it! Gim gets the call and sits down with her to tell her that she’s kicked out. She has a zero tolerance policy for violence and no amount of Carrion’s begging is going to get her to change her mind. Yay!

Carrion tries that “I’m stressed, can we talk about this later?” ploy, but that’s just stalling for time. That’s one of the tactics she uses to get out of any of those irksome consequences that Dr. Drew is always going on about. “I’m sensitive.” Hahahaha, Gim doesn’t give a flying fuck! Pack your shit and git, yippee-kiyay, mother fucker!

Carrion stomps off to her room to not pack. That’s okay. If she’s too stressed or sensitive to get her crap together, if she’s too lazy or feeble to grab her toothbrush, it doesn’t matter, Will is on the case and Gim asks for him to help her.

Thank goodness for Will. Not that Gim can’t handle herself, I have no doubt that she can. It’s just a whole lot easier to delegate and not have to be judge, jury and executioner. We all know how Carrion sucks all the life out of people and diverts attention her way simply by being her sweet charming self. Throw in six more people who may come home smashed tomorrow and you have an almost unmanageable situation.

There’s plenty of name calling from room to room and it isn’t hard to figure out what the girls are saying to each other. Lots of “Love you,” and “love you more.” You know, the usual repartee when Carrion’s involved.

After an outstandingly satisfying bit where Gim tells Carrion to “Go fuck yourself,” one of the most life affirming moments that I have ever seen on this show comes to pass. Gim says in interviews that if Carrion had just admitted that she used, it would have shown that she was serious about getting clean and events wouldn’t have escalated to this point. Gym doesn’t have the security or resources to deal with this level of psychosis and Miss Teen Methface should definitely be institutionalised.

That is what we’ve all been saying for months now. It is so encouraging to hear it from someone on the show. I just wish that Drew had felt the same. Carrion needs one-on-one therapy, years of it. Using her to create drama on a reality show is almost malpractice in my opinion. The girl is borderline all right, borderline demonic. She has no business being in regular society, let alone around fragile addicts.

The rest of the cast is grouped around the table on the terrace, passing their own judgement on Carrion, giggling and looking entertained. Mikey acts like abusing a cameraman is something new and terrible to him. Excuse me? Weren’t you flipping the bird at one a couple of hours ago?

Tom vociferously exclaims that it’s assault, she should be in jail, dammit! Talk about no self awareness! Dude, YOU went to jail for assault. Every time I turn around you are making another excuse for it. NOW you’re all for incarceration, when it’s somebody else? For something you didn’t see? Hypocrites, both of them.

Meanwhile, Will is upstairs, has finished packing one bag and asks Carrion to get off the terrace and start picking her shit up. “Fuck you,” is her answer. He finishes packing for her and she tells the person on the other end of the phone how worthless everyone there is.
Cute~ Like anyone cares! You just want to pinch her cheeks for her adorable spunk, you know?

He takes them down to the car for her and tells her to be safe. Wait, what was it she said? I can’t remember. All together now- “FUCK YOU.”
Shocking.

Bye, honey. Buhbye. Karma is a bitch on wheels sometimes, dontcha know. If you spend your life making other people miserable, one day you wake up to find that those same people make your life a living hell. Sing it with me, Gasmii-

This moment was a long time coming. I don’t recap elimination shows anymore, but I would have made an exception in her case if there was an 800 number I could have called back in January. But it doesn’t matter anyway. She’s gone. There is a God.

The next morning dawns and there’s a renewed feeling of joy, an almost transcendental aura of hope and everyone is smiling and happy until……….they find out that they have to get a job.

That’s right, they’ve had a couple of days to get settled, and now it’s time to focus on being reintegrated into society. Not before bashing Carrion, of course, as Mikey does on the terrace by saying that she got a lot uglier since her teen beauty queen days. She looks weird now.

He should talk. His looks are nothing to brag about. He’s doughy and bloated and has dead eyes. I’m glad that he wears his sunglasses all the time. It’s no joy to look at him every week.

The Bob sits down with everybody and tells them not to think of certain jobs as being beneath them. It’s all about how you do things, not what it is you’re doing. He then asks them to share what jobs they held before they became famous. Jenny was a waitress. He asks her if this embarrasses her, and she says,

And then Heidi says-

Of course you do. Thanks for clearing that up. We were all wondering how you felt.
She’s never going to let it go, is she? Heidi is so entrenched in the sex for hire industry, I’m amazed that she bothers to do anything else. Didn’t she try to open a stud farm in Nevada, but she gave up and stuck with her laundromat? I can’t remember, but if they denied her a license maybe it was the whole felony thing. That’s kinda frowned upon in most states.

Mikey has held a couple of retail jobs. He became famous when he was pretty young but not before he stole a bunch of bongs at a head shop where he was working in Atlantic City. Is there a statute of limitations on that, because he fully admitted it. He’s like Joey so he probably used the contraband to buy friends.

It’s probable that no one is going to be manning any cash registers in any head shops but Tom doesn’t care. he thinks it’s all bullshit. Why should such fabulous people like he and Dennis have to work? They’re entitled to lay around all day because us little people have shelled out dough to see them perform, who cares if it was over a decade ago.

Rodman agrees. Hell, they’re doing a job right now, by being on this show. Ha! That was funny. He’s right, though. Most of them do consider this to be a job BECAUSE IT IS.

But now they have to get a job within the job because that’s part of their job. Confusing enough for you? Tom says that it’s humiliating. Being a gross addict ISN’T? Bob tells him that he’ll never discover who he really is if he thinks that way. Fame doesn’t give you a free pass. There are six billion people on the planet, most of whom do not know your name, asshole.

Whatever, he was just trying to argue his way out of doing any hard labor. I am happy to report that it didn’t work.

We’ll get to the fun first day on the job in a second, but first we have to deal with Seth. If there is anyone who views this show as a job, it’s him. He has been on every single season practically. It’s probably how he funds his binges.

Drew is meeting him on a dark restaurant patio somewhere and they have a completely phony conversation about how drugs keep working their way back into his life, even when everything is going well. I’m not buying it. Sorry, I’m not. He looks skinny but he doesn’t seem high in any way. His eyes are shifty but maybe that’s because he’s trying to remember his lines. I think that they’re bringing him on to help control Mikey and replace Carrion.

I kid, I kid.
Drew agrees to take him on for one last time but only if he’s willing to surrender whole-heartedly to the program. He’s said his goodbyes once and doesn’t want to be part of the problem. I think he just admitted that Seth uses this show to pay his tab at The Body Shop. Okay, just so we’re clear here.

Drew was swearing a lot throughout their entire meeting. Did you notice? Was he trying to be cool or something? It was weird, like hearing your grandma say ‘pussy’ or something.

Seth heads on over to the Sober House so he doesn’t get behind on his child support and says hi to Gim, who has known him for ten years.

She says that she’s going to be hard on him since he keeps fucking up and then Will frisks him.

Sorry. It’s a pet peeve of mine. Truly hot men that every woman wants do not belt their pants below their butt. It is ridiculous and it needs to stop. Besides, how the hell are you supposed to outrun the police if you can’t take bigger steps than a toddler? I’ve never seen one of those outrun a cop and I’ve seen some weird shit in my time. Trust me.

Seth gets introduced to everyone at dinner and then finds out he’s rooming with his fellow musician, Mikey. At first I was like, noooooooo! But then it started to make sense to me. You could surround Mikey with Mormons and he’d probably use it as an excuse to set up his own still in one of their barns. At least with Seth around, there is someone who knows what it’s like to be in a rock fame whirlwind. They can support each other.
Am I just being optimistic?

It’s Day 4 and time to join the work force with the rest of us mere mortals. This should be fun! I cannot wait.
Heidi and Mikey will be cleaning at a restaurant. Jenny, Dennis and Seth will be baling hay. Tom and Porno Kendra will be on laundry duty at a homeless shelter. Let the games begin!

On the ride to the shelter, Kendra say that this should be easy. They drew the easiest job, especially since she has no intention of touching any of the icky dirty clothes. She thinks that she’ll just fold all day and press buttons. Do you know how hard it is to get dried cum out from under your manicure? Why should she mess it up by touching poopie pants or pissy undies?

At the mission, they put on aprons and rubber gloves and meet their supervisor Adrian. The guy has a brusque manner that would annoy just about anybody but he sure knows who Tom is. He gives him a hearty greeting while barely acknowledging Kendra. What’s the matter with him? He watched Saving Private Ryan instead of porn? Priorities, people!

The dumb bitch remarks that the floor is dirty and someone should really mop up in there. Why Adrian didn’t hand her a one is beyond me. I would have. He tells them to start sorting and Porno Kendra says that she’s not touching that stuff, it’s beneath her.

He tells her that she has gloves, that nobody likes to do it but it has to be done. This is another example of a complete lack of self awareness. Must you have no shame to be famous? Duh, of course. Why else would she be complaining about the “health risk” she’ll expose herself to if she rubs up against some homeless guy’s crusty t-shirt. I’m starting to hope she slips and falls face first into one of the bins, I Love Lucy style.

Out on the ranch, Jenny is busy raking up poo while Dennis and Seth bale hay. Horse poo is nothing, Jenny and I are on the same page with that one. If you’ve ever had to clean a litter box or had feral cats use your yard as their own personal toilet, you know what I mean.

Dennis used to live on a farm with his adopted family so this is old hat for him. It’s hard, it’s back breaking work with some of the bales weighing over 50 pounds. Seth compares it to being a roadie but they all have good attitudes about it. They are out in the sunshine and it’s not easy to do loads of drugs when you are bone tired.

One more thing- can you imagine Mikey or Tom doing this? They’d be flat on their backs in the barn on their tenth smoke break before noon. Those guys are so out of shape that I could probably kick their asses.

You don’t need muscles to wash dishes and that’s what Mikey and Heidi are doing right now. They are sporting some jazzy granny hairnets and Mikey isn’t taking his sunglasses off, not even for work. Are his eyes extra sensitive from the withdrawals or is he afraid he might get recognised? Yeah, right.

Back at the mission, Kendra is clacking around in heels and telling Tom that he’s going to get an STD fron the dirty clothes. What a joy she must be to work with. They’re chatting away until Adrian separates them. Kendra uses this time to hunker down in the corner and apply fifty coats of lip gloss.

Where should I start?
How about the fact that she is wearing filthy gloves when she applies it? She’s so afraid of germs but she’s more afraid of unmoist lips, apparantly. Plus, she’s a completely spoiled brat who ignores Adrian when he asks her to get back to work. He starts folding with her and tells her that people depend on these clothes, get your ass in gear.

This is interpreted as talking down to her. Has she never had a normal job before? Maybe if he fluffed her ego by complimenting her tits she would have started folding shirts like she used to go to town on cock.

She stomps off and Adrian tells her that she’s gonna be in trouble if she leaves but she doesn’t care, he’s a big meanie and she doesn’t have to take this abuse, gosh darn it! She cries on the phone to her hubby and I have to laugh. The easiest job, huh? Dumb whore.

Sorry. I know that you guys aren’t used to me calling people names. I RARELY do that. But this twat is so self absorbed that her surroundings didn’t even phase her. She’s a spoiled brat living a priveledged life while the homeless around her lead lives of quiet desperation. I have zero sympathy for her, and her “sensitivity to words.”

Over at the Italian restaurant, Heidi is busy cleaning the men’s toilet. She doesn’t seem to mind, she was in prison after all. This is nothing new.

Mikey, on the other hand, needs a ciggie break as an excuse to get the hell out of there. One of the managers follows him out, saying something about how there are no breaks until 5, and he gets a hearty “Fuck you” in reply.

Mikey says something about wanting to be professional but I couldn’t understand a word of whatever junkie ramblings poured out of his mouth next. All I know is that Heidi decided to hop on his hobo train and busted out of there with him. At least she cleaned her toilets first.

What do you think, Gasmii? Will there be consequences for all this quitting? The only ones that stuck with it were Tom and the ranch hands. LAME. What a bunch of babies. It makes me want to slug them.

I think that Mikey’s excuse is that he’s dope sick. Wouldn’t working take his mind off of the pain for a while? Anyway, back at the house he asks Gim for some suboxone. She says that she has to ask Drew and Mikey says, “No, you don’t.” She looooves being told what to do.

He walks off and says that if he doesn’t get any, he’s leaving. What a spoiled brat!

I love her faces. She’s the conscience of the viewing audience on this show. And she has to be a hard ass, look at what she deals with every day with these birdbrains. She says that she’s worried that he’ll get aggressive since he is getting irritable from the dope sickness. Again, tell me why he’s there. Shouldn’t the Sober House be for people that are done with detox? Arrrrrgh!

She calls Drew and leaves a message, Mikey is pissy about it and goes off to lie down, flipping off cameramen along the way like a five year old that’s mad at mommy.

Gim finally gets some meds from Drew and takes them to his room. He looks half dead and barely lifts his head when Seth tries to rouse him. He just wants to be left alone so Gim sets the pills down next to the bed and leaves. The cameraman doesn’t. You know what happens next.

He only hit him with a pillow. Big whoop. We’ll find out if they kick the baby out next time.

Also, the Tom and Heidi showdown- oh no! And clubbing with Dennis, my other favorite sport. How many whores will he get this time, Hmmmm? My money’s on 2. Here’s hoping that he has learned to have a little better taste than he showed the first time, maybe pick a gal that looks like Kourtney instead of Khloe.

Love and Kisses,
Twunty McSlore